Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not happy?

299 Answers
Last Updated: 01/23/2022 at 8:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
May 13th, 2016 8:34pm
Be honest. Communication is a big part of a relationship so just tell him how you feel, why you may be feeling that way and see if you can offer or come up together with solutions to help
June 1st, 2016 8:25pm
The first thing you should do before speaking to your partner is finding out why you are unhappy. Once you are able to tell your boyfriend you are unhappy, you two can talk about what has to be done in order for you to be happy. You may catch your partner off guard when you bring up the situation, so try to be the bigger person and avoid getting into a big fight. Make sure not to leave anything out when you have this conversation as you want your boyfriend to fully understand what led to this. After everything is out in the open, ask your boyfriend what he wants, tell him what you want, and get closure. Don't let this situation drag on for months, find a solution as soon as possible.
December 9th, 2017 5:31am
I know it’s easier said than done but you need to be straight forward with it! If they genuinely care for you then they will want to hear how you feel! They should respond with sympathy and concern. If they don’t, then they probably aren’t for you. I know relationships can be unbelievably painful and hard. I’m here to help! Stay strong!
June 15th, 2016 9:05am
To tell your boyfriend you're not happy, meet up with him in person. Never, and I repeat: never, address an issue such as that over the phone. By meeting up with him in person, you two can talk things out
November 11th, 2016 11:37am
just tell him, be honest, if its something his doing than he can work on and you think you can be happy again well than tell him that...if its just you dont want to be with him at all tell him...its hard but people break up with there boyfriends and girlfriend every second or people get dumped every second thats part of life and thats part of dating, he will move on. dont be mean about it, dont make it harder for him than it already will be...but hey you never know maybe he feels the same way and it will be mutal and easy for both of you...
July 1st, 2016 6:38am
Its simple. He is your boyfriend. He loves you. You people stay together, love each other and may be planning a life together. So, firstly he will understand on his own. In case he doesn't make him understand. Be frank and tell him. He will surely understand. May the joy be with you :-)
June 25th, 2017 1:16am
it's not always easy to explain to the people we care about the most the things that make us unhappy. perhaps starting a conversation with asking him if he's happy and to discuss his emotions might be a great place to start, because that unhappiness felt could be mutual! conflict resolution and problem solving is a lot about dialogue and, although it might be really difficult, having a completely honest and transparent conversation in candour with him might be the best way to get that across.
June 30th, 2016 4:18pm
This is hard. It's hard to tell someone you love and care about that you are struggling but it also difficult because once someone knows then its real. Being honest and open with your partner will strengthen your relationship but then you will both have the support you need from each other. Just sit down and be honest.
August 10th, 2016 5:45pm
Look, boyfriend has no use if you can't tell him you are not happy. Take some time, sit in peace with him. Hold his hand and tell him that you are teying your best to be happy. And you needs his help.
July 2nd, 2016 8:45am
Well, sometimes is difficult to have certain conversations. However is important to try solve a situation rather than avoid it, feeling unhappy in a relationship is an important matter. Before the actual conversation there is some preparation I suggest to follow and always have worked personally for me. First of all think why you feel unhappy. When you have solved that, think what would you like to get out of the conversation. Do you want to work things out or end the relationship, if you don’t know is alright. Now you should have: firstly, a reason why you feel unhappy. Secondly the impact on you so far which is the fact you feel unhappy and finally an aim, which is what you are aiming to get out of the conversation. All you need now is to be calm and clear with your boyfriend. From the moment when he will have a clear picture of what is going on, it will be easier for both of you.
August 11th, 2016 12:06am
it's always good to be honest w someone about your feelings. just sit down & talk to your boyfriend. tell him how you're feelings & what he's doing to make you feel unhappy. if he doesn't change after you've talked to him, then it's time to move on bc you deserve to be happy. there's no point in having a relationship w someone if you aren't even happy.
August 17th, 2016 5:25am
In my opinion, don't be afraid of an answer or reaction. When the truth comes out, that's the first step of feeling relieved. Being in a relationship means have trust and don't be afraid to tell your partner anything.
