I'm dating someone with depression and anxiety. What to do?

118 Answers
Last Updated: 07/16/2019 at 6:55pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jamie Sclafani , LMSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I have an holistic approach to therapy. There is definitely not a "one size fits all" solution. Each person is unique, as is their situation.

Top Rated Answers
moitrois713
October 3rd, 2016 1:05am
If you love them, please never let them forget you're there to support them. Listen. Do little things that make them happy and spend time together - loneliness sucks. And if it seems like they're pushing you away, trust me, they need you more than you think.
MIJABO93
May 18th, 2016 1:45pm
As someone who has depression, I like it when my partner texts me something random to let me know they are thinking about me. My issue is that I have the feeling of never being good enough and alone, so when my partner texts me even if its just a smiley face it cheers me up. I also like it when I am with them to be reassured if I am down. Sometimes I go really quiet and my partner will just give me a hug or play with my hair and it puts me at ease. Obviously, everyone is different and likes their own ways but I hope this helps. It might be worth talking to them to see what they like. That in itself will help :)
Anonymous
May 19th, 2016 4:14am
First you must ask yourself, if the relationship is leading toward commitment, are you willing to put forth the extra effort that will be required to make the relationship work? If the answer is yes, I would suggest doing a little research on the symptoms of depression and anxiety. There are probably credible sources on the internet that will provide guidelines on how to deal with the symptoms when they are present in someone you love
Anonymous
May 25th, 2016 3:18am
Always prepare a ready ear to listen to what they have to say. It will make them feel incredibly important, especially when someone that is important to them is doing so. Make sure you are with them as much as possible, this will give them a sense of security and warmth. In general, keep their company and always tell them how much you love them.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2016 2:55pm
Don't offer solutions. I know, someone you love is hurting. You want to offer support. But someone with depression doesn't hear "I care about you and I want to help you" when you offer solutions. They hear "Why are you sad? Why aren't you doing anything to fix it? Why are you so lazy? Why can't you just be happy?" I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage them to do things that will benefit them or to seek professional help. By all means, if they say "Do you think this will help me?" Encourage the hell out of them. If they ask. Don't bring it up unless it's the last resort, otherwise listen. Listen to how they feel, how they feel about these feelings, listen to them cry or get angry. And ask others to listen to how you feel- you matter too. Just listen.
CopperSkies
May 18th, 2016 9:26pm
Living with anxiety and depression is really difficult, and dating somebody with those disorders is also really hard. I think the most important thing is to be accepting of them for who they are, and work on supporting them throughout their recovery.
ElizabethLovesYou
May 26th, 2016 3:27pm
Dating somebody with depression and anxiety can be very difficult. Make sure that you are not influenced by the other too much - don't play therapist to that person and make sure that your relationship is not harmful to either of you in any way. You can of course always support the other while still taking good care of your own mental health.
JasonT
May 19th, 2016 7:43pm
Reassure them that they will never be alone. Be there for them. They need you more than ever. Just comfort them through everything and never get annoyed at them for their feelings.
PassionatePisces5
June 3rd, 2016 9:31am
There is no one size fits all answer. I have both and listening and understanding go a long way. Nothing anyone says really helps,it's their patience and support that make me feel like I'm not alone and things will be okay.
ArtemisandFire
June 2nd, 2016 9:27pm
It's important you don't push them, but just be there for their support. Make sure they're receiving proper professional help if needed. Don't try too hard to cheer them, because it will make them feel worse when they don't want to disappoint you but neither aren't able to "just cheer up". Take care of your own well-being, it's really important. Be supportive but remember that it's ok to have your boundaries.
charmingOrange11
June 30th, 2016 3:06pm
Some people aren't emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship with someone who has depression or anxiety and that's fine. It's not your fault. If you really like them them the you should talk to them about it and see what you can do to help or minimize it. If it really bothers you emotionally then do what's right for you.
