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How can I stop being jealous and insecure?

110 Answers
Last Updated: 08/06/2018 at 6:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Monique Thompson, LPC, LPC-S

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am in my 21st year as a psychotherapist. I have worked with over 3, 000 people over the course of my career.

Top Rated Answers
brighteyesO71
November 20th, 2015 2:34pm
Realize that some people are better at somethings than you. And you are better than them at other things. Accept that people are different with different skills and weakness, different qualities and personalities. It may take time, but there's no point in being negative. It just hurts you.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2015 4:56pm
nobody can help being jealous, its a natural part of being human with your insecurities, you are perfect the way you are, you shouldn't let anybody change that, you never feel ashamed of yourself
calmCupcake11
November 21st, 2015 2:40pm
By loving yourself more and realizing your worth, by not depending on other's opinions of you or approval. You're the expert on you. Spend a bit of time reflecting on your talents and strengths and remind yourself of those often. Appreciate what you have and who you are.
LittleTiger15
November 22nd, 2015 6:56am
My suggestion would be to confront your partner about it and reach an equilibrium. Set boundaries and put a little trust in them.
UnobtrusiveTable
November 22nd, 2015 10:37pm
The best way would be to realise what a great person you are. Tell yourself your a great person in the mirror and get some friends that actually support you.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2015 1:05pm
Ask yourself what exactly is the reason you feel jealous and insecure. Where does it stem from and how exactly you can address it will help you move forward
brilliantTree96
November 26th, 2015 4:38pm
I have found that to help with jealousy and insecurity, I have to accept that i'm not perfect for my partner and that's ok, because we love who we love, not because they are prefect, but they have the little flaws that make them who they are.
Anonymous
November 27th, 2015 9:05pm
To stop being jealous one needs to respect themself and see what's great about themselves before comparing themselves to others. Odds are people are comparing themselves to you too. There's no need to be insecure
peacefulBlossom75
November 28th, 2015 2:49am
You can try to have more confidence in yourself and accept the love that is given to you by other people even if you do not feel that way about yourself because in doing so you genuinely feel loved and feel worth it
activelistener418
November 29th, 2015 5:00am
i can try to focus on myself more and not worry about what others are doing or how they look because it does not matter.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2015 4:42pm
Accept the fact that people move on. Accept the fact that your partner spends time with other people. Trust is a key word in every situation you're in. So is self-confidence. Life won't be easy if you always have your guard up.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2015 7:58pm
You have to question whether your jealousy and insecurity is for a genuine reason. If not ask then ask yourself why you don't trust your partner. If you address it, it can be dealt with, if not it will just fester.
Anonymous
December 4th, 2015 3:44pm
One way to be less jealous and insecure is forgiveness and appreciating what you have. Realising that what other people have may have it's benefits but also disadvantages. If you are thankful for what you have then it doesn't matter what other people have.
julie0203
December 5th, 2015 3:26pm
To get past jealousy and insecurities, it's important to love yourself. It's important to look past the things you dont like about yourself, and learn how to love them instead...
sheisknown
December 6th, 2015 1:50am
You can do that by focusing on yourself and your own life versus looking at others and comparing yourself. Staying in your own lane, looking at your own life and goals, and doing that helps you to appreciate your own life and follow your own path regardless of what everyone else is doing.
youcantalktomee
December 6th, 2015 7:41pm
First of all, replace negative self-talk with realistic self-talk. Whenever your insecurities are triggered and you find yourself thinking, "He looked at her. I know he thinks she's prettier than me. I bet you he wants to be with her instead," tell yourself, "He just glanced her way. She's pretty, but I know he loves me.". Then ask yourself this question about each situation when you felt jealous. Was there any indication, any real proof for your jealousy? Also, keep a journal. Whenever you're feeling insecure about something, reach for your journal and write your feelings down. Free write for as long as you need to vent your frustrations. Chances are that you'll feel much better after free writing for a bit. Taking this extra step will save you from dramatic, jealous episodes and help you gain clear perspective at the same time. Well just don't bring up your insecurities to your partner. There's nothing more unattractive than someone constantly questioning you're every move. Men see jealous women as complainers and naggers which definitely is not a turn on. And finally: Do pro-actively plan for how you want to respond the next time your insecure "hot buttons" are triggered. It makes it a lot easier to respond calmly when you have a plan. Be proactive about your future. You can get over the jealousy woes, be the person you want to be, and have long-lasting, loving relationships. You just need to "bite the bullet" and start getting "a hold of yourself.
ashtonlucker
December 6th, 2015 9:12pm
Work on your self-esteem and work on your self-confidence. Confidence in yourself will lead to confidence in others.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2016 6:57am
Whenever I feel jealous of somebody , I realize that if I am jealous then this is something that i must want in my own life and so I lay out a plan detailing how i can go about achieving this. If I feel insecure, I try and remind myself of my positive traits and remember that I have to work on my self esteem .. and that I'm not perfect and never will be. We are all works in progress and that keeps life interesting :)
peacefulShoulder84
August 1st, 2016 7:45am
The first step is stop comparing yourself to others. You are special, unique, and your own person. It will take some work but it's doable. Start with positive affirmations, mediation, and even some self esteem books! Stay mindful
disenchanted99
April 3rd, 2017 11:38pm
If something is meant to be, it will be. Psychologically, people get jealous and insecure when they feel they may lose a thing they have, or feel a threat from someone else. If you can identify the cause of your jealousy/insecurity you can then work to change either the thing or your mindset.