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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

233 Answers
Last Updated: 05/31/2022 at 8:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
strawberryLake18
March 31st, 2016 5:26pm
You have to ask for forgiveness and aslo forgive yourself .. You apparently feel guilty and that is a good thing cause what you did wasn't nice but you learned your lesson and so move on
IListentoyourHeart
May 26th, 2016 8:35pm
There is no way you can change what has already happened. Accept that you made a mistake and do everything you can not to make it again.
watermelongum
December 17th, 2016 4:16pm
It depends on what type of cheating: if it's cheating in an exam, then own up to it (if you think it won't get you into too much trouble) but if that doesn't work, remember that we all mistakes for a reason - to learn from them and if it's cheating in a relationship well you definitely will have to own up to it because it is obvious that you don't truly love him/her so just let them go so you both can live life to the fullest, however if they find it in themselves to forgive you - DON'T MESS UP AGAIN.
magicalrose22
August 31st, 2020 11:51pm
Accepting that the cheating did happen - accepting the situation is the first step. Knowing that at that moment you did all you knew....you are different now and if the same situation came up you most likely would not do the same thing. This is growth. I know as I also cheated and looking back I can't believe I did that however the me 'now' has learned and would do things differently. Now you must remove the word 'hate' and replace it with 'love'....no matter what you did you must learn to love yourself through anything. Whatever 'mistakes' you feel you may have done love yourself through it. Bring love into the situation. Bring love into your heart. You are not a bad person. No one is perfect and we are not meant to be. We are just here learning and growing and the key is learning to love ourselves through all we do.
fruityFriend69
March 16th, 2019 5:05am
Feeling guilty and hateful towards yourself can really weigh you down. Being able to forgive yourself and learn from your mistake can be very beneficial in your next serious relationship (or not serious, it depends on you). Letting yourself accept that it was wrong of you to do it and own up to it and apologizing I found was the first step to making myself feel better about the situation, even if my significant other was still "in their feelings" (it's the best way I could put it) I let them know that even if I wrong them, I was willing to do anything in my power to make the situation better for both of us. From there, doing activities that make you happy is very emotionally stabilizing.
LittleMissJoy
February 6th, 2019 2:57am
One thing that sometimes is easily forgotten is that we are only human therefore we will make mistakes. When you struggle to find happiness within your relationship or with yourself personally leave someone feeling like there in a horrible place. The first thing to do is to cut yourself some slack. You are only human and you are going to make mistakes. You are a person in the world who is trying to manage insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you survive and cope with it. There are so many ways people choose to have an escape from their own realities such as drinking, gambling, taking drugs or having affairs and so forth. This does not make you a horrible person, it just means you human. You are not alone in the world, there are so many people who are also having affairs or have cheated on their partners and sharing the same feeling of guilt you are. Know that you are a good person who just made a bad choice. Everyone makes bad choices, that is inevitable but that does not mean that we should be condemned for the rest of our lives.
intelligentIdea4807
June 23rd, 2018 12:15pm
I cheated on who I think, is the love of my life, I told her, she gave me another chance, I never cheated again but a few months after she broke up with me because she says she doesn’t think can never get passed it. I hate myself for what I did, she was everything I ever wanted.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 6:19pm
If the person you cheated on was a great person that loves you truly or were bound to love you then you don't stop hating yourself. Ever. Its an awful thing to do to an innocent person. Why be with that person if you wanna cheat? You would deserve to be hated to do something like that.
