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How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?

160 Answers
Last Updated: 03/05/2021 at 11:16pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 1st, 2016 12:39pm
Don't trust people you don't know too well, slowly open up to them but be assured to becareful what you say before you fully know them
SunnyKitten17
September 20th, 2017 12:22am
In general, I don't think there's any way to not get attached to people. I have this same issue, and right now what I'm trying to do is just go with the flow, be accepting of my feelings whatever they are, rather than push away from people.
dertohelpu7
September 26th, 2016 8:09pm
Learn how to prioritise and also don't base your happiness towards others.Love yourself first so you would know what to deserve.
scenicTea81
August 13th, 2016 6:44am
While getting attached to a particular being is not normally harmful, distance has proven to be the most complete form of avoidance.
AdriannaBanana27
November 6th, 2016 11:14pm
Remember that other people are meant to compliment you, not complete you. You are your own person and other people are like garnish, meant to bring out the best in you. Don't live solely for someone else.
breadloafy
March 2nd, 2017 8:57am
When we cannot fulfil our own needs, we tend to depend on others to fulfil these needs for us. Examples of these needs may include needs for validation or a need to be "cured" of loneliness. When you feel negative feelings associated with these expectations of your friends that they do not achieve, perhaps it would prove beneficial to record your thoughts and feelings, recognise them (don't ignore them!), and analyse why you might feel this way, and if there were any characteristic triggers that continually made you develop these feelings. Communication with these people on setting up healthy boundaries and clarifying what your own boundaries are can help you evaluate and change how you relate to people. Check out 7cup's self-help resources on Boundaries and Managing Emotions, hopefully it would you give you new insights!
kaylaelliott124
March 7th, 2018 5:03pm
the best way to keep from getting too attached is to do reality checks once in a while, whenever you feel you may be dependent on someone realize all of the things you do not need that person for and remind yourself that you can live without that person, while it may hurt, you physically will be fine without them, just as you were before you met them
Iminthecosmos
April 5th, 2018 2:06am
I found I got attached to people most when I wasn't happy with myself, or I couldn't make myself happy. If you find yourself relying on the people around you to make you happy, of course you'd get attached. Spend some time doing things you like and things that make you happy.
kindMirage55
May 31st, 2018 9:25pm
create limits to everything you do with that person. dont throw a blind trust to them, you can't trust someone too much.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2018 6:40pm
Some attachment to people is good for you, but in order to not get too attached, you want to set healthy boundaries. It's important to know what is okay for people to say to you, do to you, and for you to know what other people expect of you, as well. Be careful of getting romantically involved with someone that says they aren't interested. Even if their actions say otherwise, there's a reason they are keeping you at arm's length. It's not about you, but it could hurt you tremendously if you give too much of yourself too soon.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 6:05pm
I would start doing small or mundane activities on my own. I figured it's the best way to be comfortable with doing thing by myself without needing other people. Slowly an independent mentality will grow within.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2017 2:20pm
Attachment is an automatic, natural process. Being too attached is not a bad thing, unless you are attached to the wrong people. In order to avoid being overly attached, you could spend less time with the person, or hand out with more different people, so that you wont have your mind set on one person. I hope this helps.
Anonymous
April 6th, 2018 3:30am
Attachment, to me, is a wonderful thing. It shows that you have a big heart and you have the capacity to love and be committed to someone. That is an incredible thing. But sometimes getting too attached to people can lead to terrible heartbreak. I suggest widening your horizons, meeting other people that you can turn to for help when you do get hurt by someone you got attached to.
Simon77
April 22nd, 2018 7:17am
The way I keep myself from getting too attached to people is to clearly set my boundaries. Boundaries can be lines that you don't want to cross, such as contact with someone at all hours of the night or certain conversations that you agree are crossing a boundary for yourself. It's important to have these boundaries so that your concept of self remains intact and doesn't become enmeshed with others.
PrincessNiki
July 23rd, 2016 8:47pm
You can keep yourself from getting too attached to people by not taking things personal, don't get sucked in.
Aetherius
October 27th, 2016 8:17pm
Getting attached to people is a natural part of life. It's a beautiful thing, to share our life with someone and have them share theirs with you. Attachment is risk, but without risk there can be no life and no progress! Attachment is a terrible, beautiful thing, but without it, where would we be?
KatSu02
March 18th, 2017 8:37pm
It's not really something you can control. People have feelings and some of them can't control their feelings because they care too much, I think time makes you learn from your own mistakes and makes you become more defensive over your own feelings.
CK927
March 29th, 2017 4:49pm
Learn your boundaries, what you're willing to accept from the other person and for yourself. Remember people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Rakune
April 1st, 2017 2:28am
This is extremely difficult most of the time, as it involves having to stay away from people. However, this also doesn't always work, since as you may know, absence can make the "love" or attachment, rather, stronger. We get attached to people usually because we feel like we desperately need them. Try working on something else. Try to realize your self-worth. You don't need too many other people for this. Schedule activities to do alone, and have fun by yourself! This will help you feel less attached to somebody.
