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Why do I freak out in relationships so easily?

202 Answers
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 3:25am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
August 26th, 2018 2:53am
It's easy to get intimidated in a relationship and that can cause some people to freak out. Or you could just have general anxiety about relationships, and things along those lines. Past relationships can also have a negative effect on your current relationship. Speaking your mind to your significant other can help you with this, the best part of a relationship is being honest about who you are and being accepted for it. If you're constantly in fear of speaking your mind and letting your true colors shine, that's not fair to either of you. Hope this helped you with your relationship!
October 5th, 2018 12:01pm
The reasons could be a lot: maybe you have too less experience in relationships? maybe you love this feeling? maybe you do not want to stay alone for a while? maybe you did not want to learn from your mistakes of previous relationships? Do you find the right answer? No? let's think more. how that freak out affects your life? Do you feel bad and disappointed? maybe it is opposite way, maybe you like that butterfly in your belly? You can do some exercise and try to control it... but is it really what you want and looking for?
November 2nd, 2018 1:20am
Relationships are very hard especially these days for many reasons. First of all nowadays we have the new technology that has come out in the past 20 to 40 years that make it so much harder to communicate with others so in the end I find that people distance each other and end up feeling even more lonely than ever. Second of all relationships are hard work and with our full schedule these days it can be very challenging to find a time and place to meet and socialize. We need to work even longer than ever before, without having a great rest because there's other responsibilities too.
December 2nd, 2018 4:44pm
If you had a past relationship that ended badly or something terrible happened then you may have a hard time trusting. If it is your first relationship then you are new at it and he or she just needs to respect that. Honestly, you just need to breath for a second and think of the big picture. If you are happy then relax and most likely everything will be alright. If things are shaky because its new then try and calm down and try and reevaluate the relationship. If things are not going well and that is why you are freaking out then it may be time to break up with her or him.
January 10th, 2019 5:15pm
Hi there beautiful! I think that you may be scared of a relationship. Maybe you are too young or not too mature to be in a relationship just yet. You are scared that you will lose your freedom by being attached to one person all the time (because nobody likes to be cheated on) I think you should stop being in a relationship until you feel confident enough to take up that task and be in a relationship. Nobody is rushing to be with someone and be sure that you can contact one of our listeners or therapists if you need more help!! 😉😄😁
February 16th, 2019 4:29pm
It is hard to know the reason you personally feel like you get scared easily by relationships without a conversation, however what I can say is that this is completely normal and as a human being we all get scared by certain things in life. Relationships are particularly difficult because we are committing to someone and placing all our love and trust in that person, and if, like me, you have been hurt or rejected by people before in relationships, this is a really scary thing to do. But just remember there is always support there for you when you need it, it really helped me to have friends to confide in whenever I was worried or anxious about a relationship. Connect with a listener on 7 cups if you want to talk more specifically about what you are going through.
May 4th, 2019 4:34pm
It's because you love your partner and you want him/her to love you too. You want to be loved, you want attention. You know how important your partner is in your life and so many things can make you crazy. These things happen often when we aren't tsure whether our partner loves us just as much as we do. This causes us to be very angry and mad for days. But this may be annoying for our partner, so communication is the most important thing in this situation. Tell your partners how much you love him/her and your worries too
May 30th, 2019 10:48pm
it's likely you get spooked. This can happen for what seems like no reason. If you've been sexually assaulted, then it is highly likely your freak out comes from your brain trying to defend itself by generalising one experience to all relationships. However, issues with commitment can also come from other areas. From seeing negative relationships (maybe your parents) and being worried that will happen to you. Or anxious thoughts, telling you that you're not good enough for the relationship or that your partner may harm you. Unrelated traumatic experiences can also manifest their symptoms in unexpected ways- which could be distrust of relationships of fear of commitment. Low self-esteem could also make you believe your partner only wants you for your body, or money, etc. I advise to figure out the answer to this question you look deeply into yourself and try to come up with an honest answer as to why you may feel the way you do. Good luck :)
September 6th, 2019 10:43pm
Sometimes, it can be hard to keep your calm during the beginning of a new relationship. There are so many emotions that are new and intense! It might also evoke a fear of commitment in you. That would mean that despite wanting to be in a relationship, you might be afraid of losing control over your life and to commit to making your choices in respect to your significant other. It's okay, you can talk through it with a listener or a licensed therapist and they can help you overcome the fear of commitment. It's going to be something that will help your relationships thrive!
October 31st, 2019 12:05pm
What an excellent question! I know that for me, relationships can sometimes feel a little daunting at times because of the level of vulnerability we have during personal intimacy. When we're intimate with another human being, all of our weaknesses, fragility and flaws are discovered. And perhaps there is some truth to the notion that the people who can truly love us entirely - love us FOR our flaws and not merely excuse them - are quite rare indeed. But, I have no doubt these people are out there for all of us.