Kaven
March 3rd, 2021 4:18am
Of course, making a profound apologize to your partner is essential, and it can make you feel better if you receive forgiveness. But what if you still feel guilty everyday and hate yourself? To be candid, cheating is bad, but it doesn't make you a bad person for the rest of your life. You can't go back in time and change your decision, but you can make decisions for your future. Strive for improvement, and even if you didn't receive forgiveness from your partner, you can forgive yourself. Don't let 1 mistake trap you forever. Remember, others will attack you for what you did, but you are the person that controls your life.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2016 11:51am
Your partner may feel betrayed after being cheated on, You should talk,face to face,with your ex,and apologize for what you did.
bongofbobledore
November 2nd, 2018 3:10pm
Start to respect yourself. Cheating is inherently wrong and definitely not condoned by many. However, sexual temptation can very strong, especially for men, and that is why people cheat. However, it is also important to know that even though there might be repercussions from cheating (their significant other coming after you or your significant other coming after you or them or their friends/family coming after you etc.), it is ultimately an experience that we can and should learn from. We move on, be at peace with ourselves and don't ever cheat again. When we respect ourselves and improve on our mistakes, we will not hate each other.
blitheGrace36
May 15th, 2016 3:13pm
First, you must be honest with your partner even if you think s/he will be hating you explain your feeling to her/him and be strong, nothing can be between two person relay love another.
comfortableRose
October 13th, 2018 9:06pm
Try to understand the reasons you cheated. Just accept that you made a mistake. Everyone makes a mistake at some point of their lives. Forgive yourself for doing something which you regret now. Imagine yourself as your best friend and embrace yourself. You can even try a visual meditation where you can talk to yourself and forgive yourself. There are other techniques which can lead you to forgiveness. Just decide not to be so harsh on yourself and let the happening stay in the past. It cannot be undone, therefore it brings you nothing if you think about it. Just focus on the present. Don`t take your emotional baggage everywhere. Follow the Accept->Forgive->Go on path.
Sarah2312
March 25th, 2020 4:11pm
To stop hating yourself after cheating it is really important to ask yourself why you cheated and be honest with yourself when you answer this question. Often, there will be a reason behind your actions. Once you have identified the reason, you can start to think about how you could handle this situation if it ever occurs in the future. For example - "My reason for cheating is that I was unhappy in my relationship. If I am unhappy again in this relationship, or a new one, I will talk to my partner about how I am feeling and try to find a different outcome". Once you have done this you should try to accept that you cannot change the past and remember that you grow and learn from your experiences.
unassumingPear5362
July 2nd, 2018 3:34am
Acknowledge what you did wrong, and that everyone makes mistakes. Commit to seeking help to address the issues that led to cheating. Change what you don’t like about yourself. Be true to who you are and change what you don’t like about yourself.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 12:21am
that's something that can stick with you..but you can overcome this. you may be a love addict, which causes people to do these things. if you suspect you are, attempt to get help by a professional. in the meantime, try and correct your ways.
Anonymous
April 20th, 2018 8:15pm
I remember that this feeling is the most useless and I remember that I took my lesson and I will be better in the future and I will not do something similar again.
Anonymous
February 27th, 2020 1:43pm
Listening to music or share my story with my best friend. So, that can make me feel relieved that i can tell everything i want in my heart to my best friend. That's why, i want to say thank you for my best friend, how much i love her. I have my family and best friend to comfort, love is like everywhere. So not just being relationship, that's kinda feel weird if we tell that love is for romantic relationship. Oh, and music... Mostly i will listen to what i liked. Like kpop and pop musics. I listen to them very much.
Anonymous
February 27th, 2020 8:28am
Work on finding the self you appreciate the most. You will slip up and make mistakes, but finding that average, finding what you makes you happy is the one you want to find. Cheating isn't a permanent mind frame, but it certainly means something isnt right. Solve that problem. find out what it is. Be honest with yourself. You're still a good person and you deserve to get tot he cause of what made you cheat. That's what I did, it took a long time and many different relationships, but eventually getting to know myself better and actually acknowledge my feelings for someone even if they arent positive is what I needed to do. Eventually everything settles and I found that by bettering myself it attracted people that better suited me.
Sunshade
April 24th, 2016 5:23pm
Know that you made a mistake ... know that you are human ... humans make mistakes ... learn from your mistakes ... promise to never repeat that mistake .
