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Why do I freak out in relationships so easily?

201 Answers
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 3:25am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
October 28th, 2016 9:47am
I don't know if you're anything like me, but if you are, here are a couple of possibilities: 1) You're sort of a hot mess when it comes to your self-esteem. Especially at the start of a relationship, when you're completely lovestruck and think the other person hung the moon, you start to worry if you're good enough, if you're worthy of that perfect person, if you deserve to be loved. Sometimes I get so discouraged when I meet a cool person who seems to have it all figured out; they've got a job and a car and they're mentally stable and they have interesting hobbies and supportive friends. And here I am, eating dry cereal out of the box because I bought raspberry lemonade instead of milk. I don't want that person to get close enough to see what a mess I really am--that's a mix of pride and stubbornness and shame. And I don't want to be a burden on them. So I back away from the relationship. 2) You have no clue what you're doing, maybe because you don't really know what a healthy relationship looks like. My family didn't really model healthy relationships for me, and my first experiments in romance ended in disaster. When I look back on my history, it can be really discouraging. 3) That person isn't the right one for you. Sometimes your body/mind/intuition/gut are trying to send you a message. Not every relationship fails because you have low self-esteem and your parents divorced when you were a kid. Some people just aren't meant to be together.
April 29th, 2016 2:59pm
I freak out in relationships so easily becauseI'm scared I might hurt the person I love I don't want to
April 9th, 2016 8:48am
Reasons I tend to freak in relationships.. 1) I'm afraid to make mistakes 2) I'm nervous that they'll stop liking me 3) I don't know if I'm ready to commit to more 4) I have high anxiety an stress to much over everything
April 22nd, 2016 5:06pm
Relationships can be tricky and can make a person go crazy, You could care about the person to much, and want them all to yourself all the time, or you could not care about them enough and maybe need to let them go. Sometimes people just arent cut out for relationships until they can further develope their own personality.
May 18th, 2016 6:50pm
Relationships can be scary, it's something new. You just need to stay calm and see where it goes and not worry too much about the what ifs just focus on being happy in a relationship.
March 24th, 2016 5:26pm
some people feel out of their comfort zones and dont know how to pace it. take it slowly and be yourself and youll go far!!
May 22nd, 2016 6:56pm
You may freak out in relationships because you are scared to do something wrong or scare off the other person. You want to impress them, and want them to be with you forever.
July 2nd, 2016 2:43am
I guess we freak out in relationships so easily because its so valuable to us. We try our absolute best not to mess up, just not to lose it. But the process of trying our absolute best not to mess up, can often lead us to have more anxiety. Freaking out on every single detail like why did he just answer with a fine, is he angry with me. I guess we just have a little more faith that our boyfriend's love for us. Also if you girlfriend freaks out easily like me, take it postively that she loves you so much that she is worried to upset you. Understanding like this would lead to middle ground and a happy relationship!
April 29th, 2016 1:44pm
When we are in love we expect most things to be just fine or beyond perfect. We even wanted to do the things we see in romantic movies. But when things get rough we started to get panic. You know why? it is because we are afraid of failures, we are afraid to get hurt, we are not ready to lose that someone and most specially get betrayed. When we commit in a relationship we give it all and the fact that there is no guarantee that it will work out fine at the end of course it freaks us out but i guess its just part of being in a relationship. Being in a relationship is also just like a BET. We don't know if we're going to lose or win.
May 21st, 2016 5:58am
The risk of being hurt I generally enough to cause some anxiety in some people. It is normal to feel this way.
May 27th, 2016 9:08am
Getting emotionally close to someone can be hard, but it is impossible to do if you are not fully comfortable with yourself. When one is true and genuine it will attract the same in return. Bettering ourselves every day and remaining consistent in how we handle our insecurities with our significant others.
March 23rd, 2016 5:11pm
It could be from so many things...only from searching inside yourself can you know what the answer is. It could be anything from feeling trapped in relationships and needing to escape, to freaking out that the person will abandon you and needing to cling on. Or anything in between! Just look inside yourself for the answer, and try to trust your partner!
July 30th, 2016 12:22pm
You're scared of making an mistake and you don't want to do anything wrong, so that causes you to react in such a way.
