My boyfriend told me he hooked up with someone else when we were on a break.

Often in such times, we feel like being rebellious just for the sake of rebellion. We act rashly out of impulse, against our better judgement. While on the break, your boyfriend perhaps felt the need to explore his "freedom" as it were. It's not the best way to do it, but it is somewhat understandable. However, I understand how it's exceedingly difficult to come to terms with. But it is unlikely he meant anything serious by it, either against you, or towards the person he hooked up with. It was about him, trying to work out how he feels and acts in this new scenario. What you need to decide is whether you're willing to forgive this lapse in judgement and see it for what it most likely is: rebellion for the sake of rebellion. It won't be easy, and it'll take you time, and it may hurt so you need to decide if the relationship is worth it. Think about the reasons you were on a break. Was it because it was getting too painful for either of you? Or just a temporary time away, to give each other space. Consider all this, and keep it in mind when deciding how you want to proceed.

I have had the same experience, and honestly, it made me very upset because I thought that was the only reason he wanted to go on break in the first place. I didn't know how to react to the situation simply because I was so hurt. He tried to explain that he didn't plan for all of that to happen but I found it very hard to believe him. I did not even want to look at him, because if he was lying to me it would only hurt more if he was doing it to my face. He and I went from just having a break to completely breaking off the entire relationship.

Your boyfriend was not your "boyfriend" when you guys were on a break. He had a separate life- a life which you weren't a part of and that means that he was free to date with whoever he wanted to or sleep with whomever he wanted to. That does not in any way mean that he cheated on you. You guys were on a break. You were separate and that means you both were single and had the freedom to act like you were not in a relationship because you weren't. It doesn't matter what your boyfriend did when you guys weren't together. It only matters what you guys do when you're together

Okay, assuming this bothers you... we must first realize that our definition of a break might be different to someone else. Did you two establish what this break were to mean? If you did not, you have to think about him at least telling you that he did something with someone else. This might be a deal breaker for you, but you must consider all the options before giving a final decision. Sometimes people just make mistakes, we are only human. Maybe write a list of the pros and cons of the situation, and sit and talk with him about each. Good luck.

I've been through this as well. It's up to you if you think he deserves forgiveness. Restate the terms of the break to yourself, Was he aware of them? Does he regret what he did? Was there any emotion behind his mistake? What was his reason for making the mistake? You can ask yourself these questions or you can sit and ask him, either way communication is key and people make mistakes. We are all human at the end of the day. He was also honest about his mistake so this is something to consider, in a situation like this controlling your emotions will be hard but it is necessary so that you won't make bias decisions. You will be angry, hurt, jealous even disappointed and these emotions can often cloud your judgement and affect your long term decisions. If you still feel strongly about the situation wait awhile until you feel you're ready to sit and discuss it.

Hi, hope you're well. This is alarming but it honestly depends on what the "break" meant to the both of you. If it was a breakup, maybe it's okay then. But if it was a short lapse of distance to figure out things, and you both didn't really breakup, then it's not acceptable given that you both were still in a relationship. Its about boundaries. But maybe he wasn't sure about them, or they weren't determined. You should talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. His response will help you find the answer you're looking for. Good luck to you.

First of all sorry that you had to go through that,,it must have been really hard to take in,,if he told you he hooked up my views are he is trying to come clean, could be he is having regrets that he slipped, the break might have been really bad for him, although it doesn’t justify his actions,but he’s trying to make it right, ask yourself do you love him enough to live with such information? Do you trust him that it was just a one time thing? Do you think things between you can go back to be the same as it was before with him now that you know what happed? Does he regret it and is it over between them? You were on the break, does it matter that much? Remember your worthy and its up to you to make a decision, but if you feel like you are being taken for granted and you are not happy, there is no point in staying.Love should help us Grow and not shrink Us. Goodluck,.

