My manager is very impatient and often criticises me. I cant take criticism well and have a low threshold of stress. What can I do to get stronger (to cope) on my own and without changing her at all?

76 Answers
Last Updated: 02/02/2020 at 5:07am
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Top Rated Answers
RaduM
December 22nd, 2018 6:59pm
Remind myself regularly that I do my work the best I can. Do not let stress get the best of me : take short pauses between tasks, use humor, connect with my colleagues regularly. Thank or otherwise reinforce my boss whenever he is supportive and positive. Assert the right to be treated fairly and respectfully while trying to reinforce the positive relationship with my boss. Reinforce my own resources outside of the workplace: exercise regularly at least 2-3 hours a week, eat lots of fruits/vegetables, take magnesium or vitamins from time to time, make quality sleep a priority, make sure to have a life outside work (leisure time, hobbies, friends). Reach out to a friend for compassionate listening from time to time.
Favor2020
April 19th, 2019 12:46pm
Well, I have had similar experiences on my job and I got to the point where it was just wearing me out until I went to my doctor, to get something to help me to relax and to focus better on my job. It might just be time for you to visit your doctor and tell him or her what is going on with you and that you need something to help you to deal with the stress that your job is causing you. Just be honest and tell your doctor all about what is going on with you and I'm sure that your doctor will be more than happy to give you something to help you to relax and to be more productive on your job. I wish you nothing but the best as you move forward with your progress and getting your stress level under control.
BearsBeetsBooks
May 4th, 2019 6:02pm
The first thing to realize is that you can only control yourself. You can't control the way other people act and you certainly can't control the way that people treat you. It sounds like you're well on your way to making that realization, so congratulations to you! It's difficult to feel like we're being micromanaged or picked at, especially in the workplace where so many of us take pride in what we're doing and want to be successful. I encourage you to take a look at the work stress self-help guide: https://www.7cups.com/work-related-stress/ There are many steps there that will help you come to terms with your work stress and make some difficult decisions about how to move forward.
ChillSy
May 10th, 2019 10:25pm
Work is a stressful environment a lot of the time, so you are not alone. I think a part of understanding and taking criticism is learning to respect other people’s opinions, but not let them hit you too hard. Listen, but then move on. My last boss was not a good people person and quite often was very critical in blunt on how he addressed issues at the job. I learned this, and learned to just keep doing my best with the situation I am in. That’s all you can do sometimes. I’m sure you’ll figure it all out. You’ll do great
inspades
May 16th, 2019 3:19am
Sorry you have a difficult manager right now. I definitely understand your pain. Sometimes changing jobs isn't a viable option. And learning to cope with critical people can be a helpful life skill. As you say, you can't change your supervisor (or anyone), so you are left with learning to cope with her. My recommendation is to practice being assertive of your own opinions, judgments, and observations about yourself. This is the best way to overcome the cruel little voices that arise in our minds that sound like our critical bosses and parents. Unfortunately we can't really turn those voices off, but we can pay attention to them and respond with logic and facts. So practice internally questioning the things your boss says to you. Form your own internal opinions on questions like: am I being treated unfairly? am I doing as much work as most others? did i follow policy here? is there even a policy on this issue? Basically we want to criticize your boss' criticism. Overwrite your boss' opinions with your own. If your boss is way out of line then you may want to say something or write an email to your boss' supervisor.
1FallDay
May 31st, 2019 5:14pm
I struggled with that in the past. My office manager would tell me to use my brain. I was the new girl and she felt so full of herself for being the manager. I started therapy shortly after and learned that I am not defined by the flaws of others. It's your Manager's job to train you properly not to degrade you. You have self worth, you bring value to your company, and it's up to you to define your boundaries. Is the criticism constructive? Will it make you a better employee? Or is it personal? If it's too personal then I would have a chat with the manager about them going too far. I ended up quitting after four months but your situation might be resolved with a chat to establish those boundaries. That was not an option for me.
GeneGood
June 6th, 2019 6:59pm
It is good to get used to these steps, to cope in time with criticism. When facing it: 0. take a deep breath, avoid jumping with an answer. Let the stress go down a bit (the pause will bring you also bit of attention from the other side) 1. say how you felt the criticism. Let's start and example: "I felt disappointed when hearing that about me I am always late to morning meetings" 2. show yourself available for a solution OR mention your strengths in solving similar situations "... I am ready to find a resolution for the situation..." OR "... usually I am an excellent driver and I do the commute in 1 hour sharp and I am on time..." 3. talk about the limitations you and the other side mutually agree to respect OR recognize your fault and fit it "... we all agreed to be reasonable about the morning commute as long there are road blocks on the highway..." OR "... this time I left to late, sorry, and will not happen again..." Try to read now the three parts together, in one sentence. Exercise your own situation, and use your strengths in developing them. Keep some answers on the side for the future meetings with your boss.
ingeneousMoment6584
August 8th, 2019 1:57am
Your manager will no doubt have her own pressures and is doing her best with the interpersonal skills she has. Most managers miss that the big part of management is leadership. They often don't understand that things are managed and people are led. It might not feel easy, but try to see her through compassionate eyes, and if possible/appropriate acknowledge the pressure she is experiencing, because that is what she is likely trying to convey to you. Be patient and forgiving with yourself, because being hard on yourself is like trying to dig yourself out of a hole. Lastly, reflect on your time management and planning to consider whether there is some room for doing something differently. Take time to assess what needs to be done and process the thinking around that, then undertake it as best you can, knowing and trusting that you did the best you could at the time.
