Spying on ex's social media - since my breakup I can't stop from monitoring. Is that okay?
306 Answers
Last Updated: 06/06/2022 at 1:11pm
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 11th, 2017 6:07pm
It is completely normal to do so, afterall, love is not that easy to be forgotten. It is good to take your time to heal and then build your life back again.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2017 8:45am
Of course it's okay! It may not help you to move or but it's a normal thing to be curious about! Try limiting yourself to one 'look' a day, and eventually you will stop caring what they are doing in their life!
Anonymous
February 16th, 2017 6:18pm
It´s not. That has maybe to do with the fact that I am still missing something in my story with him out. If I still want to know how he is doing or looking, that shouldnt be a problem. Still I think it wouldnt be a problem to ask him directly how is his life going. That would give us a much more real, practical and true answer than what we can get from social media. And who knows, maybe he might be glad you looked out for him and something new might start!
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2017 4:34pm
That is definitely okay, as long as you both are still friends afterwards, there is nothing preventing you from seeing what they are doing.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2017 8:01pm
It is normal to be curious about someone that you use to speak with everyday, however it is time to move on, if you have split up recently then take time to let your emotions out. By looking at their social media for any clue about what they are doing is just prolonging the feelings you currently have.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2017 10:16am
It's difficult to get over some people. But it's not healthy to spy on your ex. You need to make a conscious effort to try and stop. It won't help you in anyway. Instead go make some social media worthy memories for yourself. Go out. Enjoy with friends. Try new things. Have fun.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2017 1:32am
I feel like this question is very subjective, however I feel that over-time it is healthy to begin to distance yourself from an ex. Once you begin to distance yourself further and further, you will begin to discover more things about yourself, through experiences, that you may not have known,
In the beginning is okay, but if it has been going through longer, you might have some problems with missing affection and intimacy with somebody. Try to distract yourself with friends, studies, work, social life or hobbies. If the emotions are too overwhelming still, consider seeing a counselor or therapist.
Each breakup is unique and for this reason so is the 'correct' procedure on how to handle it. In my own experience the moment you decide to delete the numbers, remove the messages and block both yourself and your ex from being able to see each other on social media - you gain a huge about of control and momentum. At first, you may find yourself counting the days since you checked and wondering what you may be missing but ignorance is truly bliss! Slowly but surely by lack of exposure to your ex - you will begin to heal and move on without even realising.
Technically speaking, you can do whatever you want, but since the dynamics are very different now, it wil be considered stalking if he finds out. Also, stalking your ex prevents you from moving on from the relationship cleanly, and you might find yourself clinging on to it which is bad for your emotional well-being. I suggest you block him entirely and treat your relationship as a relic that you don't want to be reminded of. Treat you current situation as starting anew and look to the future as a blank scape.
Sure, but the only one that's gonna get hurt is you. Spying on them doesn't bring you anything besides seeing their pictures or what they have to say. And one day you'll see something you don't like, that's just bound to happen, and you'll get yourself hurt because care about someone you should be forgetting.
It's certainly normal to want to see how your ex is getting on. It could be out of jealousy that you don't want to see them with someone else, it could be anger that you don't want them to hurt another, clarity for the reasons why you broke up with them, or it could even just be habit from how much you're used to caring for them etc.
However, it's not healthy. If the decision of the break up was final then you need to be able to function happily without them in your life. Time is the best healer for that but you need to be able to move on and live for yourself.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2017 7:59pm
No its not ok as they are now your ex and its none of your business and on top of that you're torturing yourself.
Completely okay. But if you are planning to get over your break up, you should stop from spying and move on.
It is normal to do that- but you are only doing yourself more harm. Try to keep away from social media for a while after your breakup, or maybe just take a break; it'll clear your mind. Try to focus on the things that you love doing in life and think positive!
I think people do this as a way to stay connected, but really, it's a reflection of the fact that you're not letting go and accepting the end of the relationship. It's not a very healthy way to behave, particularly if it goes on for any period, as it just signals an inability to move on with your life.
If you want to move on then no in my experience, i don’t thibk it’s okay. It acts like a constant reminder of all that’s happened. We keep looking back. In order to move on we gotta break free of these habits. You know what they say “out of sight, out of mindâ€
For some time I think it's quite normal, you've been involved with this person for some time and you want to know how that person is living after you. But it's healthy to look through it each time less and less.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2017 8:07pm
although you may want to see whats been going on, you cant spend your life constantly checking up on someone who doesnt matter anymore. it wont get you anywhere
At some point you will stop doing that but if you want to seriously move on you should stop doing it since it will hinder the process
I feel that it isn’t okay nor healthy to do so. Spying is just a nice way of saying stalking. When you let go of the hurt and pain truly you won’t feel the need to spy!
Anonymous
January 11th, 2018 12:37am
It is okay to be hurting, but becoming obsessive is not a good thing. Obsessiveness is an unhealthy habit to get into and will almost always result in you getting hurt again.
It's not healthy but I think everyone is guilty of doing that. If you feel yourself wanting to do it, do something else instead. You need to find distractions. Download a puzzle game on your phone or watch a funny video.
It is normal, we all have been through this phase but what is important here is why do you want to monitor their activities. Seeing their pictures or statuses is only going to hurt you. Why do you want to hurt yourself? It is not the time to focus on what they are doing in their lives, you should try to keep the focus on yourself and move on in your life.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2018 7:50am
Not really, You are not letting yourself go from the past. Dont look back, you can only look forward.
I think the temptation is there. However, it is a bad habit that needs to be broken. I think it makes it difficult to move forward. Try blocking him. Remember the phrase "Out of sight, out of mind". Good Luck!
Its incredibly normal to do this after breakups. In today's world its hard not to get away with the amount of social media options we have. I cant think of a person who hasn't monitored their ex's social media at some point. To answer your question, yes! Perfectly normal. For the sake of your well-being however it's best not to make a routine of this. It makes the process of getting over them last much longer than it need to.
No,because he will think that your stalking him and that is really really creepy so no. not O.K. at all
that's not healthy. the only way you will find closure and the ability to move forward into a healthy relationship (when you are ready) is to find closure in letting go. If you continue to spy on your ex you're not allowing yourself the chance to heal and find closure.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 9:36pm
At first, it's okay it is very natural and i would do it too. Though, it is not healthy to do it forever, at some point you should stop and move on, it's okay if you can't because that is where you can talk to us for some help :)
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