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I can't get over my ex girlfriend or boyfriend after a year. What should I do?

115 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2018 at 7:04am
I can't get over my ex girlfriend or boyfriend after a year. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
- Expert in Breakups
March 16th, 2016 3:54pm
Talk to your ex about it and maybe they feel the same way. Maybe you two can get back together......
- Expert in Breakups
January 29th, 2016 12:34am
I will tell you something someone else told me, some people are not meant to be forgotten, you can't always get over somebody because you share too much memories. You just need to remind yourself of why it didn't work, try to get back to your older hobbies and keeping yourself busy, if you do remember him/her then just remember that it's a memory, a page on your book and you have the rest of the book to finish instead of just going back to older chapters ;)
March 3rd, 2016 9:35pm
They lost someone who loved them, you just got rid of a person that didn't love you. It's hard, life goes on, don't give up on your happines.
February 17th, 2016 9:46pm
Sometimes it is hard to truly "get over" an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, even after a number of years. Sometimes we have our first love and it may never leave us but we learn to live with that, and it is okay to leave a little piece of your heart with someone you truly loved.
March 20th, 2016 10:35pm
Well, you should try to open yourself to new horizons, the world is a really large place, and humans seem so little in it... Maybe you should try to find some good in another person, explore new skies, new ways of living, maybe you'll find someone that can feel better in your life than your previous boyfriend/girlfriend but if not, well, I should tell you, that if they broke up with you they aren't worth, because all humans are amazing in their own way, and so are you, so find someone to share that amazingness with, and be happy, I'm sure you'll do it, life is more than sticking yourself to one person, specially when they left you, probably when you most needed him/her. That's all I have to say! Continue being a beautiful human.
June 8th, 2016 2:02pm
Ahhh... It sounds like you need some closure! That happened with me too. I just kept thinking about her. I thought about her so much that it was already a year from what should've been our anniversary. At that point, I just messaged her and invited to talk things through. Talking to them about how you've been feeling will help your ex-partner understand the whole situation. They might end up being a lil harsh, they might end up coming up with a solution with you, or they might end up missing you back as well. You never know until you try!
February 28th, 2016 8:09pm
The first step is to realize that a former relationship is not an end all for our lives or for our future relationships. Often times after a break up it is important to focus on our own personal growth and to ask ourselves how do I want to improve as an individual. Often times doing this we realize that we are so much more than our past relationships. Always remember...our experiences (negative and positive) often shape us moving forward but they DO NOT define us.
April 23rd, 2016 11:08am
Move away to Tibet, and become a monk. You know, like those cool ones that do martial arts, throat singing and the like. Worked for me.
March 2nd, 2016 11:46am
it took me 2 years to get over them but I'm still not completely over it. but I've realized the fact that it is important to love yourself and understand your worth and the love you deserve. you have to be strong and have hope and everything will be fine.
March 3rd, 2016 1:43pm
Pray for her well-being. Wish for her all the health and happiness you want for yourself........ and take responsibility for your part in the breakup.
June 24th, 2016 3:57am
Replace 'can't' with 'haven't'. This is more reflective of your experience. Then accept the pain and acknowledge your right to feel as much or as little pain as you want to. You know yourself better than anyone ever could or would. You know what hurts you and you don't need to follow someone else's rules on how to experience or relate to pain
February 5th, 2016 6:46am
Embrace this, also story of my life. I really understand this and have felt this way too. If you've been apart after a year you can definitely get over them but it takes some serious time and a re birth of who you were versus who you want to be. Look forward to new events, people and places and if there aren't any know that you have the power to move and shake and make things happen for yourself. Even though your relationship with that person ended it's just the beginning of who you want to be. You deserve a better love, and you know you do. I'll be thinking of you and here if you want to talk.
January 14th, 2016 1:18am
been there.. after breaking up with my boyfriend I just couldnt move on. 10 months passed and I realised i have to do smth with my life.. so I just started all over, started hanging out on new places, met new people, started doing new things.. got rid of everything that reminend me of him (thats very important). I started medidation and yoga. It actaully really helps you to find your inner peace and embrace yourself.
March 26th, 2016 9:09pm
It can be very difficult to move forward, but as time rolls on, too much motivation and energy will be stuck in the past and will hinder you from achieving the great things that you were made to do. Relationships are a big part of our lives, and something that many people are continuously seeking. But you can't let them hold you back. Hanging on will only drag on further pain and suffering. Instead, you must look at yourself and say "I am determined to move forward from this". Sometimes it's hard to leave the big things in life behind, but you must seek out your bigger and brighter future.
