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Why do I always say things I don't mean?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 03/11/2022 at 6:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
March 3rd, 2021 2:21pm
There are many reasons you could say things that you don't mean. One reason could be that you have a hard time controlling your impulses/emotions. If you say something you don't mean during an argument with a friend/family member, it could be because you're in the heat of the moment and want them to feel bad about themselves, even if you don't feel that way about them or believe what you said to them. This happens to everyone. Just make sure that you apologize afterwards and make sure that they know you didn't man what you said. Hope this helps!
March 28th, 2021 9:58am
Most of the time when we feel angry or upset a lot of people say things that they wouldn't usually say because they don't mean it. They weren't thinking because their emotions completely took over. You can fix this by just taking the time to think of what you're going to say before you say it. Trust me it will save you a lot of trouble of saying things you don't mean. I used to say things I didn't mean but when I took the extra few seconds to think of a better response it helped me say things that were meaningful to me.
April 2nd, 2021 2:29pm
People might wish they'd never said something, and say they didn't mean it, but for the moment they said it, they did mean it. A human being is a mixture of different moods and selfs and characteristics. Some we find acceptable – the nice, kind parts – and others we sometimes disown, which tend to be selfish and greedy. As we get older, we push down the selfish parts so we appear nicer to other people. Unfortunately, if we don't listen to our feelings and work out what's making us feel bad, the part we don't like can burst out and make us say things we later regret.
April 7th, 2021 9:13pm
First of all, you're not alone with this. The main cause may be that you talk before you think. That sounds like a pretty bad thing, but actually it's pretty common. We often have thoughts flooding in our minds and then we just spit out the thoughts in the first sentence that came into our minds. It's pretty difficult to stop yourself from doing that. What could help first, are some mindfullness exercises. Learn when do you speak, how do you speak, and what do you often regret saying. Realizing mistakes afterwards and keeping track on them is the first step. I don't mean you should collect your bad words as some big collection of failure to show yourself what you're doing wrong; it's so you know under what circumstances these things happen. Now we try to prevent these things. I can't give you a way that certainly works, but maybe you can try and first notice when you're upset. Then say yourself "I can't think straight now, let's count to five first and then start THINKING about an answer." How does that sound? When you know what often goes wrong you know can also reflect on your sentences before saying them and to correct them, like if you read an email before sending it. I hope I could help you!
July 28th, 2021 12:37am
Often times when we are hurting we tend to hurt other people. It is because we sometimes bottle up our anger and our resentments. When we are hurting we may say many things to others that we might not have said if we weren"t hurting inside. Our tendencies to lash out at whoever is closest to us, which is called displaced anger. It is like pouring water in a cup and it gets so full it overflows. It does not matter who has the cup but it is going to overflow. Some of the contents of the cup has to be dumped out or drunk to avoid an overflow. This the way our body is. It can only hold so much stress, anger,and these emotions when not vented properly will errupt. I hope this helps expain your question.
July 28th, 2021 9:53am
One can always say things they don't mean because they lack control over emotions or are too overwhelmed by their emotions which is totally fine and normal Others might say things they don't mean to conceal truths which they don't want others to find can also happen in the heat of the moment It Can also be intentional to cause hurtful feelings to someone like in a heated argument Before saying stuffs,try processing it in your head and think how it would sound when said out aloud and what form of emotions it would convey,thereby helping you keep your words in check..
July 28th, 2021 6:53pm
Sometimes I say things I don't mean out of impulsivity from strong emotions and acting in the moment. It may be easier to say something hurtful to someone you care about as a form of self defense because at the time it feels like it can protect you. In actuality it does not do this is can create distance but in the moment this distance may act as a barrier to being open and not revealing what you actual feel. I had this as a problem very recently where I was speaking to a guy I had feelings for and ended up saying hurtful things to him to protect my feelings (which I can safely say was ineffective)
August 8th, 2021 3:34pm
I had the same problem as a kid. My problem was I had feelings I held inside and never talked about them. In my case, I held in anger, regret, sadness. Maybe try talking to someone if you think that might be your case. A lot of people have the same problem so don't feel like you're a horrible person! Most people do it to manage emotions they don't know how to manage properly. It is a tendency for our limbic system to play things known as “safe not sorry”. You pretty much are using it in a defensive place reacting to a feeling of fear and sadness.
August 26th, 2021 10:39pm
Sometimes, someone can say something they don't mean because they want to "fit in" with a peer group. There are also times people say things they don't mean out of anger or just to get someone to stop "bugging" you. Some people will also adopt a persona in order to be politically correct. Another time during which people will say things they don't mean is when they are in a relationship (friendship or romantic), in which case the person will be fake in order to serve their own needs. Other times, people say something they don't mean to make a good impression on others. Are any of these instances something you can relate to when you say something you don't mean?
September 10th, 2021 4:46pm
I have caught myself doing this too at some point (more than once, duh!). I’m not proud of it, but it almost seems like the only way to communicate with certain people who are not there to ask you to be honest or to be yourself—they just want the fake version of it. Why? It’s less compromising, less risky, less intimate, and simply easier, and it does not require any sort of intellectual or even minimal emotional engagement. The last part, in fact, scares the hell out of people, and it is an aspect of social interactions that I have a very hard time understanding, because all I crave is that real, deep, and special connection with someone. When I connect with someone at that level, I just feel alive and human. And let’s be honest, we’re all guilty of fearing that as much as we desire it; that is why we keep running away from it. There’s a strange comfort in avoiding saying what we actually want to say. I’ve always felt there wasn’t a point in talking to people about generic things like the weather, work, or everyday nonsense. I still feel very awkward doing so, but I am trying to be better at it because I know it’s a big part of how our society works. Although I promise the minute you show someone (even a stranger) you can connect at a deeper level, their inner light turns on; you can see it in their eyes that they’re craving a human exchange. They may randomly start telling you their life story because they feel like they can, and that has made my day many times. For me, I’m either invested in someone as a friend, creatively, or as a partner and I want to know everything about them, or I’m not going to fake being interested at all. Meaning, why engage with someone halfway? It’s that “halfway” of life that I believe should be rethought.
