I can't get over my ex after 5 years. What should I do?
251 Answers
Last Updated: 06/14/2022 at 12:35pm
Moderated by
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT
Art Therapist
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 1st, 2018 12:05am
Take a certain amount of time to grieve, as it is normal, but after that allotted time, start to do things for your wellbeing, such as an activity or a hobby you enjoy, hanging out with friends or family, or even just getting up and stretching!
Sometimes we find it difficult to "get over" people's sudden absence from our lives and that's usually due to their large previous impact on those very lives, they played a big role in our day to day activities and once they're gone -to whatever reason- we find that there is a large hole in our daily routine, it's usually best to occupy yourself with things you find interesting -you'd be surprised once you actually start looking- which will help fill the void you might be feeling.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2018 12:29pm
Unfortunately letting time pass until you forget about them is the main thing to do. Life goes on and your concentration eventually shifts because you meet new people etc. Therapy can help in some instances too
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 4:56am
Speaking to a counselor or therapist about this can give you in depth and personalized help with this. Depending on the history of your relationship, there are different ways to cope with the breakup you had with your ex 5 years ago.
When you're hung up on something for that long you must seek some professional help. Maybe there are some deeper issues you've got to deal with.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 8:43pm
You could try contacting them? May be the two of you just needed some space. Who knows? Maybe they aren't over you either.
Try and move yourself away from him. Delete his number from your phone, find new friends and keep living life. If you move away, you will find it a lot easier to get over him
There is no set time for when you should be able to 'get over' somebody. If you feel that it is taking things away from your life, you should either talk to friends and family, or seek professional help.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2018 9:36pm
Think about the reasons why you guys didn't work out. What turned you off about that person? Was there a future there or is this just an idealization in your head about the relationship. Good luck.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2018 10:10pm
Find someone else, maybe that will help because maybe by falling in love with someone else, you’ll stop caring about your ex
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2018 4:16am
Making a list of good and bad things about this ex relationship may help. If you simply got obsessed with it, I would try to get involved in other social activities: hobbies, nature, make new friends and meet new people! This keeps your mind distracted, will make you grow as a person and helps adding some perspective to your situation. Don’t get obsessed!
Anonymous
May 26th, 2018 8:15pm
It can be hard to move on after you love someone but instead of focusing on finding someone else focus on yourself ! Think about why you still miss or want them and perhaps even seek a few appointments with a therapist to discuss this.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 6:23pm
I know it is hard to get over someone, I'd say think of it as a learning experience for later in life. I have recently broken up with someone. You just haft to take a deep breath and realize that you're better than that and they have taught you so much to learn from. Now you can proceed and do better in relationships.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2018 2:55pm
You should go and have fun with your friends. Don’t let negativity come over you. Think about fun and exciting activity’s to do.
Be with friends. They are there to help you through difficult times, and may introduce you to others
One option is opening up to a listener here on 7 Cups and talk through your feelings and try to work on next steps on how to recover. Another option is to write everything down in a journal and address each problem one by one.
If you're still in contact with your ex, stop all contact. Continued interactions may be what is making it hard to move on. I would suggest finding support from friends and family and also seeking out counselling/therapy.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 2:38am
Moving on after a break up can be difficult. Everyone has there own healing time; some take longer than others. Sometimes, it can relieve our hearts to focus on the people around us who care for us the most, and occupy our minds with the things that make us happiest. Shifting the focus from the hurt you feel from others to yourself can help to heal the wounds that we feel.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 9:59am
It always takes time to get over someone because we will always have one little part inside of us that still longs for them. You should move on and see where life takes you. If you still love them then, maybe give it another try
Anonymous
July 27th, 2018 7:58pm
You should understand it is ok to miss old relationships, but to put yourself first and know it’s ok to move onto better things for better outcomes. You are not alone just because one person has chosen to move on with their life or you have. You are worthy of love and acceptance and it’s ok if that person could not give that to you. Understand that you can move on and that everything will eventually turn out for you. Keep your head up and give yourself a reason to take a step to getting over this person that you miss. You are worthy.
Think about other phenomenon in this world! In this vast perspective, try to alter the way you see!
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 1:55pm
Maybe you should try to make new friends and get out more. Remember that he's not the only fish in the sea. It's many more out there. But don't be afraid to explore.
If your ex from 5 years ago doesn’t want to be with you and your still having a hard time maybe you could seek some professional therapy to better sort out your feelings. If your ex has no clue how you feel maybe telling them will relieve some stress off your shoulders aswell.
I think after five years you need to contact the ex and see his situation. The chances are the person you knew five years ago isn't the same person that you actually think you miss. People move on however memories are just that. Join a self help group and work with a coach.
Maybe you should try harder to forget your ex. I know it is a hard thing to do, but moving on is necessary, especially for your personal happiness. Maybe you should stop talking to ex, that would be a good first start. Then, maybe you should go out and try to meet new people, find new friends and maybe allow yourself to love someone else. It will be hard to move on from someone that you have loved for so long but I'm sure that you will be happy eventually! Sending all the love in the world!
Hold your head up high, and ask yourself if you have moved on from the breakup years ago; or ask yourself if you have moved on from the relationship and her. if you have said no to both of those (likely since you did place that you "can't get over" them) then try to find newer hobbies, things you've never done before, meet new people or relinquish any happy times with your already existing friends or family, maybe all it takes is just more attention to yourself and how you portray yourself to the world as we know it, good luck!
Anonymous
January 4th, 2019 3:42am
You will never get over someone you were in love with if they were your first true love BUT the way to forget about your love to/for them is to find someone else you love the way you were in love with your ex. Try get out there! Meet new people and try and love someone else, live every day as though its your last and you will forget about your ex in no time as you will be too busy having the time of your life! If you love them so much and can't move on maybe you can always talk to them of course if they're single about how you feel and potentially rebuild your relationship?
Try finding something in life that you truly love. Pick up a new hobby or something that allows you to break away from your thoughts and worries about your previous relationship. Sometimes, one of the best things to do for yourself is allow yourself to take a break and distract your mind from what is worrying you. As unfortunate as it is, exes can often take over your thoughts and consume your happiness, but taking the time to do things you are passionate about and involve yourself in those passions can allow you to completely distract your mind and get over your ex.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2019 12:51am
Sometimes we tend to compare people to our previous relationships, with this it creates a barrier to open up to those new people. Looking back, we you can reflect and look past the nice things that that person was giving you, you will find the wrong in them, and what ultimately resulted in you two breaking up. Changing the way we present ourselves to new people and finding new ways to engage in new experience will help us move on from heartbreak and ultimately getting over what you once had with what one has at this very moment now.
5 years is a long time. I commend you for staying loyal to someone for that long. In this case, I'd like to ask what makes you feel so attached or bonded to your ex? Do you think your ex shares the same feelings towards you? If so, have you two spoken about things? If not, why haven't you? It may be a good idea to take up a new hobby or learn a new craft. If the feelings aren't mutual, what would you tell a friend to do? I cannot give advice but I can help guide you.
Related Questions: I can't get over my ex after 5 years. What should I do?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?