June 9th, 2016 5:49pm
Delete all photos of them. Sell or give away anything they have given you. Unless it is very important or you just like the aesthetic of it, erase every photo, piece of jewelry, etc from your life. Take time for you. Laugh at your smile in the bathroom mirror, go on a date with yourself and fall in love with every piece of yourself. Don't worry about finding someone new or getting that person back. Focus on you and someday you will be okay.
June 30th, 2016 3:26pm
There's a reason that happens behind every thing. Maybe something is still left unsaid between you two. Talk to them.
May 19th, 2016 7:44pm
I've experienced this and sometimes you just need more time. There are things you can do to make it easier such as spending more time with friends and family, cutting contact with the person, etc. Ultimately, there is no right timeline for getting over someone that you've loved. Be kind to yourself and take the time that you need. I suggest focusing on yourself and realizing that no other person can fill the holes in your life. Find happiness in yourself and then you can seek to share a life with someone else.
May 5th, 2016 9:55pm
Focus on yourself. Become a better you. The best version of you. The version that has always been inside you but has been hidden away by all the pain and hurt. Once youve found your better you and begin to love'll be saying "ex who?". -M
February 27th, 2016 10:40am
Stop all contact with your ex & remove them on all social media, so you don't see pictures of them.
February 21st, 2016 5:41am
Remove the pressure to move on. Start looking at the fears that scare you about yourself, and accept.
May 1st, 2016 7:08am
Getting over with someone doesn't have schedules. For some, it takes years, months, or days. If it has been a year, ask yourself: "Why am I not over her/him?" Is it because I was hurt? Is it because I was happy with our relationship?I recommend you list the good and bad experiences you had with that person. Maybe by looking at the list, you can find your answer.
September 27th, 2016 3:46am
Sometimes it is hard to "get over" an ex , even after a number of years. Sometimes we have our first love and it may never leave us. In the end, we learn to live with that, and it is okay to leave a little piece of your heart with someone. Loving feelings about an ex can continue for any number of reasons. Often enough, folks take this as an indication to attempt reunion. Sometimes this is absolutely right. But frequently the lover realizes his recollected feelings and memories—the internal image of the ex—are distinctly different from the feelings engendered in his or her actual presence. Learning to distinguish between the internal image of an ex and the actual person can lead to appreciation of our own feelings. While we may feel consistently injured and angry when in the presence of an ex, in our internal world we may be able to access love and compassion for that same person.
April 28th, 2016 7:28pm
Be patient- time heals old wounds eventually. Take some time to focus on you and do something you enjoy. Confide in your closest friends and family- isolation won't help you any faster.
July 1st, 2016 12:09am
I believe that there is honestly no time constrain on how long it should take you to get over a significant other. It would be hard for other people to answer that for you considering that they didn't experience the relationship as you have. Personally I dated my best friend for a bit and although it's been almost two years I am still not completely over what happened. Following your heart is the best thing you can do, you can take however long you need to heal from your relationship.
February 14th, 2016 5:17pm
Well I guess some people do have it tough, getting over their past relationships. I have struggled with it for the past 2 years, I could not get myself to like another person, it felt like I was cheating myself so I just occupied myself with things that I loved doing( i like studying, so I started studying vigorously). This is the beauty of life, you have got so many things to do, so much to learn, so many people to meet, all you have to do it is to reach out to them. You can try occupying yourself with something you like. Making new relationships/friendships can be tricky, people who can do that get over this period rather easily. You need to keep telling yourself that you are doing good in life, and that the transition will take place, don't try too hard. Life is short, so instead of sulking over a person that has moved out of life, better to liven it up. Because before you know it, time will pass and you will regret later that you could have used the time, you wasted thinking about a person who doesn't matter to you anymore
March 20th, 2018 7:04am
It's difficult to make decisions like that, now that you have made such a decision take another step and live a new life that you are happy in . Future is yours
January 27th, 2016 4:30pm
Maybe try seeing different people, it will be hard but it will be worth it unless you really want them back, then try talking to them.
July 12th, 2016 12:53am
Surround yourself with a strong support system. Live your life and enjoy the moments that come from it. You'll realize that you are thinking about this person less and less.
February 10th, 2016 2:28pm
Maybe you will never get over them, but don't stay hung up and obsessing. Move on. Sleep with someone new, get caught up in a job, do something you really like.
January 15th, 2016 7:03pm
Involve yourself on works and help people as much as you can . Actually try to keep yourself busy with activites