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How to stop hating your mother?

216 Answers
Last Updated: 11/04/2021 at 1:49am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
June 2nd, 2016 11:16pm
You can do activities/day outs with your mother to help build a better bond/stronger relationship with her.
June 3rd, 2016 5:16pm
To be completely honest, you must first forgive her. After you do this, the hate will slowly pass. True, it requires courage but hey, you CAN do it.
June 5th, 2016 4:45am
realize that she is a person too, with real feelings and emotions. it's hard to picture our mothers as people who feel things and have emotions, they have to disguise a lot of their feelings for the sake of their children.
June 8th, 2016 2:43am
Try to see things from her point of view. Then talk to her and try to get her to see yours. Even if you can agree to disagree on some things, that is progress. Remember that, even though she is your mother, she is still only human and makes mistakes. Talking to her about how you feel is the best way of resolving issues.
June 29th, 2016 8:01am
Forgive her because she did not (and even still now does not) know better, and in many situations just doing as she herself was raised.
June 30th, 2016 3:37am
I have experienced this and let me tell you it is not easy! However, no matter why you hate her or what she has done, it is not good to go through life with hate in your heart! Forgive but never forget and move on!
August 25th, 2016 5:30am
whoa! this question hit me hard.... well if you hate your mom then i am so sorry... but if you wanna stop hating her then you could umm write letters about how you love her and hoe you wanna stop hating her... go and talk to her... hug her and kiss her
August 25th, 2016 6:08am
Let me know when you find an answer.
May 18th, 2018 5:01pm
I learnt that after a bad experience with my mum, I slowly became more uptight just like her, but I realised overtime, that slow and truthful communication helps to ease the tension.
April 24th, 2016 3:46pm
What is the problem? Are you under a lot of stress? Did she not buy you that one of a kind necklace? or is it a more serious issue such as hurling hurtful comments at you or focusing her stress and anger on you? You should always sit down and have a conversation with your mother. Tell her how you feel about your relationship and try to encourage her to speak about it too. Try to spend more time with her, maybe cooking or going to see a movie together.
June 11th, 2016 12:42pm
Okay. First things first. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. She took care of you ever since you we're less than an inch big. She may not be all that you expect her to be. But we're humans. And we make mistakes.
July 10th, 2016 2:59am
Accept that some people just won't change. Your mother has had a probably hard life just like you have, but back then people were much more unforgiving. You think how she treats you is bad? Can you imagine the household she came from to produce a person who may have done/said the things she may have done/said? Stop hating your mother by understanding your mother. The very same thing we all want from everyone. Less hate, more understanding.
July 16th, 2016 1:51am
I wish I knew the answer to this... Firstly it's not your fault your feeling this way! Clearly something has happened or is still happening! But as they say time heals all sounds. As for the hatred it consumes too much time and energy and only makes you feel worse! Letting go a bit and trying to move on are the first steps...
August 21st, 2016 7:08pm
If you don't know the reason for hating her, then you need to find the root of your hatred. After that, you have to acknowledge the why and think about whether or not you can bring yourself to no longer hate her. Every situation is different, and you don't always have to stop hating someone-it's based on what caused the hatred and the relationship between you. If you think you can and should, you should talk with your mother about what's going on and begin the healing process.
August 24th, 2016 10:53pm
Not hate her in the first place and love her and show her you love her she won't be around forever so love her as long as she is around
September 3rd, 2016 6:42pm
It depends on what she has done but think of it this way she gave you life on the earth and that should be one thing to appreciate.
September 4th, 2016 5:15pm
Think of her as the one who gave you life. you may not always have something to agree on, but remember that she was the first one to love you in this world.
March 8th, 2017 12:10pm
You may feel great appreciation for your mother, yet also feel like she gets on your last nerves sometimes, too. There are many types of relationships you can have with your mother, from enjoying a happy and fulfilling relationship to feeling abused or put down by your mother. If you struggle to get along with your mother, realize that while you cannot change her, you can make changes to how you interact.
September 3rd, 2017 5:47pm
Relationships can take a long time to mend, especially with our own families. Open and honest conversations with the person in question are a great way to start, but these aren't always easy. If the person is unwilling to speak with you or is speaking to you disrespectfully, this isn't your fault. The saying, "it takes two to tango" is very legitimate. If you can't communicate with the other person as a way to heal, try working on yourself. Sometimes all we need is space. Other times, we need to work really hard to control our feelings and dig deeper in order to foster resiliency. Try to practice mindfulness exercises and build you support network. Finally, 'hate' is a very strong word. What you may be feeling is anger or resentment. Try to identify and label other feelings besides 'hate'.
April 22nd, 2016 5:40pm
It's hard, but remeber to forgive but not forget. Think of the positives with her. Also you can look up more ideas online and get help specific to your situation.
April 23rd, 2016 12:21am
Think of the things she has done for you, If your mother has not done anything for you or is abusive towards you think of ways to live your life and be more successful without her
April 24th, 2016 9:04pm
Put yourself in her shoes,try to give her a chance,do things for her,make her to up to her :)
June 11th, 2016 9:47am
If you want to stop hating your mother. You have to appreciate her. If you want to appreciate her've got to realise that she sacrificed her body to give you comfort when you were a fetus. If you want to stop hating your mother. Learn to love your mother. When we hate somebody it's usually a reflection of an aspect of our character that we don't like. Try and find common ground with her. She's your mother and you seem to want to improve your relationship with her. Try as use SMART tips to improve your relationship.
June 12th, 2016 6:21pm
Change the way you think, dont be judgmental, ask yourself why is she doing what she's doing? Is it maybe because shes looking for the best for me?
June 15th, 2016 2:54pm
Remember your mother is the one who gave you life, her love for you is something that cannot be replaced!
June 22nd, 2016 2:39am
Gratitude and forgiveness. Parent/child relationships are often complex, filled with ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like there were more downs than ups. There might have very well been more downs than ups, but to move forward and improve our relationships we have to acknowledge and celebrate those ups. Give your mother the benefit of the doubt. Believe that she always did the best she was able. Be grateful for what she gave you and the good times you shared, and let go of your right to hold a grudge against her for that laundry list of ways she hurt you. This could take a long time, and certainly a lot of effort, but it could very well be worth it if you want to have a better relationship with your mother.
June 29th, 2016 11:16am
Realize that you are not the mother and you are not responsible for what she did, and have to forgive her and let it go or it will consume you and you will think negative until you let it go and forgive.
July 1st, 2016 3:34pm
Depending on the circumstances we all carry hate and blame and put it on somebody else. It's important to love our family and especially our mothers. Talking out an issue and taking time to do that regularly is important
July 7th, 2016 12:11pm
First of all you need to know why you hate her, then try to find a way to get around those things or fix them. Try talking to her or get your siblings or father to talk with her about your feelings. Hope that helps!
July 14th, 2016 2:10am
Start by setting aside your differences &talking to her about your problems. Try to work things out!