I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?
306 Answers
Last Updated: 05/15/2022 at 5:43pm
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D'Anna Davis, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
The journey to where we are today included many ups, downs, twists and turns. Healing from the events of life is crucial in achieving mental health and happiness.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 6th, 2018 2:11pm
I have been in this same situation, if you genuinely feel like the person has changed give it a shot. But if you still have doubts don’t put yourself through all the emotional stress that may come with the relationship.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2018 6:06pm
It's normal that you are feeling worried. If you are feeling anxious or worried about it, the best solution is to have an open conversation with this person. It's possible it was a learning experience for him as well and he won't be doing it again in the future.
As someone who has been here, this is what I’ve collected from my personal experience:
They may try to guilt trip/manipulate you into staying, and you may feel obligated.
They also victimize themselves, and will suddenly become very suspicious/protective over you.
You love this person, even though they hurt you, and that’s pefectly normal. However, I don’t believe that if someone does it once, that they won’t do it again. Because if they were capable of it in the first place, they’re capable of it again and again. and if they loved you in the first place, it wouldn’t have ever happened. The decision to stay or leave is your choice. But, I don’t think someone who cheats truly loves and respects their partner.
They do deserve a new chance, but they might cheat again. Nobody changes overnight, but you should give them a chance befure you judge them.
It all boils down on what do you want to do? on what do situation you are in?
The past and the present version of him are or may be different. Only you can judge if he's worthy of your love.
Anonymous
January 24th, 2018 6:33pm
I would tell them that I'm not okay with that and make sure that they understand me in a positive manner because I wouldn't wanna loose the person whom I love.
Anonymous
January 31st, 2018 2:18am
Give him or her a chance, because everyone deserves a second chance we're all human, nothings perfect
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 8:54pm
Personally i believe that someone who cheats once will cheat again. Breaking it off and looking for a more loyal companion could be a better option.
Be extra careful this time..dont show him\her that you doubt them ..still doubt their every action, don't let the past repeat again.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2018 6:39pm
There is a law of life which says "When you love someone, set it free. If it is yours will come to you. Otherwise it is not yours".
Discuss and let him/her choose.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2018 11:00pm
Doesn't necessarily mean that they would cheat again, although it's more probable than not. Nobody can tell you what you "should" do as nobody can give you a guarantee about it. In this scenario, just do what makes you feel comfortable. If you feel uneasy and suspicious when they're not around and those feelings make you insecure to the point that it's having an impact on your productivity, sleep, and all the other important aspects of life, then it's better to move on and make a better choice. Hope this helps (:
Do not judge people on their past. But be cautious, if he cheats on you, it may not be the first time. Do not forgive him straight away. Give him straight away. If it happens more than once, or you cannot forgive him, leave him. Foucus on yourself before him.
Anonymous
February 21st, 2018 1:51pm
The first question to ask is, how do you feel about his past? If it makes you insecure at the thought that he might cheat on you, the relationship won't last as there is no trust. If you think that you can work past this and trust him to be loyal to you, then the relationship is worth fighting for
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2018 5:00pm
Your past can say a lot about about you, but people can change. Someone's current actions and commitment to being a better person should speak louder that their past wrongdoings
Anonymous
February 28th, 2018 10:11pm
Be aware of it know that this person might cheat and be ready and if he doesnt.. Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd be cautious. I'd try not to obsess about it, or make a scene of it but keep it in the back of your mind. They say once a cheater always a cheater for a reason sadly.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 6:01pm
I would have open discussion with them in regards to how it makes you feel. Try to talk about your fears and ensure that these are acknowledge. Learn to trust and be honest with another.
they cheated once, they may cheat again; prepare yourself for that. They may have their own insecurities.
have an open conversation, discuss together what are the do's and don'ts, what are your limits in a relationship, how do you stand in different moral dilemmas...There is nothing wrong with that, it is very normal to want to know someone better at the beginning of the relationship
Sit that person down and express your specific concerns or feelings about their past but make sure not to sound judgemental or act harsh towards the other perso
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2018 9:58pm
Learn to trust that individual, be cautious but don't invade their privacy. Trust is so important c:
If someone has cheated in the past you should maybe monitor them just to make sure. If they really want to stop cheating and say they won't anymore ask them if you can install an iPhone tracker to make sure that when they go out they don't and maybe have a car tracker too. All through this, all might be a little too drastic if they want to get better and they say they do they will let you. Or if you are a really trusting person you don't have to go and do that, but still, keep an eye out on them just in case. ;)
Talk to them about this, and ask to check text messages and/or ask them to be honest with you. Most likely they will be honest.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 7:07pm
Give them a chance and be completely honest and straightforward with them, if they cheat leave them the second you find out. People can change but just be careful as they may not have changed yet.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2018 3:52pm
Dating someone with a checkered past should not be used to judge a current event in your own life. Simply you have to respect the person as the relationship slowly becomes stronger and stronger there is a such thing as Second Chances if one truly believes in second chances as they would love and want for those second chances to happen to you we must learn to adapt to a brand new change and that is known as a fresh start. Am I honest opinion no person on this Earth is perfect in everything everybody has a flaw some hide those laws very well While others make it very obvious. But it's totally up to one person if they truly want that relationship to happen
Anonymous
April 7th, 2018 4:17am
If you love them, even if it's a sensible situation, go for it! That was a different phase of their lives, with a different person. Of course, if you feel insecure about that, talk with them, communication's the key to any relationship. Just remember that mistakes are a natural thing to any human being, and we learn with them. Wathever your decision is, I wish you the best of luck!
Let bygones be bygones. If that person did something in past. Doesn't mean he she will repeat it. But if you have this fear, be open about it n tell this to your partner
Anonymous
April 11th, 2018 7:35pm
If you know the person for a good time, try to get to know his/her intentions, or have a good talk :)
I believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance, despite their past, despite their mistakes they have made in the past. You might have doubts, you might have worries but this "Once a cheater, always a cheater" stuff I believe is wrong. Everyone can change, If they want to be with you and love you truly then they will show it and prove it, actions prove much more than words
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 8:46pm
I would ask myself can I forgive that person? Can I trust in that person again? Because if the answer it's no I think it would make things complicated.
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