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Why do I freak out in relationships so easily?

208 Answers
Last Updated: 06/04/2022 at 7:23am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licensed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Life poses many challenges. Learning to face, cope with, and resolve these challenges can increase our resilience.

Top Rated Answers
Theserainydays
October 28th, 2016 9:47am
I don't know if you're anything like me, but if you are, here are a couple of possibilities: 1) You're sort of a hot mess when it comes to your self-esteem. Especially at the start of a relationship, when you're completely lovestruck and think the other person hung the moon, you start to worry if you're good enough, if you're worthy of that perfect person, if you deserve to be loved. Sometimes I get so discouraged when I meet a cool person who seems to have it all figured out; they've got a job and a car and they're mentally stable and they have interesting hobbies and supportive friends. And here I am, eating dry cereal out of the box because I bought raspberry lemonade instead of milk. I don't want that person to get close enough to see what a mess I really am--that's a mix of pride and stubbornness and shame. And I don't want to be a burden on them. So I back away from the relationship. 2) You have no clue what you're doing, maybe because you don't really know what a healthy relationship looks like. My family didn't really model healthy relationships for me, and my first experiments in romance ended in disaster. When I look back on my history, it can be really discouraging. 3) That person isn't the right one for you. Sometimes your body/mind/intuition/gut are trying to send you a message. Not every relationship fails because you have low self-esteem and your parents divorced when you were a kid. Some people just aren't meant to be together.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2016 2:59pm
I freak out in relationships so easily becauseI'm scared I might hurt the person I love I don't want to
bestMango10
May 18th, 2016 6:50pm
Relationships can be scary, it's something new. You just need to stay calm and see where it goes and not worry too much about the what ifs just focus on being happy in a relationship.
AngelBoo
April 9th, 2016 8:48am
Reasons I tend to freak in relationships.. 1) I'm afraid to make mistakes 2) I'm nervous that they'll stop liking me 3) I don't know if I'm ready to commit to more 4) I have high anxiety an stress to much over everything
Bettershapes
April 22nd, 2016 5:06pm
Relationships can be tricky and can make a person go crazy, You could care about the person to much, and want them all to yourself all the time, or you could not care about them enough and maybe need to let them go. Sometimes people just arent cut out for relationships until they can further develope their own personality.
sugglet244
March 24th, 2016 5:26pm
some people feel out of their comfort zones and dont know how to pace it. take it slowly and be yourself and youll go far!!
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 6:56pm
You may freak out in relationships because you are scared to do something wrong or scare off the other person. You want to impress them, and want them to be with you forever.
0Sara0
July 2nd, 2016 2:43am
I guess we freak out in relationships so easily because its so valuable to us. We try our absolute best not to mess up, just not to lose it. But the process of trying our absolute best not to mess up, can often lead us to have more anxiety. Freaking out on every single detail like why did he just answer with a fine, is he angry with me. I guess we just have a little more faith that our boyfriend's love for us. Also if you girlfriend freaks out easily like me, take it postively that she loves you so much that she is worried to upset you. Understanding like this would lead to middle ground and a happy relationship!
ladyscorpio18
April 29th, 2016 1:44pm
When we are in love we expect most things to be just fine or beyond perfect. We even wanted to do the things we see in romantic movies. But when things get rough we started to get panic. You know why? it is because we are afraid of failures, we are afraid to get hurt, we are not ready to lose that someone and most specially get betrayed. When we commit in a relationship we give it all and the fact that there is no guarantee that it will work out fine at the end of course it freaks us out but i guess its just part of being in a relationship. Being in a relationship is also just like a BET. We don't know if we're going to lose or win.
PatienceAndLove
May 27th, 2016 9:08am
Getting emotionally close to someone can be hard, but it is impossible to do if you are not fully comfortable with yourself. When one is true and genuine it will attract the same in return. Bettering ourselves every day and remaining consistent in how we handle our insecurities with our significant others.
CiaraSmiles
May 21st, 2016 5:58am
The risk of being hurt I generally enough to cause some anxiety in some people. It is normal to feel this way.
Textingpals
October 30th, 2020 1:27pm
There are many reasons for this, actually. May be you have trust issues going on. May be you face difficulty in reflecting your emotions. May be you find it challenging to admit, honestly, how you feel about certain things/persons. May be it's due to a past situation. May be you aren't sure about your feelings. There are always so many 'may be's in everything. It's hard to pin point a single one. However, it's absolutely reasonable to freak out in relationships. Personally, I relate to you on that one. While I do think I have a certain reason for that, if you want to find out a particular reason for yourself, ask yourself questions. Go deep into the maybes. Try to peek into your mind. It's hard but once you find the answers, you will know what to choose and what not to.
