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How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2022 at 3:24pm
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Top Rated Answers
peacefulTruth2251
May 6th, 2020 3:11pm
You know if you are in a toxic relationship if the person your with treats you like trash, doesnt trust you, makes decisions for you and more! You need to know the signs! The person you are with will say things like, " Go change!" or "Your not allowed" or "let me see your phone". If you or someone you know is dealing with a toxic relationship chat to anyone on 7 cups! We are here to help!!! Toxic relationships make you cry and make you feel not loved, everyone needs love from friends, family, and lovers. Dont feel restrained by a toxic relationship!
wonderfulShoulder5046
April 22nd, 2020 4:23am
There are many many signs of a toxic relationship but in my opinion it all boils down to this: a toxic relationship will exhibit signs that don't honor the person's dignity. Dignity is the quality of being worthy of honor and respect, and this is what all healthy relationships are about. Whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship, if their actions make you feel disrespected or undervalued constantly, then you have a serious problem. You will likely know something is off, and that when you're around them/afterwards you feel emotionally and mentally drained. Some examples are if If they constantly criticize you, make you feel unsafe in any way, or if there is consistent poor communication. Luckily, toxic relationships can be improved but are often take a lot of work and communication.
luxvision
April 19th, 2020 8:12am
Good relationship makes you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself. On the other side of the coin are toxic relationships the ones that make you feel drained, depleted, passive aggressive behavior and sometimes even distraught.Whether you're running a business, working with a partner, leading an organization, or managing a team. Relationships are important, and a toxic relationship can cost you dearly in time and energy that you could be putting to much better use. Stay true to yourself and your values, listen to your heart, and be strong if you need to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship.
circusmirror123
April 10th, 2020 1:37pm
A toxic relationship is one where being in the relationship isn't making you feel better about yourself or lifting your mood, instead you feel worse and you're stressed out by being in the relationship. Sometimes it's not because the other person is toxic, or that you're toxic, it can just be that the two of you aren't very good for each other. Sometimes a toxic relationship can be fixed, or maybe it just means that you need time to grow as a person. The most important thing in a relationship is that you feel valued and they're helping you grow as a person, not feel worse.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2020 5:01am
If your partner displays a lack of respect the majority of the time, there's a good chance you're in a toxic relationship. While all couples have disagreements, your partner should never demean, belittle, mock, or ridicule you. They shouldn't display jealous or possessive behavior or emotionally manipulate you ("If you really loved me, you'd __!") If your partner makes you feel bad about yourself, or tries to distance you from your friends or loved ones, it's toxic. Unless your partner demonstrates through their behavior that they're trying to change (e.g., taking a walk an cooling off before discussing a problem, rather than blowing up), then the best choice is to end the relationship. You deserve better.
SirJayalot
April 4th, 2020 8:24am
You feel like nothing you ever do is quite right and are constantly trying to prove your worth. You become addicted to his validation. Whenever you do something and it generates any sort of approval from him you feel relieved, and it gives you just enough rope to hang onto. You try even harder to get more of that feeling and feel like a failure when it doesn’t come. No matter how hard you try, you never feel like you’re enough or like you’re doing things right. You live in a constant state of unease, of second-guessing yourself, of trying to be better and good enough.
mentallyhappy
April 3rd, 2020 4:31am
I think the biggest sign that shows that you're in a toxic relationship is when you do not feel respected. If you're in a relationship and you do not respect one another, it is definitely toxic. Such kind of relationships hinders your growth and brings you down. Your self esteem lowers and it is a really bad place to be in. It is very important to get out of these kind of relationships and cut toxic people loose. In my opinion, I don't think you should let anyone compromise your happiness and self growth. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, is worthy for that. Putting yourself first isn't selfish. Always remember that.
