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Why am I so nervous around my boyfriend?

220 Answers
Last Updated: 05/12/2022 at 9:29pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
ArtemSnakeDude
May 3rd, 2020 10:04pm
If I was to give you a quick answer, it would be hormones. Now, that's not a great answer, but it sure does make sense. What I will tell you besides that, is that we can become increasingly self-conscious around our partners or crushes, because of wanting to be noticed, or being scared of "messing up". With time, hopefully you won't be as nervous as you are right now, remember you also need time to get used to things. If it's been going on for a long time, then maybe you should express these feelings to him. Just an opinion, but might help
Anonymous
May 16th, 2020 7:40pm
This is a hard place to be in. Sometimes we don't know why we feel a certain way. It is important to realize your feelings are valid. Maybe you're not used to his personality or you are being exposed to new things that you have never seen before. If you are really worried then I would talk to your boyfriend. I am sure that he will understand and putting the awkward out on the table can help make things less awkward. Maybe he feels the same way. Being nervous in a relationship is completely normal and you are not alone.
CarlAmber
May 20th, 2020 3:09pm
Perhaps you may feel nervous around your boyfriend because you are still getting to know him as he is also getting to know you. Perhaps you may have been hurt before in past relationships and this can lead us to assuming the worse and believing that the same outcome will happen. It is a kind of cognitive distortion. Sometimes we can also confuse the feeling of nervousness with excitement since they have very similar physiological symptoms such as ‘butterflies’ i the stomach , shaking to name a couple. When you really start to like someone in the beginning you may feel nervous and self conscious until you really start to feel comfortable with them .
ItWillGetBetter1234321
May 27th, 2020 4:07am
You could be nervous around your boyfriend for many reasons. Maybe you are intimidated y a relationship and what it means. I know their have been times where I would get anxious before hanging out with certain guys because I was afraid of doing something I wasn't comfortable with. Maybe you are afraid of intimacy or your boyfriends expectations. If not this it could be possible that your boyfriend makes you uncomfortable because of something he does,like pressing you. The first step to fixing the problem is to try and find the source. If anything it could just be the anxiousness associated with the beginning of a relationship and it can fade.
OliTheHoly
May 28th, 2020 12:25pm
there may be many reasons, but the first ones that come to to mind are; you may not realize you're afraid of him. Maybe, at some point he's been manipulative and you haven't just yet put it in vivid thoughts and words. Or there's something that he did in the past that scared you and you haven't yet healed from that. The other thing that comes to mind is that there is just something else bothering you. Sometimes anxiety comes without a reason, and it's okay. Does your boyfriend know about this? Does he want to do something you don't want to? Too little details to really determine more exactly why it may be.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2020 7:54am
Because when we are in love with someone you’ll get more of at substance called noradrenaline in the brain, which makes you nervous. An other substance that make you nervous is cortisol that also is increased to the brain when you’re in love. That is normal. If you’re bothered you may talk to your boyfriend about it. I can imagine that you feel exited and nervous when you meet your boyfriend and that’s completely okay to feel. When you’re in love with someone I can imagine that you want to make a good impression and don’t mess up, and that could be an eventual reason to why you’re nervous.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2020 7:15pm
It’s because you like him and you can’t stop thinking about making things right. You fear if you’d do something wrong cause you don’t wanna loose him. Also if that’s not the case then he is not the one. There are always two situations one you’re nervous because you like him and want to make everything right or two you’re scared of him. If the first one is the case then never let him go and try to comfortable with him and if it’s the second case then let him go and live your life. Live happy and stay happy
Anonymous
July 8th, 2020 9:03pm
It may depend on how long you guys were together. However, this is a very natural feeling since you love them and you may be thinking that "I am not enough" or "I am not doing enough to make them love me more". However, that is not the case and your boyfriend may feel the same exact way. In a healthy relationship, you can both talk this out in a calm manner unless they might be toxic. Overall, do not feel as if it is odd of you to feel nervous around your boyfriend unless he is doing toxic actions. Hope this helped
Anonymous
July 9th, 2020 9:02am
That depends on a lot of factors! There's nervous like butterflies in your stomach before you do something exciting and nervousness you experience when you think something bad is about to happen. Sitting down and meditating on what kind of nervousness you're feeling can bring you a lot of clarity. What I like to do is write down how I'm feeling when I'm feeling that way. So that when I feel better later, I can come back to my notes and reflect on how I was feeling. It's also worth thinking about if you always feel this way when you're around your boyfriend. Is it sometimes? All the time? And think about other times when you've felt this kind of nervousness and try to see if you can find any similarities between the two situations.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2020 6:21pm
you may be nervous around your boyfriend because you're probably not comfortable being around him. If you don't know him that well, that could be a problem and may the reason why you're nervous. However, if you've been together for a long time, it may be a bigger problem that needs to personally looked into. Don't be afraid to have a conversation with him and discuss your feelings. Communication is crucial for a successful relationship. Also, don't ever blame yourself for something that's not your fault/ you can't control. This kind of thing is more common than you think, so just take baby steps for now.
