Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can you unlove someone?

299 Answers
Last Updated: 01/06/2022 at 3:56pm
How can you unlove someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
March 10th, 2015 1:51pm
You might not be able to choose who you love, but you can choose your thoughts and your behaviour about it. Accept the way you feel. If you fight or suppress your feelings, you'll feel conflicted. So if you love someone, then let it be so. Love freely, and want what is best for him or her, whether or not you are part of that. It is not your love that is the problem - it is your expectation of what you will receive in return. It's your longing that is hurting you, not your love. So you must accept things for what they are, not what you wish them to be. And then choose to move on with your own life and what makes you happy. Decide not to get too caught up in thinking about this person. Give other areas of your life your attention. Don't rely on someone else to fill you with love, do that for yourself. Be happy that you have a heart that is capable of love and know that you can and will love again. And most importantly, spare some of that love for yourself, and concentrate on your own needs/wants/desires. Your biggest love affair should be with the person who was there at the start, with you through it all and will be there at the end - and that's YOU.
April 27th, 2016 8:28pm
you can't. i won't lie- its gonna hurt. if you really love this person, it will hurt for a long time. you'll think your getting better and then you'll see them with another girl or hear that he or she kissed someone else and the thought of their lips touching someones who aren't yours makes you sick to the stomach and you go home and have a good old fashioned sob. you won't feel better for a long time. they will constantly be on your thoughts- because loving someone has to count for something right? but after your body gets tired of making tears for the same person over and over again you will start to notice the stars in the sky again and the tulips on the road. and it will take a long time, maybe you'll hurt to think about it forever, but i really really hope and pray, you won't feel this broken hearted forever
November 21st, 2014 2:20pm
It isn't about unloving someone. Your next step would be to focus on yourself and be who you are. Getting over a break-up takes time and self-reflection. You can feel lost after a break-up, and you should familiarise yourself with who YOU are. Give attention to your interests, and in time you will find happiness again, with or without someone. The thought of being without the person you love is difficult and heartbreaking, but it isn't about them. It's about you. Slowly, you'll find yourself not thinking about them and one day you'll realise you're not in love with them anymore.
February 16th, 2020 11:30pm
Well, maybe it's not about unloving someone but about letting go of someone and investing the time and energy in yourself. Steps you can take to let go of this person in-order to heal yourself are: 1) Accept the situation by understanding why things wouldn't work out between you two at the present moment. 2) Practice "No contact" the right way - no calls, no texts, no meeting, no engagement and not checking them on social media. Retract your access by making yourself unavailable to this person. Also not trying to attract their attention subtly hoping to connect with them in your mind by posting photos, quotes, songs, videos or status for them. [ It's of course okay to share things if the intention is to share it with everybody or other people who matter to you] 3) Focus on rebuilding your life instead of rushing into forming a bond with a new person romantically. Engage in activities or hobbies that makes you feel productive and good about yourself. Bring your attention towards your own physical, mental and spiritual growth and development. 4) Socialize and spend time with people who genuinely care for you and are your well-wishers. If more help is needed then even talking to a professional in a mental health field can help you gain new insights and perspective on the issues you are facing and can help you heal and speed your recovery process. You will get through this, stay strong! Good luck. :)
November 29th, 2014 9:39pm
In my experience, that's not a choice you can make. Love is too great to simply be turned on and off at will. It may help to think of love as a controlled fire. When you're up close, it warms you and you can stoke it to keep it going. But if you put distance between yourself and it, the less heat you will feel. Of course, despite you not being there, that fire will still burn, until it eventually goes out on its own. I think that's what unloving someone takes, time combined with distance (emotional and/or physical).
May 4th, 2016 2:57pm
How many love songs have been written about the pain of love? It seems to be a universal experience so you are not alone. But learning to love someone in the true sense of the word is the journey of a lifetime. It starts by loving ourselves and then sharing that love with another person. What they do with that love is up to them. They may accept it or they may not. There is no guarantee that another person can or will, but isn't love it's own reward? Doesn't it make us feel wonderful to give what is in our hearts? Once we have experienced that, even if they act unloving toward us, if we truly love ourselves, we can see that there is never a reason to unlove someone. All we can do is realize that they do not want what we have to offer. But there are plenty of people who will gladly accept the love we have to give. Surround yourself with them, keep your heart open, and amazing things will happen!
January 3rd, 2015 1:32pm
oNot possible to unlove anyone.You must learn to let go and move on with your life.Time will heal it, just don't see him/her, talk to him/her go on any social networking sites that he/she has, deleted his/her number, email etc and eventually you'll get over it.Don't look for any immediate relationships.The more time you can spend away from the person you love,the easier a time you'll have learning to stop loving them.
May 8th, 2015 4:21pm
Well, the first thing we need to assume is that the other person did something horrible to you, so I guess, if you're too stubborn to forgive, I guess you can. But can you really unlove someone completely and forever?
July 13th, 2015 12:20pm
You cant unlove someone but you can move on and find someone else to love that will make you forget about the other person.
March 26th, 2015 10:24pm
That's hard to do. Think of it as more disconnecting for that person. Love is a powerful emotion and hard to destroy. It can be hurt and can cause hurt.
