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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

215 Answers
Last Updated: 03/24/2021 at 7:42am
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
Moderated by

Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
woof121801
August 10th, 2016 5:11pm
I need to accept the truth and the thing that I have done was my past. However, we all know that we cannot change the past. We just have to let it go and learn some experiences.
2genpoet
September 16th, 2016 10:30pm
Cheating is simply a symptom of either a problem in the relationship or a problem in your maintaining a commitment to that relationship. These are very common problems and feelings of guilt and shame that you have will only interfere with the process of recognizing the problem amd taking the right steps to solve the problem. Most of the time the root of the problem is not really you but your upbringing or your spouse's upbringing that lead to problems in creating and maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship . Guilt and shame will only prevent you from discovering these root problems and solving them. Hate the problem not the person and get rid of that - dont hate yourself.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2016 10:48pm
The most important thing you can do is tell your significant other that you have cheated. That will help you accept what you have Done and get over it. They would be well within their rights to break up with you and hate you but as a must honesty is always a step towards forgiveness
TrendingUpwards
December 2nd, 2016 9:18pm
Give yourself a break. People make mistakes. Don't waste more time dwelling on it and making yourself feel awful. You've felt guilty, which is great, because that means you care and you are deep down a lovely person. You made a mistake, instead of beating yourself up just encourage yourself to do things differently.
Amarie007
January 4th, 2017 7:00am
Know that you are not a horrible person. You are a human that has made a mistake. If your partner is still with you, and knows, spend time building trust. If your partner is still with you and doesn't know, tell them. If your partner left, take your mistakes and use them to be a better lover in the future.
Suitcase33
May 5th, 2017 11:16pm
I was cheated on and all I can tell you is that hating yourself is a valid feeling, but not very constructive. Try to work out why you cheated, why you hate yourself for it and try to accept what happened and try to move on. The one you cheated on won't be helped by you punishing yourself through self-hatred.
ScreenOphelia
June 14th, 2017 6:13am
None of us are perfect. We've all hurt someone in one way or another (not condoning hurting people) but you have to forgive yourself in order to move on and learn/evolve so you can be better. By bettering ourselves, I believe we better those around us too in a ripple effect.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2017 7:05am
Did you have a healthy conversation to clear things out post the occurrence and do these negative thoughts come to you often?
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 5:36pm
Understand why you’ve made the choice you did. Get to the root of the problem. Genuinely make the promise to not make the same decision and forgive yourself.
contentedWhisper25
December 14th, 2017 5:52pm
It can be very difficult to forgive yourself for cheating, but there may have been a good reason for it at the time you did. Maybe you just wanted to feel love or validation.
ConsolingPenguin
December 14th, 2017 11:48pm
It's hard to accept that you made this mistake, and some people may even make you feel like you deserve every negative thought you're giving yourself. You're only human. Learn from your mistake, take in what it does, and forgive yourself. To forgive yourself is to let go.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2018 8:42am
I would like to suggest a couple of things that could help: 1. The first is that you aren't defined by a particular event in your life. So you shouldn't hate yourself for it. Even the best of us make mistakes. You could promise yourself to not make such a mistake again. 2. Another thing that could be acceptance. By accepting that you did it you may be able to forgive yourself for it. 3. Try detachment. Think about yourself from a 3rd person's perspective. What advice would you give to someone who was feeling the same way. I would like to say that hating yourself for cheating won't erase it from occurring. The best thing is to move on and forgive yourself.
A1b1c2d2
March 23rd, 2018 12:11pm
If you cheated, that's ok. If you are upset with yourself for doing it then you obviously understand that what you did was not ok and you understand that you didn't like it. An apology is a great way to feel better. Not to the person you cheated on but to yourself. Apologizing for betraying your feelings and for betraying your thoughts. After that, then you should try and talk to the person you cheated on.
Anonymous
April 20th, 2018 8:15pm
I remember that this feeling is the most useless and I remember that I took my lesson and I will be better in the future and I will not do something similar again.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 12:21am
that's something that can stick with you..but you can overcome this. you may be a love addict, which causes people to do these things. if you suspect you are, attempt to get help by a professional. in the meantime, try and correct your ways.
unassumingPear5362
July 2nd, 2018 3:34am
Acknowledge what you did wrong, and that everyone makes mistakes. Commit to seeking help to address the issues that led to cheating. Change what you don’t like about yourself. Be true to who you are and change what you don’t like about yourself.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 6:19pm
If the person you cheated on was a great person that loves you truly or were bound to love you then you don't stop hating yourself. Ever. Its an awful thing to do to an innocent person. Why be with that person if you wanna cheat? You would deserve to be hated to do something like that.
robert0991
February 22nd, 2019 1:49pm
Learn to realise that what you have done cannot be changed. There is one of two things you can do, either admit to your partner what you have done and face up to what is going to come from that or... don't tell your partner ansd focus on making the most out of your relationshop now. It's not always about telling the truth because you can then ruin two lives. If you are no longer in love with your partner and are staying with them simply because you feel sorry for them then don't. Leave them, don't continue because one day it will all come to a head and it won't be a nice site.