September 16th, 2021 6:00pm
I would say this is your lack of self-control. Ask yourself how much do you know yourself, maybe even try writing down what you feel like you are or your personas in front of different people. Lack of self-control can drive us to do things that we regret afterwards. Also it can be a result of anxiety or quick (and bad) decision making. Practice in front of mirror. Start evaluating your sentences. You can also go to the web and search up questions (the questions that ask you what you would say in a situation), also you can read books, I would recommend one *How To Win Friends And Influence People*.
September 24th, 2021 2:42am
Sometimes we don't take time to think before we act. It is almost natural to do so and we must try ourselves to think and act differently. By taking steps to pause before we speak ensures we are being thoughtful in our speech with others. At that time we are able to truly think of someone else in our discussions, reflect on what we might say and how it might affect the person we are in conversation with. Taking just a couple of seconds to think how our words might hurt or help is very beneficial and could save a lot of trouble in the long run. T - is the thought true? H - Is the thought helpful? I - is the thought inspiring? N - is the thought necessary? K - is the thought kind?
September 29th, 2021 1:44am
There may be certain unconscious triggers driving the things you say. Sometimes when we repress our emotions, they can rise up to the surface and manifest in situations unexpectedly. For example, many people who have family trauma or suffered abuse, experience great feelings of anger and resentment, which they repress because they want to feel normal like everyone else, or because it is too difficult to confront and resolve their emotions and their trauma. Then sometimes when they are with their partners, those repressed feelings of anger might rise to the surface, and they find themselves fighting with their partners a lot, even over small insignificant things. Alternatively, you may have learned and developed ineffective communication habits/strategies from your parents or partners, from toxic relationships, which led you to communicate your needs in unhealthy ways. Part of you recognizes how these forms of communication are damaging to your relationships, but they are also familiar and instinctive to you. It's not that you are a cruel and terrible person, but rather your experiences have caused you to have emotions inside of you, such as hurt, anger, sadness, fear, maybe rejection, which eventually find ways to reveal themselves in how you communicate to others (maybe conflict oriented communication, maybe hurtful comments, wounding and criticizing people you care about).
November 7th, 2021 7:39am
Sometimes we say things we don't mean when a particular emotion takes control of us. Often, it's anger or frustration or feeling hurt. When we're unable to reign these emotions is or give us ourselves time to sit with the emotion, we're likely to do or say something impulsive. There are a couple of things that can help with this. Journaling is one. You can always write down your frustrations instead of saying them. This will help in lowering the intensity of what you're feeling, allowing you to express yourself more deliberately and calmly. Meditation can also work wonders as it helps to calm the mind and develop the practice of observing your emotions and thoughts rather than identifying with them. It's our identification with our emotions that give them control over us.
December 2nd, 2021 3:07pm
I think it happens to the best of us, especially when emotion is involved. I'm not sure whether it's a talent, experience or practice are factors in being able to control yourself. But they definitely play a part. Becoming aware of yourself and your surroundings are key to becoming a better you. When you know that you are focussed on improving, becomign cooler and trying to come forward through an approach that is based on not hurting others. You will be able to control yourself in ways that you previously thought you might not. Saying things you don't mean is but one mistake you could possibly make during your life. Life is a journey of a thousand steps and it starts with a single one. Think positive, believe in a brighter future and never get lazy about self improvement.
December 15th, 2021 10:02pm
Sometimes I say things because I am afraid to be honest. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am nervous. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am scared. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am not sure what to say. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am angry. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am frustrated. Maybe I say things that I do not mean if I am hurt or feeling sad or disappointed.
December 26th, 2021 4:23am
We often say things that we don't mean when we are talking too fast. I often find myself in that situation when I fail to get my true thoughts in order. When we do that we might let words and ideas slip out that is not how we truly feel. We might end up saying an intrusive thought or simply misspeak. My advice is to slow down, there is no rush. Think about what you are about to say. After you have filtered through your words, you will have a better chance of saying what you truly need to say. If you are dealing with an issue of purposefully saying things you don't mean, you might be dealing with a self-esteem issue, comfortability issue, or you might use to push people away.
January 16th, 2022 10:09am
It is because you don't take time to rethink what you will say. Regardless of impatience of others it is always wise to take some seconds or even minutes to rethink what you will say and how you will say in order to be tactful and respectful and that you will convey the information you wished to convey. Therefore, it is wise not to be in hurry to answer. If the person you are talking with, is impatient, it is wiser to ask for some time to respond than to tell something right away. It can sometimes be very difficult, but it is worth trying.
March 11th, 2022 6:47pm
Fear can prevent people from speaking their minds. Under the effect of anger so many people lose control of themselves and say things they regret later. When a person is calm, he can access all of his brain. When a person gets angry, only certain areas are accessed and that’s why they say horrible things. Fear of embarrassment can prevent people from saying what they want. People who have low self esteem can lie in order to make others think highly of them. I believe identifying the reason why you say things you dont mean will be an helpful way to address it.