I still love my ex. Should I feel this way?

404 Answers.
Last Updated: 06/29/2018 at 10:13am
I still love my ex. Should I feel this way?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Top Rated Answer
gksnyder5
November 14th, 2014 12:50am
I was with my ex for three years, and we broke up a year and a half ago. I still love him. It is my personal belief that love never truly goes away, and that you will always love your ex, because you shared your lives together for however long you were together. It's okay to feel this way, and in fact, you should feel proud. The ability to love is no small feat, and by finding love once, I know you will be able to find it again.
Newest Answer
Anonymous
June 29th, 2018 10:13am
So it's been 15 years since I broke up with my ex and the last year or so he has popped in my head a lot/ too much and I have realised I miss him and still love him. 3 kids later and a very loving partner. Thing is I find my partner so boring and my ex was so much fun. We never really broke up but just went our separate ways , we wanted different things. A week ago he sent me a message inviting me for a weekend away , he has had a girlfriend for 3 years , I have been with my partner for 12. All of a sudden we are texting each other and I cant' stop thinking about him. umm it's a worry :(

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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 20th, 2015 12:41am
my ex and I broke up 4 years ago I'm still in love with him , so I think we are in the same shoe here
Waterbear
August 1st, 2015 10:40pm
Should is irrelevant. You just do, and you can't get rid of your feelings by throwing "should" at them. In fact, research suggests that if you judge a feeling, it will grow stronger. It's natural to have some leftover feelings for an ex, and when what advice columnist Captain Awkward calls The Golden Retriever of Love starts barking and tugging at its leash, it's best to treat yourself the way you would a tiny puppy who wants to run up and lavish kisses on a snarling pit bull. Grip it gently but firmly, pet it, and say, "No no, sweetie. I know you love that dog and it's okay that you love that dog, but we are going to turn around and go play with those other dogs even if you don't love them, because they won't crush you in their massive jaws."
sunkissedearth
August 8th, 2015 2:37pm
Actually you love the idea of loving him... you miss the good memories you had with him. And its lethal. Its only going to ruin your present. So, try to focus on what you have right now and be thankful for your blessings. Always remember that everything happens for a reason... God has something better in store for you which is why you should look forward and be positive about the future.
EarsForYou
July 16th, 2018 1:37am
Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.
Faywillhelpyou
October 10th, 2014 2:02pm
Well, according to my experience, it's very normal to still love them and miss them. We all miss and love our exes, except if you never did love them. If you really wan to get back together (and he is a GOOD guy) you could give it a try once again. But, first you need to give them some space, perhaps 2-3 months. It'll help them to feel less awkward and all. Then you could slowly approach them, be nice, be forgiving. Then you could talk about it! If you think there's NO CHANCE of getting back together, (or he is a BAD guy) then you have two choices, either talk to them as friends, or you could write down what you feel towards them, then burn it!
KristenBugg
November 15th, 2014 4:48pm
Its natural to still love someone. I still love people from years ago, but just because you love them doesn't mean you were meant to be with them. You have to remember y'all broke up for a reason. Sometimes letting each other go on with your lives and with someone else is for the best. I believe we have many soulmates but only one true significant twin.
Antonlistens93
September 21st, 2014 10:08pm
yes i think you really should still love your ex . there is nothing wrong with love. and it means you have unconditional love which is amazing.
Empath81
November 6th, 2014 6:17am
For me, I feel that love isn't like a water faucet. It's not something that I can turn off once it's turned on. I love everyone I've ever loved, and will continue to do so until my dying day. There's a large difference between being "in love" and "loving" someone. In nearly all cases, eventually the "in love" phase will fade with time.
Stillintoyou
October 13th, 2014 5:23pm
You feel that way, because it was an important person to you, had a good time together, but you are not alone, and don't think you can't get over, you can !
awkwardpotato
November 1st, 2014 5:08pm
Love doesn't go away that easily, it's normal that you feel that way. Personally, I believe that love is forever.
