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How do I get over feeling that everyone is going to leave me?

186 Answers
Last Updated: 04/24/2022 at 4:07pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 17th, 2020 11:10am
I use to struggle with this a lot and I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Sometimes if a lot of people have left us, it makes us question ourselves and think that we're not good enough and maybe they left because of us!!! That's not true. I think if it seems like you have found people you are close to with now and you still feel that way- maybe try opening up with them and explained your feelings to them: they might help you and encourage you that'll they will always be there and try to help you so you can built trust and your feeling of being scared might start to fade... :) opening up to someone close that seems trustworthy often are trustworthy :P opening up helps
Keldravna79
April 17th, 2020 6:59pm
Recognize they will but that's life and new people will enter your life making it better. You deserve love and companionship. You deserve to be happy! Everyone dies. That is just part of life. You can enjoy the little things. The sunrise the snow even the storms. Life is a series or events we just live through and learn from. You can only rely on yourself. Your truth. I would say move but just love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love and then you die.
nebtita
May 1st, 2020 8:00pm
Try to remember times where you have felt affirmed by the people in your life, times where you felt loved or supported. It could be text messages, conversations, things they did for you, or times you spent together. And understand that those times were genuine. I also find it helpful to become more comfortable with being alone, learning to be alone but not necessarily feeling lonely. When you're not scared of being alone, the fear of everyone leaving goes away and it makes your relationships stronger because the constant worrying is gone. It also brings you comfort to know that even in the worst case scenario, you will be okay.
3anonyms3
June 4th, 2020 6:15am
I have definitely felt this and I try not to ignore my feelings. I acknowledge them and try to figure out why I'm feeling them. It could be from a past experience, because of something someone said etc... Then I like to do some mindfulness that targets self confidence. I follow the steps provided in the mindfulness activity and do that regularly. I think the most important step is to understand why you're feeling those specific emotions. Fromm there you can change any negative feelings to positive ones. I'm no expert but I always try to recognize my emotions, listen to my body and and brainstorm on activities I think i could really benefit from.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2020 12:03pm
Noticing the difference between a feeling and reality can be tricky, and often times our brain crosses these over and makes them a fact in our minds. In psychology terms this is called catastrophising. We all do it from time to time, where we think the worst of a situation that hasn't even occurred. Sometimes practising mindfulness can lower levels of anxiety when we catastrophise the future. When the thought occurs, you can observe it for what it is- just a thought that is in your mind. Another way is to challenge these thoughts, much like having a debate with yourself in your mind. Ask yourself 'what evidence is there that everyone is going to leave me?' for example. And then ask yourself the opposite 'what evidence is there that nobody is going to leave me?' in reality nothing is black and white, so it's unlikely the thoughts you are having are true.
Darksaviour04
June 21st, 2020 9:30am
Every feeling has an origin, some past event that triggered this deep fear you need to find what was your trigger and what are the small things that make you feel this. Once you find your trigger you can try convincing yourself by analysing it and telling yourself it was one time and if it happens again I will just pick myself up because I am the one who made myself if I have myself I will find new people I need to trust myself and try to enjoy my relationships. You can even try talking about this with your friend the one who you think can assure you which will give you a mental reassurance
strawberrychar
June 28th, 2020 8:05am
I'm so sorry that you are feeling like that and I completely understand how you are feeling. It could be a hard and scary feeling. It may be due from past trauma in the past or just your mind telling your silly thoughts to scare you. First know, that sadly it is normal for someone people to leave your life but that also means new people to come into your life. Know that the people you have in your life love you and support you. Know that they are in your life for a reason and won't leave you randomly. Friends are here to always be there for you. Remember that friendships can last a long time and not everyone will leave you.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2020 6:23pm
To get over the feeling that everyone is going to leave me, I think of how far I've come through the perseverance, tenacity and grit I have. I also think further upon this by remembering a few motivational phrases from speeches, "You didn't come this far, just to come this far," "How bad do you want it," and "Your life isn't over, every struggle is a new beginning." I remind myself I have manifested much through my lifetime and through this I find solitude in my struggle because the struggle leads to greatness. I also know from my childhood depression, you are never alone and when times are bleak and you feel alone, just remember that YOU MATTER.