ListenerKatia
April 9th, 2020 7:58pm
Learn from your mistakes, learn to know yourself. Usually behind an error there was another error. Don't take all the blame. Just make sure it never happens again. I know what cheating means, I know how bad you are, I know how much you lose the importance of yourself, as if I don't know you anymore. But I want you to know that if you are worrying, if you feel guilty, you are not a bad person, quite the contrary. Don't punish yourself, don't blame yourself for everything. If you are worried you are not a bad person, you have only made a mistake and everyone can commit them. This is because we are humans and humans are wrong. But being human we have the rationality to understand our mistakes and become the best version of ourselves. Everything will improve, work on yourself.
IntuitiveMuse1313
July 31st, 2020 2:19pm
After the act is done and the self hate sets in you have to allow yourself some time to process what happened. Think about why it happened and how it made you feel. If it's something that you may do again and why. Once you understand your motivation behind the action you will be able to forgive yourself and work on a plan to not have it happen again. When you have reached that point then you will be able to better guage if you need to leave the relationship you are in and if it is giving you what you need, or if it is healthy for you.
DarkPiT23
January 15th, 2021 6:04pm
Did you realize something about yourself when you cheated? Did you notice a feeling within yourself afterwards? That feeling is a part of the consequences of your actions. To experience consequences to our actions is how we learn. Earth is a school. If you fail a test, how do you feel about yourself? You realize something. You realize more work must be put into study. Should you think of yourself as a failure, or as a student? Our challenges do not define us. They offer us understanding and strength. We are all students of life. Each experience we have teaches us how it feels. How if feels directs our course forward. Either we will do it again, or we won't. If your cheating has taught you the value of honesty and commitment, then it has served its purpose. Now you must move on as a student of life. You must realize that actions you put into life come back to you so you can experience how they feel. If you regret cheating, you have learned your lesson. You now know more than you did before. You have altered your behavior. You cannot expect others to find cheating acceptable, so you gracefully understand and allow them their response. We cannot continually judge ourselves for what we did not realize before we learned something. Whomever you cheated on deserves better and will get better in the future. You have learned how people respond to cheating and that it is not a positive experience. You have learned, hopefully, not to cheat. So, as a student of life, you move on to get an A in the next challenge. That is how you deal with the fact you cheated. You make it count. You look forward, not behind you, and you set your sites on better behavior.
notnovember12
March 26th, 2016 9:40pm
Stay positive, keep an open mind, it wasn't your fault, you are great. Note one thing you like about yourself every day.
carlier231
March 27th, 2016 12:09am
You need to accept that you made a mistake, and try not to make the same mistake again. You're not a bad person because of it :)
dancingPillow85
March 31st, 2016 11:19pm
Deal with it, admit it and move on. Hating yourself won't help or change things anyway, just make sure you never do this again.
Sunshade
April 24th, 2016 5:23pm
Know that you made a mistake ... know that you are human ... humans make mistakes ... learn from your mistakes ... promise to never repeat that mistake .
Lovelyymee
April 29th, 2016 1:14am
Accept that no one is perfect a d that you made a mistake . Everyone makes mistake and its not worth tearing yourself down.
heavenlySong29
April 29th, 2016 3:08pm
Move on and forgive your self if you want to stop hating your self start over and love your self learn from your mistake
Sassy001
May 6th, 2016 2:28pm
You have to forgive yourself to stop hating yourself.Learn from it so you can be a better partner and have a better,stronger relationship.
Angi3
May 7th, 2016 6:16am
After cheating, try thinking of them reasons you did it. First you have to accept yourself, then you can forgive yourself.
NymphadoraTonks22
May 19th, 2016 2:13pm
Answer is simple: dig deep into your soul and try to find the reason why did you cheat in the first place. Are you insecure? Jealouse? When you found the reason why did you cheat your love one, you will feel a little bit better. Or simply dont cheat