Anonymous
August 5th, 2015 9:18pm
For me, I think it's only human when I have broken up with someone and I still have feelings for them. Relationships are strong, intimate connections with people. I feel sad when I lose a friend, so it's understandable if a relationship ends and you still have feelings for them. It's hard at first, but it got easier for me. I still have feelings for my exes, but they feel distant. I don't think time can erase the memories, but the memories eventually fade in time. And then it isn't so hard anymore. And sometimes that might be scary; the fact that the memories might fade into time; but it's not like they're gone forever and you've forgotten completely. I've just stopped living in the memories, and they've become little stories in my life. They make me smile still, and they make me sad, but they don't affect me as much as they used to. So, to answer your question, it's not about whether you should or shouldn't feel this way, but I think it is OK and natural. It is human. And I wish you the best, because you deserve the best. If you feel like you need counseling with a professional, please don't hesitate to seek them. They can be incredibly helpful through hard times.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2015 2:29am
We are not machines. We cannot turn emotions off; just like we can't turn them on. It's okay to still love your ex because they were likely a big part of your life. To remove this love for your ex, start loving yourself more. Your feelings will not go away over night but I assure you that they will diminish in time. Be forgiving to yourself, we are often our worst critics.
RootsWePlant
October 6th, 2014 11:50pm
Think about the experiences you shared with your ex. Were they positive or negative? Review the reasons why the relationship ended. Has your life changed for the better?
hirakhan
March 12th, 2016 1:31pm
Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on. AND TIME IS YOUR BIGGEST HELP! spend your time on things that worth better. Because in the end the feeling of accomplishment makes you so happy that you wont mind being in a "once upon a relationship"... but even then you know yes you love that person but above all what ever happened was for the best. Thence, concentrate on the EX? If it was meant to be, there would be no EX involved. NOW is the Time to completely 'EX it'. Dear don't think that what you are feeling is a reason to go backwards. Focus on other better things. Detach yourself from that person (social media especially, that person is not worth stalking) and look ahead, not backwards. YOUR answer, relief, and happiness is around the next bend, not in your rearview mirror. :)
Blueangelz
September 14th, 2014 5:41pm
It's perfectly fine to feel this way. I've had my fair share of times feeling this way. It's hard, but its not wrong at all.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:26pm
It's normal to still love your ex especially when you just broke up, it takes time you know. Just hang in there...
Anonymous
March 31st, 2016 7:28pm
My wife broke up our marriage just before Christmas last year. I was devastated and heart broken. We have been married for 15 years and together for 17 and I know it's only been 4 months-I still have feelings for her even though she left me for another man. No one can control your feelings but you and like any type of grief/loss-there is no time statute. I still love her as I can not turn my emotions or feelings off like a light switch........some can.
AnonymousA
October 28th, 2014 2:51am
it is normal to still have feelings for someone you spent a great deal of time with. However, if you are in another serious relationship, you may want to step back and address your feelings before getting in too deep with someone new.
AndiHam
October 31st, 2014 4:50pm
It's perfectly normal to feel this way especially if they were the one breaking it off. These feelings can last weeks to months depending on how long the relationship lasted initially.
Behappylovie101
November 14th, 2014 1:16am
Yes, that's normal. You had a special connection with your ex and you loved him and I believe that love will never fade away.
UrielAngel2015
January 1st, 2016 8:09pm
I don't love my ex- any more. every time I think of him and there were zero positive emotional So i learn to set up my emotional boundaries to block him out of my mind. I asked myself, it's worth to waste my time to think of him? So, I made my choice by detaching. because I can control what i want to think or what not to think about. thus all!
Tatzilla
October 25th, 2014 12:07am
I believe that when it comes to love there are no shoulds...love has a mind of it's own. Your love for your ex will be with you always but it will diminish and transform over time, especially if you make an effort to move on.
CaringisSharing
June 25th, 2015 8:44pm
Of course you can still love a person after a break-up. Often we remember good things about a person rather than all the bad things, remembering both sides can help ease the feelings that you experience
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2015 9:31pm
Yes. You are greiving the loss of a love. Just because something ends doesn't mean it is over in your heart. Please read up on 7 stages of grief and the breakups guide. You need to give it time. You will get better and move on but it does take time.