sunshineGrotto7327
March 18th, 2020 8:16pm
Humans are social animals. Everybody body needs someone who care about him.with them they feels comfort.they feel free to discuss their feelings and problems without any hesitation.From those they can get equally love and respect. Such relationships are true. On the other side some relations are toxic. Its very simple to know is that relation is true or toxic. 1. All take, no give. Any relationship in which you experience withdrawals of energy without deposits will leave you in the negative. 2. Feeling drained. If, instead of feeling happy and productive, you're always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it's time to re-evaluate. 3. Lack of trust. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. 4. Hostile atmosphere. Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe. 5. Occupied with imbalance. A one-sided relationship can never run smoothly. 6. Constant judgment. In judgmental relationships, criticism is not intended to be helpful but rather to belittle. 7. Persistent unreliability. Mutual reliability is important to building trust and is at the core of any good relationship.
EasyListening0920
February 26th, 2020 2:28pm
Consider how you feel in that relationship. Do you feel sad, depressed even? Do you like who you are when you're with that person? Do you feel the need to be somebody you are not? Consider those questions and then answer the questions about how they treat you. Do they call you names? Have they ever put their hands on you? Do they make you feel less than equal with them? Do they apologize but then continue the same repetitive behavior? If the majority response to these are negative then you may be in a toxic relationship. It is also beneficial to consider how you make them feel, and how you treat them.
BabyyTyy10
February 22nd, 2020 9:35am
Just know in an average relationship, both people are equal and obliged to be free to do what they want. They should have freedom and shouldn't be interrogated to do else. You must feel satisfied, yeah your partner will have flaws, everyone does, but you must accept them and love them for who they are, and not what you want them to be. If your partner loves you for who you are, cares for you, tries to put you first, and makes time for you, your relationship is great. But if you find them telling you what to do, and what you shouldn't do, if they abuse you, not only physically but with hurtful words, then know that it's not right.
genuineTime3831
February 15th, 2020 9:05am
Very difficult question, I will start off with that. But having been a toxic person I can give you a few hints, phrasing, phrasing phrasing. Are you often being told that "if you just did X, this would not have happened?" , that for example, is a very easy way for an abusive/toxic individual to deflect responsibility because whilst it is technically the truth it is also a one-sided way of dealing with an issue that occurs. Furthermore, another thing to think about is. Evaluate how much you get, in response with how much you give. Are things demanded of you, but your own needs and requests shut down? Make sure to leave a semblance of leniency and use some amount of common sense with that, too, though. Every relationship can -look- toxic if you try hard enough to twist the words. That's the problem with toxicity in general. It is oftentimes a very twisted world in which normal things are strange, and the strange is normal, but you don't even notice it anymore. Realistically, as a summary. Think of how the balance in giving and receiving is. Are there demands or are they requests that you are allowed to say no to? Are you attacked for not filling your partners needs even once, even if 9/10 times, you do? Do they act and speak in extremes when fights happen? Do they seem to think in very all-good/all-bad terms in those moments? There's so much more to say about a topic like this because oftentimes, toxic relationships still give the person something. Whether that be the safety of certainity of something they are used to, or because they see the person beneath whatever bad traits that are on the surface. Relationships in general are rather fickle and sensitive, so the only way you can know is by going into yourself and asking yourself "What am I with them for?" Love? Fear of being alone? Dependence?
benevolentPoetry31
February 6th, 2020 9:45am
Relationship is about love, understanding, respect, communication and growth. If you don't fee these, then you should evaluate your relationship. Every relationship is unique. You should be aware about your relationship and how it is working. Is it one sided? Do you feel heard? Do you feel loved? Does your relationship help you grow? Does your partner help you or motivate to do better? Toxic relationship can also feel like suffocation. Specifically if your partner is gaslighting you. Gaslighting is when you are made to believe that it is your fault every time, even when it wasn't. It can be of different forms. Like being lied to and yet said that your being overdramatic. Toxic relationship can be of different forms, you have to be aware of yourself and be sure of what you want for yourself from your relationship and future.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2020 5:00pm
It is very important to explore how you feel about yourself after you have spent time with him. Do you go home feeling frustrated, angry, hurt? Do you feel happy and fulfilled after you have spent time with him? If you are feeling the first way, then you are in a toxic relationship. If you have a good self image, you want to be around a person who reinforces your positive feelings about yourself. If you have a poor self image, you want to be around people who encourage and support you. I read somewhere that our attraction to another person is based on how we feel about ourselves when we are with them. I hope you will explore your own feelings about this and it will assist you in coming to a conclusion about the question you are asking. All the best!