April 24th, 2016 10:16am
This question could be brought into different view . for a starter you don't have to ever unlove someone because love is a positive feeling and it is good to have it toward everyone. Give love with no expectation to receive something in return give love because it is the essence of this life. But if the question was in the context of getting over someone as in a lover or crush it would be by developing a realistic/positive/full of energy and hope . how is that achieved to understand when something is meant to be it will happen no matter what . and sometimes certain things don't lay in our control and here comes the art of letting go. Afterwards a mentality of hope and energy and desire to lead a life full of energy and love. Basically to alive as much as possible.
October 2nd, 2016 12:16pm
Always remember that if someone choose for second option, it's always good to go with second option, because if someone really love somebody, they wouldn't go for another. If love is there, its always there, if isn't then try not waste time to repeat the mistake. People just feel stuck in a relationship, they don't know what they can pursue once they are out of it and how much they can value oneself and enjoy life. Life is once for all, try not to waste on someone who doesn't deserve you. There is always someone out there for you, you just have to find close. Hope this makes some sense. Good luck! Be happy and stay positive always. Don't give anyone a change to belittle you or to play with your emotions, be strong and show them that you are above them. Cheers!!
December 4th, 2014 7:37am
You can't unlove someone, but you can just include that someone to your prayers. It'll even lighten up your feelings!
December 26th, 2014 11:39am
Time is the key. If you can, try to avoid this person. I know it's going to hurt at first, but there is no over way to get over someone. Try to distract yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, go jogging. It really does help.
April 24th, 2015 7:47am
You can't unlove someone. Love come and go in the most unexpected way. The best thing you can do is to treasure that love until a bigger love comes in your way.
August 3rd, 2015 8:38pm
It is possible to unlove someone, but it doesn't happen overnight especially if you truly loved/love this person. You just have to give yourself time. Time may not work for everyone and you may not get to where you want to be with this issue at all. You may go on loving this person for the rest of your life. If your heart still loves and wants this person then it will be even harder to be rid of the love that you have for he/she. If your heart's nor ready to stop loving someone then you won't stop loving them. This feeling has to take place on it's own.
December 7th, 2014 3:56am
I don't really think you can unlove someone. If you truly love someone, you're always going to unless that person does something to change the way that you feel about them.
May 14th, 2015 9:30pm
You can not. You can move on though. The heart always finds a way to heal. You gotta give it time. just keep trying. It always works.
May 25th, 2018 5:58pm
you can't exactly unloved someone. you love them you love them. but here is the thing, if you truly love someone, you will respect them, if they reject you or push you away, you will respect their choice, because In true love, you want the other person to be happy. and believe me, I am saying from personal experience, if that person loves you back, they will come back to you
April 14th, 2016 8:41pm
You never unlove someone you just get tired of the way they treat you and you just have to know your worth.
March 14th, 2018 2:56pm
Tough one... When you start to remember good things you do together, think of bad ones. Relate inside jokes with bad times OR use the same inside jokes with a different friend who you do love currently!
March 7th, 2016 4:40am
I don't think you ever fall out of love with someone. However you find a way to move on. There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Loving someone is a choice, whereas being in love is not.
May 5th, 2016 8:27pm
If they hurt you or cause you great amounts of pain but I don't believe you can ever truly unlove somebody. Once there in your heart it is very hard to remove them whether you want too or not. The best thing I can say is really ask yourself why you feel the need to unlove this person.
June 4th, 2016 12:46am
Unlove someone? its impossible to unlove someone that already become part of your life, the one that always in your mind and your heart. Even you want to stop thinking about him by keeping yourself busy with things but every time you pause, you will still think of him. When talk about love, its unexpected to fall in love with someone, but being in love with him is something that couldn't stop if you tried your best to unlove him. Its is because you already opening you heart, mind and soul to to someone, letting him into your spirits, thought, hopes, fears, future, dreams and its like being naked to him. Just love yourself even more because you are someone full with love and appreciate and thankful of the good memories that he gave you but dont feeling hard about cant unlove him even after he hurt you. Just follow the flow and lets thing happen.
April 7th, 2018 9:46pm
You can't unlove someone. Your feelings can fade away. Maybe try forgetting about them. Hang out with people who dont remind you of them, dont think of them, do things for yourself. Go out and enjoy your self. Accept the pain, give yourself time and most importantly focus on yourself.
June 6th, 2015 5:06pm
Only with time and effort can you do your best to unlove. It takes commitment to find someones flaws.
July 14th, 2015 9:26pm
Sometimes you cannot unlove someone. It takes a while to get over a past love and it is important to learn how to grow on your own.
April 28th, 2016 7:01am
Open your heart. Press back up all family members and friends. Then press reset. Congratss you have a brand new heart!!!
June 10th, 2016 2:38pm
I don't believe you can "unlove" someone. The best thing to do is to truly love and let go, in the words of Barney "catch and release".
September 25th, 2016 7:15pm
Try to think about their negative parts. Try to avoid thinking of them try to be busy in spite of thinking about her