uniquecolours7
August 1st, 2020 6:59am
holding a relationship with someone at the start can be nervous and exciting but this is normal. however, if you continue to feel nervous with your boyfriend after say a few months (maybe 2 -3 months) of dating, this could indicate that there is a problem in the relationship. we all have our growth paths and we may all take different amounts of time to adjust with a partner but if you seem to feel nervous with your boyfriend after a considerately long amount of time, this could be a red flag. maybe ask yourself a few questions. did you feel this nervous with all you previous boyfriends? or maybe, do you believe past experiences could cause such nervousness? maybe you had a bad time with your previous boyfriend which causes you to feel nervous now. maybe do you feel anxious about the whole idea of being in a relationship? or is there a certain thing you can pinpoint in your boyfriend that makes you feel nervous? whatever the cause may be, your boyfriend should be someone who can calm you down and relax you when you feel worried and cam make you smile when you feel sad. you could try talking it out with a friend, or your boyfriend to check if there is a miscommunication problem. if your boyfriend, however, is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared, you should probably talk things out or get some support. i hope everything works out. have a good day :)
MarinaHelp
August 27th, 2020 6:08pm
When you first get to know people, it is sometimes difficult to be vulnerable/be yourself out of the fear of being accepted unconditionally. The more time that you spend with them, the more confident you will be that they chose you as their partner for a reason because they enjoy being around you, and enjoy who you are. You can reveal more and more over time, which is so normal in relationships that it isn't all revealed at once, and eventually, the nerves will go away and you can be fully yourself. The nerves in the beginning are so normal, and it becomes fun the more you learn about eachother.
confidentArrow2055
August 28th, 2020 4:28pm
The feeling of being nervous around somebody, and mainly your boyfriend might express the fear inside your mind of losing what you want to have. The fear can lead to other negative thoughts such as embarrassment, anxiety, and worries. The fear of getting embarrassed in front of someone you love makes you feel nervous. The feeling starts with what you think. If you believe a lack of confidence and self-esteem inside you, it may result in feeling anxious. Believing in yourself and accepting yourself can give you a sense of strength and can diminish the feeling of being nervous, the first thing we need to be aware of our feelings inside and how we see ourselves.
Bubbles8903
October 16th, 2020 12:34am
Sometimes being nervous around your boyfriend means that you are feeling insecure about something. This can be something in yourself that the relationship has made you notice or sometimes this can be because of something your boyfriend has done or said. When you start to feel the nervousness, take a step back and ask yourself some questions. And try your best to be honest with yourself, even if the truth hurts. Ask yourself: when did the nervousness start? What thoughts was I having when the nervousness started? And why was I thinking these thoughts? The exploration of these answers will help you understand yourself and your situation better.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2020 9:27pm
Being nervous around your boyfriend can be normal, especially if it is a new relationship. Feelings of giddiness also can accompany the feeling of being nervous. We might even do silly things and be clumsy. This is completely normal. We are not 100% comfortable around the other person yet and feeling butterflies is part of meeting someone new and getting to know them. As time goes by, both will be more comfortable with each other and be able to be more of themselves and the feelings of being nervous might go away completely sooner than later. Being nervous can be a good thing.
