How can I stop being jealous and insecure?

110 Answers
Last Updated: 08/06/2018 at 6:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lindsay Simon, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work from a holistic perspective to help my clients heal from various mental, emotional, and relationship problems. My style is direct,honest, supportive, and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
melissarumao3
September 20th, 2015 6:10am
You can't stop being jealous and insecure in a day or in weeks also!!! Its a long process where you need to trust someone from the very beginning!!!! Its like a tree you know, the roots have to be very strong or expect termites and other pests to destroy your tree!! Jealousy and Insecurity are these pests in a relationship!!! To some extent they cannot be felt but an excess of this will ruin it!! Talk to the person and clear your problems!! If something troubles you say it!! If you are insecure about something make it known so that something can be done about it!!! You just need to ask yourself how to deal with it !!! And If someone makes you feel insanely insecure then I guess you are with the wrong person!!! Because the right one would never do it!!!
NekoSensei
November 22nd, 2014 11:24am
Everybody is unique in their own way. Instead of looking at the things you lack, look for what you've got. If something is meant for you, it would definitely come to you. :)
whimsicalMoment68
September 23rd, 2015 11:24am
it's normal to feel jealous and insecure, you just have to encourage yourself that your partner love you so much that they won't leave you and as for insecure, whenever you feeling insecure , remember that you worth everything , you are God's masterpiece
SnowLion
November 26th, 2015 2:57am
I don't think I will ever stop being jealous and insecure. It's natural to feel that way, since we are conditioned to be fearful about our relationships and our status in the world. But, I think that we can work with our insecurity by being better friends to ourselves. I have been spending more time just sitting with myself and holding my heart, focussing on giving love to myself. Over time I notice that I am more positive with myself; I like to spend time with myself more, and I feel more secure in my ability to care for myself - to give myself the positive feedback I once sought from others. Jealousy and insecurity have lessened naturally as a result because I simply don't need people for what I can provide myself.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2015 11:18am
Jealousy is not a bad thing. It's normal it's natural. People sometimes get jealous because they feel that they are lower than the other individual as in having or enjoying things the person doesn't have. Sometimes they would ( I do ) get jealous when the person they like is having a good laugh or having a good time with someone of the opposite sex. That is when the same person would feel insecure. What never was yours can never be yours. Don't spend a lifetime on chasing something you can never have. It will come back to you eventually if you've earned it.
interstellarfox
September 4th, 2015 5:32am
By knowing that comparing yourself to someone else is the most fruitless thing you could do to yourself. Instead, compare your present self to who you were before and realise you've come so far and grown so beautifully. There will be times where outside forces can make you doubt yourself but you've got to square your shoulders, keep your head up and remember that you are incredible. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
greenberyl
September 6th, 2015 3:15pm
Comparing yourself to others is never going to make you happy, because there will ALWAYS be someone better than you. As you move up the ladder, you'll just keep meeting smarter and prettier and more perfect people. A good way to think about yourself is simply to compare who you are now to who you were 5 years ago. Are you nicer, wiser, smarter? Life is a mountain, not a race. We're not competing to the top, but merely climbing to get a good view before we one day all just fall off.
Darkknight13
October 22nd, 2015 11:56am
meet people, know everyone is not perfect & doesn't needs to be, you have something that others dont n vice versa
Lailah
November 18th, 2014 3:30pm
Analyze why you feel that way and analyze your great assets you will see you that you have more to offer
Drimezan
August 29th, 2015 1:43pm
Jealousy and Insecurity are born out of low self regard [or self-esteem]. Consider first what is causing you to feel jealous and insecure. "What is making me feel jealous and insecure? What event in my past have led to me feeling this way" and many other questions. Once you answer such questions, what changes would you need to undergo in order for you to stop being jealous and insecure? Finding the root cause of your jealousy and insecurity would lead you to know what actions you'll need to take so that you would avoid it. Next is having the firm resolve to change. Whenever we hear the word "change" it is not always taken kindly. Change takes courage because you know that there is something in you that is not doing you and others any good. We feel afraid to change because it is like you would be a completely different person than who you are. But please take note that in this situation, you wanted to stop being jealous and insecure and if that is what you have decided to do, you'll need to follow through with your decision and take the necessary steps no matter how hard it will be.
Miracle
December 6th, 2014 3:08pm
Being Jealous relates to comparing ourselves to others and feeling that in some way our life does not match up.So what is the best way to stop this, personally I think it is through realising we are all on very different paths and what is right for them or even might seem good might not be if it was added in our own lives.For me personally I think looking beyond the surface level and recognising that we cannot know everything about someone's past, present and future helps a lot eg.Right now they might have what seems like a ideal life but I well is it 'really' that way or does it just 'seem' so.Even if you conclude it really is that way I think feeling jealous can relate to not being content with your own life which could even be viewed as a catalyst for positive change so if someone had something that was a realistic desire of mine I might like to explore how they achieved it so I might too.
DCB96
December 17th, 2014 7:07am
Jealously is an internal factor which is very hard to control. People become jealous other things which are of value to them in their lives. Stopping jealously is very hard. It's important to step back and look at the bigger issue. Look at everything from a different point of view. If its something to do with a partner, ask others around you if they feel the same? Discuss with your partners your worries and see if you can compromise on the issue.
