My boyfriend told me he hooked up with someone else when we were on a break.
Last Updated: 01/12/2022 at 4:17pm
Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor
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Top Rated Answers
Wow that is tough. Sometimes honesty or coming clean helps the offender to feel better but causes a lot of insecurity for the other person. Tell me more about what you are feeling.
I once had a boyfriend hook up with someone when we were on a break too. It is hard to hear when someone you care about does something that was unexpected. Your boyfriend told you what happened during this break, do think that means more than if you found out he hid that information from you?
Then he's isn't meant for you dear. The person who's so desperate to do something like that isn't worth bothering about. I respect your feelings for him, but do think about this once.
If he had guts to tell you that he hooked up someone else when you were away you should be strong enough to give up on him because you need to be with someone who loves you more even in your absence. So go girl,search for the right guy. Cheers! :)
It is really good that he was honest with you even though he didn't do anything good. Talk with him and clear things up. I'm not picking sides, but please remember we are human and we make mistakes
I know how you feel. My gf did the same. You deserve someone who respects you in or out of relationship.
That's a tough one. Officially, if both parties were on a break, it indicates a temporary lack of commitment. However, relationships are sticky and just because both of you were on a break does not mean that your emotions were on a break as well. In other words, I can only imagine how hurt and conflicted you must have felt upon discovering that he hooked up with someone else during this time period. Personally, I would have a lot of reservations of returning to the relationship because I would think that he doesn't miss me that much if he could hook up with some other girl like that. Even though I understand that rebounds can happen, I would still think the action to be immature and badly timed. Nevertheless, a lot of relationship decisions are based on feelings. So if you still feel like it's worth it to pursue this relationship, you should do it. Basically, do what feels right to you.
There is a very thin line to this situation, technically u guys were on a break. Most importantly when u guys were on a break were u guys sure that u guys will get back together, that the break was just a time being thing. If yes then why would he hook up with someone.
At the end of the day, you were on a break so you cannot hold him to anything, however, the fact that he did has every right to affect how you now feel about him. If you felt that you could not hook up with someone else on the break suggests that you two may think about the relationship differently. Address it with him if need be so you can find out why he did.
In my personal experience once being unfaithful happens on either side of the relationship, things are never the same no matter how hard you try to forgive. Trust is something that once broken, its incredibly hard to get back. It took me a while to learn to respect myself and what I deserve and leave people on the past that have broken my trust. My trust was broken time after time, and eventually enough it's enough. When it happens once it usually happens again, save yourself the hurt and respect yourself and know you deserve someone who wouldn't do something like that in the first place. And later down the road when you find that person, you'll be grateful you waited for them to treat you how you deserve to be treated!
Do not stay with him. He is at fault. Never go back to a cheater because they will cheat again. You deserve better and are a beautiful person who deserves a caring and loyal person.
Well...at least he is honest with you. If he loved her more than you he wouldn't talked to you about this.
As objectively as you can, decide where you want to "draw your line in the sand" for any romantic relationship. Then, ask yourself if he has "crossed the line."
Although people do make mistake, cheating is not okay under any circumstances. Leaving someone is a hard thing to do, but it would be better for yourself in the long run. never settle for less.
Of you were on a break, then that's completely okay. It may hurt... a lot... to think about. But you have to remember that you were on a break and therefore not dating at that point.
I'm sorry to hear that. You shouldn't continue a relationship with someone who did that. In my opinion someone doing that just proves that they didn't like you as much as they claimed. I mean you being on a break must of been cause you had problems. Him doing that to you just proves why he isn't right for you.
I can see both sides. He thought that you were in a break and were probably over. I can also see that you still wanted to be together and felt replaced. I understand. I would talk to him about it! There's no harm in trying!
When you are on a break you are free. Of course, normally it is expected to take some time alone to realize about your real feelings. Meeting other people or having other sexual partners during a brake is not always the best or healthiest way to solve problems during a brake. But you can’t blame him for that. Just take this as a fact, extra information about him which may help you taking the proper decision wether he is or he is not the person you want to share projects with.
Well, is he guilty? but still you should think is he the one for you? is he deserves you? because if he was sincere with you.. he wouldn't have done this.. and if he did that when you guys were on break.. then he could do again that thing behind your back.. think about yourself. #goodluck.
You should ask him if he still talks to her and if you have any suspicion that it was more than just a one night stand you should confront him
If it does bother you, then talk to him about it, if doesn't then just let it go. Sometimes when we were on a break, we tend to try and spend some times with otgers company, fr there we are able to learn things and able to missed the things we used to have. It can be thats the reason why he hooked up.
You deserve so much better. It's difficult to hear, but if someone was stupid enough to walk away from you, you have to be smart enough to let them go. Even if you love and care deeply for this person, you deserve and should want to be with someone who will be loyal to you, and who will appreciate you. Never settle for what you don't deserve.
My person opinion: A break doesnt mean it's the end of a relationship. Its giving space to each other but that doesn't give you the right of dating/hookig up with someone else. My boyfriend and I took a break as well and remained in touch but we didnt date/hooked up with anyone. I dont think that taking a break means that you can date/hook up with someone else. But then again it's my opinion you can have your own as well! I hope you're okay now
Unless you both agreed to rules during your break that prohibited sexual activity with someone else then technically you're both free to do what you want. Take a break for a relationship is like a mini-break up. Breaks rarely provide anything beneficial. If you're going through a rough time it's more important to face the issue(s) head on and work together to solve them, rather than distance yourself from each other. This is why I usually don't recommend 'breaks' during a relationship.
I would say maybe move on. If he really loved you, you have to question if he'd do anything to risk your relationship whilst on a break.
The classic Friends' line comes up: "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!" - I can understand how difficult that is, have some time to think and reflect on things and then once the dust has settled, communicate with your boyfriend and think of a way forward together!
You really need to sit by yourself first and think in your head if this is something you can deal with and manage. If this is a deal breaker for you in terms of continuing a relationship, or if it's something that has turned you off to the idea of continuing romance with this person. And either option is okay. Don't worry about what friends will say, or what others will think. Really sit and think about the choice that calls to YOUR soul the most.
First of all appreciate him for his honesty. Not everyone does that. Then it's your turn to be honest. Tell him how you feel about hearing it. Your anger or disappointment or sadness, make him understand how you feel. Ask him how he feels about it and wether he will repeat it or not. Reassure him about how you are going to take it and move on with life.
Speak to your boyfriend and ask him what caused him to do that. Maybe he has a strong friendship with that person and they have a connection. Ask your boyfriend if she holds any importance to him and reassure him that you would never do that.
You were in a break and he was honest with you. He had the right to see whomever he wanted, as did you, if you were broken up. I'd be grateful that he was honest with you and move past it. If you can't then your relationship will struggle.
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