RumeyB34
November 18th, 2020 2:36pm
Nervousness or anxiety always comes from a place of consideration, it stems from caring too much. By being nervous it means you care too much about your boyfriend, perhaps what he thinks and feels, or perhaps you care too much about what may happen or what you may say or what you may appear to him. Nonetheless, you care about him, yourself, and overall this relationship, it's not bad to be nervous, it is bad when you let it grow out of control. Take some deep breaths and ask yourself what you care about and why then try to find the underlying reasons and confront them with a rational mind. For example, you care that your boyfriend might not think you're enough, so you confront it with the rational mind by thinking of course he finds me enough, I'm human and although I make mistakes and so does he, he understands that which is why we're okay together, despite whatever troubles we encounter or arguments we are still together because he doesn't think I'm enough instead he thinks I am more than enough and that he loves me for who I am. You're boyfriend or rather any worthy relationship is meant to be a place of comfort over time as you get more comfortable and confront this nervousness you should be comfortable with him but for now it's okay to be nervous you're still figuring things out and that's okay. Everything in life is about progression. So take some deep breaths and when able to think with a rational mind and open heart.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2020 10:41pm
As I can emphasize with you since with the boyfriends that I’ve had, I’ve been really nervous around. For me it was mostly because I always wanted to be at my best and wanted to be the best for him which meant that I was always nervous around him. Normally with boyfriends everyone wants to be loose and their best self but those two can’t always go together. In this case I really feel you and think that it is a common thing to be nervous around boyfriend due to stress and wanted to be the best you are around them.
pari04
December 17th, 2020 2:55pm
I can understand how you're feeling. Sometimes people get nervous around their boyfriend because they feel like they need to be better or they think that if they act a certain way their boyfriend won't like them anymore. Some people tend to compare themselves to their boyfriends exes, thinking about how different they are to them and that they need to be like them. To be honest, don't think about it like that. Your boyfriend is dating you because he likes you for you, there's a reason that person is his ex and you're his girlfriend. If you're nervous about the fact that he won't like you for you then that should prove that he doesn't deserve you. Never hide who you really are just to keep someone with you, because then it's not real is it? If this is the beginning of the relationship then this is normal since you're starting a new type of relationship with the person.
dancingBreeze6475
January 2nd, 2021 2:08pm
it could be because of your comfort levels in the relationships which improves more and more settling into the relationship. It gets easier the more you open up to them. if you put yourself out there and start to express and share stuff with him then it will make you open up and more comfortable around your boyfriend. Having confidence in yourself to talk to him will be the best thing for the relationship as it will strengthen it and help it continue to be healthy. I hope this helps with being nervous around your boyfriend and always open to questions.
SimplySerenity23
January 8th, 2021 7:23pm
Well, that depends what the nervousness is based on. Is it the butterflies of being in a relationship or the anxiety of being with someone you like? Or is it fear? The nervousness of doing something wrong and upsetting him in a way that he could snap or hurt you? Or maybe you're being a little hard on yourself, worried you could mess up a relationship. I will say the butterflies you feel in a relationship are normal when you start and if the relationship is based on love and trust, it'll just take some time for you to get to know you partner. However, when your relationship is based of fear or severe anxiety, that's an unhealthy relationship. Being in a relationship where you fear your partner hurting you is toxic and potentially could be dangerous for you. A good relationship is all about security and safety and if you feel like you are scared of your partner, you should talk to a close or trusted companion about your situation and don't be afraid to ask for outside help if things start to really trouble you. As for your anxiety about the relationship, as long as your partner has made it clear to you that they are loving and want to provide you with security and warmth, try to trust your partner. They love you for a reason.
Fyn
February 5th, 2021 10:53pm
When you are in a relationship with someone you in a way open up your most vulnerable parts to them, this can be why you might feel nervous around them. Learning to trust someone and feel safe with them takes practice and is something you will have to learn as at first it can feel scary to be so open and vulnerable to someone. Its always best to be open with your boyfriend about your problems as with all relationships the better the communication the stronger your bond will be. Remind yourself that this is just part of falling in love and if you work together everything will end up fine.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2021 6:49am
Sometimes nervousness can manifest in different ways. It can be excitement or genuine anxiety. Learning the difference between them is important. One way to approach yourself when trying to find the difference is recognizing if one feels fear or happiness. I’d there genuine terror when seeing your boyfriend? Or is it excitement that makes your stomach turn? Understanding the difference can help when trying to confront those emotions. Although, if you feel fearful of your boyfriend in any way because of his actions, please seek help from a professional. There are many hotlines that can help in those situations.
