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Why do I always fail even when I try my hardest?

211 Answers
Last Updated: 12/09/2020 at 10:50pm
Why do I always fail even when I try my hardest?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Hisham Tawfik, M.S.W.

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Counseling and psychological services are my passion more than my work, It is all about love, and love is the only real value.

Top Rated Answers
ashrose00
November 16th, 2016 8:33pm
Everyone can try their best, but not everyone can be the best at something. Just because you don't do as well as you would like to do does not necessarily mean you failed at it. If anything, it should just give you more motivation to try harder next time. Your failures do not define who you are.
kindFish89
July 14th, 2017 1:58pm
I think that as Humans we tend to have a preset idea in our minds of how we want a certain situation to turn out. So when things do go wrong or are not exactly as we have planned we punish ourselves. Even though we have pushed our selves to the limit. We need to take a step back look at what we have achieved and say ' You know what? I did my best and if my best wasn't good enough this time at least I tried!'
Amberbird
May 9th, 2020 5:50pm
There could be so many ways to look at this. But first, I want to say that it's fantastic that you’ve tried so hard, effort in itself is commendable, and it’s an incredibly valuable trait and skill that many struggle with. Good job and you’ve done well on that aspect:) don’t ever let go of that spirit! One reason could be high expectations we set ourselves, perhaps from external pressures, or simply because we don’t see (or willingly ignore) the many many times other people “fail”. I myself struggled with this for ages—I didn’t realise that I took the quote “do it once, do it right” quite literally (not that I actually did that, but that became an expectation) until a teacher pointed out that I was a perfectionist years ago. And despite that, old habit dies hard, it’s still frustrating when I feel like I couldn’t meet the standard I set for myself (standards that actually require tons of practice to meet) every time even when I put in 110% effort. And sometimes, even the “reasonable” standards others set for me. Because well, everyone has their own paths to walk, and my weakness might just be everyone else’s strength. What helps, is realising that it’s unreasonable to expect “success” every time we engage with a task. “Success” generally requires: 1. a good understanding of the task (e.g. knowing what’s the scope of an exam/what a company wants in an applicant) 2. the right strategy (e.g. a study method that works for you; having a well-crafted resume/prepared for possible interview questions) 3. Practice + effort over time! And most importantly, understanding that each “failure” is not a failure, but a step closer to our goals. Because we can learn something from EVERY experience. This is not me simply saying “to “look on the bright side of things”, but really, every experience is valuable even if it’s not what we wanted/expected. I personally learnt more about my career preference after a long summer internship that “failed” because I was miserable all the time—I now have 1 more thing to look out for the next application round; I learned about weaknesses in my understanding of a subject after (literally) failing its exam many times—I then gave more time to that subject and made sure to consult my teachers; I learned about the extent and power of my resilience after “failing” on so many levels battling with mental health—I’m now more ready for the next fight if it happens again. You see where I’m going with this?:) So don’t be so hard on yourself, you are actually making small progresses. Small, but not insignificant. A word of caution is that learning these doesn’t mean you’ll “succeed” the very next time (remember time+practice?), but it’ll definitely take you closer to unleashing your full potential, and your ultimate goal! Lastly, I’m not sure under what context you asked this question, but please remember that not achieving something doesn’t define you as a person. These are simply trips/falls/barriers in the long journey ahead! I’ll stop here bcos it’s a wall of text already:p but all the best!! xxoo, Amber
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2016 8:54pm
You focus too much on being successful, that you don't focus on what you are actually doing, so in the end you fail
IndieSummer21
October 7th, 2016 5:26pm
How about the precious, "little" things" you must have gained without noticing? :) Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves we forget how far we've went. There is no such thing as failure, especially if you tried hard !
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 2:14am
Maybe You try too hard. You should take a break from trying to be perfect, remeber your only human :)
generousOcean83
October 25th, 2016 3:16pm
Because everyone has to fail a few times to make it anywhere in life, when you fall you ALWAYS get back up.
colakat
December 18th, 2016 6:12pm
Sometimes you're not meant to be for something. For example if you're doing really bad in sports at school but you always try your best, maybe it means that you're just not made to play sports.
ithoughtiwasanalien2
February 3rd, 2017 4:23pm
Sometimes one fails, it happens, it's usual. Sometimes, no matter how much you try, you fail. And that's okay, some things are just not meant to be but they happen for a reason. What you can take from this is how much effort you put in it and be proud of it, no matter the results, you have to proud because you did what you could. And also, if something doesn't go how you want it, maybe it wasn't for you but it means there's something else! You could go and look for it instead of standing by and not doing anything about it. :)
RealityDoesGetBetter3
February 16th, 2017 3:47pm
