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How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.

239 Answers
Last Updated: 12/03/2021 at 5:47am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor

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I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.

Top Rated Answers
August 24th, 2018 9:18pm
There is a Mindfulness Practice called "Radical Acceptance". What it teaches is to allow whatever happens to be OK. So, if you are feeling fear, that's OK; do nothing in response but just notice that. If you are having thoughts attached to a feeling, that's OK; do nothing in response but just notice that. Then do your best to guide your behaviors with the Wise Mind, which is the part of yourself that understands that these fears and thoughts are not necessarily true or actual. DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is one of the ways in which people can learn to manage thoughts and emotions more Wisely. i hope you find a way towards Acceptance, and a friendlier world!
April 5th, 2018 1:58am
If they are "friends" then they sure can not hate you. If you have a fear of this....then ask yourself if they really are your friends....if they give you that right to question them about not liking you. If you are not happy with yourself change what you don't like.
April 15th, 2018 8:14am
Maybe try ask them Individually? I think that it may be just a “what if fear” but it can go either way
August 19th, 2016 7:59am
You could never know for real if your friends hate you or like you. Confronting them is an option but instead try to get rid of the negative thoughts instead. Indulge yourself in more activities, take up more hobbies and make yourself a better person. But most importantly learn to love yourself. Thoughts about others disliking you could arise from negative thought about yourself or feeling like you aren't good enough. Practice self love before you expect anyone else to like you.
May 13th, 2017 5:03am
You can convince yourself that your friends don't hate you by setting your mind to a positive mindset. When you think in a negative manner you will eventually not only think that your friends hate you but more insecurities will build onto your life. If you are in the positive mindset and come to a conclusion that your friends do not hate you, then you will begin to let this irrational fear go. If they do not talk about you, or hurt you in any way but rather share love and compassion with you as a friend, then you should have nothing to worry about, they do not hate you. Don't let your fears take away your happiness in life. Think positive and remain faithful!
July 12th, 2018 4:30am
On personal experience, all it takes is an understanding that not everyone thinks the same way, not everyone's brain is the same. Take a second to let that sink in, evaluate it.
August 12th, 2018 7:18pm
That's the thing, it's irrational. It sounds like anxiety to me, and your mind is lying to you. If they are your friends they don't hate you, they love tou🙂 talk to them about how you're feeling but remember it's irrational. They're not real feelings. I've had this as well.
January 19th, 2019 4:06pm
though its hard to believe, this is actually pretty normal.. you probably have been stabbed I the back from someone before and are loosing trust.. and that is so reasonable! I find it so helpful to counteract your thoughts, whether that is in a diary or in your head.. Also if it is really bugging you, tell them! communication is always key, sometimes voicing your concerns can help you feel a lot better and relieve some of that anxiety you are feeling.. remember all the good things you have to help keep your min off all of this !!
April 10th, 2019 9:39pm
First of all, *hugs*! To suspect that your friends or any loved one might actually hate you is not a nice feeling to have at all. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You love your friends, right? And so it's completely natural that you're worried they might hate you. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't really care what they thought right? They'd just be another stranger on the street. We all want to feel loved and be secure in the knowledge that those we love, love us in return. It's clear to me that you're a loving, thoughtful person - someone who wasn't wouldn't care if their friends hated them or not. Not only does this mean your friends would be silly to hate you(!), it means that you have so much to give to your friends. So my advice to you, would be to focus on being your amazing self! What a wonderful gift for them. After all, your true self is probably the reason they love you and the reason you're their friend! Sometimes being yourself is the best way of showing someone how much much you mean to them - because it shows you're comfortable around them, and it shows you trust them. Put your trust in your friends by being yourself, take a leap and have faith that they love you. See how they respond, and you'll find out for yourself what they really think of you. Good luck!
October 12th, 2019 7:21pm
anxiety is terrible, and i've been there. one thing that has helped me was asking them. one day, my anxiety was really bad, and i texted a friend saying "hey i've been feeling really paranoid lately and my brain is telling me some mean things. silly question, but do you secretly hate me?" they thought the question was ridiculous, but they seriously answered it and said that no, they didn't hate me. i screenshotted that and have kept it in my phone ever since. of course, the paranoia didn't magically go away, but now, i logically ask my brain "is that really true?" and i have the evidence to back it up.
June 25th, 2016 1:14pm
