How to forgive someone who cheated on you?
Last Updated: 03/10/2021 at 2:59am
Ann Brooks, MSW, LICSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Thank you for your interest! I am a LICSW licensed in the Commonwealth of MA, NH, NJ, OR. I’m here to listen and I look forward to working with you.
Top Rated Answers
In my experience, having been through this situation, is to sit down with the person and go through exactly why they cheated, what drove them to do it and what their outlook is for the future. Honesty is important and to move towards trusting them again as cheating is normally coupled with lying. You, or at the time I, need to hear and believe why they cheated in the first place. Once you are convinced they have been honest with you, you can then decide what it is you want to do going forward ... I hope this helps
You don't, If someone for a second could be with someone else and kiss them or make love to them without thinking about you, then they do NOT deserve a second of your time. You're amazing and you deserve someone who is willing to give you the world. You don't deserve someone who'd rather be with someone else than you.
Forgiving a cheater does not mean promising him or her you will forget about the infidelity. It doesn’t involve condoning or excusing the cheating, or staying in the relationship if you don’t want to. It’s all about how you feel, both towards the partner and internally. Forgiveness is part of the journey of moving on with your life after someone hurts you in such a humiliating way. It’s about looking out for your mental health, not letting the cheater off the hook.
It's all a matter of preference. If you really want to be with the person, you could choose to forgive them, but keep in mind that they could do it again.
To start this answer off, I have been cheated on in the past, I forgave the person and moved on with my life without them in it. If someone has cheated on you, it brings up a huge conflict in your mind. On one hand this person is someone you care about more than most on this planet but on the other they have managed to hurt you more than most people on this planet could. You just can't accept that the person you cared about so much could hurt you like this. The way I personally viewed it was that the person who I loved had passed on and didn't exist anymore, I missed that person but they were never coming back. The new person in their place wasn't someone I really knew so I held no contempt against them, I said my goodbyes and grieved almost. It hurt a lot but it was the right thing for me to do in my situation. Only you know what's best for you in your situation, seek help, talk to people as much as possible and you'll eventually realise your own feelings about your own situation. Only then can you begin to move towards your desired path, which, if you want, will lead to forgiving someone. (Just remember that relationships can range from a week long thing to 5 years and married, every situation is unique)
We have to forgive someone because we have to be stress free and should stop thinking themselves even they will understand our positive attitude
to forget and forgive are very difficult for me..Im trying really..but I could not..anymore I can not rely on other persons...
Truth be told there is no way you can completely forgive someone who has cheated on you. Because unlike any other bond it's the purest and most intimate. Breaking it thus will cause intense pain on the other side and I don't have tell you about that right? But I guess the closest we can do is to try to figure out why the other person did what he or she has done. Why cheat on you? What went wrong? What made them leave your side? Why did it happen? It's okay if you don't get the answers. You can ask them like in a friendly manner. It's called closure. No one with atleast some conscience can deny you closure. Ask the other person why what and other stuff you want to know. But beware you may not like what you hear. But at the same time the other person might exagerate too to not feel bad for what they have done. But usually closures give an insight into what mistakes you have done on your part which will improve you as a person.
Look we all feel pressured to do bad things yes.. But you don't want to lose a friend or loved one over a mistake..
being cheated on is an extremely hurtful and emotional experience but remember you will come out of it a stronger person. Initially it will hurt and you have to go through the emotions to overcome the pain but time is a healer and you will come out at the end with more wisdom and find a person that truly deserves you.
Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Forgive that person because it's important for your own mental well being. It's tiring to always be angry and hurtful, isn't it? So forgive. Let go. Taking him/her back is a bit more complicated though. First I think it's important to look at the reason why they cheat, and whether he/she can get over that reason and changes for better or not.
