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I still love my ex. Should I feel this way?

415 Answers
Last Updated: 03/27/2022 at 3:04pm
I still love my ex. Should I feel this way?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.

Top Rated Answers
mwhit00
August 15th, 2015 8:37pm
After being with someone, you will be emotionally attached to them.Don't feel bad about this feeling
Manpreet
July 29th, 2015 7:21am
There is nothing wrong in this way. It is Natural with you because Loving someone is a quality in you.
OrchidSpring
March 17th, 2016 3:18am
It is normal to feel this way. Anyone goes through this after a breakup. It'll take time and patience to learn to get over an ex.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2014 8:17pm
Yes, I still do love my ex but that does not mean you have to be with them. You guys can just be friends - just remember your broke up for a reason.
Milfath
March 19th, 2016 10:36pm
Why not? is there something wrong with that? love is a spontaneus sensation,it's completely normal!
TeenWolf
March 24th, 2016 3:42pm
Yes but only for a period of time if your over do It and keep your love for he/she then this would be called love addiction
Dariana
March 25th, 2016 9:02pm
Yes. You shared some feeling and they were true you cant just get over it. But it will eventualy pass but it is totaly normal.
heyitsveraxoxo
March 25th, 2016 10:55pm
It's quite normal to continue to feel attraction toward an ex, especially if they broke up with you. The important part is that you gradually get stronger and don't consume yourself with thoughts of what "could've been". Hope it works out for you.
Sp00nman
July 1st, 2015 2:49am
Still loving an ex is a normal thing. Experiences you both have had mean a lot to you obviously more to you than the other partner. Relationships are a two way street, not a one way street.
NMalmstrom
June 28th, 2015 6:10pm
It is okay to still love person you loved a month, year, ten years ago. You once had everything,it doesn't mean it is bad to still love him/her, you can't say it to your heart as a demand.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 7:31pm
Maybe you aren't just quite ready for moving on. And that's okay, just don't rush yourself to "fall out of love"
notnovember12
March 25th, 2016 2:08am
Every feeling you have is valid. Feeling love for them is okay. I just hope that you're finding good and healthy ways to cope with those feelings. Stay positive!
Anonymous
April 6th, 2019 5:53am
Its normal to still be trauma bonded. It will eventually diminish as time goes by. One day you will ask yourself, what happened? The only way to erase an individual from ones life. Grieve, allow the emotions to process, and remove yourself from their life. If an individual leaves without an explanation. They never loved you and treated everyone the same way. Some individuals are so toxic and manipulative. Others can come to an agreement. Without the drama and actually have adult relationships. Not many individuals are worth your trust, integrity and love. Others are worth everything you have to offer. It’s a matter of seeing your worth and knowing when to say goodbye. Nothing last forever and the things that do, well those are rare.
Rebekah
July 27th, 2020 10:47am
It is totally normal to still have feelings for an ex. You are not alone in how you feel at all, millions of people have been in your shoes before. I certainly have, and it can hurt so much. After a breakup, it can be hard to find our feet and to even get over the person, and if that is something you'd like to do, it's definitely possible. Loving an ex is something that is completely usual, it is a normal response to a breakup - it's perfectly alright and it's okay to do so. It can be incredibly difficult to get over a person and still having some feeling left over is completely normal, if not even expected.
Sprinkles128
January 30th, 2018 5:54am
Love can mean a lot of things, including and not limited to, attachment, power, desire, wishing well. Which flavor of love went away when your ex because your ex? And which flavor of love are you still holding on to? Also, feelings are thoughts and hormones and sensations that bubble up, and they don't necessarily require action. When the feeling of love (or questioning, or jealousy, or sadness) comes up, notice where it lands in your body, and the sensations that are changing every moment as you swim in that feeling. Make your relationship choices about what to do regarding this ex, when you step outside of those feelings.
reservedSky6051
November 25th, 2020 2:43pm
Mistakes may have been made.  Plans may have been broken. Words may have even been said.
All of a sudden you're standing there wondering what happened. The person who you feel these strong feelings and thought maybe even true love is an ex-boyfriend / significant other. 
When you started dating you had thoughts that this was a positive opportunity. Over time you shared your hopes, goals, and dreams. From the first moment you contacted each you were destined to be together. Passion spurred you forward. All a sudden that problem you had didn't matter anymore because you had found out what truly matters in life. Right?
All of a sudden your life is different and you're trying to get it in order without them anymore. Places that you may have gone to with them remind you of them. You may attempt to move on.
As time goes by people around you may urge you to start a new relationship. To try dating again. you may even attempt it or the idea could just fill you up with anxiety.as you try to move on with your life. you find that these feelings of love and the pain of the person you lost sneak up on you.