October 30th, 2020 1:27pm
There are many reasons for this, actually. May be you have trust issues going on. May be you face difficulty in reflecting your emotions. May be you find it challenging to admit, honestly, how you feel about certain things/persons. May be it's due to a past situation. May be you aren't sure about your feelings. There are always so many 'may be's in everything. It's hard to pin point a single one. However, it's absolutely reasonable to freak out in relationships. Personally, I relate to you on that one. While I do think I have a certain reason for that, if you want to find out a particular reason for yourself, ask yourself questions. Go deep into the maybes. Try to peek into your mind. It's hard but once you find the answers, you will know what to choose and what not to.
March 23rd, 2016 9:19pm
Maybe you freak out in relationships so easily, because your scared to trust your significant other. sometimes making the jump to being with one other can be hard, and trust is one of the main key concepts. learning to trust in one another can be hard and challenging sometimes. but it is totally worth it.
March 24th, 2016 1:47am
Could be that you had a bad past experience in a relationship that leads you to freak put that it might happen again.
March 26th, 2016 11:53am
It could be your lack of experience, racing thoughts and... the most terrifying of all- Expectations. It could be yours, that of your partner or your assumption of what your partner's expectation might be.
April 7th, 2016 6:52am
Perhaps overthinking might be the main reason. It is natural but just realize to not expect the worst. And no your boyfriend isn't going to cheat on you when hes not texting you for 2 hours.
April 27th, 2016 4:25pm
Relationships can be overwhelming sometimes. We have a lot of expectations, hopes, wishes. We're anxious about people getting too close, about getting hurt. Sometimes the anxiety has a good reason, sometimes not so much. It's important to take a moment and reflect on it, but not to overthink.
May 12th, 2016 9:15pm
Maybe you've been hurt in other relationships, and you don't trust the other person to not hurt you or mistreat you.
July 31st, 2016 2:43pm
Relationships can be daunting or scary, especially if they are new to you. Give yourself time to adjust. You will begin to feel more comfortable eventually.
January 6th, 2018 11:10pm
Perhaps you are thinking too much about it. A lot of people start to look to the future of being with that person and it scares them. Also, there can be a constant thought of messing up the relationship that can tear you apart and make you freak out. The key to a good relationship is to be able to talk to each other, so I would definitely try to talk to them so that you are both on the same page.
September 2nd, 2018 6:08am
It could be due to different reasons. Maybe you suddenly realized that you're not with the person you wanted to be with? or you have feelings for someone else and this relationship was just a distraction from that person you have feelings for? Maybe you have a fear of intimacy and/or don't trust this person? or maybe they're taking things too fast and you aren't used to that? fear of falling for this person or not being able to meet their needs in the future? in my experience I've seen that people fear being hurt in the long run, but you'll need to think about why being in relationships freaks you out so easily
March 24th, 2016 5:45pm
Because you probably scared that you are going to get hurt in the middle of a relationship so you just freak out.
March 26th, 2016 6:49am
Maybe you are scared or in fear of the unknown? It could be a number of reasons so it is difficult for us to say, get to the root of it and ensure you are understanding your own mind.
March 26th, 2016 6:56pm
Maybe it has to do with what you think the other person thinks of you, or being scared you'll mess up. Don't worry, we are all imperfect. Progress comes slowly.
April 6th, 2016 4:17pm
it can be our own insecurities that make us uncomfortable in a relationship this can be personal self consciousness or past experiences in relationships.
April 7th, 2016 1:01am
There can be a lot of reasons as to why we react this way especially when we are faced with something that requires commitment and intimacy from us. From my experience, it was often something that i traced back to my childhood. Look deeper inside of you and ask yourself little questions - What exactly is it that I'm afraid of? Why do I feel threatened to trust this person? Am I willing to share a little about myself in the hopes that this person will not judge and/or reject me? Sometimes it helps too, to reflect on how the persons closest to us when we were children have treated us back then until we got older.
April 9th, 2016 9:31am
Does it mean relationships as with friends or lovers? It sort of depends on many factors but most is because you might feel a bit insecure around yourself so you are really afraid that you are going to lose them. At least that is the problem with me. The way I solved this problem to myself was that I openly talked to the people that I felt this way around them, and together we came up to conclusion that I should really be quiet and they showed me some more attention that I probably lacked or I just didn't notice it because I was too scared I was going to lose them. But after all, that's what worked for me, we are all separate individuals. ♥
April 9th, 2016 9:36am
Freaking out in relationships is particularly common, much more common than people think! You're learning so much about another person and in turn they're learning just as much about you. The important thing is to communicate any worries or issues you have with your partner. My girlfriend and I always try and talk issues through before they actually become harmful. It's worth saying though that it doesn't always work and you will encounter things that are difficult to deal with, but when you face these things the best thing to do is power through and don't stop.