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I can't get over my ex after 5 years. What should I do?

251 Answers
Last Updated: 06/14/2022 at 12:35pm
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Top Rated Answers
SupportiveMoment16
December 5th, 2018 8:42pm
Examine what exactly you think about or remember each time you think of them. It's likely that a few key memories continue to circle in your mind because they represent a more basic and fundamental conflict you haven't resolved, one that continues to influence your thinking and behavior. You'll be surprised how looking at what you're thinking/remembering can reveal these simple but formative ideas you have about yourself and your relation to other people. Ask yourself when these memories appear; do they always appear in similar situations or in response to similar thought patterns? Give yourself over to this examination and let the core notions come through. You'll begin to notice things that were there all along but somehow hidden.
friendlygirl75
January 23rd, 2016 11:12pm
you should try to make new friends and do someone to keep you distract and if it doesn't work then try to talk to him or her.
MonicaQu
February 3rd, 2018 5:56am
Getting over an ex takes time and I guess after 5 years you must have been very close. 5 years is a long time to share together so it would be hard to let go. I guess some options could be to accept you need time, do something for yourself, reflect on what you learned in the relationship.
RekKoala559
March 2nd, 2018 2:03am
I’m having the same struggle for the past 8 years and I’ve been married just over 6 years to someone else and have two children... 😔
Anonymous
November 16th, 2016 10:45pm
Acceptance is the basic rule to getting over something. For as long as you hold on to that tiny shred of hope that someday he might come back, you will never be able to move forward. Moving on has certainly been really hard but courage and determination does the trick. The hope has to be foregone for the person to move on.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2017 3:24am
It is your loneliness that is causing your heart to reach out to your ex. When you solve the loneliness, you won’t miss your ex. Finding friends can be difficult if done randomly. Here are two suggestions: (1) Find a hobby outside the home that you really enjoy. You will meet people of both sexes doing the same thing. You will find it very easy to talk to them about your common interests. (2) Volunteer for a non-profit organization that is involved with some issue that you feel deeply about. Again, you will meet people with similar interests who will be happy to talk to you and befriend you.
AmYourSunshine
July 9th, 2018 9:06pm
Meet new people and places. There is so much to do in life all we have to do is to understand that life is a book with many chapters, if we keep thinking of an old interesting chapter then we can't really enjoy the essence of the present chapter. Present may be much more interesting than all the previous ones but you are not in line to enjoy that... Love is beautiful feeling that should make us cheerful. Love has no limits please be open and allow new love in your life... always remember "This too shall pass" in any situation. Good luck my friend
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2016 11:18am
Have you tried hard for getting him back or quited and let him go. Not able to move on can happen when you have some things left undone or you are not trying to move on. Try being with friends. Remove him from yo memories with getting away from his gifts or things wich reminds you about him. Try not to be alone. Try enjoy life setting new goals and get yoself stuck in achieving them.
purelight
November 10th, 2016 6:54pm
I understand it is difficult to forget a loved one. Especially if he or she was your life partner. I have gone through this phase and it was very painful. But what kept me going is the fact that "there is a rainbow after heavy showers." So I accepted what has happened and did not dwell in the past saying "what if.....". I went out and became active. Made new friends, made lifestyle changes and found new love. that's what I did and it worked for me.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2019 7:05am
You have two choices: staying under the influence of a former relationship, or making a change for starting something new. Sometimes it might be a little bit easy to stay in the past, but in the long run, you have the opportunity to make something more bright and beautiful if you let things go. If you can’t let go now, it’s okay. Nothing can be built in a day or two. However, if you really want to, start everything small, and never give up the will of letting the past go, and focusing what’s the most important thing for you at the moment. If it takes time, let it. If it’s painful, let it be. You will gradually notice your improvement through these little moments of moving on, eventually one day you will be fully healed from the past. You always have the rest of your life to do something amazing, so don’t be disappointed about what’s like at the moment, just keep going.
miraculousdreamer15
October 22nd, 2016 7:31am
Learn to accept what happened in the both of you and try to get over it. Learn to accept and think positively. Look in the bright side!
Anonymous
June 21st, 2017 2:39pm
You should probably be focused on other activities. Especially socially. Meet new people, especially with the gender that attracts you and focus on relationships with them. This will be easier each time you do that! :)
SamBright
June 10th, 2020 6:15pm
Break ups are always tough, especially if they didn't end very well. Not getting closure would definitely effect how each person would move on. Sometimes meeting new people would only remind you of you last partner. Maybe it would be beneficial to talk to your ex and ask to talk about how things ended. It might lift some weight off of your shoulders, and maybe even their shoulders too. If that's not an option talking to close friends about how it's still hurting you could be beneficial as well. If it continues for a longer time, therapy could help you find resources to deal with these emotions and this difficult time for you.
LittleLemon96
September 3rd, 2016 9:47am
If he is with someone else then you should accept the fact that you can't get over him but if he has no one try to talk to him again, you have certainly changed after 5 years, he may love you again
Originalsky777
November 5th, 2017 10:18pm
Start thinking about seeing a therapist and talking about why you find it difficult to move on and you need to find new techniques to help you move on!