Divineshalom
May 27th, 2015 6:46am
Seriously a great question. I still love my ex . He dumped me after 15 yrs of arranged relationship . I can't get over him . I was not sure why he left me . He has a family now but still I am single . I needed to go a long way to reach what I am today . I know its hard but still life has to move on . I am successful , but sometimes I used to cry for him from memories that cant taken back . Let him be in an other world and I am living my reality.
Jenniferroseh98
August 14th, 2015 10:37pm
It's okay to still love your ex. What you should ask yourself is whether they were worth loving. Did they upset you? Did they hurt you? If so they're not worth loving.
Anonymous
March 12th, 2015 10:28pm
It's normal to still be in love with your ex after a breakup. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. There are so many people out there for you - try to let go of this one person if it wasn't meant to be. (especially if they broke up with you or were the ones who let you down) Hang in there, friend! Talking to someone on 7Cups is great if you need help or someone to talk to about your ex.
maskedanonymous
July 4th, 2015 4:02pm
It depends. If he was a huge part of your life, it's okay to still have feeling for him. Or she/her. But if he was a sick bastard and good for nothing waste of time, get a grip. Let him go. Cross the bridge, move on and burn it.
kindBubbles59
August 2nd, 2015 1:12am
Maybe you have not gotten over is there a possibility of reconciliation if you are in love is he you may need to seek answers or help from the church if he is willing to reconcil...some times relationship are worth saving and you can get past whatever it was that caused the trouble
Anonymous
November 8th, 2014 1:41am
Well, yes. Everyone always loves their ex's for some reason no matter what and usually the love lingers for a long while. I think if you still love your ex, it's completely okay.
thesecretkeeper1115
June 25th, 2015 4:49pm
Loving someone is something that cannot be stopped. However, is loving your ex healthy for you? Does it make you happy? or does it make you feel resentful or pitiful? If you think you find meaning by doing so, then, it's always your choice. But, if you don't think it will do any good, then, you can always start by loving yourself again. Then, maybe, when you're ready, a new love (with your ex or not) will come to you.
AmazingSam
July 26th, 2015 6:48am
Its completly normal if you do. A lot of people have extreme difficulty getting over the person they loved. It takes time, and you should allow yourself to have time to just think and really find closure. And move on when your ready.
amyssophie
April 23rd, 2018 2:08am
I love everyone's answers and yet I have a problem with it. Who says that love dies? Who says it goes away? Who thinks they honestly have the knowledge to tell you you're love is not still real, that's its this or that? Rubbish! Sometimes love really does stand the test of time. That being said, they don't always love us the same way in return. That's the part we must learn to live with. That's the part that keeps us up at night, makes us cry at random moments, keeps us very aware that its still there. Only God knows how your love story will be written....don't let others dismiss what they don't understand.
OceanBreeze
October 21st, 2014 5:41pm
It is definitely OK to feel that way. I still love my ex as well. However, I do not think it is wise to keep yourself hung up on him/her because this is your life and you should take control of it. Letting yourself stay in love with your ex will keep you distracted from all the other guys/girls that could be potentially better relationship partners.