November 1st, 2019 9:59pm
I freak out in relationships when I haven't got so much to do or I have time to reflect and think about things. I guess when you are busy you don't have time to freak out. So, what about relationships that I don't freak out I guess I accept what they are and put more effort in those good relationships or keep people at a difference things like that. So in summary I think we freak out when our mind thinks a lot and things like work, and studies don't keep you busy. What do you think? Let us know
December 19th, 2019 5:14pm
Something in your past, your childhood environment, has made you fear relationships. When you were a child, this fear was based on real events, so you had to deal with it every day and it became an unconscious habit. If trust, and safety were not role modeled for you growing up then you will still have the same reaction in your relationships in later life. These are conditioned reactions that need to be identified and worked on internally or you will always have this reaction. You can do the work but it will take time, effort, and discipline.
December 26th, 2019 6:17am
There is alot of excitement And anxiety. You're happy and eager to begin new life with whoever this is. It's understandable but it will be okay if you just relax. The freaking out part will or might scare the other person away eventually and that's not what anyone wants. We are happy people but sometimes we don't see what we are doing. Continuously reassure yourself that it only hinders the relationship from growing, if you freak out. Besides, excitement could cloud judgment and that's not what you want. Be nice, be calm, be happy, because it's going to be alright.
January 4th, 2020 11:17pm
I freaked out because i cared so much about the other person and what they've done for me and what I've done for them. it's a mutual effort and appreciation and when something goes wrong freaking out shows that you care but borderline paranoid depending on circumstances. freaking out is a natural instinct when something has been invested in and can feel like it's all being ruined with some tiny issues. also maybe because personal issues like being self conscious and scared and intimidated and paranoid and anxious and panicky. A lot of people experience this and it takes time to learn.
January 10th, 2020 9:16pm
The problem would've been if you DIDN'T freak out. Here, lets take jealousy for example. People tend to say that jealousy is unhealthy for a relationship which is completely false. The word people are looking for is overthinking (in the bad way). Well I don't really have to explain why since that would be what people generally call jealousy, but the REAL jealousy in the proper sense of the term is essential in one's relationship because this is a feeling that proves our caring and worrying about a person that counts for us. If it weren't for jealousy, people wouldn't care at all let alone feel anything for this person. Jealousy is something underrated that helps us without us even noticing. Of course, there is a middle to everything that should be applied and in this case, it would be jealousy between non caring and overthinking!
February 8th, 2020 4:15pm
Because relationships are highly emotional. Nowhere else do we experience such a broad range of emotions, positively, but also negatively. This is often frustrating and intimidating, but isnt it also wonderful? It is no wonder that you freak out at times. But you should develop a strategy, for when it happens the next time. I usually do the following: 1. breath in and out at least 5 times, relax every muscle. 2. Think about, what is bothering me right now? Who did what? 3. If it is something that the other person did (it is most cases) Why did he/she do it? 4. Which possibilities do I have to respond to this situation? 5. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings
March 12th, 2020 6:37am
This happens to a lot of people, and a lot of us are out there to feel compassionate about it towards you, and understand you on this one. Freaking out in a relationship isn’t always the healthiest thing to do, however, it’s a very common way of dealing with things and conflict resolution. Sometimes, it happens because we are afraid of being hurt, or because we do not want the partner to leave us. Maybe due to abandonment issues, or trust issues, or something else. What is important is that every person becomes able to figure out the cause of it so they can find a way to deal with it.❤️
March 28th, 2020 12:02pm
While I'm not sure exactly what context of 'freak out' you mean, I do know that it is really common for people to be really pressured to make a relationship work and scared about it failing. There is the notion of finding 'THE ONE' and the fear of messing up or loosing that person if you find them. If a person leaves because you were honest and yourself, thats a good thing. Ultimately, we want to be with a person who loves us at our most vulnerable and honest forms. If you love someone, but your values don't align, or your plans for your life don't align. Thats okay. It's okay to love someone and let them go, knowing something or someone who fits better with your true authentic self WILL come along.
March 29th, 2020 7:11am
Relationships are scary, especially when they are new. Feeling nervous about a relationship is normal. Nerves are a sign that you care. It is very easy to get in your head and wonder what your partner is thinking. This happens a lot for me when I am not communicating well in my relationship. When I do not make my needs and feelings known, I get frustrated at my partner for not understanding me. In my experience, I freak out when I should communicate and have open conversations. This is not always easy to do, but can prevent a lot of future freak outs and strenghten your relationships.