Anonymous
June 8th, 2019 12:11pm
Missing people is a part of life. If you broke up with them, consider why you made that decision. Remember why you broke up with me. There had to have been some reason. If they broke up with you, then they don’t deserve you. You deserve someone will love you unconditionally. You deserve someone who will respect and adore you. If you can’t get over your ex, try looking for new people. Whether it’s another relationship or just friendship you’re looking for, surrounding yourself with positive people will help take your mind off your ex. Just remember that you are loved and people do care about you.
NicholasW
February 13th, 2016 2:15am
Well that is hard to deal with because the best thing is to listen to music and not worry about them I know it may be tough but it will get better.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2016 9:13pm
Try to look forward! You're so much more than a relationship. Try to focus on the future. You're great without him.
YuukiKuran1996
October 7th, 2016 10:25pm
Seek professional help !! Its not typicall for a griving process to take that long :( When you break up with someone you have to grieve the loss of that important person but eventually you get over it :( If thats doesnt happen , you might need to see a psychologist :(
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2017 10:40am
Moving on is hard but you can do it. The first set towards it is acceptance. Accept the fact it's really over. Stop thinking of him and all the "what if's". Focus on the goal of moving on. Do the things you love .
cherryblossoms1000
April 7th, 2017 11:16pm
Firstly, try to really come in therms with why the relationship ended. If the relationship was not toxic, and you feel like it would be a good thing, try talking with your ex again!
Kricket20
December 21st, 2019 8:21pm
Personally, I think that it is important to ask how your feelings for your ex are impacting you! If they’re hurting you, then I think it is important to uncover why. I also think that it is very important to take time to fall in love with who you are as a person and to create a life that helps you feel good. You want to be in a healthy place not only for yourself, but also for someone special who may come into your life whether or not that person happens to be your ex. Love yourself and focus on things that push you toward a life you love! ❤️
Goodtocrygurl
January 25th, 2020 3:43pm
I know it feels bad that you can't get over them, but its okay. I know that it seems like a really long time but It will be okay It's completely normal. You might also feel sad and/or depressed but it might help if you talk about it . I understand that it might feel weird that you still can't get over him but it's also okay to feel like that. You can talk to some listeners on 7 cups if you are not able to find anyone to talk about it. I really hope that this helped you.
HolisticOmni2020
December 21st, 2019 8:26pm
The important thing to realize and understand is that losing someone close to us even relationship break-ups can cause a lot of different and unsettled emotions and even trauma at times. Grieving is not one of those things that one just gets over. It come and goes in waves and has different levels and we all experience the different stages of grief differently. Reminding ourselves that there are no wrong or right ways to feel or think when we are healing. There are no expectations on us unless we tell ourselves that there is. Allow yourself to feel the emotions of the loss and separation. Maybe even take up writing in personal journal what you are feeling and where in your body do you feel these feelings. Love yourself- this starts with forgiveness. Allow yourself the room to grow and see how it is you’ve been able to come this far and what areas have you grown because you’ve had to face the reality of the situation. Talking to someone can also have lots of therapeutic healing properties and help you process all that you are feeling.
enchantingSky79
February 16th, 2020 8:20pm
Seeing a therapist might help. Sometimes the longer the relationship, the harder it is to get over that person. There is a saying that if the relationship lasted 6 years, it will take 6 years for you to get over it. That isn’t necessarily true since it depends on the person. Sometimes we might feel like nobody will love us like our ex did but that is not true. Also, breaking down all communication and not seeing their Facebook or instagram helps. Talking to a therapist about it also might help figure out the reasons why it is so hard to get over them.
Aloisa136
March 20th, 2020 7:49am
Hi , I'm sorry that you are in this situation ,it's hard I understand you .Sometimes some persons become part of us and we just can't let them go. They are always inside us. Don't try to forget him ,it's impossible ,just learn to live without him ,with your pain even he is present all the time to you. Love it's something that doesn't really finish .If you love someone once you will love ,remember him forever. It's hard ,I know but I'm sure you will make it ,accept the fact that he has gone. Take care for your self🙂.
niceShoe37
November 7th, 2016 4:27pm
Getting over an ex can be one of the toughest challenges, but I believe that everyone is able to overcome them eventually. You just need to stop surrounding yourself with memories of them, and start being around new people that make you look forward to starting your day! Everyone needs friends, and a friend can always fill the void that you think your ex left. Start accepting they're gone, and that you don't need them to be complete and happy. You're your own self, and you're complete with or without them. Much love!x
Lovelight111
March 21st, 2020 5:55am
It can be difficult to get over someone with whom you once shared a shared experience. It can be helpful to reflect honestly on the relationship in order to grow from it. Think about why it didn't work and what you want from your next relationship. Also, remember that time heals wounds. It doesn't help to be hard on yourself- give yourself the time and space for reflection that you need. Don't force it. You will move on with time. Most importantly, focus on self-love and being kind to yourself. Once you are able to do this, you can move forward.
beautifulLight97
November 19th, 2016 4:40am
You should keep your distance from your ex and consider this a time to focus to YOU. Go out and find things that you find enjoyable. This will help you distract yourself from the breakup as well as allow yourself to find yourself as a person. Consider this an opportunity to grow as a person. Also, I know breakups can be tough so finding a support system such as, friends and family can be extremely beneficial when you need someone to talk to. Ultimately, find what makes you happy and surround yourself with supportive people and eventually you will be able to focus on yourself rather than focusing on your past relationship.
HelpfulBee99
October 21st, 2016 7:15pm
You should definitely get closure. Closure helps moving on! You can also change your lifestyle and routines