bellarina74
February 1st, 2020 6:17am
Sometimes you may not be aware the relationship you are in is toxic. There are many aspects to a relationship and toxicity can form in many ways. Sometimes a situation or time may present itself and come with a lot of negativity. Learning not to buy into the negativity can take a long time to learn and be aware of. When you become aware that a relationship is toxic it is important to make your choice about whether you want to continue participating in it or whether you need to distance yourself. Distancing yourself can be difficult as people might then start to pursue you but remain strong and stick with your decision.
Rotem
November 20th, 2019 10:59am
Relationships evolve. They change and they grow. Sometimes they crash and they burn. We never know how things will look when each other’s less adorable, kind of awful habits start to show themselves publicly, or under the influence of alcohol or in-laws. A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don’t necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one. Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people. All relationships are worth the fight, until they’re not. In a toxic relationship there will always be fallout: moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm you avoid each other more and more work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer... If the relationship is toxic, it is highly likely that all the fight in the world won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway. Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it. Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2019 10:53am
If you are questioning if your relationship is toxic, then maybe there is some insight to your self awareness. How does your relationship make you feel presently? Are there any red flags that you have noticed that made you question if the relationship is toxic? Do you have more negative days than positive days in the relationship? What frustrates you in the relationship? If your friend questioned their relationship to be toxic, then what advice would you give to that friend? What steps can you do to discover the type of relationship you are in presently?
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2019 2:06pm
It may be little things that start to show you something is off. They might start telling you how they do so much for you, but you don't give enough back. You might feel relieved whenever they are gone. Then as time goes on you will begin to see more about them, but overlook it, as they've "done so much for you". They'll often use guilt as a way to get you to do what they want. Now, those aren't as extreme as some cases of toxic relationships. But another more obvious toxic relationship would be where you feel like a parent. Where you're always taking care of the other person. They cry and have meltdowns. And you have to cheer them up or calm them down. Another example of a toxic relationship is where they tell you how blessed you are to be with them. They tell you aren't good enough for anyone, but they love you anyway.
Anonymous
September 25th, 2019 11:03pm
The biggest indicator to me that I am in a toxic relationship is when there is not a healthy growth or reciprocity going on. If I am always giving and nothing is being returned, to me, that is a warning sign. Also, if the other person does not have my best interests at heart, that also does not seem conducive to a healthy relationship. Then there are other signs like being manipulated or treated with low regard or being treated as less than equal. The easiest way for me to tell is usually to compare the relationship to the good ones that I enjoy. Ones where both people advocate for each other, listen to each other and encourage each other to be the best person that they can be.
kitty54
September 22nd, 2019 4:02pm
If you cannot cope alone, do not have your own life outside your relationship. If your angry at the other person for no reason. If you smile outside in public but are angry at home. If you are not happy with successes of your partner. If you continually judge others faults thus ignoring your own. If you feel jealous of your partner. If you dont' trust your partner for no reason. basically anything that is not supportive, treating both persons as independent people who love spending time together and laughing together, where you compliment each other not feed of each other.
