I find myself thinking of people as useless and tedious. What's wrong with me?
Last Updated: 11/11/2021 at 12:40am
Elena Morales, LMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.
Top Rated Answers
Thank you for reaching out! I can understand from your question that your negative perception of people is making you feel that you are unfair in thinking like this and that your perceptions are something you should fix. You may first of all ask yourself where are these negative perceptions coming from. In what ways has your childhood shaped how you perceived others? Has any childhood experience (bullying, abusive parents or family members) got anything to do with how you feel to the point your projecting this onto other people, thinking they too are not trustworthy and have ill intentions? People are often vulnerable to scrutinizing other people. What we can instead do is to create a sense of understanding amongst ourselves to realize the fact that each and every one of us is in a league of our own. This is a story not of comparison but of you as an individual. We can instill good habits in others but assuming that they are useless says what about ourselves? Do we have a deep insecurity inside of us? Are we overconfident or too picky or so we set our standards too high towards how others should be? You may want to ask yourself how you find giving people the benefit of the doubt. Are you considering their troubles or worries of life’s general before you form your perception of them? To explore your thoughts further you are welcome to communicate 1-1 with any of our amazing listeners or therapists on our site. There is a Relationship support community room open on our site 24/7 every Thursday if you want to share you experience in a group environment. The first step for self-improvement is being accepting what imperfection you have about yourself. It’s clear you want to be able to trust others more and learn to give them benefit of the doubt.
Not to sound psychoanalytic, but personally, I've sometimes wondered whether these thoughts could be a reflection of how I've felt about myself. As a self-healer, I've always wanted to find the answers to my questions, and to feel them as lucidly as possible. For a very long time, I thought that my way towards these answers would in large part derive from my interactions with, and dealings with, others around me. I sought to gain my own direction through them, in a way. And when I discovered they didn't hold the exact answers I needed (the ones to unlock subsequent questions), I noticed myself feeling some irritability. At times, not receiving these answers was, in a word, extremely tedious. In this case, I needed to realize that part of my 'self-healing' would require time spent turning inwards. Once I learned this lesson, it became easier for me to appreciate others in ways that didn't give rise to feelings of tediousness or irritability. Among other things, I found a deeper and more sustainable appreciation for the people around me. Though I can't exactly answer the question, because I don't know your circumstance, I hope this story could possibly awaken some clues. :)
It sounds like you haven't found people you are compatible with. I don't think there's anything wrong with you actually, it's quite normal to feel this way when you feel disconnected, at least that's been my experience. Perhaps you find their conversations dull or draining, or just don't see yourself as part of the group at all. I think finding new connections could be beneficial. The important thing to figure out is, what are your values as a person? Sometimes simply being around people of similar value is comforting. You might feel more connected and confident, knowing your values are shared. It's something to think about if nothing else. I can't tell you what to do with your life, but I understand where you're coming from. Take care.
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