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Why am I so nervous around my boyfriend?

216 Answers
Last Updated: 01/15/2022 at 2:49pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology


I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust

Top Rated Answers
May 8th, 2016 9:55am
Feeling nervous around him can be a number of reasons, most popular reason is because you really like him and you don't want to make a mistake or you're afraid he'll judge you or think less of you.
May 8th, 2016 9:29am
In a good relationship, both sides should be able to feel completely at ease with each other, and both benefit from the connection. Typically, being nervous around your boyfriend could mean that you are a very self-aware and attentive girlfriend, which can be a good thing, however it also means that you are likely to over-think things in the relationship, and you are afraid of losing him. Like the quote says - two people fall in love by chance, yet they stay in love by choice. He has already chosen you as his girlfriend, and you have chosen him, which means that he loves you for the way you are. Being nervous around him will only decrease your benefits from the relationship, and he may sense your discomfort, thus causing some discomfort of his own. Remember to assure yourself - it's a common thing to be nervous in a relationship, especially if the relationship is a first. Being cautious is OK - just don't let the cautiousness get the best of you! Relationships are meant to make you feel happy - so enjoy it while it lasts! Good luck :)
April 9th, 2016 9:44am
Is there something that bothers you around him? Some of his traits, the way he talks or does the things? Or maybe you just suspect something, but you are trying to hide it deep inside?
April 9th, 2016 4:55am
It may be because you like him so much, and are afraid you'll lose him. It just means you really do like him :)
April 8th, 2016 7:52pm
You may be afraid of what he thinks. And you may also lack a bit of experience around guys. But eventually you will get comfortable around him, I hope it works out for you.
May 12th, 2016 2:11am
You may feel as if you are not good enough for him, or have a fear that he will dislike you if you act normal. It also could be because you're falling in love, or because you like him so much that you become unable to focus, shaky, etc. You have to decide how you feel in order to determine what is happening to you.
July 10th, 2016 3:18pm
Perhaps deep down you're scared you won't hug/kiss "properly" and your boyfriend will end up laughing at you for it, or even potentially break up with you for it. Or maybe you have a fear of intimacy/commitment that you haven't realized. This isn't the main reason why relationships don't last, it's actually because people have these kinds of issues and they don't COMMUNICATE with their partner. So their partner has no idea why they act the way they do, which leads them to assume that they don't like them or there's some deeper problem going on that they don't want to talk about. Then they get upset and start making rash decisions and that's where the relationship goes down a bad road. If you want this relationship to last, tell your boyfriend how you feel. If you don't hug him/cuddle with him, but you don't explain why, he might assume it's because you don't like him that much, or that you think he smells bad or something. Just sit with him and tell him you feel nervous, tell him to take things slow with you. Take things in steps. Too nervous for a hug? Start by holding hands. Have him talk to you to calm you down. Once you feel calm, then you can try for a hug and see how it goes. Gradually, you will overcome your feelings of anxiety/fear and you'll be able to hug him whenever you want! But a key part to success in any relationship is open communication. Many problems occur because couples didn't communicate properly, and someone makes a wrong assumption, and problems just snowball after this. If you communicate honestly and say how you feel, you can work with your boyfriend to make adjustments/compromises in the relationship along the way.
April 15th, 2016 3:31am
Its normal to feel like that around someone you really like :) Just hug him and love him and it will be fine!
May 1st, 2016 5:47pm
Maybe you feel nervous because you really like him. I know from experience, what its like to love someone so much that you get butterflies everytime your around them. If you feel a good kind of anxious, than I would suggest just deep breathing and relaxing. If you feel a bad kind of nervous than that may be an issue. As long as you feel safe around him, and he makes you happy, your good.
December 1st, 2016 10:26pm
You probably just want to make sure you don't say or do anything embarrassing. I am always like that when I'm around my boyfriend, I want to make sure I say the right things and do the right things. It's okay to be nervous at times, but you usually have nothing to worry about anyway.
April 6th, 2016 11:05pm
You can feel nervous for many reasons, sometimes depending on the context. Maybe you are a bit anxious because it's a new relationship and you want to do ~the right thing~ all the time to impress your partner, maybe it's just a tiring period of your life. Think about what are the triggers of your nervous mood. It helps sometimes.
June 18th, 2020 6:31pm