Clobeans
August 4th, 2015 8:34pm
If you truly loved them then you will always hold a small part of them in your heart. People that you form close relationships will contribute to who you are as a person even if you had drifted apart. There is no wrong or right way to feel
Christe515
August 8th, 2015 3:52am
That's completely normal! Everyone goes through what you're going through, you are not alone. If it was a good relationship and it ended on good terms, take those good memories and experiences with you into the next relationship. If it was one that left a bad taste in your mouth, and realize that you are worth more
Kharisma
November 5th, 2014 5:26am
Love is a natural feeling. It is in our nature to love, and that is okay. Do not feel bad about these feelings, but more so learn from them
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 12:15pm
It's normal to still have feelings for your ex. Everyone gets over their exes at their own pace. It may take some people a few days and other may take a few months or even years to get over their exes. It all depends on the situation and the type of person you are
lovelyLynx18
June 21st, 2015 7:30am
It is ok to feel that way for a little while but you have to let go of them sooner or later. It isn't easy but you have to think of what is best for you and them.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2015 9:37pm
It's pretty normal to still love an ex. You loved this person enough to be in a relationship so it's not likely the feelings will automatically go away once the relationship ends. The thing about feelings is there's not real wrong or right way to feel in certain circumstances. If you told me you sat in your room looking at old photos of your ex all day, then I'd tell you that probably wasn't a good idea. But the simple act of feeling is part of being human. Likely, those feelings will eventually fade as you put more distance between yourself and that relationship.
Olivia23
October 23rd, 2014 3:09am
You will always have feelings for your ex, but you have to realize that the feelings you have will always be there, how you react and acknowledge them.
Uniqueg
October 30th, 2014 8:54pm
It's totally normal, feelings just don't go away just because you guys aren't together any more, with time and support things should get better!
AlexandreSilva98
October 18th, 2014 4:38pm
Yes, it's usual to feel that way. The best thing you possibly can do is to go out and meet some people who will make you forget about her!
Anonymous
October 28th, 2014 10:28am
If s/he doesn't feel the same way. Don't push yourself into him/her. It might be bad at you and for him.
Kyra0608
October 29th, 2014 1:01am
It depends on how long you two have been broken up, if its only been a few days then yes of course! you where in love, its normal to still love this person, if its been a while since you two broke up, thats okay too! These things take time.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2015 3:39am
I can't tell you what you should or should not feel because it's your feeling and not mine. However, if you've decided to end the relationship or your partner did then maybe trying to get over them is the best thing for you to do, unless there's a chance for you to get back together with them and that's what you both want :)
Anonymous
March 17th, 2016 6:25am
loving your ex is not a sin... but crying on the past and not letting yourself moving forward will let you face challenges..
Anonymous
September 29th, 2014 8:17pm
Yes, I still do love my ex but that does not mean you have to be with them. You guys can just be friends - just remember your broke up for a reason.
MrHector
June 27th, 2015 4:36am
Love is a complex feeling and it does not simply vanish. While we do usually forget our old loves, it does take time so residual feelings after a breakup, and even some time after that, are completely normal.
OliviaSwan
July 30th, 2015 7:45pm
"Should" or "should not" isn't really the question here, since there usually aren't any right or wrong answers when it comes to feelings and emotions. It's normal to still love someone you once shared a connection with, even if that person has hurt you in the past.
Anonymous
January 9th, 2016 8:16pm
Being a human it's pretty natural to feel that way .. But again u should know whm to let in ur life and whom not ! EX became EX because of some reason!
Anonymous
March 13th, 2016 10:40am
Depending on how things ended, it's normal to feel this way. Someone that used to be a huge part of your life soon became someone that is out of your life. Be sure to ask yourself if you love him or the thought of him. Those are two different questions that you need to ask and evaluate. Just remember that the both of you broke up for a reason.
OrchidSpring
March 17th, 2016 3:18am
It is normal to feel this way. Anyone goes through this after a breakup. It'll take time and patience to learn to get over an ex.
CarmenCares
June 10th, 2016 9:14am
No one can tell you how you should or should not feel, even if they did it would not change how you really feel. If you still love your ex, contemplate if there were things left unresolved and if there was anything you would feel comfortable doing to reach out. If not, time will heal all wounds. Maybe a bit of you will always love them, and that's not wrong either. You can be stronger every day from carrying that love with you.
NMalmstrom
June 28th, 2015 6:10pm
It is okay to still love person you loved a month, year, ten years ago. You once had everything,it doesn't mean it is bad to still love him/her, you can't say it to your heart as a demand.
Sp00nman
July 1st, 2015 2:49am
Still loving an ex is a normal thing. Experiences you both have had mean a lot to you obviously more to you than the other partner. Relationships are a two way street, not a one way street.