KingdomWorker
April 5th, 2017 6:36pm
I keep myself from getting to attached to people because I have been hurt so many times in life. I have come to the conclusion that we are all human and we all make mistakes. But if I focus on myself and how I relate to others, I don't get concerned about getting attached to them. I only concern myself with getting to know them.
Youleque
January 14th, 2018 8:05pm
Attachement is not something negative, but what you do with it can affect you. Try to find activities which you enjoy on your own, love yourself, and this way the people you get attached to will not feel like the only means to happiness.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2018 12:49pm
Don't make yourself addicted to someone. Always have Plan B so that nothing can get on you. Always be complected.
Falguni4782
May 11th, 2018 7:55am
Sweetie, I know this is tough. The more time we spend with something or someone they/those things the more they become integral part of us. We start missing them when they aren't around. Well, I never thought that today I wouldn't be in touch with my high school bestie. Times change. People get differently customised. Their priorities change. Nothing is eternal. We get too inclined. It sometimes happens naturally but we can't help it too. It's okay. But know one thing that we can't control others or their emotions. So we have to mend ourselves. Work on it. Ask me how? Practice detachment and zero expectations. Detachment doesn't necessarily mean isolation. It is just that you shouldn't affected by the happenings.
amiablePeace77
May 18th, 2018 9:16pm
Learn to love and accept ourselves for what we are and see our good sides, build up self-confidence and trust in our own capabilities so we do need to look for constant reassurance with others.
Kayaondra02
July 22nd, 2018 4:28pm
For me and my experiences, there really isn’t a way. Your heart feels what it wants to feel. You feel good when others treat you well. You feel bad when they do t. When someone treats you like how you want to be treated, you grow attached. Your heart “feels” for them. My solution would be to not get so involved. If you feel like your getting attached to someone, distance yourself. It may hurt the other person, but....if it’s what’s best.
SunshineBeauty42
September 13th, 2018 8:53pm
I’ve found that the best way to keep from getting attached to people is to set strict boundaries and make sure to stick to them. It’s not easy sometimes, but I find that when I do stick to those boundaries I don’t seem to get attached and can easily keep my distance. I use this mostly for when I’m at work and have to keep a distance from my clients. I’m not sure what you will be using it for but I think setting those boundaries can work in any situation really. Here’s hoping this can help you.
lyricalLight8242
August 14th, 2019 8:38am
This is really though. And I confess I've been there myself and it's been to people who are ultimately not really worth my attention and effort. What helped me getting through was cutting contact with those people who didn't reciprocate my feelings, or if not possible, talking less and less to them. Attachment styles are learned at a young age and might depend on different factors. It's fine to get a little attached to people. Only take notice if they are really worth it.Do they give you the needed attention, love, care? If not, look for people who do. There are many of us out there. It's ultimately your happiness and well-being that matters.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2016 3:10am
Do you feel like you have a pattern of uncontrollable dependency on people? How do you define "getting too attached"? In many regards, becoming attached to a person is a natural process, whether that person is family, friend, or love, as proof of mutual bonding over a long period of time or powerful incident. However, if you feel a sense of anxiety, loss, depression, self-insecurity, anger, frustration, or guilt from being apart from a person in normal day-to-day circumstances, you may have formed an unhealthy dependency. That's okay - what's really important is that you are trying to figure it out now and asking these questions. When we become dependent on someone, it may be because we are seeking validation from outside sources - and feel we are not validated when we are without those source. That could be a sign that we aren't validating ourselves enough - we aren't our own best friend yet, we aren't actively supporting ourselves, or we don't trust our own opinions. This could be occuring even within someone who is an extrovert or very confident in themselves. Think about the reasons why you think you need other people to be happy. Think about what is missing emotionally when people are around, and if there is anyway you can provide that to yourself. In the meantime, you can try to slighlty change your social patterns to see if mixing things up can help you shake your dependencies. Alternatively, if someone is accusing you of becoming attached and you are confused by this accusation, it may be that the acuser is uncomfortable in some way and having trouble communicating that and so they are lashing out. Ultimately, only you know if you are (a) truly becoming dependent on people in unhealthy ways, (b) why you feel you need that, and (c) what you can do to change those patterns. Good luck!
wanderlogan
December 9th, 2016 5:54pm
Getting attached to people isn't necessarily a bad thing, it shows that you're passionate. However if it turns to a point where it's negatively affecting you and your relationships with friends or potential love interests, then it might be best to separate yourself and ask yourself a few questions about these people; Do I know them? What do I actually like about them? Do they care about me? Am I relying on the comfort of another to make me happy? These are all important questions.
floralprouvaire
April 13th, 2017 12:32am
Taking small steps toward self-sufficiency helps. If you know you can function without others, you may not find yourself clinging to them as much. Also, not idealizing people is hard, but helps.