I still love my ex. Should I feel this way?
Last Updated: 12/07/2020 at 2:45pm
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
I was with my ex for three years, and we broke up a year and a half ago. I still love him. It is my personal belief that love never truly goes away, and that you will always love your ex, because you shared your lives together for however long you were together. It's okay to feel this way, and in fact, you should feel proud. The ability to love is no small feat, and by finding love once, I know you will be able to find it again.
my ex and I broke up 4 years ago I'm still in love with him , so I think we are in the same shoe here
Actually you love the idea of loving him... you miss the good memories you had with him. And its lethal. Its only going to ruin your present. So, try to focus on what you have right now and be thankful for your blessings. Always remember that everything happens for a reason... God has something better in store for you which is why you should look forward and be positive about the future.
Should is irrelevant. You just do, and you can't get rid of your feelings by throwing "should" at them. In fact, research suggests that if you judge a feeling, it will grow stronger. It's natural to have some leftover feelings for an ex, and when what advice columnist Captain Awkward calls The Golden Retriever of Love starts barking and tugging at its leash, it's best to treat yourself the way you would a tiny puppy who wants to run up and lavish kisses on a snarling pit bull. Grip it gently but firmly, pet it, and say, "No no, sweetie. I know you love that dog and it's okay that you love that dog, but we are going to turn around and go play with those other dogs even if you don't love them, because they won't crush you in their massive jaws."
So it's been 15 years since I broke up with my ex and the last year or so he has popped in my head a lot/ too much and I have realised I miss him and still love him. 3 kids later and a very loving partner. Thing is I find my partner so boring and my ex was so much fun. We never really broke up but just went our separate ways , we wanted different things. A week ago he sent me a message inviting me for a weekend away , he has had a girlfriend for 3 years , I have been with my partner for 12. All of a sudden we are texting each other and I cant' stop thinking about him. umm it's a worry :(
Well, according to my experience, it's very normal to still love them and miss them. We all miss and love our exes, except if you never did love them. If you really wan to get back together (and he is a GOOD guy) you could give it a try once again. But, first you need to give them some space, perhaps 2-3 months. It'll help them to feel less awkward and all. Then you could slowly approach them, be nice, be forgiving. Then you could talk about it! If you think there's NO CHANCE of getting back together, (or he is a BAD guy) then you have two choices, either talk to them as friends, or you could write down what you feel towards them, then burn it!
Its natural to still love someone. I still love people from years ago, but just because you love them doesn't mean you were meant to be with them. You have to remember y'all broke up for a reason. Sometimes letting each other go on with your lives and with someone else is for the best. I believe we have many soulmates but only one true significant twin.
yes i think you really should still love your ex . there is nothing wrong with love. and it means you have unconditional love which is amazing.
For me, I feel that love isn't like a water faucet. It's not something that I can turn off once it's turned on. I love everyone I've ever loved, and will continue to do so until my dying day. There's a large difference between being "in love" and "loving" someone. In nearly all cases, eventually the "in love" phase will fade with time.
For me, I think it's only human when I have broken up with someone and I still have feelings for them. Relationships are strong, intimate connections with people. I feel sad when I lose a friend, so it's understandable if a relationship ends and you still have feelings for them. It's hard at first, but it got easier for me. I still have feelings for my exes, but they feel distant. I don't think time can erase the memories, but the memories eventually fade in time. And then it isn't so hard anymore. And sometimes that might be scary; the fact that the memories might fade into time; but it's not like they're gone forever and you've forgotten completely. I've just stopped living in the memories, and they've become little stories in my life. They make me smile still, and they make me sad, but they don't affect me as much as they used to. So, to answer your question, it's not about whether you should or shouldn't feel this way, but I think it is OK and natural. It is human. And I wish you the best, because you deserve the best. If you feel like you need counseling with a professional, please don't hesitate to seek them. They can be incredibly helpful through hard times.
You feel that way, because it was an important person to you, had a good time together, but you are not alone, and don't think you can't get over, you can !
