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Why do I always say things I don't mean?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 03/11/2022 at 6:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
February 1st, 2017 7:28am
probably you say things when you are emotional and words come out could mean it at that time because you are feeling certain things but after realise you didn't mean it that way.good action, would be avoiding saying or responding to certain conversations when you are not in a good mood in that you won't regret bad words
September 4th, 2017 2:14pm
This usually happens when you're at the peak of your emotions. At that point, your thoughts become muddled up and you will be unable to process them easily.
February 15th, 2018 7:00pm
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we end up acting and behaving in ways that we never would have imagined. It happens to the best of us, don't worry.
March 24th, 2018 4:10pm
Sometimes we temper our words and say what we think others might want to hear instead of truly saying what we feel. We do ourselves a disservice when we don't speak our truths.
February 1st, 2018 4:44pm
There could be various different reasons! You could be on edge and want someone to feel what you're feeling. also, when we're angry it is very common to say things we don't mean.
February 7th, 2018 11:17am
Sometimes we don't think about what we are going to say, and that's just humane and part of us. You can always apologize after saying things you didn't mean to.
February 14th, 2018 5:24pm
When we get angry or panicked, we say things that we think will end the discussion quickly; but those things can be hurtful. We just have to be more conscious of what comes out of our mouths; in other words: think before you speak.
February 28th, 2018 10:06pm
Because you are mad and you say stuff that makes the other person feel bad but you dont mean it.....
April 15th, 2018 5:31pm
In my experience, people say things they don't mean because they are either scared of what may happen if they say what they truly think, or they don't know what they mean. People are always scared of what others will think of them and that's one of the driving forces behind saying things people don't really mean.
June 27th, 2018 11:28pm
For example, when you're angry, you don't think before you talk. It just happens because are emotions are taking over and we sometimes don't think before we act.
October 20th, 2018 12:14pm
What are you afraid will happen if you did say what you mean? What is your personal experience when you have said what you really meant? Not saying what we mean, or in other words, speaking our truth can be a means of hiding ourselves. It's like the anxiety some people feel when handing in assignments or projects they feel invested in - the feedback can hurt and be taken personally because we feel the criticism of our work is a criticism of ourselves. However, this is just one way of interpreting this question. Does "... things i don't mean" refer to lying or trying to fit in? or does "things i don't mean" refer to something like saying harsh things when you are upset? A) You aren't being genuine to others. B) you aren't being genuine to yourself. In short, reflect on what message you put out there beforehand and just practicing really saying what you mean.
November 10th, 2015 12:26am
sometimes we don't think about the things we say before saying them we just say it in such situations one should remain calm and think before saying things
August 30th, 2016 8:24pm
maybe you are just confused about your feelings or maybe you just express your self in the right way i'm sure people who loves you will forgive you if you made it clear you didn't mean what you said
September 15th, 2016 5:37am
Anger and upset can cause people to say or do may things that they should not or would not say normally. If u feel that what you are saying is hurting someone learn to tone down and find out where it is coming from.
December 16th, 2016 4:26pm
You might be saying them because you're hurt or have regret. Could also be, because you have a guard up and don't want people to know the real you?
December 29th, 2016 10:07pm
I think sometimes the world puts this pressure on us to act a certain way or to say certain things even if we don't mean them. I think that is why I say certain things.
January 28th, 2017 9:55pm
There could be many things that stops you from saying what you really mean. Was it due to the fear of embarrassment, not knowing if you shared certain things and how the person will react? Not sure if the person would accept your vulnerability. Then again, what will happen if you are more genuine to yourself. Give it a try, if it brings you closer to what you want. Maybe, saying what you meant is what both you and him/her really need. It takes time. Persevere.
February 1st, 2017 4:02am
Perhaps because your intentions don't match with your words. Perhaps you're hurt in the moment and want to retaliate.
February 5th, 2017 8:52pm
Sometime we say things in the moment, without thinking through the way it may affect someone else! Our feelings take control and we say the first thing we think of!
March 24th, 2017 10:28am
Because you're human! Part of life is making mistakes, saying things we don't mean, hurting people we care about. What defines you as a person is how you learn and grow from these experiences and how you fix your mistake. A heartfelt apology can go a long way but not if it's the same apology for the same mistake over and again.
April 1st, 2017 9:51am
Fear in my experience is a powerful driver to make me say things that I don't mean. If the fear is so strong then my subconscious I think can do anything to try and get out of the situation. In a way trying too hard to be perfect makes that other part of me lash out in self defence, when with more self awareness, the simple answer could have simply been to walk out of a conversation or say I wasn't comfortable.
April 8th, 2017 1:47am
Sometimes if you are worked up about a problem and you are just trying to make a point you can say things you don't necessarily mean or think are true.
April 15th, 2017 9:27pm
This just means you you impulsively speak. It's ok. Everyone does it, some more than others. I find that it helps to rehearse in your head first and try to think of the outcome and how the person is going to react. Even bite your tongue if it helps, but not hard of course. This happens more often when someone is mad, upset, frustrated, or even just blatantly tired. Don't put yourself down for it. My friends know not to continue arguing with me when I'm mad because I always say things that I don't mean when I'm upset. It helps instead of trying to avoid saying things that I don't mean all by myself. Just try your best to think before you speak. I know, it's hard, but you can do it.
June 21st, 2017 5:09am
It's important to think about our words and actions before we do or say them. Of you are very passionate about certain things, this can happen to anyone. Try to really listen and meditate on a response before saying it.
June 23rd, 2017 4:30pm
From my own personal experience, I feel that we mostly end up saying what we don't mean when we are angry and want to hurt the person at the receiving end. But such thoughtless utterances give only momentary satisfaction because the moment we are calm again, we end up regretting every word we said when in anger.
June 29th, 2017 7:47am
You may not be thinking before you speak, this is ok as a lot of people make this mistake. Try to think things through more :)
August 10th, 2017 3:04pm
Sometimes it's hard for you to show your true emotions. It's easier to lock it all inside. Try to let it go sometimes.
August 13th, 2017 8:32pm
sometimes people say things they just don't mean because they have not looked at the whole picture. I say things i don't mean because i don't realize my comment may affect the other person, It is human nature to say things you don't mean because you may not have the time to think before you respond. people understand you if they know you well. for example, you may be having the time of your life and you are on the phone with someone you love but they are not there with you so they fell left out and you don't stop to say hey wish you were here with may not be enough and they end up feeling sad. You have to look around but thee is nothing to say about it so you say the wrong thing because saying the right thing is difficult to figure out. you could say i will make it up to you somehow. it is decision making and decisions have to be made fast sometimes. look inward or change the subject.
August 18th, 2017 1:21pm
Because we often don't realize the the real worth of words. That's why being mindful is a great asset.
October 10th, 2017 3:36pm
Sometimes our emotions make us saying things we don't mean in the moment. Taking a moment to breathe and reflect on how you would feel hearing that comment can help when unsure of what you are saying is good to say.