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Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

171 Answers
Last Updated: 04/24/2020 at 3:10pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Christina Hussami, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Strengths-based, solution-focused therapist focusing on helping clients find life balance and navigating down their own path leading towards overall well-being.

Top Rated Answers
December 8th, 2017 1:07am
You miss the memories. The memories of both of you, how you guys used to be and how different it was back then.
December 10th, 2017 1:11pm
It depends on the context. Sometimes we miss the person and their aspects but other times that connection is very important.
December 14th, 2017 2:19pm
Maybe you just miss the companionship. The feeling of someone being there for you, someone to turn to. If it didn't work out then you have to think that there must have been a good reason behind it. So it can't be the relationship or the person you miss. You might just miss someone to talk to and be connected with.
February 7th, 2018 1:15am
Sometimes it is hard to tell if you miss the person you were with, or the memories you two shared together. Try and think about what it is that you miss most, and takes notes and write them down. By doing so it can be easier for you to decipher what it is you really do miss.
February 10th, 2018 2:19pm
More than likely you miss the relationship and have the feeling of belonging and the feeling of being wanted by someone
February 15th, 2018 3:17pm
You miss the person. It's never the relationship you miss. Yes you miss all memories you had with your special person.
February 17th, 2018 7:50am
If I'd be honest I miss the relationship with the person. Neither can stand alone cause they're interdependent.
February 21st, 2018 12:27am
When we fall for someone, we often wear rose colored glasses... meaning everything they do seems better than it really is and they can do no wrong! When we are looking back at relationships, which if you will remember, ended for whatever reason, I feel like a natural part of the mourning process is focusing on all of the good and fun things you guys had together and did. And that's all fine and well, but some relationships are supposed to end. Remember why it did and realize that even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you will meet someone much more wonderful and suited for you down the road.
February 21st, 2018 4:53pm
I don't believe its either. Although, i don't doubt that i can be one or the other. Some do miss the person but don't want the relationship and some miss the comfort of being with someone, but they don't want to be with that particular person. I think we miss the memories and the feelings they gave us the most. It can be very conflicted and confusing. Stay positive and always focus on the best you can be to move forward
February 28th, 2018 2:54pm
Once a relationship gets over there is a reason behind it as they say...they are your "ex" for a reason we do miss them but the person they use to be during the initial period of relationship we miss those good moments we had with them
March 1st, 2018 2:44pm
It depends on the situation. Sometimes, if the person really shaped who you are, you may miss the person. But sometimes, you may miss the intimacy, and the things you did together that you don't do now. You'll only ever know if you go out with them again.
March 4th, 2018 9:13am
when you are in a relationship it is between you and the other person relationship is when two PERSONS are in love .so when you are thinking Do I miss the person, or the relationship? its the person
March 13th, 2018 8:13pm
It really depends on the relationship, however more often than not we grow attached to a particular someone because they give us everything we need emotionally. And once again more often than not, we miss the things they provided us rather than the actual person themselves, we miss the sex, the late night talks, all that mushy stuff. We just become so reliant on this one person to give this to us, that when it's taken away we almost lose a part of ourselves.....shame it's only an illusion.
March 28th, 2018 5:27am
It depends actually.If you loved that person after a break up you probably miss the person, but if it's the opposite you could probably be missing the relationship. Like, you feel safe in it and like that feeling.
March 29th, 2018 6:19pm
Both! They both mean a lot. The person means a lot because they keep you going! The relationship means a lot because it’s what joined you and the person you loved together.
March 30th, 2018 5:48pm
Usually people miss the relationship. The feeling you get from dating someone and opening up your soul to someone, giving them everything, sharing all kinds of memories and happy times with them. It's hard when that's all taken away at once.
March 31st, 2018 7:08pm
Possibly both, you could miss the way the person was the smell and feel or you could miss the cuddles and kisses and having someone to share everything with.
April 5th, 2018 4:40pm
The relationship. Sometimes it's hard to realize but often the fear of breaking up with someone is caused by a fear of living without a relationship, not without the person.
April 6th, 2018 1:47am
You miss the relationship because you needed someone in your life to fill or complete you.
April 6th, 2018 8:30am
I think this is a tough one, but i feel its more the relationship you miss because you could still talk to the person and it be fine, but the absence of the relationship is what makes you uncomfortable
April 7th, 2018 6:28am
this is a really tough question that i actually ask myself a lot. you more than likely miss the feeling of being in a relationship, being loved and just having someone there with you and for you rather than the actual person. but a lot of the time you may miss the person who you had all that with. and that’s the thing none of us wanna realize because we can often never get that person back and we have to acknowledge that. so next time just really think about that.
April 13th, 2018 10:00am
You can miss both. People often get confused with what they miss, some miss the relationship and search for another quickly to fill the gap, while others miss the person and think about them a lot. It's different for everyone.
April 15th, 2018 5:06am
Once upon a time, I thought I missed the person. But she hurt me, and she has hurt others, so it seems I might actually just miss being with her, rather than her herself.
April 27th, 2018 11:39pm
Both are interrelated. However, it's more the feeling, the comfort, the care than anything else. Especially if the person wasn't very nice to you. And that's why when we find another incredible person, we immediately adapt to the new relationship. Because what is tangible is different, but the emotions, the functioning of the relationship is the same. :)
May 9th, 2018 6:41pm
It's always hard to distinguish whether you miss the person or the relationship. You should always ask yourself whether you were in love with the person, or in love with the idea of you being together. Being committed to eachother/being exclusive doesn't mean anything if you don't love one another. So by asking yourself whether you love the person or not, it's easy, really. You will miss the person if you love them, and the relationship if you don't. It can also be both.
May 9th, 2018 9:00pm
Breakups are complicated because sometimes we get so used to being with someone that we forget how to be alone too. It's easy to be 'with' someone, even if we aren't happy anymore, because that is all we know. We have to learn how to be alone too though. The only way to know is by spending some time alone, doing things you enjoy and that make you happy. If at the end of the day you still feel like you miss this person, then you miss the person. If you feel like you are lonely, dreading being alone, or thinking about finding someone else quickly so you can have someone to fill an emptiness, then you miss the relationship.
May 12th, 2018 7:25am
We all tend to miss the 'feeling' of being in a relationship with a certain person. But I also believe that we don't always miss that person because most of the time, what we miss is the comfort, the love, and the pleasure that relationship brings.
May 13th, 2018 10:39am
This is a very common question and super important. It can be hard to distinguish the idea of something vs. the actual thing. Just think about how you felt when you broke up. Was it a disliking towards the person or was it that you just needed to get out of the relationship?
May 13th, 2018 6:34pm
Person mind drives relationship. It is not independent attribute. Person and relationship work together. hence one will miss both.
May 18th, 2018 2:40pm
It can depend. Maybe you miss aspects of the relationship, like the attention and affection, but the partner wasn’t right for you. Maybe you miss the person, like if the relationship didn’t work out but you still want to be their friend.