Why do I always fail even when I try my hardest?
243 Answers
Last Updated: 05/27/2022 at 2:42pm
Moderated by
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 21st, 2016 3:16pm
You are likely being too hard on yourself and setting unrealistic goals. As is, you are always going to be your own worst critic - we all are. So make it easier on yourself by setting reasonable goals.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2016 8:54pm
You focus too much on being successful, that you don't focus on what you are actually doing, so in the end you fail
Anonymous
October 9th, 2016 11:07pm
That can be a tough feeling. Try and think about it a little and see if you have succeeded at something. Maybe even if it was just a small thing.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 12:17pm
Do you have realistic goals? It could come down to having too high expectations if you fail EVERY time you try, because if you know you truly did your best, you shouldn't be disappointed. It was your best and no more should be expected. If it's more than your best, it's unreachable, which means it was an unrealistic goal, which means you don't have a chance to complete it, aka you'll fail to reach it, because it's more than your best:)
Everyone can try their best, but not everyone can be the best at something. Just because you don't do as well as you would like to do does not necessarily mean you failed at it. If anything, it should just give you more motivation to try harder next time. Your failures do not define who you are.
Sometimes Even if we try our hardest we may not succeed and that is okay. Failure is a part of our lives. If we don't fail we won't know the value of success. All that really matters at the end of the day is you gave your best. What really matters in life is that you are surrounded by the people you love and care about, you have people that you can count on when times get hard, for these people are hard to cone by. Be a good person who is kind and compassionate, who can empathise with other people, and trust that everything will be alright.
I cannot give any specific advice but what I can do is listen and provide you with understanding.I can see your frustration from what you are experiencing. Failure is set to expectations, and setting them too high may lay a lot of stress on one individual. Have you considered the reasons in why you feel like this? Have you tried to put any tutoring sessions in place? Maybe setting step by step goals can take the pressure from trying to achieve everything at once it could possibly ease your frustration and give you a better chance in achieving your goals.
It's because you are giving your best but it's not enough for that. Rather trying to hard figure out what's lacking in your efforts. Fulfil that first then work hard.
Sometimes we fail because we are trying too hard. Our focus becomes set on the wrong outcome, and we end up back where we started. This is frustrating as we cannot always see why we are not changing paths. We are still too close to the situation and unable to make that required to be cut. When we do eventually make the required cut we often reflect and wonder why it took us so long to do so. This reflection can be dangerous as it can lead us back to our original issue and we don't end up moving forward in the manner we would have liked.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2020 1:15pm
If you've tried your hardest then I don't think you've truly failed. Failure means a lack of success - not a lack of ability to try again. As long as you recognise that you have it in you to keep trying, you'll never really fail at anything. Also, no one ever claimed that trying your hardest at something will guarantee success - otherwise everyone would be good at everything. It's important to realise what your strengths are so that you can focus on the things that will make you flourish. You aren't supposed to succeed at everything you do and that's okay.
It's not the failure that counts - it's the fact that you did your absolute best to try. Be proud of that. We all make mistakes, and we can't succeed without knowing what failure is. You may feel like you're doing absolutely nothing right, but I promise you that somewhere in there you did something right, even if it didn't lead to a positive outcome. Keep persevering! You can do it.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 11:06pm
Don't be too hard on yourself, think about the times you've done very well. There are probably more times than you notice. You are strong for even trying to seek help. I believe that to be a success.
Not everyone is good at everything that's why. no matter how hard you try your not gonna succeed in everything.
Sometimes when we are hyper focused on what we want, we put too much emphasis and stress on the situation. This limits your ability to give it a real try. If you are trying way too hard for something you want, it is likely making you lose sight of the small steps it takes in order to reach a large goal. Try stepping back and reassessing if there are smaller goals you should be striving for on the way to what you really want.
Anonymous
February 4th, 2018 2:20am
Sometimes, things do not come easy to everyone. Things come at different paces to different people. This is okay, and we can seek out extra help from services such as counselors, tutors, peers, teachers, supervisors, and others services to assist with achieving success.
Anonymous
November 25th, 2020 3:56pm
Most of us think that there's something wrong with failing, but in reality there's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with us either. We learn from our mistakes and that makes us stronger. Keep going even if you fail, don't let negative thoughts make you think that you are not doing enough because you have been doing your best. At the end of the day, what really counts it's how we get up and keep fighting for what we want. Keep doing a good work as you have been doing so far, but don't be so hard in yourself, it's okay to not be perfect. If possible take a moment and think back as for why maybe things have not work before, what you can learn from that, what you could do to avoid the same mistakes, that might help; and again, don't be so hard on yourself.