Accept the fact, talk about it, and move on. It is natural to get hurt. Talk it out. Starting a relationship is easy but maintaining is challenging. Many such experiences can easily ruin but true lovers understand the situation and a person. It is often a situation, not a person, to be blamed. Genuinely assess if he is the one who values you, respects you, helps you and makes you comfortable? If he is the one who helps you achieve your dream, allow space then he may be worthy for you. If he is not, then think about a relationship. Before you decide and judge him, assess whether he feels for her and what he feels about you and your relationship. Both of you discuss how do you want to nurture this relationship and how comfortable both of you are with an idea of living life together no matter what. If everything is positive, let go of his mistake. Forgive him and cherish the relationship.

I once had a boyfriend hook up with someone when we were on a break too. It is hard to hear when someone you care about does something that was unexpected. Your boyfriend told you what happened during this break, do think that means more than if you found out he hid that information from you?That's a tough one. Officially, if both parties were on a break, it indicates a temporary lack of commitment. However, relationships are sticky and just because both of you were on a break does not mean that your emotions were on a break as well. In other words, I can only imagine how hurt and conflicted you must have felt upon discovering that he hooked up with someone else during this time period. Personally, I would have a lot of reservations of returning to the relationship because I would think that he doesn't miss me that much if he could hook up with some other girl like that. Even though I understand that rebounds can happen, I would still think the action to be immature and badly timed. Nevertheless, a lot of relationship decisions are based on feelings. So if you still feel like it's worth it to pursue this relationship, you should do it. Basically, do what feels right to you.

It’s important to gain closure, understand why he did it otherwise the fact that he cheated will haunt you for the rest of your life. You may be tempted to take him back, but you need to ask you whether or not he won’t do it again, and what guarantee is that if you ever take another break he won’t repeat the same thing. It’s very important to have self worth, to know that you don’t deserve to be with someone who cheats on you because you’re amazing and you truly deserve to be happy and loved 100% whether you’re on a break or not. But at the end of the day it’s all about following your heart and doing something you won’t regret. Take care

I personally went through this and yes it's painful but you will make it through you are strong and you are not alone! We are all here for you. Maybe try and talk to him about how you feel and let him know how hurt you feel. I know that's hard but you can do it and you will make it through this please feel free to connect with me or anyone else here we are all here for you and are all willing to help any way possible. Stay strong and we are all here any time you need.

I believe that certain people have certain ways of coping with emotions and that could have been his mechanism. Personally, he was honest and you guys were not together but personally, I think that is pretty low of someone to do especially if the 'break' was just a temporary thing. Breaks are never a good idea because it might lead to wanting a break as an excuse if he was wanting to initiate the break. I recommend in the future, asking for space (if it was you) but still assuring that you guys are together until he or she figures out if they want to continue the relationship or not.

It all depends if you guys had any rules for this break, this is why it is important to establish rules and tell your expectations to your partner when you decide to take a break. If you guys did not have any rules, you have to reflect if you can forgive him, if your love can deal with that. If you decide you are not able to forgive him, I am sure you will be upset because dealing with a break up is not easy, but always remember you deserve the best, and you are worth someone who cares and loves you!

This has happened with me before, and it was practically impossible to continue our relationship after that because I believed that it was a matter of breaching trust. I'm sure you're feeling a lot of emotions right now-- take this time to reflect and consider whether or not you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend. If you believe that what he did was wrong, it's important to discuss with him and tell him that you believed it was wrong of him to hook up with someone else while on break. Also take some time to consider whether or not you want to continue the relationship, especially if you consider how he acted to be a betrayal of trust.

i completely understand where you are coming from. In a past relationship the same thing happened multiple times. I eventually noticed it wasn’t a healthy lifestyle and i deserved better. I broke up with him to take time on myself and work on myself to understand my worth. I understand you feel as if he might’ve been your everything but trust me you can get past this!! its hard but you have people here who will listen and help you. Take some time for yourself to learn your worth. You shouldn’t put up with someone else’s mistakes just because y’all are close or he’s your significant other. It’ll be hard but it’s all worth it!