Anonymous
February 21st, 2020 9:53am
It was a mistake and mistakes should be taken as a mistake. Instead of sticking up with past one should look for recovery and self belief to overcome a mistake by doing good. Forgive yourself, practice acceptance, surrender your feelings to higher power, Offer up your feelings to a higher power. I know this may sound shaky, but it really works! We are part of a bigger plan. We are not necessarily in charge of the outcome. By doing this, you will be getting out of your own way and accept and have faith that all will be well.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2018 10:08pm
This topic is related to self valuation. Cheating is an action of betrayal. Betray has a negative impact to people because it’s related to trust in relationships. People often putting blame on things have negative things. Therefore the hate begin from the negative cycle. When come across the relationship, the complexities with emotions and actions does made people suffocate. However people often forgot to think about that negative things began with reason. To void self hating is to acknowledged what happened. Deal with the situation and understand it. Able to accept it and not self destroying the self confidence and values. Stop think the same situation in loop.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2020 6:12am
Learn to accept that you have grown from this experience, a feeling of 'hating yourself' could mean that you don't approve of the behaviour your partook in and would like to change that. This means you have already changed and you have to be willing to forgive yourself before you are able to heal. Remember that everyone will make at least one mistake along the road and that is part of being human. You can always learn and take something away from every experience and in this one it can be a feeling of growth and a want of avoiding that situation again.
Anonymous
February 6th, 2020 6:40pm
A relationship is based on trust and love but sometimes while growing up love fades away and we feel it easier to cheat on a person then tell what we feel. It is not a good thing and it is not a thing to be proud of . Any of us could be on that position and none of us should judge for the things that we never came across. Also there may be some reasons behind it that the other person has shown disrespect and made you feel like you are not good enough. Although cheating made you feel better. Never feel ashamed of something you did because it was exactly what you wanted at one point
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 5:36pm
Understand why you’ve made the choice you did. Get to the root of the problem. Genuinely make the promise to not make the same decision and forgive yourself.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2018 5:10am
Reflect on the reasons why you cheated on them and then properly communitcate with the partner you cheated on. Maybe seek forgiveness and a second chance. Seek therapy and maybe figure out how not to repeat the same mistake more than once. The partner might understand through proper communication. Maybe try reaching out to support groups and religion and see where that can take you. Time heals all wounds but you don't have to be alone to do it. Family and friends are great pillars of support to. Maybe confide in them. Just remember cheating is a choice not an excuse.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2017 7:05am
Did you have a healthy conversation to clear things out post the occurrence and do these negative thoughts come to you often?
FlowerLiz2
January 12th, 2019 11:04am
You are only human. And we do make mistakes and we do bad things at times but it does not mean that WE are mistakes our that we are bad. We are worthy and enough. It does not depend on our actions. Rather we can see them as opportunities to grow and to see: Ah, I've been unconscious there. What can I learn from it? Once we learn from our mistakes, they turn into lessons and make us grow. And from this point on it is unlikely we will do it again. So you might want to see this as an opportunity for growth.
comfortablePeace23
May 2nd, 2019 6:47am
Realize what you did wrong and learn from it. Realize the things you did that are keeping you from moving on, the guilt and hold yourself to a higher standard that you will not do it again. There is no point in punishing yourself and hating yourself because you cant change the past, and you're the only one you have to live with. What sense does it make to hate the person you have to wake up to every single day. You're not benefitting anyone by hating yourself. Take it as a lesson learned, and put that lesson to practice so that you never have to feel this way again, not to mention another person.
robert0991
February 22nd, 2019 1:49pm
Learn to realise that what you have done cannot be changed. There is one of two things you can do, either admit to your partner what you have done and face up to what is going to come from that or... don't tell your partner ansd focus on making the most out of your relationshop now. It's not always about telling the truth because you can then ruin two lives. If you are no longer in love with your partner and are staying with them simply because you feel sorry for them then don't. Leave them, don't continue because one day it will all come to a head and it won't be a nice site.