Erynn
January 3rd, 2015 7:40pm
Jealousy is a rather fascinating emotion - we are taught that it is an emotion we have to act on. But, jealousy is a warning emotion. You don't have to act on it - in fact it's typically most helpful if we pause when we feel jealous. Ask yourself: what is making me jealous? What other emotions am I feeling (anger, hurt, fear, anxiety...)? What am I afraid might happen, and where does this fear come from? When you know these things, you can often address your jealousy on your own. Self-soothing, challenging cognitive distortions, distractions, and journaling can be very effective. It can also help to purposefully crate positive experiences - do a hobby you excel in, create fun activities/moment with your significant other(s) or friends. If all this still doesn't help, you might talk about your jealousy and ask for help. If your significant other is involved, you two might brainstorm together things you can do to change/lessen your jealousy, but it is best to try to avoid asking them to stop doing things or hanging out with people unless you've already tried other things. After all, jealousy is your emotion and if you try to treat it by changing other people you may find the jealousy simply latches onto other things and doesn't go away.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2015 12:12am
Rather then focusing on the things that make you jealous, start being greatful and appriceat wt u hv
Anonymous
June 12th, 2015 5:03pm
Think about your trust with that person, weighs your feelings between love and jelousy. Who do you want to win?
Anonymous
September 20th, 2015 10:17am
Focus on Your Strengths and also take the focus of yourself and Do Positive things for others by making them feel better will boost your state of mind and well being and you will soon forget your insecurities and jealousy.
AshtonTheIrwinator
September 23rd, 2015 6:49pm
everybody wants to be perfect ,but remember nobody can become the best.You can only do better.Do the best thing you can do with your life now ☺
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 4:53am
At the root of jealousy lies fear of loss. Like many jealous partners, Kevin feared loss of their relationship, loss of self-respect, even loss of 'face' fearing how his friends would see him if he were to be 'made a fool of'. Fear makes for feelings of insecurity. When fear lessens, so does jealousy. More than feelings of fear, jealousy also leads to a smorgasbord of other emotions such as anger, hate of love 'rivals', disgust (sometimes self-disgust), and hopelessness. So why might a person be jealous? Kevin's ex-wife had cheated on him and he felt he'd never got over this. 'Once bitten, twice shy', he was now creating imaginary threats. We're told it's great to have 'a good imagination', but he was using his to torment himself.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2015 9:39am
Feel good about yourself. You are who you are. I know insecurities are tough to handle. Can lead into depression too but try. If you succeed, it makes everything better.
shrinkingviolett
November 27th, 2015 10:47am
Jealousy and insecurity are very common human traits. There may never be time that you would be able to stop them completely. However, when you realise that you are a different person to other people and this is not a bad thing, you can dull these feelings.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2015 9:25am
You're only jealous and insecure when you chose to be. You're you and that's all you can really be. Let people know that, know that you are strong independent person. You don't need the approval of anyone else. You just need to accept yourself for who you are, and be the best you!
IntuitiveCapybara
November 29th, 2015 10:57pm
Love more full and with more awareness. Insecurities and jealousy are rooted in fear, and nothing has greater power over fear than love.
Anonymous
December 4th, 2015 1:25am
you can try to see how they are and if it is worth being jealous because sometimes things aren't always as they seem.
goldie1275
October 10th, 2017 1:56am
Jealousy and insecurities are feelings that all of us have experienced and will experience. It's also usually difficult to talk about as well, as sometimes it can be embarrassing. However, it's always good to keep in mind that everyone has skills and talents in different areas - and building those talents can take time and effort. Always remember that you have your own things that you are good at and proud of - maybe you really like your singing voice in the shower, or your long hair, or how you're able to say the alphabet backwards. Any little thing like that is something you should love yourself for; you are unique, as cliche as it is, and there is no point in making a comparison with someone else.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2018 6:26am
Focus on what you already have instead of what you want. For example: I have a doll and that is good enough. Instead of: I want a top-tier expensive doll. Be grateful for what you already have instead of being jealous about something you don't have. If you are insecure, you are unable to accept something about yourself. Look at your strengths; what are you good at? What do you like? Instead of; I wish I was slimmer/I wish I was taller. Have pride in yourself:) YOU ARE AWESOME THE WAY YOU ARE :)
Anonymous
November 14th, 2014 3:08pm
Well? I guess you can ask what you are jealous of, accept it and move on to appreciate things about yourself. There are very many instances when the person you are jealous of is feeling exactly like you about something that you have no matter how tiny it might be to you. Fact is, you need to appreciate yourself and be happy about yourself. Start seeing the best in yourself.
hailey12
December 8th, 2014 3:11pm
For me to stop being jealous you must also stop yourself from comparing to other people. Also Stop confusing make-believe with reality and use your imagination to make you feel better and not worse
Anonymous
December 19th, 2014 11:27pm
A way to stop being jealous is to try to be proud of the person you are jealous of once in a while.
crixa
March 15th, 2015 12:36pm
The first thing is to gain more confidence in yourself. You have to love yourself and believe in yourself.
Peacefulmeditation
August 20th, 2015 5:21am
Acknowledging your emotions and thoughts is the first step. Next accept who you are and learn to be okay with yourself.