How are you feeling? I'm sure you must be frustrated and sad and maybe even a little bit angry but I am here to talk! If you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts you should call the suicide hot line. I am here for you. Youre going to be okay. How do you know he hooked up with someone else? Are they really a reliable source? How did you feel when you found out? I was angry and sad when I found out. Just know you are cared for by the 7 cups community and you will be okay love!

This is a difficult question to answer, unfortunately because it can be an often occurrence in relationships, especially ones that are new or you are younger. What you need to ask yourself is- why were you on break? Was it his decision or yours to go on break? How long have you been together and has he ever done this before? Evaluate the situation thinking about your own interests in mind. When someone "Cheats" whether on "break" or not, it hurts and it is not right. If you both initiated the break, weren't together for very long, you aren't happy in the relationship to begin with or you were having issues prior to the break, then I think you should walk away. The best thing is to discuss this with your boyfriend on a serious level and determine how much you trust him. Right now your trust level is probably pretty low but use your instincts. If something is telling you that what he did was wrong and he broke trust- then you need to look out for yourself. If you yourself wanted the break and are looking to date others, then maybe you can talk it through and work it out. Always establish boundaries though. If you decide to give him another chance, if it happens again, then breakup. It will be hard but you must keep your own self in mind. Also, did he lie about the hookup or did he admit it to you straight out? Was this a one time thing? Sometimes younger people in their late teens and in college, tend to want to explore their options. They are not ready for a serious relationship. Also, did you hook up with someone or think about it yourself before? If so, maybe you aren't ready for a relationship either. Often in college, Sometimes at a party after one too many drinks or feeling attracted to someone is not necessarily a bad thing. If you or he in this case, regrets it and feels horrible about it afterward, then maybe the relationship can work. If it is this kind of situation, then reconsider and talk to him about it. HOWEVER, if your intuition is saying not to trust him overall, his behavior and the way he treats you, and you have been together a long time or your past your college experimental days, then you must decide for yourself if this relationship is worth continuing. Break up with him if you do not trust his behavior, you think he's lying to you, or it's happened more than once. If you are not sure what to do, give it some space and do not talk to him. If he wants to be with you and is truly sorry and it was a one time thing, he will come back to you and you will know it was a mistake by the way he treats you. But always consider how you feel. Respect yourself always first and foremost. If you are unhappy in the relationship and he is acting like a "player," or lying to you about things, then leave the relationship permanently.

And? It was a break meaning to most people that you are free to live life with out consideration for each other, unless you went so far as to prescribe some list of boundaries that applied while on that break. If he violated those, then that needs to be dealt with on your part to decide what that means to you. If there were no boundaries established then he did what he did and it had nothing to do with you, personally, and he could (and perhaps should) have not told you, as it really wasn’t any of your business. The question is, why did he tell you? That is another conversation entirely.

This all depends on how the individual feels about the situation. Most of the time, one partner will feel sad and angry. My suggestion is to leave them immediately, they are not worth waiting for. If you both are on a break, then that should mean both of you guys should have had time for yourselves not to have a break and have times with other people. It is better if the partner just leaves and finds someone better. We do not need people who are going to pull us down. You need someone who will wait for you the same amount of time you wait for them.

Based on personal experience, I would talk to him about what and why he did it. Maybe he feels like your relationship is falling apart, or he is simply bored. If he is feeling guilty, you could work with him on forgiving him. If he is not feeling guilty or sorry, you will have to talk to him about this relationship, your expectations and your future. Maybe it's time for you to let go. Maybe this will only make you stronger. It hurts, of cause. It hurts very much, to be betrayed that way. But don't let it destroy you.

It can be a hard pill to swallow for sure. But we have to remember that not everyone has the same mentality or heart as us. A lot of times guys simply see it as a time where you both weren’t committed to each other so he could do whatever he wanted. Even if you could never imagine having the capacity to think about being with someone else.. This can be a super painful time for someone, believe me I know. The best thing you can do is communicate if this made you open your eyes to either want to be with him, and even if not. I wish you the absolute best in the future.

