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How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?

160 Answers
Last Updated: 03/05/2021 at 11:16pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
unbiasedbee
July 28th, 2017 9:35am
Relying on your own self worth and being confident in yourself is a good start. Be independent. You are good enough and if the other person can not accept or see that, you're only hurting yourself.
GinaLorna
August 23rd, 2017 8:53pm
A tough one, because as humans we naturally have the ability to fall in love or feel an affection to another person. You can only but look for the warning signals - if they are using you and you know they are, you have to step away. If they are mean or trying to be manipulative, you will feel that and probably know it in your heart and mind - so try to step away. Just always be aware I guess, not everyone is a bad person but we must listen to our instincts with the bad apples.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2017 4:22pm
Try and keep your distance until you know what the person is really like and if they're ok to start getting comfortable with.
Zivvi
November 18th, 2017 6:24pm
I think you should at least talk to them, as friends, and then if you feel as if you're getting attached, just talk with them. Communication is very important!
NotAGod
November 22nd, 2017 2:35am
Don't share too much. Have someone to talk to - yes. May it be your parents or just "a person". Don't let everyone know what's going on. Don't give too much personal information.
ParalleliUni
November 29th, 2017 11:10pm
You can't keep yourself away from getting attached to people. We, as human beings, are emotional and social beings too. We cannot live without others. We easily get attached to people we meet during our lifetime. We sometimes even don't notice it. But it is normal thing we can't escape. Don't run from it embrace it. Embrace yourself as a person.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2018 4:44pm
Personal boundaries for me is the answer. Don't talk to that person every day even though you want to. Sometimes it's hard but the more you do it the easier it will get
twentyonesalvation
January 18th, 2018 12:36pm
There is nothing wrong in getting attached to people. It's a sign that you're a human. What's not healthy is when you depend yourself too much to these people. You depend your happiness or emotion rather to them. That's not healthy anymore because you're now being held in the neck.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2018 2:01am
It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself.
determinedWatermelon7989
February 2nd, 2018 10:52am
From my own point, Attachment is an emotional chaos, its okay to be close to people like to open up or to talk but a state of attachment is when you know someone is filling out a piece of your life, now that can be unhealthy if you have failed expectation towards that person, but attachment can be controlled even tho you get close to someone, just set your mind not to expect not to be sentimental over things that you cannot control. but the bottom line here, its important to love yourself, to secure yourself and be assured of who you are, so that whether you go on your own you can live with it and if someone goes in your life and left, hurt or disappoint you it will get not be affected. You need to build yourself first before you can enter into attachment and in the end no matter what will happen whether attachment will work or not you will not loose. You just have to condition your mind, it's all in the mind, you have to control yourself
Anonymous
February 16th, 2018 3:04pm
We are two with that issue now! Well I am trying, personally, to think that people meets but it's a decision of both persons to remain together or sometimes something happens and that person moves to another country or else. So it's good to have that in mind I think.
WishfulWhiskers
February 22nd, 2018 3:40am
Attachment isn't necessarily a bad thing. Humans thrive on social interaction and to feel a sense of community is often to feel a sense of comfort and safety. If you feel that in any given instance it is not appropriate or detrimental to your health, maybe it is best to take a step back from the situation, take some time to breathe and understand why it is you feel this way. You do not need others to feel happy as you are yourself a complete and wholesome individual. When we learn to feel comfortable with our own company, then we can move forward with out relationships without a strong need for dependence.
Anonymous
February 25th, 2018 8:45am
I understand how much you are afraid of getting attached to people. Well, if you want to keep yourself getting attached to people, first figure out the reason behind why you are getting attached to people and set some boundaries accordingly.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2018 3:08am
Try not to talk to them as much,because the more time you spend together,the more attached you get .
Anonymous
March 4th, 2018 1:15am
You can keep yourself from getting too attached to people by after getting the support you need from one person instead of counting on the same person, look further into your support network and reach out to family or friends to support through ongoing challenges you maybe having too.
Ivoishereforyou
April 12th, 2018 12:40pm
I will say this to myself, 'you live your own life. he does, she does, they do, I do. They may help you, but they may not. They have their own life. So, get yourself together. Whatever happens, it's all yours'
saintmccallister
May 18th, 2018 8:51pm
A good way to not get reliant on another person is to find your own strength, and to realize that you can always come back to yourself and find your own support through outlets such as art, writing, gaming, etc.
lisslistens
May 25th, 2018 2:58am
I try my best to foster relationships that allow me to get deeply attached, and in turn I keep myself open for them to get attached to me. I remind myself that if there’s a reason I don’t want to get attached, it’s almost always for the best that I don’t.
