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what does it mean when he says he doesn't want to break up but he is not sure if he loves you anymore?

198 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 2:58pm
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Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
LonelybutNotLonely
February 16th, 2020 12:08am
in my point of view, maybe he felt pity on you thats why he doenst want to break up. he is afraid if what will happen to you if he break you up. the relationship become his responsibility only. no more compassion. no more excitement. he is just there because it should be the right way to do. in that case, both of you will suffer if you continue the relationship. he will not be happy like the way it used to be. you will start to compare him from what he was before. you will start to demand of his love. that’s why it better to let him go and find his own happiness. don’t keep him in the relationship that he is not happy anymore.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2020 11:40am
It can be hard to comprehend sometimes (almost always) but honesty is key and you shouldn’t overreact about it because time changes as well as people and it’s not a bad thing because people grow and learn daily. Since there was always a connection you could discuss couple therapy or even consider being close friends, even going with the flow is always a good choice. Time fixes everything without even realizing it, and we live and we learn and grow from the past and certain experiences. Don’t ever blame yourself for someone’s opinion, because it’s never yourself to blame to begin with.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2020 6:45pm
He is probably afraid of being alone and doesn't want to let you go just in case he can't find anyone else. It is important to consider whether or not it is going to make you happy to be in a romantic relationship with a person who has admitted that they no longer love you.
allyswift
April 16th, 2020 9:54pm
Hey, I am sorry, you dont deserve to feel confused about the person who means a lot to you. I guess the person is asking for some time to figure out his feelings and what he wants. Maybe sometimes, we feel that we are over someone when we are not, sometimes we are blindfolded by a fight, a misunderstanding or an argument which makes us feel we arent inlove when actually we are but we feel confused or hurt. I guess its kinds mature of him to actually say this, to figure out what he wants, he clearly doesnt want to hurt you and himself, he seems to care about you. I really hope he still loves you so yoy guys get to be happy
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 9:03am
I think it means that he may have forgotten the reasons why he loves you and needs to search within himself to see if he is in a space to continue being in a relationship. It’s important as a couple to talk this situation out and explore each parties feelings and explore how the other feels. Put yourself in his shoes too— is he going through a lot physically, mentally, emotionally, financially? Is he undergoing a lot of stress or not having enough time to think and process. Also use his statement to explore how you feel and explore what your self worth is. Personally I think that communication is key.
EmmanuelCSU
May 2nd, 2020 6:54pm
It means that he doesn't want to break your heart or hirt ypur feelings, but he doesn't love ypu the way maybe you love him? I've been in this situation before when I suddenly didn't feel like I love my "gf" but I told her that and maybe the best thing was that I should have broke up with her even tho she might have been hurt because you don't deserve to be with a person who can't love you also he might just now see you as a really good friend and doesn't want to lose you? But in all honesty, I would recommend breaking up instead of staying in a relationship where you know that you wouldn't get necessarily loved the way you might be loving him
gentleRose3974
May 13th, 2020 8:12am
From my experience, this is what somebody says when they are afraid of being alone. They aren't necessarily with you because they still like you anymore. They are there because they don't want to tell other people that they are single again. They still want somebody to hold them at night. They want somebody who will listen to them 24/7 and be on their side no matter what. It's hard but I wish I had recognized this earlier for myself and removed myself from the relationship because it was only going to lead to more pain. You're stronger than this and can find somebody who wants to be with you because you are you, not because you're just a convenient body in the right place at the right time.
Anonymous
May 24th, 2020 11:52pm
There is still a part of him that loves you and is holding on to the great memories and moments that he shared with you. Being in love has its good and bad, and it brings people to crossroads at times, because the thought of breaking up with someone means you lose the person that made you so happy, and the moments and feelings you want to have and feel again won't be felt when you let go of that special person. However, the doubts, insecurities, and arguments create rough patches and obstacles that are hard to overcome, which at this point tests his willingness to stay for love. It's a painful process, but love has its own way of bringing you different experiences and emotions in your life. If he turns out not to be the one, then there is someone out there who will come into your life and make it better than it was before, and he will help you see the brightest light and experience the utmost happiness.
SamBright
June 10th, 2020 7:34pm
Try to take this time and remember the reasons why you are together in the first place. When a relationship starts, it's flooded with emotions and it could be very exciting. When some time passes by, you might not feel like you are gaining as much as the beginning. But if you believe there is still love there, do some things to help him know that you care. Make sure he knows that you're committed to saving the relationship, and if it ends up not working out then you'll still know that you did everything that you could to make it work.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2020 10:53pm
This can mean several things. But the most common is that he is scared for the future and some people have a tendency to push people away when they get scared. They could still love you but be thinking of all the reasons why you two won't work out together which can block his love. But even though he can not feel the love anymore, he still cares about you and wants to stay. I think when a guy says this statement it is better to know, rather than him just pretending that he still he loves you at the moment.