December 9th, 2017 2:35am
The most important things in any relationship are as follows; trust, honesty, and communication. All of those traits are necessary for any long-term relationship. To start, gain the confidence to have this talk with your partner. Calm yourself. Think about what you want to say. VERY IMPORTANTLY, assess why you're unhappy. Are they not giving you enough attention? Do they say things that are hurtful? Do you feel misunderstood? When you're ready and comfortable, approach your partner, be straight-forward. Honesty and communication is extremely important. Tell them how you feel. Tell them why you feel the way you do. Tell them what you'd like changed, and then ask them if there's anything you could do differently too. The worst case scenario is that it doesn't work out, but that is okay. You tried to work on something you cared about, and that's what matters. You tried. The best case scenario is that your partner will listen and the both of you will work to improve your relationship.
April 26th, 2018 2:12am
I would tell him exactly how you feel and why you aren't happy. I would just tell him straight up what is going on to see what he does to react. If he tries to fix it he cares about you, if he does not well then he isn't worth it.
January 8th, 2017 6:34pm
Telling your boyfriend you are not happy, in my opinion, must be thought out thoroughly before engaging in the actual deed. Questions to ask self: Is this a recurrent theme? How serious am I? Am I overexaggerating? In initiating, "the talk," I want to make sure that I will be listened to and taken very seriously. I do not want to sound repetitious, because that's how I condition others to take advantage of me. Beforehand.. I write down specific behaviors and/or words of his which create the most pain/problems for me. I like to outline exact and specific, tangible realities that he is capable of changing. I try to be realistic as possible in formulating my query into our problems. The talk should be scheduled and in a safe place with few mental distractions. I should read over my writings beforehand and be prepared to stick to the point in exchanging my thoughts and feelings. The talk should leave him with a solid ability to plan accordingly and to know exactly how I feel. He should know that th is means business and is not an empty threat.
May 22nd, 2016 9:03am
Sit down and talk! It's as simple as that, a relationship isn't just there for one persons pleasure. If you are unhappy ask if he can talk and then let him know how you really feel!
June 15th, 2016 3:05pm
Be completely honest with him. Have a conversation with him about everything that's going on, open up to him.
June 25th, 2016 7:02pm
Start by evaluating why you are unhappy. Then consider when your partner/boyfriend might be receptive to hearing you. Do not wait until an argument, or until the next trigger for your unhappiness. Try and think of realistic, positive outcomes and how to achieve them. Maybe after a fun activity, or during a private moment, try asking them what they think about the problem. Start small. And be open minded! Sometimes the problem looks different once you lay it out on the table. Remember, this is a relationship -- you have to be able to give AND take!
April 26th, 2018 7:08am
Tell your boyfriend that you want to talk to him, sit him down and say to him that you have not been feeling good or upset.
June 1st, 2016 7:55am
be honest and straight forward he will understand you.. being honest about how you feel can only make the relationship healthy!
February 21st, 2018 9:48pm
Sometimes it helps to have an honest conversation. If you tell him you are not happy and why, maybe you can "change" things and get some understanding. You will also feel a relieve talking about this instead of worrying about it, which will make you more anxious.
May 13th, 2016 11:15pm
Just try to talk to him calmly. He should be comprehensive since a relationship is built on trust. It'll actually be good for your relationship to talk to each other, since you will get to build a stronger bond and fix holes in the relationship.
July 31st, 2016 1:25pm
Ask him what makes him happy about you. Discuss - tell him what makes you happy about him. As soon as you're done explain to him why your not happy?
May 12th, 2017 1:09am
If you aren't happy in a relationship it is very important to communicate it to your partner. You can simply express to him in a calm matter what exactly isn't making you happy. It isn't always about what you say but how you say it.
May 26th, 2018 10:55am
Every situation is different. From my previous experience, sitting down and talking about where your relationship is at the moment can help! You can hear his perspective of where your relationship is, and you can explain to him that you are not happy.
June 10th, 2016 2:09am
Just politely tell him what you are unhappy about and what he can change to make both of you happy. A caring boyfriend will understand.
June 11th, 2016 9:34pm
Tell him I'm not happy. Seriously It will save the relationship or break it either ways you will benefit.
June 12th, 2016 5:06pm
So first ask yourself, why are you still with him? Do you truly feel like all the things that upset you about the situation can be remedied? If not then don't bother and just break up with him. No point in arguing and upsetting yourself over something that can't be remedied. But if you have a nagging feeling and want to make this work, then you MUST sit down and explain it.
June 29th, 2016 1:31am
maybe you should try to sit him and talk to him about try to focus on what youre feeling and what he is doing
July 30th, 2016 3:48am
You calmly ask your boyfriend can you and him talk privately. Then you fix a dinner and you say honey I love you, but right now I'm not happy. Then you begin to explain why you are not happy.