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How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to be with him? (anymore)

303 Answers
Last Updated: 12/28/2020 at 5:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
royalWillow84
October 7th, 2016 7:08am
Be honest and just say it flat out. Lies or skirting around the issue will never help or make things better.
AureliusHeir
October 9th, 2016 3:52am
Always be honest about your needs and about what it is you really want. If you need a clean break don't leave dangle the chance that you might be able to work it out. Think about what you would want if your partner decided to break it off with you. How would you want them to treat you to make it clear, yet compassionate?
radiantSunshine14
October 9th, 2016 7:11am
It is difficult but you have to do what is best for both of you. Just be kind, gentle and honest. Let them know that everything will be ok.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2016 1:35pm
Please leave me alone as i cant be with you and if you love me then dont force me to be with me and allow me to find my own happiness
Game0ver
October 12th, 2016 4:05am
Sit him down, and in a polite buy honest way, explain how you're feeling and that it's best to end the relationship. It's important to remember to stay honest, and not to feel guilty for your feeling. Your boyfriend may get upset, cry, or beg you to reconsider. While it is ultimately your decision, remember that it is unfair to both of you to maintain a relationship that you do not want to be in, even if your boyfriend does.
Chloe2626
October 13th, 2016 2:25am
Although its hard, it is always best to break up with someone in person. The best advice I have is to be honest. Talk through the reasons calmly and nicely, as he will probably be upset.
FrantasticTea
October 19th, 2016 3:26am
You just have to be honest and say so. It would also be fair and beneficial to give your reasons though. Telling someone this is never easy, but if you believe that it's something that has to be done, it's all about building up the courage now. Usually, you would feel scared to say it, but that fear is your fear of how the other person will react. That, however, is something out of your control. Your goal is to just let him know how you feel.
Anonymous
October 21st, 2016 10:36am
I have to be honest with him and with myself and not to lie to him anymore. I need to tell him nicely that it is mostly about me, and not about him and to ask for forgiveness and permission to just move on.
soothingperpective
October 24th, 2016 11:38am
Sit down with him and discuss why you dont want to be with him. Do not let him over power you emotionally and stand by your points. Make sure that you are cautious with your wording so that you do not hurt his feelings. Be honest with him.
scotty4947
October 26th, 2016 11:13pm
First, I would suggest talking to him. Find out where problems in your relationship lie, then try and compensate on a solution. Second, see how things go from there. Yet, if you can't come to one and/or you've already talked and it's not working out, then I would still suggest to talk to him. However, this time it has to have more of a substantial reasoning behind it (if I was to be broken up with, I would want substantial reasons as to why this breakup is happening). I would give all the facts and reasoning behind my decision and say that it was my final choice. I would try and make it more on peaceful terms than aggressive/negative ones.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 9:54am
Explain that you care for his feelings so you are letting him know that it is time for both of you to go separate ways for what ever the reasons may be. You do not feel the same as your once did about him and that is okay. Things fall apart sometimes.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2016 10:22am
Do not tell abruptly. A kind closure would be nice. Make it formal and tell him it in a sympathetic manner. But do not be harsh on words. Let him know you still care and that the relationship is getting dry.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2016 11:13pm
Be honest with him. I know that it's easier said than done, but he deserves that. Think about how you'd like to be treated if you were in his situation.
Joner2016
November 3rd, 2016 8:33pm
Just call him and tell him in person. You first point out the positive things he's having then continue with the reasons you want to move on and make a request to respect your choice.
gentleForever34
November 5th, 2016 12:30pm
You should ask ur boyfriend to meet u and tell him everything how you feel and tell him why you dont want to be with him. Talk in a polite manner and make him realise that there is no pint in being together if you are not willing.
prettygrlnay
November 5th, 2016 4:22pm
sit him down and tell him how you feel so he can understand where you coming from and tell him you don't want him no more and that hope he will understand!
Anonymous
November 10th, 2016 3:40pm
You should just be honest with him. Expect him to be in shock and hurt but in the end you are saving him from later pain.
SleepyWillow54
November 10th, 2016 9:14pm
Be honest. It can be a tumultuous time dealing with the loss of someone who was once a big part of your life. But if you have made up your mind and honestly believe it's for the best, then find the time where you two meet in person and express exactly how you feel. Clarify whatever needs clarifying but continue to stand firm with your decision. "To fall in love is by chance. To fall out of love is by choice." Good luck!
Anonymous
November 11th, 2016 9:24am
It may be challenging but honesty is only fair to you and him. It will set your stress free and you can move on
Anonymous
November 12th, 2016 6:45pm
You need to be honestly, if you don't want stay with him, be honest and say the truth, it will make him sad but he need to know just the truth
patientRabbit30
November 12th, 2016 7:43pm
I have recently experienced something like this, you will be better telling him in person calmly with reasons and ask to be friends, rather than doing it via phone. That way you can make sure that they are OK and also you will receive a better reaction. Choose a private place to tell him.
Anonymous
November 25th, 2016 6:40am
Gently ask him how he feels. See if he feels the same as you, because if he does it will be easy. But he he really loves you, you will feel worse knowing that you are living to yourself and others. It may be hard, all of them are, but you can get through it.
charmingYellow14
December 7th, 2016 4:14am
Be honest! Tell him how you feel tell him that what was working is no longer working and your done wasting your time.
Koli2424
December 17th, 2016 2:12pm
The best way to inform your boyfriend of your intentions is to organize a meeting with him and explain exactly how you feel about the situation. Doing such thing via social media is not the correct way to do so as the person who you're dealing with will come to the conclusion that he didn't matter to you, which may or may not lead to depression, suicidal thoughts and more. Once you organize a meeting with him, you must be sure to be as clear as possible and explain to him, without hurting his feelings, that the relationship is simply not what you expected it to be. Additionally, you may list the reasons behind your conclusion to end the aforementioned relationship.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2016 2:59pm
Talk to him about it. Sit him down, face to face and tell him that you feel the relationship isn't quite what it was before. You don't share the same burning passion, or happy days that you did once before. Tell him that you loved him, but you need some time apart. Ask if you can give him a hug and then ask him if you want to be friends.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2017 1:59am
If you are in a relationship with someone you no longer have interest in its easier to just be honest! It will cause you less stress in the long run and make things easier for the other person the less time you waste. If you are concerned about your safety let an adult you trust know about the situation and be cautious! But don't deprive yourself of a happy love life.
musicalWhisper
January 11th, 2017 3:53pm
Face him confidently and affectionately. Try to be as clear as possible so that he doesn't get ant wrong idea so that there is no miscommunication. Once you decide and confront, don't be weak and go back. Stop talking to him, block him on every social media site and from your life if you can.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2017 9:36pm
1. Choose the appropriate place, probably 1 to 1 quiet environment will be the best. 2. State your reasons Most importantly, try not to let your emotion drives the conversation and be sure to give him the time to talk also.
Rach42
February 11th, 2017 9:41pm
Be open and honest with him. Tell him how you feel, and why you don't want to be with him anymore. If he doesn't want to understand that, it will only prove something you didn't see his character before. But also, see if you can rekindle something that was missing before. You never know what can go from there :)
softFlute92
February 24th, 2017 4:16pm
Be honest about your feelings. Tell him exactly how you feel and why you want to end the relationship.