Petra1234
August 6th, 2020 4:04pm
It's good to think where does this feeling come from. Usually it happens when you think that you don't deserved to be loved / liked. Getting over this feeling is at first having the feeling that you are person worth being liked and spent time with. It's a long way to take, but I can assure you that you have some qualities that are appreciated by other people. You can think about all situations when people appreciate spending time with you. Last but not least, you can diverse the situation. Maybe some of your friends and relatives are scared to be left by you? :)
goldenBlueberry62
August 28th, 2020 6:36am
Fears of abandonment isn’t a nice feeling to restore, so I recommend leaning to love yourself and understanding yourself will heal and reduce those Fears. Once you identify all your good points and attributes you will understand that we all have something to offer which make us unique. Loving yourself will show you that you are worth keeping around and people actually need you around as much as you need them. Loving and knowing yourself brings out the best self within you. Loving yourself enough to know you are the love and lovable allows you to understand that you have to love you before anyone else can. If your unsure of you- how can someone else be sure of you. It’s the special things In you that you have to show and express and Fulfil
musicalEnergy94
August 28th, 2020 6:19pm
feeling like everyone in your life is going to leave is a scary thought process, talking to friends and family is a way to connect to other people thoughts, are they feeling the same thoughts? if you ask if they are going to leave you is a subject that may help releave anxiousness because you want to know the truth. within your mind positive measures like calming your thoughts and believing you may need to make some changes in your thought process so that you slow down your negative thoughts and if you arn't able to do so you may need to seek professional help. it is disturbing to think in that way distractions like walking in nature or writing in a journal may help
Anonymous
August 30th, 2020 9:57pm
Well, getting over feelings this strong is never easy, but you’ve already gotten through the first step — recognizing the issue. I think we can break this down into two parts: your self-esteem and the “feeling.” For one thing, know that you are worth having people around, and you are worth their time and attention. And as far as this feeling goes, acknowledge that it is just that: a feeling. That there is no fact or evidence behind it. Sure you may have had people leave you in the past, but this doesn’t mean it will always be the case, and you deserve to have people that will be there for you anyway. The world is a big place, with lots of people who will love and support you for you. ❤️
Kimmi2
September 3rd, 2020 11:12pm
I often have felt that way many times throughout my life. I believe that having that feeling is not a feeling that you get over. There are many questions, and experiences that a person needs to ask themselves as to why they feel that way. Example: What past experience have I faced that made me feel that people are going to leave me? Reflect on your answer and that experience may give you why you feel that way. Also when that feeling comes up for you, what do you do? It can be a scary feeling to have that everyone is going to leave you.
AIRNSWCULA
September 13th, 2020 6:30am
You have to let the bad go so you can have the opportunity to meet something new, something that could turn your life around. When people leave you, it is not because you are not worthy of love or because you do not deserve to have good things in your life. People leave for selfish reasons. Do not blame yourself for anything especially when you are living your authentic self and being who you are and they decided they do not like it. People will come and go. It is a phase of life. It goes in cycles and that is how life goes.
playfulPalm95
October 7th, 2020 1:53am
This can be a really hard feeling to overcome. There are a number of reasons why you may feel as if everyone is going to leave in the end. The first thing I think would be to indentify why you think everyone will leave you, try to figure out what is causing that underlying feeling and fear. Some common reasons we have this fear and feeling are trauma and anxiety. Then, I woudl focus on trying to choose people in your life that did not leave, and focus on them and remind yourself that they haven’t left, so not everyone will.
freshHoliday2552
November 5th, 2020 1:52pm
It is always a safe mindset to understand that the possibility of people leaving is always there, that way you are more prepared for this. However, knowing that you have done everything to keep that person in your life might give you more of a peace of mind. From personal experience, I know some people leave because they need a new chapter in their life. A great attitude towards this is appreciating that they are improving their life if you really care about them. This could also be an opportunity for you to look at your own life and see if perhaps it is your turn to start a new chapter with new people, you might not feel like you need it but perhaps it will be good for you. An important thought to keep in mind is to understand that people who do not want to be in your life are perhaps not meant to be there.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 5:54am
This can be a difficult feeling to be faced with. While I am not here to give advice, as someone who as struggled through similar thoughts and feelings, talking through your situation can provide you with clarity and new mindset. It is easy as humans to continuously assume the worst, however, by reasoning through our problems it can help us realize that our anxieties are simply that - anxieties. Not realizations. Take some time and think about what leads you to feel this way, are there past experiences where individuals have left you that led you to this feeling? If so, what was the outcome? Could it have maybe been for the better? Chat with a listener about these!