You could even be searching for articles like this one online trying to figure out why you still feel the way you do.
Because the truth is that you still love them even after everything that happened.
Before I go into it more, about if you should feel this way. I wanted to state that if you ended up loving this person before and still love them now. That just shows how much you really love them. having the experience to fall in love with them is something to be grateful for.
As people mature and get older some people to realize that even with this love they can't end up being together. Sometimes this is one-sided or there are other times when it's mutual.
Things may have come up and you cannot be with that person that you love whether it's differences in values, the timing of the situation, or something else entirely. One example of this is someone who loves someone with addictions might just not be able to stay with them even if they love them.
It doesn't matter if it's men or women - a lot of people have experienced this. But why?
Because of the relationships that we experience in life don't end when we end them.
They're still there in our memories. And our thoughts and we may still have strong feelings. 
So how do we process them?
A healthy thing to do with it is stop trying to diminish that you still love them. Instead allow your love for them to change from the romantic kind to a different kind. Allow yourself to feel grateful towards them because they held an important place in your life (even if they don't anymore). 
There were some points in your life where they meant something significant to you, and your heart may still feel that. So it's okay to have them in your thoughts. And it's even more understandable if you were together for a long time.
It's a good idea to forgive yourself for not being harsher, for not being able to cut off the bond.
Once you can realize that you still love them in a way. It's important to keep in mind why you broke up. What happened in your past relationship(s) that caused you to break you up? Make sure you keep that in mind, and create boundaries for yourself and for the people around you to help protect you in the future.
Even if you love people from past relationships don't allow them to string your feelings long. Recognize your feelings for what it is. Don't allow your strong feelings and the passion you felt for them misguided you. These techniques will make you strong and overtime your feelings of love will evolve.
As I'm sure you spent much time focusing on the question: if you still them does that mean you should be with them? 
And to that the answer: it depends. What was the reason that you broke up? Has it changed since then? Would being with them cause you to lose your sense and stop following what interests you?
Make sure your decision is honest with you.
MathewTheBull
July 10th, 2015 7:19am
It's natural to still love an ex as love has always and always will work in mysterious ways which we will never understand.
bookaholik1324
December 12th, 2015 4:58pm
My first love was my best friend from high school. I still love him after 35 years and have come to accept that I always will. I have had other meaningful relationships those years, but that doesn't change my heart.
Itsacrazylifewelive
July 9th, 2015 3:50pm
It'a completely acceptable to still love and care for your ex. Humans feel and in feeling we get attached to others. Attachments are not so easily broken. To be honest, you can still love your ex and even move on with life and love another. Especially if that individual is your first love.
softMermaid10
December 12th, 2015 9:49am
It's normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It's important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
MakNew22
December 12th, 2015 2:00am
It is perfectly okay to still be in love with your ex. That is perfectly normal after a break up, but eventually you'll move on & find someone better who makes you happy.
Anonymous
December 7th, 2015 9:54pm
i still love mine too, even if now i have a boyfriend. but it's that love that will never fade ,and you'll always think of him, it's not smth bad
WhisperedTarot
December 12th, 2017 6:00am
It's completely normal to still have feelings for your ex. You were once in a relationship with them and it isn't easy to "turn off" the love you may still feel for them. When struggling, remind yourself of the reasons why you are no longer with your ex and why your life is now better without that person in your life. This will help ground you and realize that you are remembering past emotions that don't exist in the present. You've moved on, and deserve the love of a wonderful person in your present life.
specialSoul64
August 17th, 2015 8:29pm
ofcourse it is, someone that once used to mean so much to you isnt going to be forgotten about easily. It takes time to move on and no longer feel attached to them.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2015 5:31am
Well. Some people do and some people don't. If they're you ex then they had to be your gf/bf at one time. So you would have had to love them at some point to be with them.
Fabulousfriend
November 22nd, 2017 9:26pm
It depends on the circumstances whether he was a good person or not, It's your call if you do but know that you are almost certainly setting yourself for heart break.
drowninghalo
September 4th, 2017 2:07pm
It's normal to still feel like you haven't moved on--after all, it's easier said than done. It takes time to get over those who mattered, and still loving the person is part of the natural process. But remember, encouraging these feelings are unhealthy, so remember to put distance and move on.
Matchschtick
December 5th, 2016 8:09pm
There is no right way of feeling in such a situation, but it is likely that it will take some time after a break-up to "stop loving" that particular ex. In my own experience, that process will take some time to get used to no longer being with that person.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2016 2:29am
It's completely natural to still love your ex. You have memories of them. Things you've shared. And if it's a recent break up of course you'll still have feelings.
kabylia
March 31st, 2016 11:08am
yes generally the women fell that they still feel ....