How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

Telling your mother In law to back off is sort of serious. I suggest negotiating with her and asking why she is so obsessive.

Maybe try to have a conversation with her nicely an say how you feel, if that doesn't work then maybe try something else with her to get your point across.

I believe that you should let her know her boundaries in the nicest way possible; shes just your mother in law, not your actual mother

If she's trying to protect her daughter, it is admirable and you should be okay with it, but if she's being over protective, you have to confront her about this issue and tell her that you need to come to terms with what is happening.

It definitely depends on the details of your situation, but in general I recommend being as polite as possible while clearly identifying behaviour that you would like her to stop and giving a personal reason why. It helps if you are also empathetic. For example, "Mother-in-law, I know that you are trying to be helpful, but I would appreciate it if you didn't criticise my housekeeping. It's difficult to not feel insulted by it. If I need advice, I'll ask you directly. Thank you." However, some people will not respond to this method, and you may simply need to reduce your contact or emotional investment in the relationship on your end. It's definitely a difficult problem. Good luck!

You may not be able to. You can try to do so with tactful words and deliberate distance (harder with kids). But ultimately, your husband or wife must set their own mother straight if she's out of line. Its the only way this will work long term.

A better way to give to tell her is maybe telling her how you feel and what she's doing if it's affecting you or maybe slowly distance yourself from her but keep in mind she's still going to be in your life but try and be cordial relationship and simple I hope I answered your question well

First, a good measure of perspective can help. Your step mother is a human beings with feelings and issues and the ability to negotiate, understand and evolve, and this is how you'll think for the duration of the exercise. Then, take a piece of paper and try to write all the things you feel like telling her, things you have issues with, things she does that hurt or upset you. Think also of what YOU can do better, what YOU can improve. Show that coexisting means work from both sides. Organize what you just wrote, and try to communicate it again. If verbal communication is difficult or impossible, try writing a letter!

if she is being all close and personal , you can always just ask her to please give you and your fiancé a little space .

Ive told my mother in law to back off in a calm polite manner by confronting her and telling her how i feel.

You can tell her very politely that you just need some space to do things on your own and if you need any help that you will ask for it.

Just be honest and say what you feel is right, tell her you need the space and she needs to back off as you need to be able to do things on your own and if you need her then you'll go to her.

Well, the best thing here is to remember that she has feelings like you do. Try to speak in a "indoor" voice without raising it. That will only make problems worse. You need to let her know that what she is doing is bothering you, and how it is effecting you. Try not to point fingers or blame it on her, but show respect. This may be difficult, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Be mature about it.

I'd tell her how her behaviour is making you feel and ask her what she would do in that situation.

It's very sensitive to talk with her about some things you feel aren't right or are 'too much'. Maybe you can talk to your partner and they can have a talk with their mum. Either way, good luck :)

This is a very sensitive matter so be very clear that when you get this message on my experience i can not be sure that your going to be having the same outcome. Remember that you are married to the spouse and not he parents so be very clear when you feel and speak up about what it means for you to need the mother in law to be stepping out of the way and set a line with what you mean. Such as I repect you and i want to respectfully explain that i am not feeling that great when you are stepping into whatever you feel like( fill in the bank) and i hope you understand. I feel uncomfortable so it will be here that I will ave to draw a line. In the future after please notes that if anything's it comes up on this matter again I will not answer and you refused to talk about talk about whatever you were talking about backing off. Please understand that this isn't comfortable and I will not be able to do anything but ignore you if you bring this up and to ignore the boundary I have made on this on this issue.. also before you talk to the mother in law talk to you spouse and find out if you should write it on a paper instead of talking in person. Sometimes this must be a difficult thing to do but it has to be done because you are uncomfortable and your mother-in-law will get over it and if not that's not your problem you you have a right to stick speak up for yourself this person you married. I hope you and your mother-in-law well will soon be able to understand each other better and not hold a grudge over spilled milk. always stand by your words when something makes you uncomfortable it's not going to change and it was probably better that you were honest because you still say respectfully then you only can mean it when someone is aware did they have crossed a boundary and it may have never known for now that they do then you can find out what kind of relationship the mother-in-law and you are meant to have. very very sensitive subject for you this I hope for you the best of all time the best outcome

Tell her how much you care about her but she is making you feel (upset, hurt, etc) and it is affecting you. Also how you don't want to hurt her feelings but your health is most important and so is your marriage.

Show her that she is overstepping with an honest conversation and then gaining distance if she continues to be pushy

Talk to your husband about it because he should be the one to regulate that instead of you can it can be sensitive to do so with you relationship with your mother in law

Politely but firmly ask her to remember the boundaries that are present in all relationships. Explain the behaviour you find overbearing, and that you would like it to stop.