This kind of news will seem like a total shock when you first find out about it, but heartbreaking to deal with, especially if there was no official mutual "agreement" about avoiding hook ups with other people during said break. I can imagine how challenging the situation may be for you, how many emotions could be involved within your heart, and the potential thoughts racing through your head while dealing with this situation. Some people confront the person head-on, others choose to stay in silence to realise the occurrences, and certain individuals may want to take their time to process each emotion and current cognitive processing. It is up to you what you decide to do in the situation. Whatever decision you make, I hope it works out for you so you can heal gradually.

Oh that’s tough! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I really hope you get the support you need at this difficult point in your life. If you are wanting to stay in your relationship I hope you and your boyfriend take the right steps to having a happy and healthy relationship that is built on learning to trust each other again. I understand how it can feel like you could never trust again, and that is a perfectly valid feeling ! I hope you’re doing okay and I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to!

Talk to him but don’t get upset listen what he has to say remember he is a person too try to listen to his side of story don’t engage in hostile manner cause it will only further escalate situation and might open a rift between you too try to be caring if you can I know it is a hard and difficult task to ask of you I don’t want to risk you pushing him away that way he doesn’t feel to pressured but assert your concerns by all means but please don’t over do it it’s hard task

I’m sorry to hear that the truth is breaks are a Grey area when it comes to faithfulness in a relationship it doesn’t mean he has no love for u it just means that he may be feeling disconnected from you and looking for a connection you should discuss this with him he may have a good explanation or it could be for the best. It is hard but those feeling need to be further explored as you seem hurt closure is beneficial and important if moving on is what you want to do. I wish u the best

It sounds like a very tough situation for you. I hope you are managing yourself well right now. The manner in which it may have happened could cause a lot of stress to you. When your partner doesn't trust you and breaks the relationship after having another relationship, you can feel as if it was your fault. You can blame yourself during this time and feel sad. It is important to note that the differences and the reasons which led this to happen and not just the feelings. You need to find facts as well and not just try to find a solution to your feelings. It will certainly take time to heal. During this time you can take help from people you think who will not judge you. Take care !

The fact that he didn't waste time to sleep with another woman either means: 1) He was probably talking to this female while you were dating. or... 2) Your relationship didn't mean anything to him. I don't know if it constitutes as cheating since you were broken up, but the fact that he moved on so quickly shows you shouldn't be giving him a second chance. While he may not be cheating per se, he feels like he’s already doing the wrong thing by letting his gaze wander to someone else. If he makes you angry enough to break up with him, he figures, you get to be the bad guy and he won’t be seen as the villain for walking into someone else’s arms.

If you were no longer together at that point then he didn't technically do anything wrong. But if you feel badly about it you should communicate that feeling to him and talk through it. Problems are best solved by talking it out. If it is ignored it will not go away. It is important to see both sides and try to understand why he did what he did. Next, figure out what it means for your relationship and whether it is something you can work around. Relationships can only last with compromise on both sides so remember to listen and have an open mind!

A "break" is a strange grey area that is all too often used to cover emotional or developmental immaturity. A person who doesn't want to commit yet, but wants to be able to come back, uses a "break" to try and make an allowance for wanting something other than the relationship. My experience with this, being on both ends of it, is that it's extremely unhealthy and that either breaking up or staying together is the smarter and healthier choice. If the relationship is intolerable, a break won't solve any problems -- it's a very squishy pause button. If the relationship is good, a break isn't necessary! Taking the high road and avoiding breaks, hall passes, and off-on relationships has been the best decision in my experience.

The best way to approach this situation is to express to your boyfriend how that made you feel. After communicating your feelings to him, make a decision of what you want to do with the relationship. First, always put yourself first and value yourself. If this is something you will not be able to get over with, make the decision that will best suit your life and current moment. If you need time to think about it, take the time and give yourself and him the time to reflect on the relationship. Even if you are not able to stay together, you at least walked away with the best intentions which will bring peace to your life.