Why can't I learn to open up to people?

142 Answers
Last Updated: 07/27/2019 at 8:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2005 with a diverse group of clients, all ages, races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 10th, 2015 6:38pm
I have a massive fear of rejection. I think it started at a very young age, since I experienced having to let go of my best friends and my favorite places due to all the moving my family went through. Not opening up to people naturally became a way to protect myself from getting hurt. As I grew older, I also started to figure out that people like to be around happy and funny people, but once you become serious and not so entertaining, the majority of people didn't care about me anymore. In addition to that, I was almost sexually abused by people I never dreamed of doing such stuff to me that I completely lost trust in people. I didn't understand how and why other people could live so nonchalantly in a world where people just hurt each other. I doubted their mentality, and eventually started questioning myself. Maybe I was too naive. Maybe I had to ignore all the darkness and confusion inside me and just accept the fact that I had to live lying to myself each and everyday that I was okay. I got stuck in a loop of my own thoughts without being able to find the right people that I could trust. Every thoughts and emotions had to circulate within me and conclude itself in a cage of my head. This process became so normal for me to the people opening up to other people became a huge taboo.
HawaiianAir
January 26th, 2016 12:45am
Learning how to open up to people is a tricky one. This only comes with practice. I've been there myself - I think I was overly insecure, and just didn't trust people. I always thought that my opinion didn't matter or perhaps that my opinion was even stupid. Building confidence in yourself is important before opening up to people, I think.
Anonymous
March 8th, 2016 12:14am
Opening up to someone is a hard thing to do. It's always a good idea to start small. Tell a family member about your day and how certain things made you feel. This way you start to get comfortable with talking about small things and learn to open up about things that worry you
TARY
November 9th, 2015 8:19am
Have you tried opening up to yourself first? If you can accept what you see and who you are, it will be easier for you to open up to other people. I know it feels like the world is constantly judging, but this is not always true - you are special the way you are and you got to give others a chance to know you. This is a step by step process, slowly but surely you'll get there.
Greatlistener87
May 10th, 2016 6:37am
Might be that you have had a bad experience with opening up to people in the past that has caused you to protect yourself. The idea is to realize that you are only human and so are the people who hurt you. Forgive and move on.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2015 8:14pm
Opening up to people is really tough, because when we open up to people we are vulnerable to them. Part of the reason why you can't open up to people might be a fear of being vulnerable. Is there something that has happened in your past that has made you mistrusting of others? Were you once rejected by someone for opening up to them? Try to identify where you are stuck, and it might help you open up.
butterfly182
April 7th, 2015 1:01am
It could have something to do with the fact that you maybe have trust issues, or either that you do want to burden people with your problems, or either that you are a very shy person.
VanessaD92
May 23rd, 2015 1:24pm
I believe it comes from fear of being vulnerable, no one wants to show weaknesses to others or allow others to see parts of them they are not the 'best' version of themselves.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2016 2:33am
Opening up to people isn't something you learn, it is something that you have to practice. If you have a person that you deem trustworthy, maybe tell them something about yourself that you don't usually tell people. Maybe your favorite ice cream is chocolate chip, or you don't really like the frosting on cake. It starts with minor steps like this, and then as the person gains your trust more and more, you can tell them more things. But like anything, practice makes perfect
Anonymous
January 25th, 2016 9:19pm
Maybe because you feel like you'd be judged easily and quickly. Insecurities prevent you from that.
Brittneym101
July 19th, 2015 5:58am
It could be a number of reasons as to why you feel like you can't learn to open up to people. Sometimes you can have issues opening up to people when you have problems trusting other people, you're not comfortable with yourself, you've been hurt before and you feel like nobody is listening to you. For me those would be the reasons why I would have a hard time opening up to others.