Well. Sometimes things aren't meant to be. Sometimes we can try our best and hardest and give all we have but if it's not meant it won't work out.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2017 1:10pm
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. If you're trying your hardest and things just seem not to be working, reevaluate what works and what doesn't.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2017 9:11pm
This answer may cause some frustration, but it is simply because you are human. Everyone here on earth has made a mistake at some point in their life. Mistakes in life are easier to be seen by us when we are upset or overwhelmed, so that may contribute to why you feel you are failing. I can assure you, however, that we have all felt like we are failing, when in most situations the problem isn't as bad as we make it out to be:)
hopealex
May 5th, 2017 6:51pm
Sometimes things are just too hard for a persons skill limit, both physically and mentally. This isn't a bad thing, because trying is what counts, it helps you find out your strengths and weaknesses
jodiejasmine
July 6th, 2017 6:05pm
As long as you try your best, you cannot do much else; giving your 100% will ensure you do all that you can.
Anonymous
February 4th, 2018 2:20am
Sometimes, things do not come easy to everyone. Things come at different paces to different people. This is okay, and we can seek out extra help from services such as counselors, tutors, peers, teachers, supervisors, and others services to assist with achieving success.
DoodleOodle
March 27th, 2018 5:03pm
Sometimes when we are hyper focused on what we want, we put too much emphasis and stress on the situation. This limits your ability to give it a real try. If you are trying way too hard for something you want, it is likely making you lose sight of the small steps it takes in order to reach a large goal. Try stepping back and reassessing if there are smaller goals you should be striving for on the way to what you really want.
jacobjackson212
March 30th, 2018 5:53pm
Not everyone is good at everything that's why. no matter how hard you try your not gonna succeed in everything.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 11:06pm
Don't be too hard on yourself, think about the times you've done very well. There are probably more times than you notice. You are strong for even trying to seek help. I believe that to be a success.
Emmur
April 6th, 2018 3:50pm
It's not the failure that counts - it's the fact that you did your absolute best to try. Be proud of that. We all make mistakes, and we can't succeed without knowing what failure is. You may feel like you're doing absolutely nothing right, but I promise you that somewhere in there you did something right, even if it didn't lead to a positive outcome. Keep persevering! You can do it.
Rozeedream
July 28th, 2018 8:41pm
It's because you are giving your best but it's not enough for that. Rather trying to hard figure out what's lacking in your efforts. Fulfil that first then work hard.
delightfulRiver89
January 10th, 2019 7:23pm
I cannot give any specific advice but what I can do is listen and provide you with understanding.I can see your frustration from what you are experiencing. Failure is set to expectations, and setting them too high may lay a lot of stress on one individual. Have you considered the reasons in why you feel like this? Have you tried to put any tutoring sessions in place? Maybe setting step by step goals can take the pressure from trying to achieve everything at once it could possibly ease your frustration and give you a better chance in achieving your goals.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 12:17pm
Do you have realistic goals? It could come down to having too high expectations if you fail EVERY time you try, because if you know you truly did your best, you shouldn't be disappointed. It was your best and no more should be expected. If it's more than your best, it's unreachable, which means it was an unrealistic goal, which means you don't have a chance to complete it, aka you'll fail to reach it, because it's more than your best:)
GoodnessSeeker
October 26th, 2015 6:45am
I'm not fail, but I success to progressing. I know what is right and what is wrong. Knowing right and wrong was the main thing that determine people intelligence.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 1:23pm
Sometimes your hardest just isn't enough, but it doesn't mean it will never be. You just have to strive and try to improve, and eventually it you will succeed.
comfortingFreedom44
October 29th, 2016 4:00pm
There is alot you dont fail at, Im sure... Are you seeing all the good too? Its about reflecting on failure but not dwelling on it!
luminousCat77
October 30th, 2016 7:44pm
Sometimes the small battles aren't meant to be won. Failure is a natural part of life that makes the successes of life so much sweeter when you achieve them. Life does get better and you learn how to take the failure with a grain of salt and keep working toward your goal.
Elljoy
November 2nd, 2016 5:21pm
You "fail" because that's what you tell yourself. Honestly, you only fail when you don't try! You are far from being a failure, even if things don't work out the way you want them to - because you're still willing to try so hard. Right? Go get that confidence back, find some positivity & success in what you've given so far, and keep going!
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2016 1:05am
Your hardest may not be enough to not fail but it is enough to give yourself credit for. when you try your hardest congratulate yourself.
mcla
November 9th, 2016 2:56pm
Life throws us many curve balls but never gives us anything we can't handle. Its not about how many times you fail, its about how many times you choose not to give up.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2016 9:49pm
Setting up to high of expectations. For yourself, set them lower and your be disappointed less. Make the expectations achievable by self the you for others lower then from yours.