moonfly94
May 14th, 2016 11:10am
Just be kind and don't be offended if they don't always react the way you expect them to. A little bit of love goes a long way when you're feeling depressed and anxious, and some of us need more frequent reminders of our worth than others :)
Square
May 18th, 2016 8:28am
All you can do is be there for them. They will get paranoid only because they're scared you'll leave. Just be understanding and let them know as much as you can that they make a difference in your life
OLiveAlive
May 21st, 2016 7:05am
Educate yourself on depression and anxiety and keep open lines of communication: reach out to your loved one if they are struggling with anxiety or depression. Ask them how they feel you can best support them, and make a plan for what they think would be helpful when they're having a rough time. Most importantly, though, be sure to take care of yourself ~ giving yourself space to breathe, process and rest when you need it is the most important thing. In order to help anyone else be their best self, you must be your best self first.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2016 12:29am
According to me you should talk to that person and try to help them. And dont leave them jut cuz they're depressed and have anxiety.
peacefulFreedom82
June 11th, 2016 3:59pm
The best suggestion I could give is to be patient and don't give up on them if they are someone you truly care about. Those are two ailments with difficult symptoms to manage. If it effects your relationship, perhaps seeking help from a therapist and. depending upon how involved you would want to be in their path to recovery, maybe it is something the two of you can do together. If the person you're dating feels like they have support and does not feel alienated by someone they care about (you), it could help them on their journey. Depression and anxiety are very complex, and (from personal experience) have layers that lead to other layers that need to be addressed to begin healing. Best of luck!
Anonymous
June 11th, 2016 8:22pm
Always give them comfort. Never get angry or upset at the person and always be patient. when something goes wrong just stay calm and work it out.
Anonymous
June 15th, 2016 8:12pm
Support them and let them know that your willing to listen and be there for them through the good times and the bad times. Let them know they won't always feel this bad.
UntilThen
June 16th, 2016 2:37am
The best you can do to support them through their depression and anxiety is to show that you care. Do your best not to be angry at them for being anxious or unmotivated. Ask them how you can help, and be willing to support them.
Serifeee
July 18th, 2016 6:56pm
Firstly, you should be patient more than normal. If you are not patient and considerate, you can afflict this one without notice.
Jennabanena
February 19th, 2018 8:37pm
In my experience, the most important thing is listening to them. Maybe you don't always know what to say or how to make them feel better, maybe sometimes you don't even understand the issues they are dealing with. But most people feel much better when they feel like they can open up to someone and not be judged or criticized. Try thinking "I may not fully comprehend their feelings, but their feelings are real and valid. They are going through a hard time". Take care of yourself too. Depending on how bad your partner's depression/anxiety is, being there for them can use up your energy. So make sure you are well rested and fed, engaging in positive activities and generally not neglecting your own well-being. Take care!
KasOrbinski
May 14th, 2016 9:25am
Give them the space they need. I bet youvare concerned, but they need their own time with depression. If they ask for a helping hand, give them that. Anxious people also need freedom.
transtastic
May 15th, 2016 4:47am
Make sure your partner knows that you are there for them and listen to them sincerely. If it seems out of their control, refer them to a counselor
charmingPumpkin74
May 15th, 2016 8:38am
first of all come out of it , be with him\her all the time , give full of your attentions. show your loyalty, love , caring towards him\her .
Anonymous
May 15th, 2016 9:17am
Understanding and being there for that person. Understanding is the best way to help someone who has Depression and Anxiety!
Anonymous
May 18th, 2016 7:57pm
Let them know you are there for them. When they are depressed, being there for them is the best thing you can do for them. If they are getting really anxious, remind them that you're there and you will help to the best of your abilities.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2016 5:05pm
well there is not much to do accept for be there with him. i am anonymous so you don't know this advice owner. all the person needs is a friend
Anonymous
May 19th, 2016 6:43pm
Listening is the most important thing. Do not force them into anything. Treat them with kindness and respect, like any other relationship.
kindheartedKitty71
May 19th, 2016 9:04pm
Act normal, it's just like dating anyone else.. But if the subjects depression or anxiety comes up, you should stay on watch... If you let them know that you love them, and just are there for them, you're already doing a perfect job!
Anonymous
May 20th, 2016 1:44am
Let them know that you're there for them if they need to vent their problems or if they need help--they'll feel more comfortable talking to someone they know and trust rather than a perfect stranger.