GreyfoxVincenzo1611
December 4th, 2020 11:19pm
I know that things like that could seem scary because many people who you think there always be fhere for you then disappear. But you can always count on them if they are real friends. Distance doesn't matter. My best friend last year has left me to continue his studies far away but he's still my best friend and I know I can count on him. So don't worry about people who leave you because they'll be always there for you. Try to find also new friends. I know that isn't simple but you have to know that you're not alone. Never.
empathicYosu1506
December 6th, 2020 6:46am
At some points of our life, we will meet people we will like then get attached to them, but because of previous heartbreaks, we get a belief that everyone will end up leaving us. But the truth is, people don't necessarily leave, they just get busy with their lives, so the communication gets less than before or even diminish, and it's okay. It doesn't mean they forgot about you or intentionally left you. You, yourself as you grow up and as your life changes, you will become distant at some point, it's part of life. If you want to remain in touch with a certain person, find any activity you both like to do.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2021 1:06pm
People who have suffered from abandonment issues and neglect usually always have this feeling and thought process locked in that everyone is going to leave out of fear. Anxiety kicks in and we start to have those feelings of fright. I believe the younger a person has been that has encountered abandonment and neglect in life, the worse it is for them. They are easily frightened and very fearful. Not having family, friends, make for a worse feeling of fear and a not so wanted outcome. It is additionally important to have people like Doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, also reserved because they are there to help in such situations and are there to be sought out for help. Finding support groups can help. It isn't easy to feel like you are going to be alone. It's hard to accept and no one really want to be alone or be abandoned. Going through most hardships in life alone is a hard thing to deal with and very troublesome. Surround yourself with loved one, surround yourself with friends. Do things that bring you joy and happiness and laughter, even if it's the littlest things in life that most people might not even want to do. Finding a balance and peace within yourself helps those feelings kind of dissipate a bit so you can have enough room to bring out the joy in yourself and express yourself how you should to attract what you need in life. Church is also there for a reason. Church members are always doing things to help one another. You'd be surprised at the kind people you could find at church that are so willing to be there for you and extend that olive branch that some of us feel when we are out alone by ourselves and frightened. I hope you can find peace with your situation and know you are not alone, and 7 cups is full of communities that you can explore and find some of the right people even if they're friends you can relate to.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2021 1:56pm
I know a little but of what you're going through. I am constantly worrying that I will eventually separate from my closest friends, or forget about the ones I am closest to because we will separate from each other. I know, it's a scary thought. However, think of it like this. If you are fated to meet someone, one day that person will meet you no matter what. If you are fated to love someone and spend life with that person, you will meet that person. If you are fated to leave someone, or stay with someone, that too will also happen. Fate decided all, and fate will always happen one way or another for your own good. Somehow this always comforts me and makes me feel a little better when I am thinking of depressing thoughts or things like this. I hope this will also help you. Good luck!
Anonymous
January 29th, 2021 6:56am
I think it's definitely a worrying feeling. You never know what somebody's true intentions/feelings are. However, you can't always assume the worst. (Easier said than done) There will probably be at multiple times in your life where people come and go. In a way it can be kind of a nice balance. Trying to manage being around to many people can end up being stressful in the end. You just have to try the best that you yourself can do to keep people in your life that you want to, and if they're worth having in your life they will give back as much effort. If you assume somebody is going to leave you as soon as you meet them it could effect how you interact with them and then you never really get a chance to have that authentic experience with them. Giving people a chance can be good or bad, just know that if they put in no effort towards the relationship you have, then maybe you are better off without them.
