Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

224 Answers
Last Updated: 12/29/2021 at 9:23pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.


I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.

Top Rated Answers
September 15th, 2015 4:47am
Most likely the relationship. I was broken up with four months ago and still cry over my ex. However, he was controlling, manipulative, and completely wrong for me. We fought all the time and only were happy sometimes. Why would I miss him? I'm realizing I don't. I only miss having someone to talk to all the time and do cute things with, not necessarily my ex.
January 25th, 2016 4:46pm
I miss the opportunity of not being able to put into practice what I learned after analyzing what happened.
September 22nd, 2015 9:16pm
There is a reason why the relationship ended, unless it is death then it's because the person was not suitable for whatever reason, chances are you miss the relationship as you built memories together, enjoyed going to places together, maybe had children together, all sorts of good things, when a relationship has ended and we find ourselves alone it's easy to focus on the good memories you built together and forget about the bad memories that broke the relationship down, this is probably because we feel lonely, unloved and very much single. Try to keep your focus on the reasons why your relationship broke down as well as think of your good memories together. This is how we can end up going back to the relationship over and over again and always coming back to the same outcome of splitting up. The relationship is/was toxic yet we cling onto the good memories that have been built.
December 10th, 2016 1:59am
One thing to consider is this; if someone new was readily available to give you everything that the previous person gave you in your relationship, would you still continue to feel sad about the previous person? If the answer is yes, then you miss them specifically. But if the answer is no, then you miss the relationship. Give it time and these feelings will fade.
July 28th, 2015 7:05pm
Depends on the situation. Sometimes we miss the person they used to be or the potential that the relationship had.
April 16th, 2015 4:53pm
I understand what you're getting at and in most cases, it's the relationship. Think of everything you miss and think of the context your thoughts are in. Nine times out of ten, it will go something like this; I miss the hugs, I miss watching T.V together, I miss going out to dinner etc. Notice how none of these include him/her? That's a sign that you miss the relationship. If you miss the person, your thoughts would go along the lines of; I miss his/her hugs, I miss watching T.V with her/him, I miss going out to dinner with her/him. If you find that you're missing the person, think about why the relationship ended and remember that. Always remember this motto: "Ex's are ex's for a reason."
January 29th, 2017 11:27pm
People change; either their minds or just the way they are and often, that's the cause of breakups. We tend to miss the relationship; the times shared, the feelings that were there. You miss what you once were with them. You don't necessarily miss the person and what they've become. Normally, we miss the person we knew; the person that was once in love with us
February 19th, 2017 5:42am
I think that the way you can tell as to whether you miss the person or the relationship. Is if you would still like to be friends with them after your relationship as ended, and don't mind to not have anything more than a platonic relationship with them. Then I'd say that would be missing the person. Whereas, if you would not like to be friends with them at all, and only want to be in a romantic/sexual/or otherwise relationship, then I'd say that would be missing the relationship.
August 24th, 2015 7:30pm
Only you really know that answer, and maybe the answer isn't yet clear. Some people touch our lives in a way that deeply affect us, and other times, we miss what we had with them
August 2nd, 2016 8:04pm
Do you miss the person? Do you miss said persons way of laughing or his/hers eyecolour? Do you miss how he talked to other people, how she made you feel better about yourself. Maybe this is the kindest person you've met and you may miss it. But, do you miss the relationship? Do you miss spending time with this person, playing games together, going out at night laughing together. These might seem the same but they're not. missing a person for who they are is not the same as missing the time you spent together. And this is how i see a difference.
June 6th, 2015 7:40pm
It is perfectly possible for you to love the person, but miss the state of being in a relationship. The longer you have been in a relationship, the more you will have become used to it and the harder it will seem to be on your own. But although it may not seem so at the time, time's a great healer and you will come out the other end.
November 17th, 2015 1:11am
Most of the time you miss the relationship.. You just miss having someone in your arms and someone being there for you.
November 29th, 2015 12:43pm
Neither of it. What you miss after losing it, are your memories with them. We just have to be realistic here. You can live your life without that person. Trust me. You can. You may say that I'm wrong, but after moving on, you'll just laugh at yourself.
November 12th, 2016 8:48pm
