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Why do I always say things I don't mean?

168 Answers
Last Updated: 01/16/2022 at 10:09am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
March 22nd, 2017 12:52am
Because in that moment when you say them, you don't think straight. You are angry, or broken, or hurt, anything, and you don't realize how much can words hurt. You probably have so many feelings inside of you, which want to get out but you hold them inside, and then you say words you don't mean to; it's how you deal with your emotions.
August 31st, 2015 7:55pm
Sometimes emotions have a funny way of taking over the person we really are or are really meant to be. It could be a difficult thing and difficlt situation especially if it causes pain or regret in the end to yourself or to someone else. If you feel this is something that is affecting your life or relationships, you could try looking into a counselor or therapist. Or even a support group like Emotions Anonymous to discuss your feelings.
October 12th, 2016 6:52pm
Because I cannot control my emotions and I do not know how I feel. And how to express myself. I am lost in my world of thoughts that does not make sense.
May 20th, 2015 6:14pm
Because you simply choose to. In my opinion no one can make you mad but you choose to become mad and speak without much thought
March 15th, 2015 2:58pm
It could just be a defense mechanism? I used to say things to people and didn't know why because I didn't mean a word of it. Sometimes we say things so we don't seem vulnerable and to express false feelings to someone.
February 24th, 2015 12:11am
You usually say things you don't mean when you're upset or agitated at something or someone. So instead of saying something nice and respectful, you end up saying negative, harmful and/or things that you don't mean and also to keep from accepting or telling the truth for example If I say that I hate my ex boyfriend when I know that I don't I just don't want to accept the fact that I do still love him. It's basically a you laugh to keep from crying kind of thing.
June 21st, 2015 11:35pm
Maybe you said it in the moment of a heated conversation. If you didn't mean it, tell the person that you didn't mean it.
September 29th, 2016 3:18pm
Maybe because you're scared of putting your true feelings and emotions out there because you think people might not understand, or might judge you.
October 29th, 2016 4:30am
Saying things that you don't mean to say usually are due to your brain being stressed and causing you to underthink what you are saying and not thinking of the future effects of the words which is why you typically don't realize the accidental comment is unintentional until after it is said and after your brain begins to focus back in. This is most common in arguments and moments of anger.
February 23rd, 2015 9:52am
Sometimes we don't want to hurt the person we love or we are just a people pleaser. Learn to say the things that you mean so that you don't hurt yourself. Love yourself more!
November 17th, 2016 9:26pm
I say things I don't mean when I don't know what else to say. Sometimes, I say things that I shouldn't have said and I have to live with the fact that I did say it. It happens though.
March 17th, 2017 7:21am
Sometimes we say things we actually don't mean.. Maybe because we are angry at someone or something. Thinking logically before saying things.. Giving a pause before saying anything may help
July 14th, 2015 5:46pm
In a state of panic, people usually say the first thing that comes to mind. Which sometimes they don't mean. It's a usual anxiety response to do so.
January 6th, 2018 9:51am
In a fit of anger or in frustration, we say things we don’t mean when we lose control of our emotions. We act first instead of thinking it through, and hurt the other person with our words. We all say things we don’t mean - to our friends, family, or even strangers. What’s important at the end is to build up the courage to apologize and correct yourself when you have the chance. Your family and friends will only then understand that you didn’t mean what you said at first.
September 25th, 2016 2:46pm
Because when I'm upset, I confuse my feelings with my current emotion and I express myself incorrectly. Or I hide my true feelings behind indifference because I'm afraid of expressing myself.
October 4th, 2015 4:47pm
It might be a choice you are making without really having the intention to say them like that. That usually happens when we are trying to protect ourselves and our strong walls of protection tend to make us respond quickly in a hurtful way for others. Try to analyze why do you say the things you say, to whom and how you could change them. It will take a while to improve, but it only comes down to how willing are you to be more vulnerable/open to others.
June 6th, 2016 1:28am
Sometimes, you might say things that you don't mean because your afraid (of something or someone) and not being real to Yourself.
October 15th, 2016 11:22am
When you are out of control and out of your mind. Here what you call you do autopilot. That must be managed.
May 4th, 2015 6:43pm
You may be feeling anxious meaning that its stuttering your speech? Or maybe you get confused with your words? Hmm or sometimes we as humans dont know how to express ourselves in words, its true, so we end up saying things we don't mean by accident. You just gotta try and find your best means of communicating your feelings/thoughts to people :)
October 26th, 2016 7:37pm
I say things I don't mean because I'm afraid of what will someone think if I say something weird, so I just go woth something easy and mostly false.
August 11th, 2017 6:20am
I do this when I'm really fed up with someone or when my feelings are so bottled up that I just explode
August 31st, 2017 2:21pm
I say things I don't mean when my feelings are hurt, I feel attacked, and I am in a state of range or fear. I try these days to remember my first thought is normally wrong and try to rethink my words before they come out.
September 29th, 2015 8:40am
It might come out of anger. You might've been caught up in the moment, and the words just came out wether you meant them or not.
September 24th, 2016 1:22am
It's most likely because you may have trouble portraying your real feelings because you're scared to, or you're worried about being judged so you say things that you think other people want to hear.
February 16th, 2017 11:40am
It's basically ,a wrong choice of words, a habit can replace a habit, repeat and practice the process of thinking for few seconds first, and then saying anything, think about respectful and kind words,
September 22nd, 2017 6:42pm
It is very hard to control at times some emotions or thoughts you have, but have not been in a situation to express. At the time when you get into an argument with someone, along with the things you kept inside a lot of negative words can come out which often are not what you actually think. It happens to all of us. Be careful however, because sometimes you do mean them but you don't want to admit it.
December 28th, 2018 4:29pm
Based on my personal experience I don’t always mean things I say. I have anger issues and because of my rude and bluntness I often drive people away. But what they don’t realize it is if I say things I don’t mean and fight with you that’s just my way of in a way of showing concern. Sometimes our anger gets the best of us and I believe that for me personally if I am angry and say something harsh you should look at the character I show every other day rather and know I have good intentions instead of basing judgement on what I say. I never mean it.
December 8th, 2016 5:27pm
People say things they don't mean for a lot of different reasons, I think you might want to look at the emotions behind why you say the things you don't mean. Is it out of anger? Or sadness? Or so you don't get in trouble?
January 13th, 2018 11:03pm
If you feel stressed, angry, or you just don't know what to say you will always say some random things that you didn't mean to say and that is normal. It happens to everyone
January 22nd, 2017 5:29pm
Maybe because we get frustrated by not knowing ourselves how to cope with a situation we are not used to. Therefore we are likely to snap sometimes but we dont mean to.