Nobody would cope with anyone if they actually hate them. Remember that. If you still have the fear, go up to them and ask them.
July 7th, 2016 1:38pm
I experience the same thing. Just try to ignore it, tell them that you love them and they'll say they love you back. Ask them to hang out and when they accept, smile at you, and hug you, know that they love you. They're not obligated to be with you, they do it because they enjoy being around you.
July 10th, 2016 3:21am
Why not ask them what they like about you or think of you, and then take their answers at face vaule, do not read into it. If they hated you would thay hang out with you?
July 11th, 2016 12:23pm
ask them for reassurance! good friends will gladly inform you that they dont, in fact, dislike you - if they did, then think rationally. why would they want to talk to you and be around with you if they didnt genuinely enjoy your company?
July 13th, 2016 12:15pm
You can't convince yourself that they don't hat you if you're the first who hate youself. Sometimes when someone thinks that is beacause they don't love themselves enoght.
July 15th, 2016 10:41pm
well if they are your friends that means they like you enough to hang around and talk to you so they cant hate you :)
July 20th, 2016 8:42am
Im sure at some point everyone feels as if they are hated when they are most definatly not. Best thing to do is talk to your friends, who knows, they may feel the same way.
July 24th, 2016 3:50pm
Believe that everything you are doing is in good will and that everyday you are trying more on a daily basis. I have felt this way many times throughout the years and I have come to realize that the best way to deal with this kind of feeling is to try to keep a positive mentality and to just keep trying your hardest and best to exceed in many aspects in life.
July 28th, 2016 12:02am
Sometimes, we allow the fear of things to control our thoughts and our emotions. But, when we do that, that can be a very dangerous thing. I know for sure, that your friends wouldn't hate because you're too great for them to do so. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and end up drawing conclusions that aren't true. Sometimes we just have to calm down for a moment and actually observe around us, if our friends really hate us.
July 28th, 2016 10:30pm
Well first of all talk to your friends about it and at the end of the day if they hate you or like you just remember you are worthy
July 29th, 2016 9:27am
I understand where you're coming from. I feel like this everyday. But you have to learn how to tell your mind "stop". Because they probably don't. I know it's tough but it'll go there with time! And you can also try to discuss this with your friends!
July 31st, 2016 7:05am
I can definitely understand the compulsive thought that my friends hate me. It is an upsetting idea and difficult to overcome. I find it helpful to communicate with them. Let them know how you are feeling. The idea that they hate me most often comes from anxiety rather than how they are actually acting towards me. Proving this intrusive thought wrong can then be something you remind yourself of every time that thought comes up again.
August 1st, 2016 2:58am
Well you just said it your self, its an irrational fear. Try to relax im sure they don't hate you. They are called friends for a reason. :)
August 3rd, 2016 4:33am
Your friends wont hate you :( its most important to be yourself. If you're being yourself and they dont like you they aren't you true 'Friends'.
August 5th, 2016 4:39pm
Knowing that your friends wouldnt be with you if they didnt want to. Having irrational fear is alright, but you need to know that our fears makes up believe things that arent real.
August 5th, 2016 5:32pm
Well fears are never irrational you know, they are all equally distressing and frustrating. Why do you think they actually hate you? Is there any specific reason why you think so? I believe that you should keep your self-esteem higher than this in oder to see yourself as a good person that can be only loved by people and not hated! Have you ever talked it out to your friends ? To know their opinions of you could help you realize that they actually like you and care for you! A great advice could be to never make assumptions but to always ask them any concern you might have, in this way you cannot mislead what they say or think!
August 7th, 2016 11:52pm
If you feel like your friends hate you, it's probably best you gather the the facts. Meaning ask them. By asking them your helping yourself in more ways than you can imagine.
August 10th, 2016 3:44am
If your friends hated you they would've either had left you or been backing away from you and you'd notice.
August 12th, 2016 5:01am
Thank you for your question :) I can imagine how feeling like your friends hate you would make you feel isolated and uncomfortable, and I understand your need to get rid off this feeling. But before we address the how, have you considered why you feel this way? Although you mention that this fear is 'irrational', is there anything that your friends do that exacerbate this fear? On the same note, do you feel that they appreciate your company? 'Hate' is a pretty strong word - it might be worth considering what you might say to your friends if one of them asked you the same thing. Friendships are complex relationships that require a lot of emotional investment - but they can also be warm, comforting and rewarding. I'm afraid I cannot offer any advice regarding what you should do but I hope this has given you some food for thought that might help you come to a conclusion about your own relationship with your friends.
August 12th, 2016 4:37pm
Don't overthink too much and enjoy having them around you more. Have fun with them or tell them how you feel.