Hope this helps... take care.
I'm sorry you feel that way, it's really hard to feel like you aren't making progress even when you're doing your best. Try to keep in mind, the fact that you try your hardest is a testament to your character. You're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask of you. It's very admirable that you keep trying, not everyone could or would do that. Things will get better. Sometimes it's like riding a bike. You have to fall a lot before you figure out how to balance, but every time you get up you're closer to figuring it out, and one day it just clicks. It might take a while, though. Be patient with yourself, you'll get through this. If nothing else, keep in mind that I believe in you and I know how you feel.
The reasonable explanation behind this your putting forth so much effort that your missing your mark on what your actually trying to do you may be over doing something and neglecting smaller more keen deatails don’t worry though everyone has a tendency to incur this problem i my self included don’t get discouraged it’s in our nature to fall down sometimes you can’t always fail you have to be achieving something that your not even noticing you literally are right now doing something amazing not even realizing it I’m sure if you just got past of the failing thoughts
You arent failing, you are succeeding You tried and thats what matters you might now reach your goal but you reached another person's goal which is great. Everyone feels like they failed even when they are actually succeeding, remember you can't reach the sky without trying many times. Failure is a sign that you are learning new ways to do things even when all you want to do is succeed. failing isn't always bad it can be good too, you just have to look at a different person's perspective. I promise you didn't fail, you learned a new thing.
We never fail when we try our best. Your effort just isn't being recognised, but you shouldn't see it as a failure because we always grow a lot by making our hardest. Maybe the way you are trying hard isn't valuing you effort. For example: if you need to study for a test and you try to just study all the time and every day, you are probably going to burn yourself out. It's important to be healthy in all aspects of life (social, phisical, mental, spiritual) so that your performance keeps good. So if something like that is happening, you can learn with your mistakes and make much better in your next try!
Sometimes it is the thinking that makes you feel that you are a failure. You may doing things that are not your strength. Everyone has their own strength and I believe is the timing is not right yet. Believe yourself you can do it one day, stop releasing your "giveup" spirit.
The hardest that you tried, you will feel breathless and started sorrowing. Failure is a definition of giving up. When you decide to give up, meaning you are annoucing failure to yourself. If it is the right things to do so, go ahead and believe someone would support you, at least yourself is a person to support yourself
As long as you try your best, you cannot do much else; giving your 100% will ensure you do all that you can.
Sometimes things are just too hard for a persons skill limit, both physically and mentally. This isn't a bad thing, because trying is what counts, it helps you find out your strengths and weaknesses
Sometimes you're not meant to be for something. For example if you're doing really bad in sports at school but you always try your best, maybe it means that you're just not made to play sports.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 2:14am
Maybe You try too hard. You should take a break from trying to be perfect, remeber your only human :)
I'm getting that you feel that you always fail even when you try your hardest. In my experience, there is no set bar for success or failure, so it's easy to interpret your progress as either. Hopefully that makes sense!
If not, let me elaborate. One time I was so depressed and angry at myself for failing multiple of my classes. I retook the classes over the summer and passed them, but just barely.
I interpreted this as a failure. However, it could also be interpreted as a success because I did manage to pass them, even if my GPA went down as a result.
Your perspective is super valuable! It's possible to look at the same thing from a multitude of perspectives.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2017 4:23pm
Sometimes one fails, it happens, it's usual. Sometimes, no matter how much you try, you fail. And that's okay, some things are just not meant to be but they happen for a reason. What you can take from this is how much effort you put in it and be proud of it, no matter the results, you have to proud because you did what you could. And also, if something doesn't go how you want it, maybe it wasn't for you but it means there's something else! You could go and look for it instead of standing by and not doing anything about it. :)
Because everyone has to fail a few times to make it anywhere in life, when you fall you ALWAYS get back up.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2017 9:11pm
This answer may cause some frustration, but it is simply because you are human. Everyone here on earth has made a mistake at some point in their life. Mistakes in life are easier to be seen by us when we are upset or overwhelmed, so that may contribute to why you feel you are failing. I can assure you, however, that we have all felt like we are failing, when in most situations the problem isn't as bad as we make it out to be:)
How about the precious, "little" things" you must have gained without noticing? :)
Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves we forget how far we've went. There is no such thing as failure, especially if you tried hard !
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