Anonymous
April 14th, 2021 11:33am
Life is short; things and people will come and go from your life, sadly there is nothing much you can do regarding this. Just know that this is all of a common purpose. If you are religious, you may believe that the all mighty up there has a plan for you. Either way, I believe, that everything is bound to happen for a reason. Dont stress too much regarding what will happen in the future, live in the present, live today. The people who trully deserve your presence in their life will be present throughout it. You may not notice this at first, but when you slow down, and breathe for a while, you will realise all the things you have taken for granted.
absorbantlistener
April 22nd, 2021 3:44am
Well, do self-assessment. Find out when this feeling occurs; does it happen when you are with a particular person? Or just when you are alone? Or just after you've encountered particular type of experience? Dig the context. Then, find a day you are clear headed and analyze the belief behind your feeling: do you really think everyone will leave you? Will they? What makes you believe so? Is there something very biased about this feeling? Could there be any alternative thought to the context that led you to this conclusion? If things look very foggy and you couldn't make through it, take help of a mental health professional. Best of luck.
scenicShoe3640
May 1st, 2021 4:56am
Focus on building positive relationships with people but do not base your self worth on them!! It’s so easy to do this but you are not alone. For example, sometimes we get insecure because we look at the people around us and let our insecurities cloud our judgment, making us think super negatively. You have to remind yourself that you are loved, everyone isn’t going to leave you, and the people around you value your relationships with them. I’m an overthinker too! But I remind myself, that i’m worth more than I realise and I will not let my insecurities rule/ruin my life.
whimsicalWriting9073
June 3rd, 2021 4:35am
You got to love yourself. Which is difficult sometimes. Neediness can cause people to feel exhausted. You got to be sure of yourself and be comfortable during times when you are alone. Confidence helps and being ok with yourself. Childhood might make a difference too. If your parents always held you, that's a good thing. If you've had childhood trauma it might be good to work that out. People get busy and it's nothing personal. If people know you are there for them, they will be there for you. If you can add value to their lives by being kind and loving, everything should be ok
Anonymous
June 3rd, 2021 10:13am
Be the source of your happiness: It's the most terrible thing to depend on any kind of outer source for your happiness. If someone stays with me I'll be good. Bad habit. I had similar issue. I was praise oriented. I used to judge my performance & looks by people's opinion. Sometimes I was very happy but mostly it was very depressing. Also I've lived in three different cities so I'd to leave many friends but I had to. The key is never depend on any outer source for your happiness. Be the source of your pleasure. I've some projects & I've some friends for those projects but even if they refuse to be with me I'll pursue my goals because it's my life & my happiness and I'm responsible form my happiness.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2021 7:13pm
Being able to trust them is important. And believing that no everyone is the same. Some people want to stay in your life and love you. It is nice to remind yourself that they love you. They will also show you through their behavior, gestures like make food for you or help you with something. Take notice of those things. It might also be useful to write about what you are glad about for instance your relationship with others etc everyday when you wake up in the morning. It will provide you with constant reminder. In the end, you should try to trust.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2021 5:44pm
It can be hard to get over the feeling that everyone is going to leave you. The fear of abandonment is a very deep seated and fundamental (but also common) fear. If you are struggling with the fear of abandonment, abandonment anxiety, separation anxiety, or other abandonment issues, therapy may be able to help. Therapy can get to the root of the issue and identify coping skills and strategies for better management of these feelings in day-to-day life. Other options include building and maintaining healthy self esteem, striving for a robust support network, practicing emotional responsibility, practicing mindfulness meditation, and/or reflecting on how and why abandonment impacts you as it does. It may seem like a lot of work initially, but you are worth it!
Anonymous
October 12th, 2021 9:22am
Start investing in your happiness and stop waiting for someone to do the things you want with you. A friendly, happy person will find companions everywhere. Realize that you are worthy of love and loyalty. Life is change. Wanted or unwanted, change will happen. But, if you have cultivated your inner strength, it will be accepted more than mourned when the change comes. I know that all of these things take practice, and if you have had people bail on you during hard times, it gets a bit harder to trust. But, people who love you will be there during good times and bad. Throughout your life, people do come and go, whether by choice or by death. That happens to everyone. I would advocate taking some action so that you can shift your worry to doing something. If you have been giving them regular use, those worry muscles will need something else to do. For now, fear is a bit overprotective.