Oblivion5
January 26th, 2015 12:19am
You have probably been hurt before and just don't want it to happen again so you do as much as you can to prevent yourself from more hurt and damage.But you need to understand that everything gonna be alright
aileenemc
May 8th, 2015 8:39pm
Opening up to people is a very difficult thing to do. In order to let that happen, you must first recognize why you are afraid of letting people in. Try writing down what you are feeling, every single emotion and detail. Give it to one of your closest friends or even to an adult. You are opening up to someone, through writing. That will help you become more confident and soon, you will even be able to talk about it in person. Everything takes step by step.
bestTruth96
January 27th, 2015 7:26pm
Sometimes it is hard to trust people, especially if you have been hurt int he past by others that you have trusted.
ta2293
May 24th, 2015 4:39am
Sometimes we become convinced that people aren't interested in what we have to say or that we will be judged. This prevents me specifically from feeling like I can tell people how I really feel or what is happening in my life.
truelove92
July 5th, 2016 10:31am
I fail to open up to people as I am afraid as to what thoughts they might be having about me once I reveal the real me.
SenpaiXD
April 20th, 2015 10:55am
Because opening up to people shows to them that you are weak. And you are vulnerable and exposed by that person. To trust is to offer the possibility of being hurt.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2015 5:28pm
To a point, we all have a "wall" that we put up as a defense mechanism. Some put it up more often than others and then there are those who put it up and keep it up. If you surround yourself with people that you truly do trust, you can begin to let that wall down and open up to others little by little.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2016 10:55am
You may have been raised to keep quiet and werent alowd to give a response. You have to just take baby steps and say one thing a day
brightBeach4241
April 19th, 2016 9:33pm
Learning how to open to people is difficult. It takes time and effort. Definitely start small, if you can - find a family member or close friend that you trust and tell them about something that's bothering you, and ask them for feedback. Opening up to friends and family takes time. It may be a while before you find out who you trust. Take your time and don't rush it! You will be okay and figure it out. Also, don't be disappointed if some people are less receptive than others to your feelings. This is normal.
Adam2342
October 14th, 2016 12:07am
You can't open up to people if you didn't open up to yourself. Accept that not everyone will reject you , the intentions that you have for others is the same intentions you will get , Keep up giving good energy and you will get it back.
enjoyiableForest82
July 12th, 2016 6:48pm
Because of the way you a raised maybe. Or your family was not so close to you. If you grew up like that it will be a bit difficult to open up
generousEnergy13
September 21st, 2016 6:13pm
Maybe because people have betrayed your trust and you're not able to open up to anyone. Too many people fake kindness for weakness
uniquecreature41
November 18th, 2016 10:13pm
Because you're naturally cautious, you may have been hurt before or you simply don't feel comfortable telling your stories to people. It's not wrong, many people are like this. Having said that, being able to know it's right to open up is a healthy step forward in helping yourself if you have a problem. Another persons perspective can be hugely beneficial when it comes to navigating your way through an issue. Allowing yourself to do this is also a very useful for bonding with other people. I don't believe anyone has gone through something that is unique to them. Letting others help you is a good step towards helping yourself.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 6:55am
Opening up is difficult, but don’t push yourself if you don’t feel like it. If you find someone whom you feel comfortable around, don’t hesitate to open up, take your time, most of all.
ravennleaa00
July 19th, 2016 5:32pm
sometimes its hard to put how you are feeling into words, and thats okay, you can always try writing them down before you talk to someone, you can use that as a guide
iGetiT
September 24th, 2016 11:29pm
I'd say fear of being judged, rejected, feeling dumb is a common reason people are afraid to open up to people. Confronting those fears will lead to freedom.
healwithlove
September 29th, 2016 9:51am
Maybe is part of your personality, and is not bad, sometimes is ok to not let everyone see within you, however you might learn who to open of with.
LauratheListener94
October 5th, 2016 8:12pm
Opening up is hard, whether it is to a friend or family member. Sometimes it's a fear of being judged or criticised for how we are feeling or that worry that they won't care. Perhaps it can be we don't want the person we want to open up to worry in about us. But people care about you and people will want to help you, no matter how much you think they don't. There is always someone who wants to listen and opening up can take time but they will patiently wait.
NoRosesWithoutThorns
October 11th, 2016 8:48pm
Its often a defense mechanism, you put all your walls up so noone can see inside and therefore noone can hurt you. To learn to trust you should remember, even if someone you trust doesn't stay in your life forever, that doesn't mean you were always wrong to trust them. Take a risk, baby steps