How to stop hating your mother?
Last Updated: 05/28/2021 at 3:55pm
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
This isn't always achievable. My mother has hurt me so badly I suffer from PTSD. Shes a hypocrite, manipulative, and plain old mean. She refuses to listen to anyone besides herself, is load and brash and never apologizes. Shes drinking and smoking herself into a dark hole that she'll never climb out of. I hate her completely, and I have a right to. Sometimes there's just nothing you or anyone else can say or do to change that. I can't forgive her for what she's done and I've accepted that. She's no longer in my life. That's that.
It's a common thing for people to feel a certain degree of resentment towards their parents. Perhaps they are too controlling? Too old fashioned? Maybe they always try to make decisions for you? Maybe they just don't understand you, or they don't want to accept you for who you are? Many people find themselves in this crisis. However, the key here is to imagine a role-reversal. Your mother brought you into this world. She went through the pain of labour and pregnancy in order to give you the life you have now. She kept you alive for so long, raised you, provided you with food, shelter and good education. She has given you the life that you have now, and without her, none of this would be happening - you wouldn't be reading what I'm writing now, for instance. Your mother taught you to walk, to run, to tie shoelaces... she raised you as a child and she has not given up on you. Even though sometimes she may not show it, keep in mind that she loves you. There will only be one person in this entire world who will ever love you like your mother does. And the saddest thing is, usually it's once you lose her, only then do you start realising how much you need her, how much you really love her. My mother left me a long time ago, and there is not a thing I wouldn't do to have her back with me right now. And I really hope that other people will be able to realise this BEFORE it's too late, so they can give their mother the love that they truly deserve. (And coincidence... it's Mother's Day today! Show your mother some love - you won't regret it! Promise!)
Depending on what your mother has done, it may be appropriate to "hate" her at this point, but these things have a way of lifting as we get older. What has worked for me is forgiveness, or putting myself in her shoes as a mother. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to interact with her, but at least there will not be hardness in your heart for her. Sometimes letting a family member go is what's best for our own emotional and mental health. They may not see it that way, but this is your life. Good luck!
I think the only thing you can really do is try to understand why she is the way she is. If you can understand her -- and this goes for anyone -- then it's impossible to hate her. Now, that being said, you are not obliged to like your mom or even love her. Shared blood, adoptions papers, or whatever your relation may be -- these have no importance. If your mother isn’t loving toward you or willing to try to understand you herself, then she isn't worth your stress. Indifference isn't a bad thing -- less stress over your mother means more time to focus on people who love and support you unconditionally.
"Fake it till you make it." It means acting like you care for her until your mind and heart is already speaking such care and love.
Give yourself some time to look at her as a human being and then take it from there. Would you like this person if you met them tomorrow? Would you want to be friends with this person?
Love yourself first and realize that often your mother projects her failures or insecurities among her children. Recognize she's a human that makes mistakes as well. People are like mirrors because they are affected by each other's insecurities. You might not be able to change her or impress her but as long as you're happy yourself that's the best you're doing. :)
This is a hard one. We naturally want to love our parents but sometimes they behave in ways that make us hate them. Sometimes these things are even unforgivable in our eyes. However, the key to forgiveness and unconditional love for someone like a mother is simply to accept them. Think of her not as your mother, but as a fellow human for a moment. Recognize that all humans make mistakes and try to understand how she may be feeling at the time. Keep doing so until you feel you understand her, if you can't.. try to love her simply for being your mother- even if you wouldn't otherwise. We cannot choose who our biological family is, but we can choose how we feel about others for the most part. Day by day, step out of your own shoes a bit. Learning to love those around you regardless of their flaws is an amazing skills to have and will make your own life easier. It is difficult, but possible.
One we resign ourselves to the fact that we can't change anyone else but ourselves we can begin to choose how we respond to our parents and the things they say and do.
Just think of all the sacrifices she did only for you. She gave you birth , new life that is sufficient to be owed to her for whole life. She demands that respect and love as she is your mother bringing you in this world. And if there is some misunderstanding get in depth of it and try to understand her and help her.
Think about the reasons for why you hate her. Separate those reasons into two groups, the little things and the big things. Then, when it comes to the little things, get over it. If it comes to the big things, talk to your mother about it in a calm manner. If she is one of those that only hear what they want, then just survive and work hard on getting your own place. Say hi to her every now and then, and live your life. But don't hate your mother. Hate is a strong word. She could've easily thrown you into a lake as a babe.
It's easy to start hating someone more learning. To love them. But you're mother is some one you should always love. Beucase she brought you to life went through the pain of giving birth and brought you up. She might make mistakes but at the end of the day if anyone was to ever have your back it would be your mother. I know it from experience. So it might be hard but have to try your maximum to understand the root cause of the conflit( if you two are in one) and accept the fact the fact that she's your mother and she has put up with you and all of your troubles when you were a baby and went throu all of the troubles of protecting you. You must realize that hating your mother would never bring you any good. You'll only be mad and that's going to be bad for your health. And you'll be hurting the heart of the person who loves you more than her life. It's about understanding, accepting, carrying on.