Sometimes it may feel impossible for you to forgive someone who cheated on you. I've had this happen before. It is really hard. But if you forgive them, it doesn't mean you have to forget. If you truly love someone, you can forgive them and move on. If they truly love you, it will never happen again. Think of all the mistakes you have made, that they have forgiven you for, and try to harness that when trying to forgive them. It is really hard, and will take some time, but it is achievable. Think of the love you two share.
forgiveness comes from heart and you are man of heart.let it go and feel calmness you achieve from it
Its hurt when someone cheated on you especially those who close with you. People told me that im innocent and always good to others. Perhaps thats why my friend (my ex-roommate) did take advantaged on me, cheated on me and talked bad about me behind me. And believe it, its hurt a lot especially when you knew these from someone else. After I knew about it, I cant be close to her anymore and pretend my feeling towards her. I dint stop our friendship but she did it. One day, she did come to me to seek for my forgiveness after something bad happened to her and she confessed to me about what she did to me. Yes, I already forgive her and she still my friend now. But still i cant totally forget about what she did to me. The pain still there and its part of your life. I learn about human nature and real life through this and it gave me experience on how to forgive and overcome your heart break. Lets forgive others even someone already hurt you. Your heart become more at ease and not aching anymore and you will find peace there. Its hard at first but try your best. God knows better about your feeling. I believe in even others cheated on you or did something bad on you but we should not do the same to others. I always remind me to promise myself about that.
It can be really tough to find it in your heart to forgive someone that cheated on you. It is also a very personal thing to do. The question should be more focused on can YOU forgive someone that cheated on you. It is very much your own choice in this case. Many things need to be taken into account such as how YOU feel about what has happened and if it can be forgive. Forgiveness is not something that can be taught, it can only be learnt. Be careful in forcing yourself into forgiving as this can lead to all kinds of problems down the line such as mental illness and large amounts of stress. Sometimes the best option is to do the hardest thing. You make the choice though.
When someone cheats on you, your mind and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It’s hard to let go of those feelings. Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. The anger we feel after infidelity is like a poison that lives in us. Forgiveness is the antidote and the only way to move on. You should try to forgive someone for cheating, but only once you understand what forgiveness means and how you can achieve it.
It will be hard. But everyday forgive them, remind yourself why you should forgive them, why you WANT to forgive them. A way that helped me was not looking at forgiving them for them, but forgiving them for myself. To get past the hurt and pain within me because the longer I didn't forgive them and held onto what they did, the worse I felt. The more you let yourself let go, forgiving them even a tiny bit each day will help you through it. You may never understand why they did it, but understand why you must get through it, move on from it. And decide if you want to push through and try and make your relationship stronger or if you want to move away from the relationship and see where your path takes you from there. Learn from what has happened and make yourself a better, stronger person from it.
This is entirely down to your personal opinion. You are not obliged to forgive someone who cheated on you, however you are also allowed to if you wish. I think the only way to tell which is right for you is to give it time. Consider the best and worst case scenario for both forgiving and not forgiving before you make any tough decisions. And remember throughout that it it not a fault of your own that you have been cheated on.
You don't have to if you don't want to. Don't force it. If you attempt to patch things up and it still doesn't feel right then you should remove yourself from the situation. It could become toxic for you quickly. It might hurt to leave them behind but you just have to trust yourself and ask if they deserve to be forgiven.
I was cheated on, by someone whom I loved, it took me awhile but I thought life's too short and I have enough problems in my life at the moment, in life there are going to be a lot of barriers between success and happiness, we want to work on removing barriers, not adding to them. I saw at as a barrier someone else put in place of my happiness and took it away.
first of all, understand that you dont have to forgive them if you dont want to. but if you do, know that even though what they did was wrong, they arent a bad person.
Forgiving is very hard, and it's even harder in that case. But after a brief period of grieving your past relationship and being angry at the person, you will realise that you deserve better. You did not deserve to be cheated on. And today, you do not deserve to feel awful because of this person. Forgiving is a very important step to move on. It does not justify the wrong but instead does not allow it to affect us anymore. Forgiving also helps us to see the positive as we are choose to free ourselves from the negative feelings. Best of luck x
The only way to forgive them is to choose to forgive them. That will definitely be very hard at first, but with time and evidence/proof from them that shows they are no longer doing such things and are trying to be good to you, you will be able to forgive them. Time heals all wounds, no matter how big. Remember that.