Love doesn't go away that easily, it's normal that you feel that way. Personally, I believe that love is forever.
We are not machines. We cannot turn emotions off; just like we can't turn them on. It's okay to still love your ex because they were likely a big part of your life. To remove this love for your ex, start loving yourself more. Your feelings will not go away over night but I assure you that they will diminish in time. Be forgiving to yourself, we are often our worst critics.
Think about the experiences you shared with your ex. Were they positive or negative? Review the reasons why the relationship ended. Has your life changed for the better?
My wife broke up our marriage just before Christmas last year. I was devastated and heart broken. We have been married for 15 years and together for 17 and I know it's only been 4 months-I still have feelings for her even though she left me for another man. No one can control your feelings but you and like any type of grief/loss-there is no time statute. I still love her as I can not turn my emotions or feelings off like a light switch........some can.
Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on. AND TIME IS YOUR BIGGEST HELP! spend your time on things that worth better. Because in the end the feeling of accomplishment makes you so happy that you wont mind being in a "once upon a relationship"... but even then you know yes you love that person but above all what ever happened was for the best. Thence, concentrate on the EX? If it was meant to be, there would be no EX involved. NOW is the Time to completely 'EX it'. Dear don't think that what you are feeling is a reason to go backwards. Focus on other better things. Detach yourself from that person (social media especially, that person is not worth stalking) and look ahead, not backwards. YOUR answer, relief, and happiness is around the next bend, not in your rearview mirror. :)
It's perfectly fine to feel this way. I've had my fair share of times feeling this way. It's hard, but its not wrong at all.
it is normal to still have feelings for someone you spent a great deal of time with. However, if you are in another serious relationship, you may want to step back and address your feelings before getting in too deep with someone new.
It's normal to still love your ex especially when you just broke up, it takes time you know. Just hang in there...
It's perfectly normal to feel this way especially if they were the one breaking it off. These feelings can last weeks to months depending on how long the relationship lasted initially.
I don't love my ex- any more. every time I think of him and there were zero positive emotional So i learn to set up my emotional boundaries to block him out of my mind. I asked myself, it's worth to waste my time to think of him? So, I made my choice by detaching. because I can control what i want to think or what not to think about. thus all!
Yes, that's normal. You had a special connection with your ex and you loved him and I believe that love will never fade away.
I believe that when it comes to love there are no shoulds...love has a mind of it's own. Your love for your ex will be with you always but it will diminish and transform over time, especially if you make an effort to move on.
Of course you can still love a person after a break-up. Often we remember good things about a person rather than all the bad things, remembering both sides can help ease the feelings that you experience
Yes. You are greiving the loss of a love. Just because something ends doesn't mean it is over in your heart. Please read up on 7 stages of grief and the breakups guide. You need to give it time. You will get better and move on but it does take time.
It's okay to still love your ex. What you should ask yourself is whether they were worth loving. Did they upset you? Did they hurt you? If so they're not worth loving.
Seriously a great question. I still love my ex . He dumped me after 15 yrs of arranged relationship . I can't get over him . I was not sure why he left me . He has a family now but still I am single . I needed to go a long way to reach what I am today . I know its hard but still life has to move on . I am successful , but sometimes I used to cry for him from memories that cant taken back . Let him be in an other world and I am living my reality.
It's normal to still be in love with your ex after a breakup. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. There are so many people out there for you - try to let go of this one person if it wasn't meant to be. (especially if they broke up with you or were the ones who let you down) Hang in there, friend! Talking to someone on 7Cups is great if you need help or someone to talk to about your ex.
It depends. If he was a huge part of your life, it's okay to still have feeling for him. Or she/her. But if he was a sick bastard and good for nothing waste of time, get a grip. Let him go. Cross the bridge, move on and burn it.
Maybe you have not gotten over is there a possibility of reconciliation if you are in love is he you may need to seek answers or help from the church if he is willing to reconcil...some times relationship are worth saving and you can get past whatever it was that caused the trouble
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