Spying on ex's social media - since my breakup I can't stop from monitoring. Is that okay?
306 Answers
Last Updated: 06/06/2022 at 1:11pm
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
Many people do this, but it doesn't make it okay. I think you should work on stopping, and eventually moving on. Holding on to your past helps you in no way possible.
I think it's normal to look at what's going on in their lives since they left you, but don't obsess over it, try to focus on yourself and your own life, but I would say it is normal and okay in moderation.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2016 2:26pm
It's not illegal, but if you find something that upsets you, it will inevitably not be worth it. While we can't quite our need to feel like we are still in their live, we do need to recognize maybe it's better that way. You should let them be, as hard as it is.
if you want to move on. is not okay then because its like you touch the wound again and again. and then you cant forget him. but if you think both of you can get back together and you dont want to move on its absolutely okay
Its common to cope with a breakup this way- Its hard going through breakups when you really cared about the person you were with.
As long as you aren't doing anything illegal, it's okay.
Although you still care for this person checking their social media will only prolong the healing process for you. The best thing to do is go about your own life and enjoy yourself. Cut contact on social media. What you don't know can't hurt you and concentrate on doing things that make you happy.
If you keep picking at the wound, it will never heal. It might be hard, but it will save you so much pain if you stop focusing on what your ex is doing, and focus on you. Put yourself first!
I know how tough this can be-- I've done it in the past myself. However, in the long run-- doing this isn't ideal. It keeps you in the past. Doing this bars you from moving on improving your on your own happiness and betterment. Try instead to focus on you and your health instead of worrying about those in the past.
Spying on your ex's social media is not a healthy past-time. Instead of spying on their social media, why not take up a new hobby, start reading a new book, or go for a walk? Finding peace and moving on can certainly be hard, but take your time.
It is OK for the first couple weeks but after that you should really move on and let them go and find somebody else take your mind off your ex that's what I will do
That is absolutely okay unless it doesn't affect you in a bad way. You can always check up on your ex and how he's choice has been degraded, Lol that makes me happy and i'm sure it will make you happy too. However, after a point it is meaningless to waste time on your ex who's probably forgotten your existence.
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2016 9:22pm
There's nothing /wrong/ with it, but it's not good for moving-on purposes. I would block his contacts, unfollow things, etc. Distance is the only way you can heal-- constant reminders do not work well. To let a scab heal, you can't pick at it
Everyone is guilty of a little stalking of maybe a crush but your ex I think maybe it's time to move past them especially if they are you're ex if the feeling if not mutual to reunite then move on you'll find someone else trust me for now just surround yourself with positive things
It's not whether it's okay or not, more so that you're making it harder for yourself to get over your ex. Instead of monitoring social media, how about do something nice for yourself? Hang out with your friends? Staring at your laptop screen, or phone screen, is just prolonging your pain.
No it's not.. it makes you think about her/him and you should stop doing it.. it is important to stop spying him if you really want to move on
Anonymous
September 30th, 2016 2:04am
That's generally normal, but you shouldn't be doing that. Try blocking him, so that you don't see his posts and what not.
Anonymous
September 30th, 2016 4:35pm
It's not ok, for either of you. In my experience it only keeps the hurt going. Letting that go, the 'spying', is one step closer to letting yourself heal from that hurt.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2016 11:02am
That is completely normal to do! It is not easy to completely stop thinking about your ex right after a breakup, but it helps to reduce how often you monitor them!!
For a couple weeks/months its completely normal. But eventually you have to stop so you can move on with your life, and find someone new
No, it isn't. Block them if you have to. You cannot move on from a relationship until you stop obsessing about how they are doing. Over time, it gets easier.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2016 9:19pm
It's natural that having been with an individual for a while, knowing them better than you know anyone else, you would be curious to see how they are doing post-break up. Whether this be for there general wellbeing, to address any concerns or suspicions you may have had, or simply to attempt to find some closure to the end of a relationship. However, the moment behaviour becomes more stalking than simply spying on their wellbeing - this may become an issue.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2016 5:00pm
Stalking your ex is not the best way to go about things, mostly because that way it'll be extremely hard for you to let go and move on. Also What you're doing can be considered as stalking and that can get you in a lot of trouble.
It will get easier. The best thing to do is just monitor yourself, ask yourself: "Why am I looking? What am I hoping to find?" If those answers are unhealthy, try and cut down one step at a time. If you are just curious and still a little upset, usually the peeking subsides after a while in my experience
We have all had these urges to keep checking up on them. I personally have experienced this and think it's okay once and a while but not all the time. Sometimes if you watch them too much you might find out stuff you don't necessarily wanted to find out. Or if they are with someone else then it just makes it harder to get past the breakup..at least from my experiences. Every once in a while is okay at looking at them but not all the time.
It is a bad thing for yourself, you keep reminding yourself of that person and that only brings more unecessary pain.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2016 4:41am
"Okay" might be the wrong question -- you might want to ask yourself "is this healthy"? "Is this having a positive impact in my life?" It is rare that monitoring our exes leads to us finding resolution or closure. Instead, try to focus on yourself. Reach out to friends, connect with a listener here, find things that let you rebuild and get to know yourself again. Try to view the break up as an opportunity to explore who you might become now, when living for yourself. It is extremely difficult, but it will keep you from more heartache over time, which is the only thing that really comes from monitoring our exes and emotionally torturing ourselves.
I understand where you're coming from with this, but I believe the saying, "out of sight, out of mind" to be very true. You will find that looking at your ex's social media will only increase your thoughts on this person. Thoughts and feelings are connected, so it's important to be aware that your feelings reflect your thoughts and vise versa. It might be helpful to "block" your ex on social media - This way you are not curious as to what they've been up to, and you can't see what they've been up to. I would say spying on your ex's social media since your break up isn't a good thing and hinders you from your own personal growth. Remember - Out of sight, Out of mind. :-)
Anonymous
February 8th, 2017 12:05pm
Yes it's perfectly natural. Our brain forms more nerve connections to highest pleasure activities, and unless they are replaced with something even better one will constantly feel the void. But with time due to lack of the thing which was the reason for pleasure, these connections will get reduced, and you will again be normal with some other activity as your prime cause of happiness.
Anonymous
February 11th, 2017 7:06am
It's totally normal behavior, but you want to try to fight against that urge as best as possible. After my ex and I broke up I blocked off everything, which helped me a lot in the process of getting over him
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