Teddster
September 14th, 2019 6:44pm
There are a few signs for that. If you don't enjoy spending time with your significant other for example, you may be in a toxic relationship. If you find yourself going out of your way to please someone you may be in a toxic relationship (especially if they show no sign of wanting to reciprocate). It's normal to do things for the people we love, it's all a matter of appreciation. If the person you love doesn't appreciate the things you do for them but instead expects you to do them anyway then it's probably a toxic relationship and you should end it sooner than later.
courageousMisty
September 6th, 2019 1:50pm
Look for specific red flags: constant ultimatums, guilt tripping, asking you to cut off ties with people you love. Abuse, in all it's forms, whether it be physically, mental, or sexual is another big red flag. If you're younger, then another red flag would be constantly asking for nudes and only nudes. Like not even talking to you or asking how you are, just "hey babe can I see?", over and over and only begging for that. Stuff like that. And if they dont let you leave the relationship for whatever reason, that's another big red flag. Hope this helps
Anonymous
September 5th, 2019 12:35pm
toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren’t necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure. Strong, healthy, independent people can find themselves in the white-knuckled grip of a toxic relationship. Similarly, relationships that seem to begin strong because ‘omg we’re soooo in love you guys,’ can dissolve into nothing but ash and legal fees that could have bought a castle on the river Seine, if they weren’t being used to divide half your assets more ‘half-ly’.A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don’t necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one. Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2019 6:27pm
If the person you are with is toxic, it can definitely be considered a toxic relationship. A toxic person is someone who mostly brings negativity and bad things to you, and isn't beneficial to be friends with in the long run. It's someone who has no intentions of trying to make you a better person.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2019 4:41am
In the beginning signs arent there. When you notice theyre really jealous, overprotective, controlling, aggressive and calling you names and isolating you from family and friends, thats toxic and those are clear signs. They can also make you feel like you're not good enough so that you stay with them. Also, if things are always their way or no way. You have no say in what happens in the relationship or in any of your own life choices. I have personally seen and experienced all of these and it doesnt end well. Everyone deserves more. Dont ignore these signs
CelinaJulia
July 20th, 2019 5:36am
The signs might be different for everyone but here are some common symptoms: You can't say no without feeling anxious. You are giving them far more support and love than you get back. They are telling you, you can't see other people besides them. They try to control you (for example through an app). They want to look through your phone, your diary or any other personal stuff. They can't accept a simple 'No!'. They say that they would harm themselves/commit suicide if you would break up with them. They are freaking out because you aren't answering in the minute they sent the message. If two or more of these signs apply to your relationship, you should probably seek help and try to end the relationship.
secrethelp21
June 27th, 2019 12:17pm
It's terrible to be in a toxic relationship. I always say that you argue about trifles, there is no understanding, tolerance is reduced to 0, without respect and mutual insult. How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship: 1. Do your best to talk to your partner if there is a change of things? 2. Tell your voice what you think and what you want to change, what kind of relationship do you dream about? 3.If there is no understanding, and if you can not endure, you can reexamine yourself how much you love your partner, and if you can find a new partner in the future (without it I can, I'm gorgeous).
ArabellaHazeldine
June 27th, 2019 3:04am
Well, just asking the question in the first place shows red flags that you’re unhappy. You shouldn’t need to ask the question. Toxic relationships can vary. Are they controlling? Are they abusive? Are they manipulative? Only you know the answer. Why are they toxic? Is it something that’s recent or has it been going on for a while? Just keep yourself safe and speak to friends and loved ones about what is happening. If you need to ask the question, then I think you know the answer deep down. Just let other people know how you are feeling. X
cherishedPoetry98
May 10th, 2019 11:48am
When the other partner argues 24/7 and fights for no reason , and make up reasons for a fight and treats you badly , this is a toxic relationship , and the best thing to do when you find yourself in a toxic relationship is to breakup , because they never end well , most of the people find normal and think they can fix it , but NO , once you notice a toxic relationship you can never fix it . Because whenever you will try , the other person isn’t going to help with it , and it will remain toxic.
magicallyNutella29
August 8th, 2018 10:36am
If you’re asking yourself that you’re in a toxic relationship, then that’s a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. If you feel helpless in the relationship and feel that it isn’t going anywhere or benefiting you in any way, that is also another sign that the relationship is toxic
Freedomtochoose
August 9th, 2018 9:09pm
The individual doesn't bring the best out of you. Constant arguments or disagreements, and build up resentment.