In-laws are sometimes hard to deal with. Have an honest, open conversation in a safe space with your mother in law. If it helps, you could have your s/o or other family or friends there with you as mediators or as support.

Thank you for all your support and help. I would like to apply all you have showed me and make some new techniques of my own.

Be polite and tell her the relationship isn't hers and to step back do be tamed by her be confident and strong bold

It is normal to have a mother in law who interferes, although that doesn't make it any easier. Good for you to try to figure this out. It depends on what type of relationship you have with her, but sometimes it takes a diplomatic and firm conversation about what you do and don't need from her. If it is very explosive, it might be best to let your spouse intervene to work through a peaceful negotiation.

So, I guess saying: “Back Off, Mother-in-Law!” is not an option. Things can be very stressful and exhausting, especially if your mother in law is not quite aware of what she is doing to you. Let’s look at other things you can do. Of course suggestions will depend on what sort of backing off we are talking about, whether it is about attempts at controlling your life, or constant criticism, or being there all the time. You may have already tried the following: 1/ a calm, compassionate approach to try to put across to her how her behaviour is affecting you (which I grant you requires pretty high zen levels, not always available after a long hard day’s work!). If that didn’t work, or is not yet the time to do, you can 2/ spend some time with a listener on 7 cups, to explore various options and get to understand maybe the underlying reasons, different scenarios, and basically to get a load off your chest with one of us. That may not bring immediate solutions, but it brings some relief, which is always a good thing. Meanwhile, as little emergency joker card, I can share with you something i did with a friend who, like me, had a particularly overbearing and formidable mother that caused us quite a bit of wanted misery: that friend and I secretly played what we called “mum-bingo”: when we were stressed about a get together with our respective mothers, we would try to think in advance of the hurtful or aggravating words that we were likely to be exposed to, or intrusions in our privacy, etc and if it did happen later, we’d mentally award ourselves “points” for predicting right: for example, we’d predict that we’d hear that our sisters were more successful than us. Then if we heard: “your sister got a new car, pity you are stuck that old one of yours ” (or equivalent), hop, that was 10 points. This way we got through difficult evenings much less affected by whatever was said or done. It sounds a bit silly, I know, but to end up secretly smiling after hearing something that would normally make you cry, that felt rather good, it gave me a bit of control over the situation. not something to do all the time of course, just a bit of relief, also a way to observe and see a situation in a different light, avoid extra stress and not say anything hurtful yourself. Do reach out to listeners here, if you feel things are getting really stressful for you and you can’t see a solution, if you aren’t doing it already. You may even get to a point where you fully understand why your mother in law does what she does, which will get you in a position where you can alter the situation for the better. Good luck!

Go up to her and tell her how you feel in a really honest way. Make sure you are not rude or agressive though.

Just be honest with her. Don't curse or say mean things but make her understand what you want from her.

In this circumstance, I will go ahead and assume that the mother-in-law is a representation of "overbearing expectations". When another person demonstrates unreasonable expectations from you, or who repeatedly delves into affairs that you feel are personal, They are both crossing your personal boundaries and also judging your lifestyle harshly. Your instinct to feel intruded upon, to feel judged poorly, and to feel the need to oppose or resist adimently are rooted in some very legitimate and rational responses. You can try to empathize and reach understanding, "Marideth, why do you insist on verbally putting me down in front of the kids? Do you think they won't understand how harmful that is?" Point out how their words and behavior has crossed reasonable boundaries, "You raised your own kids. Now I will raise mine. You can believe I'm wrong, but you can't swoop in and take over my life." And certainly speak to your spouse about how their mother's behavior effects you, "Robert, your mom is really judgemental. She puts me down around the kids and tries to swoop in and 'rescue' our children when I'm doing a great job of raising them. Can you talk to her for me?" Avoid the temptation to become confrontational. Reacting in an abusive, or harmful way may seem justified, but it only grinds down your own self-image and the image others have of you. Be empathic, but be strong. Be understanding, but set boundaries.

Maybe having a sit down expressing how you feel about her actions will either help resolve the reasons you want her to back off or show that you need more space. Remember that is still your partner's Mum, and although you feel she is intrusive, you cannot place him in the middle of your feelings towards her. Now if he has expressed similar feelings, it may be best they speak to her privately but in the same manner I described so she doesn't feel attacked. Otherwise you will both end up with more problems if she feels she is being attacked by one or both of you. Goodluck!

With your mother in law, like any other person in your life-- it's important to set boundaries. If she disrespects those boundaries, a chat of "Hey we're all adults here we need to respect one another" is important. My own late mother in law was a bit intense for my liking...But there were times she was too up in my business and I had to be firm but polite about hey, I can handle this I'm an adult. I think that if she's generally a respectful person toward you, and vice versa, she will listen to what you have to say. Sometimes it's hard but it's entirely possible if both parties are able to communicate.