gloriousShiny444
July 19th, 2020 1:16am
When a guy says they Don’t want to break up but they’re not quite sure that they love you think this is a example of what kind of guy he is and what kind of guy he’s gonna treat you as if you date a guy that is willing to put his life on the line for you willing to love you and be there for you I have been in a situation where a guy I dated for about a year told me that he doesn’t he wants to date me but he doesn’t know that he loves me and all in all it turned out to be as he wanted sex with me and have babies with me and then break up with me at the same time so I understand what you’re going through but I also don’t know what to tell you and that way because most guys are different and they’re going to have different of statements and different things like that I do know one thing that might help you just talk to me in a private chat room and I can give you examples about my situation here situation
MyNameIsNicole
July 22nd, 2020 8:25am
It means he's confused about his feelings. He's not sure he feels the same level of affection for you as he did before, but he still feels something for you. It might also mean he's scared to leave the relationship because he put in so much time and effort and is scared to throw it all away. This usually happens in most relationships, they refrain from breaking it off simply because they don't want to throw away all they have worked for. We should always remember we outgrow people. we shouldn't be afraid. We even outgrow former versions of ourselves. It's inevitable. It will happen.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 1:03pm
He is trying to figure out his feelings for you and maybe thinking about the long term aspect of your relationship. That may be because of multiple reasons including but not limited to career and family. Maybe there was some disagreement in the recent past that led to him saying this. Maybe it was something else that is weighing on him. It's best to ask him to talk to you more openly and trust you to be able to share what and how he feels. Perhaps an open conversation would help him understand more about his feelings and would help you get some clarity as well.
marimillz20
August 1st, 2020 5:04am
it means that he is no longer worthy of your love that he is no longer someone you have to worry about because if he cant tell you straight up if he loves you or not then he is not worth it you should not have to stress over a situation that he isnt even sure he wants to be in with you if he isnt able to say i love you and not be sure about it then it is time for you to get up and walk away from him because at this point thats a unhealthy situation you should not have to sit around and wait on him to love you
amiableRose1577
August 5th, 2020 2:27am
I think he is confused on what he wants , everyone is different but if he doesn’t feel like he loves you anymore then don’t put yourself in that position you shouldn’t wait for him to make up his kind , it’s either he loves you or he doesn’t if he loves you he wouldn’t have fallen out of love don’t try and break your heart for someone who isn’t sure about what they want , it seems like he still wants you in his life but doesn’t know if its as a friend or not and you should say it to him
ShiningDragon2234
August 15th, 2020 7:43am
It means that you guys may want to rethink or review your relationship. If not there would be lots of veery awkward feelings just floating around. Communication is key. First sit down to think about how your relationship is going now. Then find the pros and cons. Then decide if all felling are the same or somewhat similar. After you have talked your next move would be to think about the future. Ask yourself questions like : " Do I see myself with this person in 5-10 years?" Or " Is this a relationship i want to last forever.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2020 3:18pm
This must be really hard and upsetting for you. In my opinion it means that he is confused about his feelings and need time to figure things out. It could be he is overwhelmed too or he really does not love you anymore but does not want to say so. This might be because he might me scared of being left alone and is used to having you by his side. It can also be because he knows it would be hard to just stay friends with you after breaking up and so does not want to take away the relationship label off yet.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2020 12:26pm
It usually means he is confused about the relationship and isn't sure what he wants. I have found that there is usually more going on than relationship concerns and that this answer shows he is confused and anxious with what is on his plate. He is not sure of his feelings so he gives a very neutral or vague answer. I feel that there is more going on than wondering if he doesnt want to breakup but isnt sure about love, sounds like it goes way deeper than that and maybe he is just confused and needs time to sort out feelings
Anonymous
November 5th, 2020 1:39pm
It can mean a lot of things, but he might just need some space to figure things out. Times might be tough for both of you,if you love each other you will figure it out. In the end, I would suggest listening to your gut feeling, and if you feel like he isn't giving you what you need, or you don't feel happy, it might be better to break up, and give space to others, who might give you what you need. Love can be hard sometimes, and I know this silence makes you feel frustrated, but trust me, it gets better.
strawberrybug
November 15th, 2020 5:49am
When my partner went off to college they told me a similar thing. At the time I did not understand it, but now I understand that they were trying to figure out who they were and how they belonged to the world. Your instance may be something similar. He might just be confused and lost in life at the moment. Soul searching is hard and can cause you to question every thing about your life. I'm sure it is nothing you personally did, it is natural in life to go through periods of change. While his feelings are valid, yours are too. Make sure you communicate how it makes you feel and put your best interest first.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2020 11:00pm
He's unsure of what he wants right now, love or friendship. Sometimes being with someone you adore so much and wish for them to not leave you, you create pressure for yourself and think that breaking up with someone will create an awkward relationship between the two, meaning it's no longer the same as before. At the moment you both have to sit and have a conversation just between the two of you and realize what relationship between the both of you suits best, being friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. It's better to have a permanent friendship rather than a temporary relationship.
nocturnalpianist
November 21st, 2020 1:05am
Basing off from what you've mentioned (he says he doesn't want to break up)it shows that he cares deeply about you. If he's not sure if he loves you anymore, it usually means that he's confused with his feelings because to him, it might mean that he doesn't feel the same as he used to when loving you. His love for you might've dropped, or it might mean that he doesn't sense that initial feeling he got from being in a relationship with you. He may need some time to declutter his feelings and see what the real situation is.