ElfFey
March 23rd, 2016 5:11pm
It could be from so many things...only from searching inside yourself can you know what the answer is. It could be anything from feeling trapped in relationships and needing to escape, to freaking out that the person will abandon you and needing to cling on. Or anything in between! Just look inside yourself for the answer, and try to trust your partner!
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 12:22pm
You're scared of making an mistake and you don't want to do anything wrong, so that causes you to react in such a way.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2016 4:25pm
Relationships can be overwhelming sometimes. We have a lot of expectations, hopes, wishes. We're anxious about people getting too close, about getting hurt. Sometimes the anxiety has a good reason, sometimes not so much. It's important to take a moment and reflect on it, but not to overthink.
ShatteredPain
May 12th, 2016 9:15pm
Maybe you've been hurt in other relationships, and you don't trust the other person to not hurt you or mistreat you.
Willofheart
September 2nd, 2018 6:08am
It could be due to different reasons. Maybe you suddenly realized that you're not with the person you wanted to be with? or you have feelings for someone else and this relationship was just a distraction from that person you have feelings for? Maybe you have a fear of intimacy and/or don't trust this person? or maybe they're taking things too fast and you aren't used to that? fear of falling for this person or not being able to meet their needs in the future? in my experience I've seen that people fear being hurt in the long run, but you'll need to think about why being in relationships freaks you out so easily
superpoppy14
July 31st, 2016 2:43pm
Relationships can be daunting or scary, especially if they are new to you. Give yourself time to adjust. You will begin to feel more comfortable eventually.
whitedancer69
March 23rd, 2016 9:19pm
Maybe you freak out in relationships so easily, because your scared to trust your significant other. sometimes making the jump to being with one other can be hard, and trust is one of the main key concepts. learning to trust in one another can be hard and challenging sometimes. but it is totally worth it.
Greatlistener87
March 24th, 2016 1:47am
Could be that you had a bad past experience in a relationship that leads you to freak put that it might happen again.
Daydreamer7
March 26th, 2016 11:53am
It could be your lack of experience, racing thoughts and... the most terrifying of all- Expectations. It could be yours, that of your partner or your assumption of what your partner's expectation might be.
SenpaiXD
April 7th, 2016 6:52am
Perhaps overthinking might be the main reason. It is natural but just realize to not expect the worst. And no your boyfriend isn't going to cheat on you when hes not texting you for 2 hours.
Anonymous
January 6th, 2018 11:10pm
Perhaps you are thinking too much about it. A lot of people start to look to the future of being with that person and it scares them. Also, there can be a constant thought of messing up the relationship that can tear you apart and make you freak out. The key to a good relationship is to be able to talk to each other, so I would definitely try to talk to them so that you are both on the same page.
BeDoe99
July 12th, 2018 10:41am
Its because you've been hurt before. You've anticipated every situation to turn out a certain way, and your reaction comes accordingly.
empathicSunset73
July 19th, 2018 3:33pm
It is completely okay to get nervous in relationships, it's normal. You may just need time to get comfortable with being yourself around the person and then you shouldn't experience nervousness.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2018 1:20am
Relationships are very hard especially these days for many reasons. First of all nowadays we have the new technology that has come out in the past 20 to 40 years that make it so much harder to communicate with others so in the end I find that people distance each other and end up feeling even more lonely than ever. Second of all relationships are hard work and with our full schedule these days it can be very challenging to find a time and place to meet and socialize. We need to work even longer than ever before, without having a great rest because there's other responsibilities too.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 3:15pm
I think you are afraid of loosing the person you love.so that creates a freaking out behaviour in you which makes you freak out often.
TwelveHedgehogs
June 28th, 2018 11:41am
This happens to me in relationships a lot. When you start to freak out, try and see if there are any triggers that make it happen. Additionally make sure you communicate with your partner exactly how you’re feeling. They shouldn’t be offended, rather glad that you trust them enough to share this with them.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 2:46am
You may be nervous about messing something up or trying to be perfect for your partner/friend, it's fairly normal to want to be good in a relationship.
Anonymous
June 20th, 2018 7:01am
Maybe because you are scared to lose that person. Are you jealous? Maybe you never found the right person or you are in a rough period of time where all your emotions come out at once as soon as something more exciting happens