Perhaps neither, often times after a relationship ends we simply miss the comfort we believe it brought, and perhaps being in one regardless of who it was with. We miss being a part of a "label", a seemingly elite community of people known as the "taken" ones. When something like that ends we feel as though something is missing in our lives, when the reality is it ended for a reason, and that reason was important and held a lesson to be learned from and an experience to hold dear. Use this newly found time alone to love yourself and treat yourself to simple pleasures in life like a warm bath or a good book or an impulse purchase.
April 26th, 2015 2:49pm
You miss the relationship, the feeling of being wanted and loved. There comes a point where you realize that you miss the memories not the person.
May 3rd, 2015 5:27pm
I definitely miss the relationship. My ex and I did not get along with anything. He did not support the decisions I made and I could care less about what he had to say about anything. But I do miss that I could send him random cute selfies of myself and have someone there to talk to about pointless things. We were both so used to each other, it makes it so difficult to break away even though we both know we aren't meant to be.
August 4th, 2015 4:58am
Based on my experience its the person you're missing not the relationship because of the memories that both of you shared.
January 19th, 2016 3:54pm
both - you miss the person physically and mentally and you miss the relationship as it gave you a sense of security and of course good times.
March 13th, 2015 7:41pm
I miss the first two months of the relationship, when everything was new and sweet. There will be more relationships and more people to fall in love with all over again. It's a new, exciting experience every time!
August 18th, 2015 6:24am
Thats your decision to make. It really isn't always the person, sometimes we're just in love with the idea of being in love/loved and sometimes we miss the moments. Take the relationship/moment in your head and replace it with some other guy/celeb/anyone. Do you still feel strongly about it?
July 8th, 2016 2:02pm
In the beginning soon after the breakup I think we overlook all the problems we had with our exes and miss them for the good that they brought to our lives, as little as it was, but then later when we have already processed most of our feelings, it is the feeling of being in a relationship that we miss, or at least that's the conclusion I've reached. I miss feeling secure, loved, I miss the hugs and the kisses, but I don't want to have them with my ex. :)
June 30th, 2015 11:40am
it depends; do you miss how you felt being with them or do you miss their presence? a lot of people will confuse the two however it all depends on what the relationship was like and HOW the person was
August 4th, 2018 5:27pm
That's something you have to figure out on your own....often times we don't miss the person, but the feeling we had when we were with them. We fear that we will never find something that amounts to it....but trust me, everything happens for a reason and if things are meant to be, they will fall in to place exactly how they should.❤
September 23rd, 2016 11:52am
Most of the time is missing the relationship not the person. The memories of what was in the relationship and the happiness is hard to forget. All the struggles make us grow better.
February 22nd, 2017 11:37pm
It is quite often that you'll most likely end up missing the person that they used to be. You'll often think about the memories that both of you shared and think that you miss them but we have this scenario in our heads of who we wish they were but they're nothing close to it. Don't get mixed up between who they were and who they are now.
March 15th, 2017 6:49am
The relationship. Most of the time when you think about someone you've dated, its not because you miss them. its because you miss how the relationship was. You reminisce on what you currently don't have in the present.
March 15th, 2017 7:08pm
Sometimes you miss the person, other times you miss the relationship. Both are okay, it's part of moving on, you will soon learn life is more than that one person, and that one relationship.
August 11th, 2017 5:19am
Depends. If you miss the feeling they gave you then you miss the relationship. If you miss them then you'll probably always remember the small things they did and the qualities you liked about them.
October 30th, 2020 10:29am
May be you miss a bit of both? Or may be what you actually miss are those memories? The bittersweet memories of how things used to be. How caring you guys were to each other, how in love you were. Just to turn the knife a little, each moment keeps crashing into your head. May be you miss how effortless things used to be with them, how you guys used to have so much fun and how soothing the relationship was. May be you miss how they used to make you feel, all those blushes you used to get and give them. Those small moments of laughter. May be you miss the relationship which was rich in love, care and support. Or may be, you simply miss the idea of you being in love. However, that's for you to figure out.
October 6th, 2016 1:17pm
It depends, if you miss the things the person do, what they are, or if you miss being with someone. If you feel indifferent to the person, then you miss the relationship you had.