How do I help explain to a parent that what I feel is valid after they reacted badly?
Last Updated: 12/20/2020 at 10:27am
Melissa Strauss, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.
Top Rated Answers
Try to make them understand by explaining it in various ways.Often time parents do not want to listen because they believe that they know best all the time.
I would sit down with that parent and ask if I could talk to them. Simply start by telling them how you feel. Ask for them to hold their comments and wait till the end. Tell them everything that you have been feeling and be sincere. Don't start joking or anything to lighten up the mood. You want to sound serious so they understand the validity of what you're saying. They should understand. If they still don't, try going to a trusted adult or peer and tell them. They can then help convince your parent that how you feel is valid.
I try to not be defensive (or aggressive), and present things with calm, without blame, as if it was a story, in which I explain the reasons why the character (me) would be feeling a certain way, how it fits with my experience, beliefs, etc and therefore makes sense that I would feel this way.
I myself have struggled with this on many occasions. I would talk to them about it, express the importance of how you feel and what you have said, maybe ask they they reacted badly to it and try to have a peaceful conversation if possible. Let them know that how you feel is important and just as important to you for sharing it.
Tell them that you need there help that what your going throught needs there help that you love and need them.
Staying calm is the main key. It's going to be difficult, but then again it always is; no one got a handbook on how to deal with parents, or vice versa. Staying calm and focusing only on the issue will help to get your point across, and even if they don't understand, at least you did the best you could.
I think the first step to this is focusing on yourself and not needing to be validated. You don't need someone else to tell you your feelings are okay when you're the one feeling them!
One of the best ways to explain that your emotions are valid is to sit down with your parents, and be honest with how you feel. Sometimes like in situations of abuse, when you confront the abuser with something they don't want to believe, they may not believe it as real. Or in situations of bullying, depression, anxiety or relationship stress in your own life, when you share those experiences and your resulted feelings with your parents, they may not want to believe it because it hurts them so much. The main thing is, regardless of what it is that you have shared with them, it's important that they understand your feelings. Sit down with them, and express the fact of how much your emotions and experiences have been affecting you. If they still deem them invalid, check with a therapist about your parent's behavior!
Well, hopefully they are able to cool down and you can bring the topic up when they are calm again. And if that happens, maybe you can ask them to think about a time when they were young and felt as if their feelings weren't taken seriously. Hopefully they are open enough to do this and can understand where you are coming from. I hope that helps.
By making them feel that you respect and justify their point of view also but it is based on their own set of values imbibed during their own upbringing. Convince them that as time progresses ,values, ideas and attitudes also change. Every next generation evolve their own values and ideas so please try to understand my age and trust me that whatever I'm doing or believing is best suited to current situation.
You help them analyze their reaction and whether they reacted appropriately. They need to come to this conclusion on their own, but with your guidance.
Sometimes a parent may not take the child seriously, in such case, the best what i feel a child can do (after already trying to talk them calmly but they aren't willing to listen) is to get another adult whom they trust to speak on your behalf. Do you think there's anyone who can talk to your parent for you e.g., an aunt etc.?
The key to having a civil conversation about a problem is to stay calm. You will be taken more seriously if you remain calm and do not raise your voice or become angry.
When talking to a parent about something they did that hurt you, the situation can get very tricky. Even though you're trying to Talk about your feelings, a parent might perceive this as criticism and become defensive. To avoid this with my parents, I try to always use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Ex: if a person said "You never listen" The parent could get defensive and say "no I wasn't" This gets nobody anywhere, and usually leads to more conflict. Instead try saying "I feel like my voice isn't being heard" by using an "I" statement, your parent is far less likely to think that you're criticizing them. If they still become defensive, repeat that you aren't accusing them, you're only saying how you feel. Ex: "I feel like my voice isn't being heard." "But you are! I hear you!" "I never said you didn't. I just said it can FEEL that way." By using feeling "I" statements, conflict can be more easily resolved. By using this method, you might have more success discussing the validity of your emotions. (( Ex: "I feel like my emotions aren't being taken seriously." "But I do take your emotions seriously!!" "I never said you didn't, I said it can FEEL like my emotions aren't being taken seriously." Hope this helps :)
Calmly request that they see it from someone else's point of view, making points of the situation in question. Listen to their view too and ask them to break their feelings down for you.
Be patient until they become calm and explain your point of view in a composed manner. They are parents they always think of our good. If you make a valid point they will surely understand and listen.
Depending on what your parents were raised believing and what sorts of biases they have, it can be very difficult to shake off old opinions. Perhaps, if you would like to convince them otherwise, try to sit them down (make sure to have evidence and supporting arguments ready) and calmly explain your feelings to them. Make sure that they understand that you have been feeling this way for a while and that it isn't just something you read on the internet.
Your feelings are Always, Always valid. What you feel, that's somethin only you can feel. If they react badly, try to tell them a bit more about why you told them the way you told them or let them talk to someone else you told, or go seek professional help together. A professional therapist will be able to explain your parents everything they need to know.
By making your point clear this will show that the matter is important, showing them with arguments why is valid what you feel. Also, parents tend to accept better things when you show them that they are talking to someone who is reponsible and knows of what is talking about.
You should never resort to anger firstly but you should just calmly explain how you feel and why you feel that way
Give them some time to think about it. And then try again. We're all human beings, with complex minds that don't really think or feel the same way. You can give examples of situations when you felt like that feeling or emotion, to make your parent understand you better. Try to explain to them, that if they were in your shoes, how they would've felt. I hope that helps. :)
I am sorry this shocks you, but this is how i am feeling, i cannot do anymore but be honest. I love you.
You can try to talk them in a relaxed way, without any hurries. You must to explain them how you're.
That can be hard, especially when you have an invalidating parent like mine. All you can really do is speak your part and control what/how you say it. You unfortunately can't control their response.
Tell them that even if they dont agree, they should listen to it. Maybe they'll come to an understanding.
Everyone is entitled to feel their own emotions no matter what the are. I love the following quote for this situation, "be who you are say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter".
Try to explain your opinion to them in a manner that they, personally, would understand. Find out what appeals to them.
I'd make my position known with respect and care. Tell them I am also an individual and a person with feelings to be acknowledged and respected, just like them. And I'd also tell them how it makes me feel that they don't take into account my side of things.
This is a really common problem. The most important thing you can do is not give up. Remember what you feel is valid and don't let others convince you otherwise. Once you feel it wholeheartedly, you can keep working to help them understand too. I would suggest writing a letter to them if verbal communication isn't working out. Or finding common ground between each other to connect. Good luck! Xx
Explain to them that you disagree with their point of what validation is. Not everyone agrees. And then just tell them what you think is valid.
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