DarkPiT23
November 27th, 2020 2:54pm
He has mixed emotions if he doesn't make time for you anymore. Doesn't try to comfort you when you're upset. He jabs you between the ribs during fights. He just doesn't care about your needs anymore. If your guy keeps you around, it might be because he can't break those habits, as they've become so ingrained in the fabric of his life that he doesn't want to let them go. As a result, he won't let you go either, which only leaves you confused and upset. 5. He wants to keep his options open. Men's feelings after a break up are very complex as well, but many men have an uncanny ability to bury these emotions and make it seem like they're totally fine. ... They'll bury themselves in work, they'll avoid talking about their feelings and the breakup, and they'll keep it all hidden away from others
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2021 8:12am
I don't know the specific context, but it sounds like maybe he's feeling conflicted. For whatever reason, and it may be totally within him, he wanted to address the possibility that he cannot love you in the way that you need. He might be scared to break up with you, but doesn't know if he can stay in a relationship with you, either. There are many reasons why he might not want to leave the relationship (comfort, familiarity, predictability, friendship, companionship, emotional support, sexual intimacy, to name a few) but it seems like he is also concerned with the possibility that the romance is gone for him. No one wants to break up with anyone, it's usually very difficult for both parties.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2021 7:47pm
It must be really hard to hear that from someone close to you. His statement might mean a few different things, so it may help to communicate with him about what he means by that. However, you should also take into consideration your feelings. How did you feel upon hearing it? How did you feel upon his explanation of it? What do you want, either for the relationship or for your personal future? It sounds like his indecision may be an opportunity for you to assess your own decisions, and to choose whether you want to stay with someone who is unsure of whether they love you. Only you can know what the right decision for you is.
gracefulDreamer6406
February 6th, 2021 1:39am
Granted all situations, relationships and people are different. I believe its fair to say there is something going on within the relationship that isn't being communicated. Attempting to figure out what it is without communication will prove to be exhausting and futile. I believe that if he says he is not sure that he loves you but does not want to separate, means that there is something that is pushing him away from you. Whether it be a behavior or behaviors of yours. I believe that when you meet someone romantically there are things that you fall in love with about a person, those small things about someones personality, habits, smile, or even their appearance. Whatever it may have been that you fell in love with is always there. I believe with time you get to know more about someone, including all the stuff you didn't fall in love with. What I am getting at is maybe there is something about yourself he doesn't see working out in the long run. This could also mean there is another reason as to what is making him think or feel that he is in love or loves you. There is no sure way of knowing what he means when he says that without communicating. But to me it means that there is something in the relationship that is causing him to think or feel the way he is.
liliaflower
February 11th, 2021 6:05am
It's hard to know for sure. He may just be going through a phase of doubt but he might not actually love you anymore. I have found that when a situation is happening, talking out your feelings and understanding what he is going through is extremely valuable. Knowing how he feels can help you figure out how to proceed. I know, personally, when I am unsure if I still love my boyfriend, it's oftentimes just self doubt and anxiety trying to look out for me and make sure this is the right relationship for me. It could help to try and ease hsi fears if that is what he is going through.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2021 6:46am
He might be afraid of being alone, or would just rather be friends with you instead of being in a relationship. I would suggest he takes a little time to reevaluate his feelings for you, but if he still is questioning his feelings about you, it looks like breaking up would be for the best. It seems though like he still wants you in his life in one way or another, but what you want is also important to consider. I would say you can likely still be friends with him if that's what you decide you want, but I would suggest spending some time apart for a while, maybe a few months, with little contact before reaching out again. Ultimately, this is only if you both want this, and it depends on your situation.
miraculousNight0531
February 21st, 2021 7:37am
I have heard those words before and they hurt really bad. I stuck around one time after hearing these words and unfortunately he ended up breaking up with me anyway, so the next time I heard these words I just left. I find that if someone does not know if they love you or not, its not really the love you're looking for, and you should keep looking elsewhere. I hope my experience helps in some way, and I wish you luck in your relationship. If you need someone to talk to, we're here for you.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2021 10:00am
It sounds like both of you would be in a challenging phase in your relationship right now. Maybe your boyfriend is unsure, if it is worth it continueing your relationship and doesn't know what to do. A difficult situation. What do you feel about? You sure sound like you want to continue you relationship. So, why could he feel that way? Were there any problems or difficulties in you relationship before? How can you solve or overcome them? Your boyfriend really seems to struggle with deciding what is best for both of you. What can you say to cheer him up right now? I wish you the very best for your future.