How do I get over feeling that everyone is going to leave me?
167 Answers
Last Updated: 11/18/2020 at 5:54am
Moderated by
Brenda Munroe, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.
Top Rated Answers
Spend some time building up self-confidence. Feelings of abandonment may come from feelings of inadequacy after all. Acknowledge your strengths, and don't push aside your weaknesses. Accept your flaws for what they are, you don't need to try to be a perfect person, and embrace yourself for your pros and give yourself credit for those traits.
Low self esteem, low self-love creates the anxiety in us that other people do not consider it worthwhile staying with us and will leave us soon or later. Seeing our good sides and learning to appreciate how we are will give us a feeling of "value" and reduce the fear that everybody is going to leave us.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2017 10:01am
If you are afraid of someone leaving it could help reminding yourself that the people that are truly there for you will never leave. It is important to let the people who want to go, go. This makes the relationships that do work all the more special.
Well usually when you have that feeling, its because you have experience people are gonna leave you. So you may have been in in healthy relationships beforehand, which can cause emotional scarring. The ultimate thing to realize is there are 7.5 billion people in the world, not all are gonna be like that. Its best to make friend and allow them to slowly earn your trust, to find better relationship.
Accept that even if this does happen, you'll survive. You're a strong person and can adapt to new situations, I'm sure, so even in the worst case scenario you'd be able to move on and rebuild a positive life for yourself. When you've accepted this, you're more able to step back and take an objective look at the situation. Why are you feeling like this? Has something happened, or is it just paranoia? When you're looking objectively, you'll be able to either dismiss that paranoia or work on the issues causing these feelings.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2017 2:37pm
The way that I get over this feeling is by finding someone who I really care about and trust (it can even be an animal!) and just talking with them. Being around people or things that I enjoy/care about always helps.
Abandonment issues are something people get over and sometimes people don't. You may have to start teaching yourself why you feel that way and how you can get yourself to be more independent, if independence is an issue. Ask yourself questions like "when, how or why did I start feeling like everyone is going to leave me?". Also, the question is, has everyone left you or is it an irrational fear? a possible mental illness or did everyone really leave you? These are questions to consider. You aren't alone in the feeling.
Well, it's unlikely that everyone is going to leave you. Those are just your fears and anxieties, but they can be very real inside our minds. They manifest themselves in making us do things we don't have to, just so our fears don't come true. People who care a lot about you won't leave you, even in your most dire times of need.
In life people come and go. Some stay, some leave. There are important people in your life that will stay with you the whole way, but thats just life, some leave. Together we have to accept the fact that people come and go, we make memories and keep the good people. Not everybody is going to leave you. The first step is acceptance. Find the people that make you happy, and focus on them. Do things that you love with the people you love. Keep yourself distracted with positive thoughts. :)
Fear of abandonment is a common an natural fear we all have. When this fear is overwhelming often it relates to a belief about ourselves based on how others have treated us in relationships whether intentionally or otherwise. Sometimes, this belief needs some healing so that we don't continually push people away or hold on so tight for fear they will leave us.
You don't, that's the simple answer. You can't read their minds or predict what they're going to do. What you do know though is that humans are social creatures that naturally seek out relationships with other humans so the chances of you being left is shockingly low. No one wants to accidentally strand themselves by abandoning their friends.
Many things can be solved by learning to love yourself. This is one of those things. You need to become comfortable enough with yourself that you don't need anyone else. Of course as humans we are social creatures but it takes strength to be able to survive on your own.
Learn to be independent and stand on your own! You will feel great about yourself and attract like minded people and build healthy relationships.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 2:13pm
It is hard to make relationships when you feel this way, because you're terrified anyone you're connected to emotionally will eventually leave. I suppose it would help the longer people where with you, and making several friends, so you can be more confident you'll probably always have someone, even if another may leave.
You have to accept that, that is how life is. Make every day an adventure filled with education and fun (yes, you can have both) so you have no regrets. Spend time with the people you love (or think you hate, sometimes you don't) before they're gone. Make it all worthwhile and in the end, you would have done everything could have and that's what matters.
Convince yourself that you are important for the people in your life, and that they will lose someone precious by leaving you ... so they won't :)
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2017 10:57pm
To understand why you have this fear of abandonment, you need to look at your past and try to understand where this feeling is coming from. If you can figure out the basis of the fear, hopefully you can begin to heal and learn how to cope with the feeling when they arise.
Find a good group of friends who you can trust. If they are true friends they will not leave. Also, start building trust with others. Over time you will start to feel like they won't leave you. I just accomplished this myself! I often do not feel like everyone is going to leave me, but still on my bad days I start feeling insecure and like I am a bother to two of my closest friends and my boyfriend. They assure me that I am not a bother and they still love me. It was a hard journey but I started off by rebuilding trust.
Do your best to connect with people. If it seems overwhelming, start small. The people around you are there for a reason and the more you put into your relationships the more reassurance you'll get out!
Anonymous
January 19th, 2018 1:27am
You can get over the feeling that everyone's going to leave you is try to think what others have did and impacted you and decide if they ever left you before.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 5:12pm
You may not get over that feeling right away . Also may be very hard to get over it but nobody is going to leave you. You are overthinking
Anonymous
March 10th, 2018 3:04am
Fears of abandonment are so hard to experience, and it's often difficult to find the cause of them. I think part of helping that feeling is to find the reason for the fear. If people have left you in the past and you fear that happening again, you can try to think of what caused that. If nobody has left before, you can try to see what makes you fear they will leave, and at what times you feel like that.
By thinking that you’re too good to leave! You are perfect and no one would want to leave you. Think everyone loves you and tha everyone isn’t thinking about you because they are too focused on work.
You distract yourself from that and love life to your fullest. Try destressing over a cup of tea? Or maybe an activity you do all the time
There is nothing in life you can't get over with. I do agree that things are sometime difficult to tackle but they get better with the passage of time. All you should know is you have your own worth. If someones leaves you that's not your concern because at first place everyone is not meant to stay in your life. you would hardly come across 2-3 people who might be sincere with you. Remember whatever happens ,who is meant to stay will always be there for you. There is no need to blame yourself for this and also no need to worry. The day youl'll understand your worth to this world the fear of loneliness will automatically disappears.
If you feel like they're going to leave you, you have to make sure that the friends and family you have are there for you, if you find that most of the time they're always willing to help and that they truly do care, you don't have to worry about them leaving you.
Our action is interpretion of our thinking. Therfore you have to change the way you think in order to chNge the result
Many things are out of our control. Focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. When you take care of yourself and are happy, others drift towards you.
By spending time with positive friends around me. I will then know that there is a lot of love in this world.
I tell myself, "I am loved. My needs will be taken care of. Live in the moment. At the end of the day, everything will be ok."
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