How to get over someone you never dated?
Last Updated: 02/03/2021 at 9:37pm
JaNaè Taylor, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I work to provide culturally tailored services to my clients through support, advocacy, and reflection.
Top Rated Answers
Imaginary relationships are some of the hardest to get over, because they are just that: imaginary! They can be exactly what we want them to be. Usually, the relationships we build in our heads are much better than those we experience in real life. Even if you really know somebody, the version in your head is never exactly right. There is good news, though. Knowing it wasn't real gives us an advantage. When you are getting over someone you never dated, it can be helpful to tell yourself that the relationship wasn't real. Instead, it was just an idealized version of the person, and it's possible that reality is much different. But just because the relationship wasn't real doesn't mean your feelings aren't! The loss you are feeling is very real and valid, and you should take the time to feel it. The usual break up rituals can all be helpful, like spending time with friends and keeping busy with work or school. If the person you are getting over is someone close to you, like a friend, some space might also be helpful.
While getting over someone you had a relationship with is hard, it is harder to get over someone you never dated because you are constantly reminded of the possibilities that you have with them. Even though it is a nerve-wracking step, it is still important to verify that the unrequited feelings are true. Once you understand the feelings of the other person, you can know whether the love is mutual or not. If the person is not interested, your heart can move on and search for a new relationship. Ultimately, we want to invest in real relationships.
Just because you never dated, doesn't mean you didn't have a strong emotional connection to that person. I think it's important to allow yourself to validate the way you feel, and then find a healthy way to move on. Work on bettering yourself, your relationship with friends and family, and to try to find some interests that might keep your mind busy, and stop it from wandering to that person. And above all, cut yourself some slack. Sometimes it's difficult to get past something, and that's understandable. Don't feel bad about not being over it, just yet. Just keep going, and let time do its job. I hope this helps!
From my own experience with this, I can say that it doesn't help to push yourself to get over or move on from anything. That's a form of resistance. Allow yourself to have your experience and try not to judge it as wrong or something that isn't supposed to happen. Truth is, love is beautiful, even if it's not returned or you're not 'with' the one you love. Keep loving, but respect the other person's boundaries and respect yourself. Don't judge yourself as wrong for loving someone or having strong feelings for them. It's OK to feel the way you feel. It's difficult to intellectually grasp this concept and it's something you feel your way through.
This is what I call Situationships. They are heartbreaking and the worst part is that you shouldn't even be feeling heartbroken in the first place, but you are anyway. The best way to get over someone you're in a situationship in is to refocus your life on you. Work on self-improvement and do something for you!
Tell yourself that you are not in love with them, but you are in love with the idea of that person. You think you know them but in reality, you know what your head has created of them in a romantic way.
Time heals all wounds. We love people, and thats normal. Sometimes the love that we share for others isn't always mutual but it's real. You may always love this person, or maybe not, but time will get you to a place where it doesn't bother you either way.
Being in a one-sided relationship hurts the same as being in a relationship where your partner doesn't understand or care for you. Just because there was no interaction from the other side, doesn't mean that it hurts any less to let someone go who was never in a relationship with you. It would be a good idea to think over why things did not work out, what were the circumstances and tell yourself that this is a phase. Yes, it is a painful phase, but it is a phase, nonetheless. You will recover from this if you really want to and no one can stop you from that. The mind has wondrous ways to work and the best it can do is remove you from the pain that it causes you. Focus your attention on other things in life that are going well. Count all your blessings. Look for reasons to be happy and to smile. You cannot love another unless you have first learnt to love yourself. Take care of yourself for a while and everything else will fall into place. Reminder: Loving yourself is not selfish.
Give it time. You were not in a relationship, but you might've invested more time and effort than people in a relationship, or that person can be just as important and close to you as a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not a breakup, but you can treat it like a breakup by not contacting them for a while and focus on yourself first. Do what makes you happy and one day you'll be emotionally stable enough to look back on this pseudo-relationship. Good luck :)
Accept the fact that it’s not going to happen. Force yourself to say it out loud, if necessary. Maybe this is precipitated by them moving on and being happy with someone who is decidedly not you, or maybe it’s just from a quiet, repeated demonstration of their romantic disinterest. But the point is that you are never going to be with them – not in the way you want to, not in the way you’ve dreamed about and made elaborate plans for whenever you found yourself unable to sleep at 3 AM. Make yourself understand that sometimes things don’t have a happy ending, and that this is one of those times.