Introspective91
September 5th, 2019 5:10pm
Having strong boundaries are huge (and knowing you are worthy of having those boundaries). An open and honest conversation about how you want to receive feedback is huge. You have to let your supervisor know what will make you successful and how to best provide feedback. Also having a strong support system at work and home can help as well. In addition working on healthy lifestyle habits (including stress management is huge). Exercising, not consuming caffeine, breathing exercises, even being outside for a time can be a huge help. You are more than the stress and more than the problems. Keep pushing on!
SereneOrange2468
October 20th, 2019 2:08pm
Managers want their employees to perform their best. The criticism may or not be accurate. It sounds like it is not being communicated in a constructive manner. Try to think that their criticism isn't necessarily about you. You're just the person in front of them when they are upset. If you can keep your cool, you're already doing better than they are. Pay attention to all the times you do handle stress well, not just the times you don't. I think you will find that you are handling a lot of stress quite well. Maybe you can find a pattern of how you do manage stress well. It's important to give yourself the care you need to be able to perform well.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2019 8:18pm
i think instead of focusing on everything you are doing wrong, focus on some things that you are doing really well. it doesn't have to be something really big, it could just be like "i did this task well", or "i am respectful to everyone". i think that if you focus on what you are doing well, then you can also focus on what you could improve at. if your manager is really getting frusturated and you feel like you can't cope, have an open discussion with her, or maybe even consider switching jobs. your workplace should be a safe enviornment for you, physically and emotionally.
HolisticOmni2020
December 21st, 2019 8:31pm
By understanding that we cannot control another’s behavior or how the other person may be feeling. It helps to realize and understand that we CAN control how we perceive a situation or how we react to any situation. So be mindful, do your best to communicate in a professional and assertive way that expresses how you do not intend to disappoint him or her but that you take specific actions to achieve desired results. Ask questions when you are given directions or assigned a project/task. Be sure you clearly understand what their expectations are. And do your best work. But keep in mind, some people are just that way. You cannot please everyone 100% of the time. Don’t take it personal when they may just be having a hard day.
Sunport19
December 25th, 2019 11:38am
The first thing would be to accept that we are all in some manner under stress and realize the manager in question could also in a sense discard some of her stress onto you (being home or work related), not everyone is so in tune with their emotions as you are, so the first thing is to forgive her for maybe not taking the best of approaches, the second is to forgive oneself, you may be rightfully criticized but I'm sure it's not every time rightfully accurate and these things can also be discussed over a cup of coffee or tea
Anonymous
January 9th, 2020 10:28pm
It is honorable of you to want to improve yourself. I commend you for wanting tools to improve your performance and coping mechanisms. My suggestions would certainly be to meditate and do breathing exercises, by starting with quieting the mind for a few minutes each day, you will be less reactive to her, and stimuli, and more responsive (better able to choose your words and approach when the criticism arises) and the breath training or work will raise your stress threshold. By starting there, the cognitive next steps are easier to manage or succeed at. I would suggest that once you have spent a few weeks do the meditations and breath work, moving on to having thoughtful discussions when she approaches you with criticism. Through your inner work, you will be able to ask her more about what she is presenting in the criticism, or in her tone. Through the questions and dialogue, you will likely begin to see the criticism either differently or with a different understanding that you might have previously.
Egeking
January 19th, 2020 4:09pm
Practice labeling your emotions. Putting a name to your feelings decreases their intensity. So whether you're feeling sad, anxious, angry, or scared, acknowledge it--at least to yourself. Also, pay attention to the way those emotions can affect your choices. When you're feeling anxious you may be less inclined to take risks. When you're excited you may be more impulsive. Increasing your awareness of your emotions can decrease the chances that you'll make irrational decisions based on emotions only.
Angell
February 2nd, 2020 5:07am
To cope with such situations it is better to look at things or areas at which you are criticised(the most to least), Criticism always comes either from not accepting the way how you work or any other reason. Changing things according to her may help her to understand that you are trying to work according to her. Even talking to her or trying to communicate with her how you feel may also help. I understand that it could be difficult, but you are a personnel under her and a human at the same time. I hope this helps you.