Blaise23
May 31st, 2018 12:36pm
We get attached to people sometimes because we seek their attention.When we start to be more independent and can be happy without seeking attention , then we can to an extent avoid too much attachment towards people .
Alidoruta2help
June 21st, 2018 6:05pm
Why do you want to keep yourself from getting attached to people? If the people surrounding you don't deserve your attachment maybe is time for you to find some other people, some that deserve you, some that would make you feel appreciated and some that would make you feel like.you.want to be attached to them. Is time.for.you.to.pay a very close look at your life and why do you choose to.put yourself in the situations that you do. Wish you all the best and life is meant to be shared and lived with love.
Ericka0503
June 23rd, 2018 12:31am
I have found that the easiest thing for me to do is to give myself some space and to ask myself, Why am I getting so attactched? A god self check in has always done the trick for me.
CompassionateYoshi88
July 4th, 2018 12:53pm
Sometimes I find myself wanting to continue an interaction when it is clear that the person has finished talking about their problem, If you find yourself asking personal questions that have nothing to do with what the person originally wanted to talk about its okay to end the conversation.
YorkshireListen
July 18th, 2018 10:25am
From my experiences of break ups and heart break I feel the best way to overcome strong feelings for someone is to avoid seeing their activity on social media. Social media doesn’t portray real life and will only build jealously and frustration. Also focus on you and your self improvement. Set yourself goals. For example learn to play guitar, start going to the gym, take up baking. You will see your self improvement and boost your self esteem. As you get more and more into your new hobby you will also find yourself thinking of that person less.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 5:11pm
Make a lot of new friends and hang out with them and you wont be too attached because you’ll have them friends and your other friends
braveCaramel10
July 29th, 2018 10:58am
value people, talk to them, help them and you have to trust yourself. it is not hard to build sincere friendships, start smiling
phosphenerelief
August 2nd, 2018 9:24pm
Don't. Unless that attachment is nonreciprocal e.g. liking someone and they don't like you back - then there's no reason why you should not get attached to people - as it is through the resulting relationships that we get over and distance ourselves from our negative history of attachment that has created this fear.
Ethans231738282helper
August 17th, 2018 5:14am
To keep yourself not so attached to someone is by not letting them take advantage of you. You have to make them earn what you have to offer. Never let them take to much space by keeping a fair distance in the friendzone. Always be true to ehat you think is a right amount of space for them to have in your life. If you believe that they are taking up to much, slip back. But, just keep them close to you but not yo close because the closest friends can become enemies in a matter of one second.
Alwayslistening92
August 24th, 2018 12:13pm
Try to keep to yourself as much as you can. Don't start staying at home or late at work, but just lay low and casual. Work on yourself and how you feel. Have fun with your friends but also be conscious of what you're doing and how you're feeling while doing a certain thing. This doesn't mean that you should becime self-absorbed but you should just be more aware of what you might be getting yourself into. Spend time to know yourself and the people you surround yourself with. Think positive and give a positive vibe, not to attract people towards you, but to keep yourself happy and satisfied with who you are.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2018 3:29pm
Never swim across an ocean for someone who wouldn’t jump over a puddle for you. If you feel unhappy in that relationship, let it go. There is no use in holding on to it. You might think to yourself “one day they’ll see how important I am”’ but sadly that will never happen. They never had good intentions, and they’ll bottle up all the hurt and anger caused by the toxic people in their life and they’ll take it out on you. So please, take it from me. If you feel like they are half-assing the relationship, than leave before you’re left.
ShiningTree123
September 2nd, 2018 8:25pm
To want to stop oneself from becoming attached... that does not seem a sensible goal at all! Life is about being attached to people - in healthy ways of course - but without connection to others, life becomes devoid of meaning, it becomes empty, it becomes devoid of purpose! We fear becoming attached to others due to having been hurt before in forming unhealthy, dependent or codependent attachments. It is really worth studying these topics in much detail, and there is a great deal of very useful information online - and indeed on this site - in this respect. Definitely worth doing some research on this topic, and then some more, on the whole topic of attachment in general. Our experience of the world begins with attachment to our primary caregiver(s), and it is the quality of this attachment which will set the tone of the whole of our lives. To be whole is to be able to form healthy, secure attachments.