Your mother is trying her hardest to take care of you and if that means that she has to make some hard decisions that may end up making you hate her she will do them. Understand that your mother loves you and try to talk to her about your feelings.
Sometimes there's no simple way to redevelop a bad relationship with someone. However, that doesn't mean you have to hate them.Practice letting go of negative emotion towards her and try and understand the negatives for what they are. Let go of the hatred is the easy part, healing the relationship is difficult if that is indeed your goal.
First of all try to know why you hate her. For me, I considered my mother to be perfect who cannot make mistakes and so it was hard for me to accept her. Someone recommend me to look at my mother as a person and not as my mother. Analyse what needs to be done to improve your realtion with her, if it can't be improved then for some time till you can't figure it out, stay away from her and tell her that you need to figure things out and need a break. Other than that, it's natural to hate someone whom you love so much so it's Okay if you feel so. I hope you figure something out. All the best :)
Hmmm, take a break if at all possible. We all go through these types of feelings with people some times in our lives. The best way to just release these feelings is to take a step back and just relax. Once your head is clear and your emotions or feelings are calm, consider talking to them. If your communication falls into anger again, back off a bit again. Both of you have some feelings and concerns and the sooner you can manage to talk this through, the quicker the hate feeling will subside. Also, seek help if it really gets a bit much.
First, you have to stop looking at your mother as a burden, she is the woman who brought you in this world. Second, forgive her for things she may have done to offend you. Show her you love her, and if you don't then that's something you have to work on deep within yourself.
I've made myself that question so many times! And forgiveness is the answer. Accept and move on. You don't actually have to forgive her for what she did, maybe she didn't realise it. Most of the time parents don't know how much they harm their children. We can be better than them. We can move on, and accept that they can make mistakes too. Just like us.
By accepting her flaws, accepting your own flaws, and giving her support when she needs it without asking for anything in return.
First of all i will tell you, it's okey if you understand what i'm saying? Because it can be many reason you do hate here right? First of all it's important to don't deny and exept that you feel that way.. and then try to work with how not feeling these? how to make it better make sense? And then also, Maybe try to figuere aout what you or here or both can do, to not hate here? And also try to put yourself in here shoes :) But first of all yourself! Good luck!
Remember that parents aren't just a parental/Authoritative figure. They are real people, with real personalities, likes, dislikes and concerns. You may feel like your family isn't being fair to you, but take time to consider their aspect aside from your own, and try not to be biast. Hate is a very strong word, and used as a blanket term when it really means many other things. I.e. Frustrated, Nervous, Terrified, Concerned, smothered. Communication is key, so when you feel like you're in the right state of mind to sit down, and talk without bringing your emotional baggage to the table, that's the time. You've got to consider how you want to approach the situation; upon deciding that, that's how you move forward.
Get her to express her feelings to you. Talk to her and ask her what you can do to cheer her up. Something may be wrong if you are hating your mother. If she is either over-protective or ordering you around. At her best mood have a conversation with and you will be able to settle some terms.
Ask yourself why you hate your mother, if its something she said that made you said, think about the good things she did for you, everyone makes mistakes, no one is the same, and you and your mother will both say things they don't mean, talk to eachother.
Usually this takes forgiveness on our part, but it sometimes also requires an apology on their part, for whatever reason you hate her.
Family can be tricky. Everyone has a different dynamic with their family, and no one's family is perfect. If you hold feelings of resentment for your family members, you're not alone in feeling this way. But the only way to try to make these relationship stronger, and better, is by talking it out. Reach out, and express your desire to change they dynamic. Try to view the actions that led to this resentment from a different perspective. Let your mother know that you're willing to work past whatever led you to where you are today. Of course, this won't always work for every situation, but I think there's some closure in knowing that you have tried. After all, that's all any of us can really do, is try.
I also used to hate my mother when I was young but as I grow up I started to realize what she was doing is for me. Think of things that she do for you. All of the positive things and try to appreciate it. It's not that easy at first but do it step by step. :)
There is a reason as to why you hate her. Address the reason, forgive her and move forward in your relationship to grow.
Why do you hate your mother? Have you talked to her about the way that you feel? There are many reasons why one might hate their mother and in order to move past those feelings of hatred we have to figure out why we feel a certain way.
If there is a definite cause for such hating, you must have a frank honest conversation with your mother to figure it out whatever the needed time for that . If there is no reason , I guess doing kind and nice actions for her will make you feel good about her gradually.
See life through her eyes. Try to understand her actions. Talk more so that you can understand her experiences and motives.
Related Questions: How to stop hating your mother?
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?How to connect a person online with a therapist?How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?What age is too young to leave home?How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?My dad likes to touch me. Is this sexual abuse?How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?What do I do when my husband ignores me?