Anonymous
April 11th, 2021 6:40pm
It is normal to feel nervous around your boyfriend you like. The best way to avoid this problem is to talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. Good communication skills with one another will make you guys create a better relationship. If you feel a good kind of anxious, than I would suggest just deep breathing and relaxing. If you feel a bad kind of nervous than that may be an issue. As long as you feel safe around him, and he makes you happy, you're good. Try to manage how nervous you get because it can unhealthy, but try your best to control your feelings.
absorbantlistener
April 22nd, 2021 3:33am
May be you think you don't deserve him, or you think you might make a fool of yourself in front of him, or may be are still learning to risk showing your vulnerability around him, or may be you don't know how one stays in a relationship maintaining self cool. May be this, and may be that. There is no end to guessings. But may be if you sit down voluntarily to objectively assess yourself, you might find the correct reason better than anybody. There is a certain discomfort and risk to doing this though. Best of luck.
sunnydee8504
May 16th, 2021 3:48am
Relationships can cause a lot of anxiety. When a relationship is new there is so much that each person is learning about their partner. It is very normal to feel nervous around your boyfriend in the beginning. You are still learning who he is and how he reacts in a relationship. People are all different and come into relationships different. Being nervous just means that you are eager to make the relationship great. You want to learn all that you can to help make it successful. Push those nerves aside and figure out how you can make things strong in your relationship.
CaringForest359
May 19th, 2021 3:20pm
You must think highly of him and you are feeling a need to impress him. Perhaps the best way is to try spending more time with him open up to him so he isn't a stranger to you anymore.So that being said try relaxing when seeing him next time things will become more comfortable later on. And tell him what you feel as well and let him understand you so you don't run him off. Becasue he may get the impression that you don't like him anymore or that you are faking it because of him, and that would not be good for either of you.
QuirkyGirlSparks
May 22nd, 2021 10:07pm
It's easy to be self-concious of one's self. I hope you aren't nervous because your boyfriend puts you down or the relationship is unhealthy. I would suggest you talk to your boyfriend about these feelings. Maybe it would help you feel more and allow yourself to be you. I would also ask if this is a new relationship. I feel like everyone get s the jitters when first entering a relationship. I used to get nervous eating in front of my boyfriend. I had to work on getting past that because I was leaving dates hungry because I wouldn't eat. I hope this helped.
DrHaidarJ
June 17th, 2021 2:51pm
It's a normal feeling, it means that your boyfriend is a very important person and you are feeling worried or nervous of losing him. I wouldn’t say that nervousness is a good or a bad sign as it can be either way. But assuming there are no real red flags I would say this is normal anxiety. Especially when you haven’t had many relationships it is natural to be a little nervous that you might do something awkward. What you can do about it is be relaxed and carefree about it. If he is your true boyfriend, then he should accept you no matter who you are. Don't worry about it Cheers!
Anonymous
July 21st, 2021 7:36pm
If you have fear around your boyfriend that is a clear sign that you are probably in danger, but the question is why would you allow yourself to be in this situation. The strange thing about a situation like this is it's not so much about him than it is about yourself. Why would a person let themselves stay in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. The most frequent answer is because I love him. Ask yourself is it him you love or the fact that you are in a relationship that you love, have you ever heard the expression Il love with the idea of being in love.ITs not all your fault because society, in general, have respected woman for their ability to maintain a relationship for ages and men have been admired since the caveman days for being able to provide. But in today's world, we are able to look at life from a different perspective.
Aeowen
August 14th, 2021 2:00pm
You could feel they have expectations of you that you are not meeting or there has been mental abuse in the past that you haven't dealt with.Its best to talk to your partner about these feelings and try to understand why you feel that way around them. Pay attention to what is going on around you when you start getting nervous to discover what is triggering you to feel this way. Are they being loud? Are they saying things that are making you uncomfortable? When you start to pay attention to these things, it will start to come to you concerning why you feel this way.