Manpreet
July 29th, 2015 7:21am
There is nothing wrong in this way. It is Natural with you because Loving someone is a quality in you.
mwhit00
August 15th, 2015 8:37pm
After being with someone, you will be emotionally attached to them.Don't feel bad about this feeling
annieverde6
August 16th, 2015 4:46am
Its completely up to you. Sometimes you can help the way you feel about who you love. Ask yourself this is he worth loving and keeping around?
Recent Answers
JNBH1511
April 1st, 2018 11:47pm
Love is unlimited. You’ll never know how much love you’re able to give and especially to feel. It’s normal to feel this way, to still love someone even after days, months or years go by. And it may fade way or maybe it won’t. You can’t change your feelings, but you can learn to let go. I still love this silly boy. I met him when I was only thirteen. I barely knew what love was and I certainly did not know what it can do to you. Many years later I still love him. He still crosses my mind every once in a while and I still compare him to every guy I meet. You know, loving him isn’t wrong. I would still date that cute guy I saw in Starbucks today, I would still spent that long summer night kissing the boy I chased for twee weeks in Spain and I would definitely marry the guy who loves me more than anything. Love is unlimited. And you need to accept the love you feel for someone you can no longer have. Learn to let go and you WILL find happiness again.
Sprinkles128
January 30th, 2018 5:54am
Love can mean a lot of things, including and not limited to, attachment, power, desire, wishing well. Which flavor of love went away when your ex because your ex? And which flavor of love are you still holding on to? Also, feelings are thoughts and hormones and sensations that bubble up, and they don't necessarily require action. When the feeling of love (or questioning, or jealousy, or sadness) comes up, notice where it lands in your body, and the sensations that are changing every moment as you swim in that feeling. Make your relationship choices about what to do regarding this ex, when you step outside of those feelings.
GrantC2001
January 1st, 2018 6:28am
Yes, it is perfectly fine to still have feeling for your ex. This is completely common to people who recently have broken with someone.
WhisperedTarot
December 12th, 2017 6:00am
It's completely normal to still have feelings for your ex. You were once in a relationship with them and it isn't easy to "turn off" the love you may still feel for them. When struggling, remind yourself of the reasons why you are no longer with your ex and why your life is now better without that person in your life. This will help ground you and realize that you are remembering past emotions that don't exist in the present. You've moved on, and deserve the love of a wonderful person in your present life.
charmingPeach1649
November 23rd, 2017 7:28pm
i was with this man 10.5 years it’s been a year already in September that we don’t sleep together. He’s seeing someone else. He cheated on me twice and I️ kept getting him back. It’s going to be a year in January that I broke up with him. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this still. I still miss and love him very much.Ishould be over him by now.Any advice .i joined kickboxing . Etc.
Fabulousfriend
November 22nd, 2017 9:26pm
It depends on the circumstances whether he was a good person or not, It's your call if you do but know that you are almost certainly setting yourself for heart break.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2017 9:41pm
I still cry for my ex boyfriend and i still love him.. he broked up after a 10years relationship and now he have another girlfriend!! Is it normal that i still want him and love him ?? Its been 2 years
drowninghalo
September 4th, 2017 2:07pm
It's normal to still feel like you haven't moved on--after all, it's easier said than done. It takes time to get over those who mattered, and still loving the person is part of the natural process. But remember, encouraging these feelings are unhealthy, so remember to put distance and move on.
Vronica23
August 14th, 2017 5:21pm
When you invest your time in a relationship, it's hard to just get over those feelings over night. When someone is in your life in a significant way, it makes sense that they still hold a place in your heart even after you break up. Focus on yourself, and making yourself a better you. Get to know yourself better, and you will see yourself moving forward.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2017 12:57pm
absolutely there is nothing wrong in feeling that way. Love is something you cant control.. it the most beautiful feeling ever..