There are different kinds of nervousness. As of this point in time, the listed answers assume a nervousness based in fear/anxiety. An implied negative feeling. While further context would be needed, it is entirely plausible that this feeling of nervousness/anxiety is similar to the butterfly feeling that one might have when going on a rollercoaster ride or a similar variant. The anticipation might make you anxious or nervous in a non-negative way. And this rush is why some people actually break off relationships after a while because that feeling does tend to fade after a while for many people. As they essentially become addicted to that feeling, more so than valueing the actual person and the relationship that comes after the initial butterfly-filled interaction. The important question therefor is what kind of nervousness you’re feeling? If you’re uncomfortable or afraid for some reason? You might want to figure out why this is. Potentially talk to your boyfriend about it. On the other hand if it is butterflies / anticipation? You can still talk about it, but you can also enjoy this stage of the relationship while it lasts. There is an inherent level of excitement especially earlier on in relationships as you’re still feeling your way around. I wouldn’t say that nervousness is inherently a good or a bad sign as it can be either way. But assuming there are no real red-flags I would say this is natural anxiety. Especially when you haven’t had many relationships it is natural to be a little nervous that you might do something stupid or silly, or being afraid that the person you’ve developed feelings for might think poorly of things you say or do. But it is this feeling that also makes such relationships interesting.
May 22nd, 2016 12:36pm
ou're just worried about losing him so you panic and try way too hard. If he's stayed with you for 8 months then you must be doing something right. He obviously likes you for who you are, so just relax and be yourself. If you try to hard it could just end up backfiring on you. You could end up acting too nervous or doing something out of character that your boyfriend might not like. Just keep reassuring yourself that he's not going to leave because he likes (or loves, you didn't specify) you! He wouldn't have stayed with you this long if he didn't. Just keep repeating it back to yourself, yes even out loud! If you can give yourself positive affirmations like that eventually it will sink into your subconscious and you won't be so worried anymore.
May 19th, 2016 6:45pm
Maybe you just haven't established a real emotional confectionery. You may have doubts about the relationship or him, even if it's not a major problem and it may be best to just talk to him.
May 18th, 2016 6:14pm
Sounds like you are experiencing some anxiety. You may be worried that something will not go as planned, etc. I feel as though telling him that you are nervous around him may help ease the stress, and he will probably understand, and you two can work together for you to feel less nervous around him.
April 1st, 2016 2:56pm
I dont want to make any mistakes around him. I wouldnt want to make a fool of myself. That would be silly. lol
May 25th, 2016 4:26pm
Because you care about his opinion, and you want him to like you. Its okay to be nervous, because it shows you care, but if you ever need to talk about how to get past this, I'm here
April 27th, 2018 6:22pm
Sometimes being around people you really like can induce anxiousness. It's all normal, however there are ways to manage this. Typically the more time you spend together, the less nervous you will be!
May 19th, 2016 2:21am
Well, people can not exactly give you any answers to a "Why" question like this but I would encourage you to explore a bit deeper into your guys relationship and start pointing out and remembering specific moments that make you nervous. Sooner or later you might pick up on something.
December 16th, 2016 5:53pm
You don't want to be rejected. It's okay it's normal. Try to trust him and open up to him. Be friends with him. Make him some one you want to share all of your secrets with.
June 24th, 2016 6:55pm
It could be because you are still learning about each other and your not yet 100 % comfortable with letting your gaurd down yet.
June 5th, 2016 8:43pm
As always, it depends upon the situation, but in my personal experience, I've found it's been a lot about the desire to appear perfect to a person, or the desire to never do anything wrong. Maybe it's because he wants to take the relationship to the next level and you're not ready, or maybe it's just because you don't have a whole lot of "experience" with the whole relationship thing. It differs for everyone, but in my experience I've found that it's totally normal to be nervous around your boyfriend at least in the beginning - provided that there's nothing negative going on in the relationship.
September 11th, 2016 3:01am
Relationships are all about exploring and getting comfortable with your partner so its okay to be nervous, especially during new experiences. Over time and with prolonged contact, the nervousness might fade
April 17th, 2017 8:12am
The reason why I'm so nervous around my boyfriend may be simply because of the fact that whether he likes having me around or not. The question of what if I don't look good in front of my boyfriend and his friends or what if I can't please his best friends comes into foray.
April 28th, 2016 6:43pm
Maybe you don't know enough about him yet, do something fun together where you can ask questions and get to know each other! Have a water fight, ice cakes. Relationships aren't as intimidating when you are both on the same page. xx
May 7th, 2016 6:19pm
It is perfectly normal to be nervous around your boy friend , with in time you both will create a good bond and you will no longer feel nervous
April 7th, 2016 6:50pm
What are the factors that make you nervous? Consider it first, is it cause you are worried about how he sees you or perhaps you think he will judge you? Find those factors and then try to overcome it by talking to him. Hes your boyfriend, girl. He will definitely help you out.
May 21st, 2016 4:05am
I have never had a boyfriend but I can relate to the feeling as related to my girlfriend. For me it is, at it's root, being unsure of myself or of acting in a way or saying something that may cause her to have a negative opinion of me.
May 21st, 2016 7:05pm
Maybe you feel like he doesn't love you? Or you feel like you might mess up. Or do something that will embarrass yourself. Try to take a deep breath and tell yourself that everything will be okay.
April 17th, 2016 9:00am
There are a million possibilities for this. However, ask yourself 'Do I feel safe with him?' if the answer is no to this question, perhaps he should not be your boyfriend.