I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?
306 Answers
Last Updated: 05/15/2022 at 5:43pm
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D'Anna Davis, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
The journey to where we are today included many ups, downs, twists and turns. Healing from the events of life is crucial in achieving mental health and happiness.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 26th, 2017 10:47pm
I'm sorry to hear this. This has happened to me once. I started to try to deal with the situation by deciding if I could trust this person or not. I decided they were and everything turned out fine. This may be different for you, but I wish you luck.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 4:02pm
If you dated someone who cheated in the past. Firstly the fact you know is a good start it's where the other person knew what he or she did wrong and is able to own up to it as we all make mistakes. You have to think whether you are able to trust them if you are getting closer....
Some characteristics of a person never change, even if it does, sometimes its temporary. That doesn't mean it's impossible. But its better to spend more time with the person before committing anything. This way you can ensure a better and happier life.
It's best to make it a point to keep an honest relationship in this case. Don't assume that this person will cheat again. Everyone makes mistakes, and just because that person may have cheated once, doesn't mean they will do it again. Keep love first in your heart, and keep an open line of communication.
Though there is the saying-- "once a cheater, always a cheater", I believe in giving people the benefit of doubt. If we label someone as a cheater then that implies we're being judgemental of them. Maybe what they did was wrong, but since we haven't walked in their shoes, we can't judge someone based on incomplete information. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is entitled to forgiveness. What matters most is whether they're sorry for what they've done and whether they're willing to learn from it and ensure that it doesn't happen again.
First of all, what not to do would be assume why he or she cheated & to not judge. Asking why and having a calm conversation is always a good approach. But relationships are about understand and trusting each other, be patient with him or her. Do not always expect a direct result.
You have to be a really careful , maybe he/she was a young when he/she cheated but you should be really careful and at first talk with him/her about it.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2017 2:51pm
Everyone makes mistakes, because they've cheated once don't mean they will cheat again. If you really like that person you should give them a chance.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2017 2:53pm
You could never judge a person by his/her past but nonetheless i will take my precautions. Sometimes people changed for the better but sometimes they just dont so i will slowly get to know him/her and fall for him/her rather than falling in am instance
Maybe sit down with him and tell him your concerns. That way he is aware of you feeling this way. You should be able to talk to him about things.
People cheat because of different reasons. Try to build relationship based on trust, it is the main key of happiness here. There is always risk of being cheated on, but it's how life works and you'll never be happy if you won't try and let this life lead you through some experience, which sometimes can be quite difficult to manage
As long as your partner respects you, it's worth to invest in the relationship. Otherwise, take a good care of yourself and soround with people who treats you well and with love
Cheating is one of the hardest things to get past in a relationship or marriage. Once it's done, insecurities will be there for a while. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Talk about why it happened and be open to the reason it did happen then make some necessary changes. All you can do is try your best to have trust in him/her again. The biggest part is working through the why part of it and improving the why along with better communication.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2017 2:12pm
Trust is a very big thing in a relationship. Some people can change there ways and become a better person and learn from there past mistakes. Just try not to let it worry you, trust your gut and don't think to much about it or it will make you feel worse.
This is a personal choice and not one people can make for you. I'm sure people will tell you never to trust that person, however if they have never done wrong by you and you have no reason to distrust them then give it no more thought.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2017 6:53am
If you trust them then I think you should give them a chance. Listen to your gut and heart and if they disagree then do what you think is best for you. If you think he will cheat on you and you don't trust him then do what you think is best.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2017 8:40am
Keep it honest and encourage honesty in the relationship if it develops from dating to something more. Let them know they can be honest with you about their past infidelities. It takes a lot of patience to be accepting of someone who struggles with infidelity. Of course, you will have to decide whether or not you can work out honest communication with your new partner or if those transgressions are something you can accept in a long term partner.
Just because somebody has cheated in the past doesn't automatically mean they will cheat again. People can change, and if your relationship with them is smooth and trustworthy and loyal, then I'm sure there isn't anything to worry about! However, if you start getting suspicions, don't hold back about confronting them; it's okay to open up about how you feel and let them know what is on your mind. Stay safe :)
well it depends if the person cheated on you or another person..even tho we all change everyone have their reasons sometimes
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 6:15pm
If his reasons for doing so make you like him any less..dump him.. but ofc if you feel like he might actually never do it again listen to your heart..
Well, the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is not always the case. It really all depends, you are the expert on you, but if you feel comfortable and you trust them then I don't think you have a problem. Just try to trust them, that's all you can really do.
It depends on why they cheated and if they've shown they changed. They should understand that you may be a little cautious. I'd say just try to trust them as much as you can but to be careful and always go with your gut. You know what's right or wrong better than anyone!
If the person loves you, it is okay. People make mistakes. You should let go off your partner's past as long as it doesn't involve you.
be mindful of the circumstances. It may take extra support, compassion, and trust because of the situation. I definitely believe that the two of you can have a normal relationship though.
everyone deserves a second chance, its only a mistake if you learn from it. if they don't learn then walking away would be the only option
Anonymous
December 1st, 2017 2:51pm
It's a bit of a risk considering you know the story of the person you are dating, and wondering if this person could also be disloyal with you. Follow your gut and if you don't feel comfortable with going along, it's your choice to back away, and you don't have to blame yourself for the choice you've made. You know what you want for the relationship to work, and you wouldn't want to risk someone cheating on you.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 5:52am
You should keep a close eye,but not took close. Listen to the opinions of others and if it does turn out to be that he is cheating on you break it up immediately.ðŸ‘✊✌
Anonymous
December 9th, 2017 5:28pm
Give them a chance, people change. As long as he/she hasn'5 cheated on you, you will have no reason to doubt their loyalty.
This may be an unpopular opinion but everyone deserves a second chance and a right to prove themselves and grow. People do make mistakes and your partner may be perfect for you despite previous errors. Be sure to have a good talk with the person you're dating and make it very clear that cheating for you is a dealbreaker and that honestly is important to you. Discuss why your partner cheated, if they regret it and how he/she is going to make sure they don't cheat on you. Then I would advise giving them the benefit of the doubt. But if this person betrays your trust dont be ashamed to leave them. I think this is the fair way to handle the situation
Demand honesty above all from that person and try to understand how much she/he has changed after that experience. Set limits and expectations upfront, so she/he knows what it is okay and what is unnaceptable.
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