April 18th, 2020 8:17pm
I understand. Relationships can be scary. Personally I undergo trust issues since my parents separated but I learned to take a risk and find out the experience of having a relationship. So I did. The thing is .. you should determine the factors why you freak out . Are you scared that something might go wrong ? Something that you experience from the past ? Maybe something you have witnessed with people around you .. you should know yourself first :) before going into relationships . Make sure you are ready for it . And it’s okay to freak out
April 30th, 2020 10:04pm
Maybe you have anxiety from being in a relationship or you have unresolved feelings. I don't know all the context of your situation so I cant say anything for sure but it sounds like you could not be ready for a relationship yet. Try to think more about what causes you to freak out in relationships. What specific parts of a relationship make you anxious. How does being in a relationship make you feel? Does this only apply to significant others or does this apply generally to all your relationships? Is it something you do or is it something the other side does?
May 7th, 2020 3:03am
Sometimes we have a rough past in relationships that can set us up to be more cautious of future relationships. For example, if you've been in an abusive relationship, you may feel more uneasy in your next relationship. If you were in a relationship where your significant other cheated, you may be more inclined to freak out or have severe trust issues. It's good to practice mindfulness when you notice that you're beginning to freak out in your relationship. It might be a good idea to have an open conversation with the person you're in a relationship as well. Take care!
May 16th, 2020 3:09pm
Relationships involve many aspects of peoples' lives. It defines their identities, shapes their beliefs and modify their opportunities. This inevitably and understandably can overwhelm people. The most common response is the flight response where people escape or distance themselves from partners in order to preserve their inner identities or protect their objectives. Due to the varied nature of causation, it is difficult to give a single answer on why some people freak out in relationships. Although the escapist behaviour is highly frown upon in society, it is a justified behaviour in emotional ecosystem as it is a time where the brakes are applied to safeguard the most treasured resouces.
June 12th, 2020 6:35am
Relationships often mean a commitment of some sort, and commitment can be a very scary thing. Perfectionists, like myself, often struggle in relationships because we are obsessed with making a perfect choice, and it takes a long time to really know weather or not someone is the right person. Relationships also sometimes come with a sense of obligation, making it really scary when someone does something nice for you . It can make receiving gifts and compliments from that person very awkward, because of the sense of implied obligation. You end up feeling like you owe this person something in return for their kindness.
June 25th, 2020 8:01pm
Perhaps you have to know that you can trust the person. Maybe you are scared you could mess things up. These are common worries for new relationships and they will get better as you get to know the person more and start to have a good relationship with them. The other person probably is worried about these same things so you really just have to learn how to grow together and build that trust.You also must be patient with each other and know that some things don't happen overnight.New relationships can be scary and stressful for both partners but as long as you work things out together, you both should be just fine!
July 5th, 2020 7:37am
It is normal to feel freaked out in relationships because it requires a sense of vulnerability with someone else. With enough time, you can take control of the situation and judge if the relationship is right for you. Everyone experiences some level of anxiety when opening up to someone new. Previous experiences can also impact your perception when starting new relationships. Sometimes freaking out is also another way of experiencing something exciting and new. Other times it could be that the relationship is moving too quicker than the pace you are expecting it therefore, causing you to feel unsettled or freaked out.
July 15th, 2020 1:40am
We all have our fair share of relationship stress, and how we deal with that, is an emotional strength and intelligence and the solution always should start with looking at ourselves first. We all need to look within and figure out who we are and where we come from with our feelings and intentions and only then we can deal with the other. Be strong, be kind and listen to your heart. Freaking out happens when we feel insecure or afraid, listen to that and find out why and then you can work trough it. Be brave, be strong and kind and believe in love.
August 2nd, 2020 5:39am
Relationships can be quite worrisome. Often times when two people come together as one it takes time to bond and share experiences. A lot of relationship nerves stem down to one simple thing, the unknown. Being in the unknown can be scary but it is important to know its often only temporary. As time goes on and each individual contributes more to the relationship the unknown becomes less scary! The best way to overcome this fear or the relationship "butterflies" is to focus on good communication. Chances are if you and your partner have good communication the unknown becomes less scary.
August 22nd, 2020 7:00am
Perhaps relationships matter to you so much that you invest a lot of yourself into it, and when you find things upsetting, you would be easier to freak out? Because you dive too deep in it, so your emotions is closely tied with it too. But I think it is pretty normal to many, especially those who tend to pour out their genuine emotions with people. So when things don't go as expected you aren't sure how to cope with it. Then you freak out. But it's alright, this might not be entirely helpful but try invest more time on other matters in your life too, so when the relationship parts don't go well, you'll know that you still have other things to concern about, you world isn't crumbling.
September 13th, 2020 3:47pm
We tend to let our emotions get the best of us at times. There are many reasons why someone would freak out during a relationship. Maybe you are having a fight or disagreement and neither of you know how to effectively communicate your issues to each other, maybe you're having a bad day. What is important is to learn how to identify when you are about to "freak out" and what is making you feel that way. It is always a good idea to get away from your partner for a while, go on a walk or go hang out with a friend or family member.