Anonymous
May 8th, 2017 1:59am
There's not really a should or shouldn't. Everyone is different. But I will say that it is understandable to still have feelings for an ex, its hard to just stop the way you're feeling and immediately cut ties with someone who once meant so much to you.
Anonymous
December 19th, 2016 10:00am
I think there is nothing wrong in that unless you are not in a new relationship. If you are feeling for your ex then try to make it up and clear the differences to be happy.
Matchschtick
December 5th, 2016 8:09pm
There is no right way of feeling in such a situation, but it is likely that it will take some time after a break-up to "stop loving" that particular ex. In my own experience, that process will take some time to get used to no longer being with that person.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2016 2:29am
It's completely natural to still love your ex. You have memories of them. Things you've shared. And if it's a recent break up of course you'll still have feelings.
NeptunePH
November 1st, 2016 8:19am
This is completely normal. A lot of people feel the same way. If you want to get rid of the feelings you have for your ex bf/gf then I suggest getting rid of all your memories of him/her, deleting his phone number, delete all the pictures/texts with him and stuff like that. It should help.
Subneurotic
October 18th, 2016 6:16am
Its perfectly fine to still love your ex after the relationship is newly ended. We all feel this way.
devinacares
October 4th, 2016 10:46am
That is completely normal to feel this way. Have you talked to your ex about the way you feel? If things ended badly then perhaps you could work on placing this love into your own self rather than externally. it's completely normal to feel this way.
thatswhereillbewaiting
August 21st, 2016 9:10am
i don't believe there's a right or wrong way to feel.. break ups can be rough and leave you feeling all sorts of things. take it day by day and it is true, time heals all wounds!
Anonymous
June 13th, 2016 10:41pm
It is normal for you to have feelings for someone you were atached to. If you loved them it is hard to unlove them
serenekindness66
June 10th, 2016 1:32am
Heck yeah. If you loved them once you will always love them. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't move on and live your life though.
Aditi24
June 9th, 2016 7:26am
A breakup puts an end only to the relationship and not to the feelings. You may continue to experience love towards your ex for lifetime by accepting the reality that you two are not together anymore and move on with your life, even love someone else in the future by relegating your ex to your past.
understandingOrange
June 9th, 2016 6:40am
If the break up just happened then absolutely. Its natural to still have feelings for someone you once wanted to spend every waking moment with.
lyricalscarf32
June 8th, 2016 2:23am
it's normal for you to still love your ex. hell, I had a boyfriend from almost 3 years ago and I still slightly have feelings for him. it's all normal and a little piece of you will always love him
Cory
June 5th, 2016 11:07pm
yeah it is really normal for you to feel that way, sometimes when your ex leaves you, they take a part of you with them. and you still love them and you will feel that way for a while
beautifulWaterfall35
June 5th, 2016 1:28pm
Its normal to still have these feelings and nothing to worry about. It's even more difficult if you have been in a long relationship. Time is the only answer.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2016 9:31am
It's alright to love somebody even if they are your ex, caring for someone you had relations with is natural for us humans. Feeling that way is very normal.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2016 5:23am
It's completely normal...:) Moving on takes time. Don't let the feelings overpower you though. also,live yourself harder :D
Bearhugs1
June 5th, 2016 12:18am
Of course. It's very normal to still have strong or weak feelings for someone you had a relationship. You're just not yet over the fact that you guys had something. It'll go away at some point.
Bettershapes
April 22nd, 2016 5:03pm
You are definitely allowed to feel this way, it took me 4 years to finally get over my boyfriend. It seems like the end of the world and that things wont change, but they will and they do. Eventually you will stop noticing him, you'll stop caring about what he's posting on social media, and you wont want to talk to him anymore. You wont miss him. I don't know if you ever really do stop loving him, but you'll learn to deal with it, and accept it and he wont matter anymore. There's a reason he isnt in your life anymore. He's gone now, so that someone better can come along. It may be the hardest thing in the world to see right now, but there is someone better out there for you. There will always be someome better than the last. I promise.
kabylia
March 31st, 2016 11:08am
yes generally the women fell that they still feel ....