If that person cheated for whatever reason, the real question is do they really love you? If you want to forgive someone who cheated, you have to keep in mind that it will be hard to forget. First what you have to do is ask them, why they do it?. What made them make the decision. Understand the reasons why they did it. Forgive them from the heart, and I know it's really hard to forgive someone who cheated. But if you love them, you have to put aside what they did. Especially if they love you too. Try to not overthink their bad decision because it's the past. Learn to love them again. Relive your past experiences with them, relive those emotions like when you guys were first starting to talk. The feelings you had inside when they saw you. The smile on your face when the talked to you. How happy you were with that person, and how alive they made you feel. :) Whenever you are with the person, think of those beautiful moments you had together and so on. Just be careful because you might get hurt again. Think about if you still want to be with that person.
Why wasn't I good enough? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? Boring? Fat? Worthless? Why? What's wrong with me? These are the thoughts that poured through my head in the moments after heartbreak. I was so certain that somehow I was to blame. That it was somehow my failing that lead to her actions. The anger came later, slow, creeping, and a thousand times more damaging to myself than it was to her. She broke my heart and it never felt a thing. The stupid, uncaring, heartless, good for nothing, unforgivab-- Unforgivable? Really? She hurt you. There is absolutely no denying the singular fact that the ache, the one you buried deep in your heart; the one you only bring out when no one else is there to see, is the ache she caused. But is it truly unforgivable? Or can your find it within yourself to look past the ache, to look past the anger you use to mask your pain, and forgive her? I hope so. I have to hope so. But how do I forgive this wound? She struck a deeper wound than I have ever known. How do I forgive something like that? You walk a mile, you take a deep breath, and you look for the real reasons. It wasn't you, nothing your did nor any failing on your part caused this to happen. But it wasn't her either. Not truly. It was, instead, the pain in her life. Some struggle. Some heartache. Some loss. There was something that was simply beyond her ability to properly cope with, and it drove her to make a choice she probably regrets. She wanted some respite, some temporary salve for her wound, and so she made a mistake. And perhaps that mistake means that you can never trust her with your heart again, but it doesn't mean that you can't forgive her. She is hurt too. The sword she cut with was double edged. Indiscriminate. So maybe I couldn't forgive a heartless, thoughtless person who hurt me for no reason at all. This was a heart I once loved, once carried so closely to my own, and I know that, in truth, this was not an act with reason. And because of it she's now as hurt as I am, perhaps even more so. It won't be easy. It won't be simple. And maybe there are some things I couldn't look past. But a broken and bleeding soul? That I can forgive.
It is very difficult to discover someone has been unfaithful. But, since something like this did happen, I don't know if you should consider forgiveness. All I can say is that someone who truly loves another person won't ever cheat on them. Because that takes the love part away. However every situation is different and complicated and I can understand that. You don't deserve being cheated on, though in any case. That's what you should have in mind and base your thoughts on.
I do not entertain it. There is no forgiveness. Actually if a person has developed feelings for others then he/she should have conveyed it to the significant person before taking any decisions. Actually we are not gonna stop him/her but he/she doesn't have any rights to play with our feelings. If he/she claims that they were into the casual one or not in a serious relationship then he/she would have discussed/talked about it before the starting of the relationship.
The first rule to forgive someone who cheated is to first realize it wasn't your fault and the person acted on their own self-control. Anger is natural yet it isnt healthy to dwell on the past, so try to slowly repair your feelings from anger towards contentment. You may feel angry at yourself which means this is impossible yet with time you will realize it wasnt your fault. Give your heart some time to mend and dont force happiness towards the person, however, do not be aggressive, forgive someone is not for their benefit but for yours, allowing you to move on and mend your own heart and mind.
You just have to learn how to trust them again. it can be hard, but with the right amount of time and attitude, you can slowly forgive them.
First things first; take some time to yourself. You might be upset and angry so making decisions in the heat of the moment is something you should avoid. Second; Ask yourself how much this person means to you. Third; Set a very clear rule at what moments the topic of the cheating can be discussed(especially if you have kids) Fourth; Make sure your partner is committed to making the changes needed. Do remember that commitment is a two way street. Both you and your partner must be equally committed to the relationship Fifth; At a point you will start noticing their commitment is paying off, and they are regaining your trust slowly. Here is where I find you will be able to naturally forgive them.
Related Questions: How to forgive someone who cheated on you?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?