Stop thinking about that certain person. You want to get his/her off your mind? Refuse to believe that you two will have a possibility, or at least stop thinking that she'he may love you back.
I liked this guy once when I was 11.. I liked him for 4 years. We talked and everything but we were just friends. I was terrified of telling him I liked him cause he had a girlfriend at the time and I though u didn't stand a chance because of the beautiful girls he use to go out with. He went through girlfriends after girlfriends and I would just be there in a corner sad and moping until I realized that I needed to get over it. It wasn't easy at first. I took into consideration that there was 7 billion people in the world and it was stupid to be hung up on one guy who wasn't gonna like me back. After a while of hanging out with friends and doing normal stuff, it eventfully faded. I think you need time to heal (:
I have been there way too many times. You just have you realize that it wasn't meant to be and then just move on. Keep your mind busy. Think of that person as someone else's and you just can't have them and nothing can change that.
You shouldn’t feel stupid for misreading his signals. You shouldnt feel embarrassed for thinking it could be something. You shouldn’t feel dumb about investing your care, your attention, your time. You definitely don’t have to feel like you made a mistake falling for him, even though he didn’t fall for you, too. Even though your almost relationship never developed into an official relationship, those moments are valid.
It's different if you knew this someone on a personal level, or whether he/she was just a crush/infatuation/longing. It's very important to know if you loved this person, or whether you were in love with the idea of love. That may make things easier because it helps you target the right emotion. From there, time will heal. I know it seems cliche but honestly, that's all you can do. That, and actually talking about it and actively thinking about it instead of suppressing it. Something I do is to write about it. Expressing things in words helps me figure out what I'm feeling and how I should be feeling and how to get there :)
Take it one day at a time, just because you didn't date doesn't mean you didn't for a strong emotional connection, those take a while to get over.
Writing, writing, writing. The feeling of just talking to this someone (without actually talking) helps so much. Getting all your thoughts out on paper (or a computer) really helps with moving on, because now you know you've said all you needed to say. You,can miss this person, but just focus on their happiness and your own first.
Ahh have you heard one sided love hurts most. It's because we get connected to that person in our imagination but we somewhere or other also know that this imagination is not going to become true. I Know people says "you have never dated so why you miss that person". But it's really common. And getting over him/ her is hard but when you know there is no future and that bond is destroying you somewhere you should know that you have to get over that person. Start keeping your brain busy in activities so that it doesn't get time to think about that person. Also tell yourself I will overcome him with time just go with the flow. Because time heals even the deepest scars.
Personally, I think the healthiest way to get over anyone is to accept what has or hasn't happened, and think about if that person represents a time in your life (even a very brief one) that you want to go back to. If that's the case, maybe recognise that and begin to accept that. If that's not the case, then begin to accept that nothing has happened, but that doesn't mean nothing will, with them or with someone else.
Sometimes a person's mind likes to think that they are in a relationship with someone when they really aren't. It's almost like you live in this fantasy world where you and they are together, but once reality hits - they really aren't with you. The first step I took was confronting the person to see how they felt about the situation and when I was turned down, I felt like I had actually just gone through a break-up (when I really didn't). I was able to use not only new creative outlets, but looked to my good friends for support when I felt alone and confused and unable to decide what I should do next.
Well, i guess i can relate, we have all had a "lover" who was either not available or any other reason, well there's many ways! For example ho out with friends hve fun, meet new people or simply just take some time alone and think of your worth.
In my experience, I would tell them how you feel so the weight on your shoulders goes away and focus on other thing, maybe take up a hobby like dancing or art
Just know you are better than anything if they dont like you it doesnt matter you are perfect!!!
That's one of the hardest things you have to do in your life. It's challenging to get over someone you have never dated, even if it seems like an easy job to some. But, please remember, you have two choices: either stay right where you are and continue destroying yourself over something you never had and can never have or try to get up, help yourself and move on. The later, the harder choice but a better one. Firstly, I would say, get your mind and heart on the same page, that is, you have to move on. The phase of waiting for them is over. Now it's about time you let things go. Secondly, get on the preparation. Plan a schedule to keep yourself busy. Include all the hobbies, activities, things you have wanted to try, no matter it's cooking, baking, reading, drawing anything. Try new things and experiences. Thirdly, work on it. Follow your schedule, keep yourself busy but don't overwork yourself, your body needs rest. Try new activities, which caught your interest in the past but you never got the chance to try it. Go for walks, dress up, try to enjoy every little things that happen in your life. Do things for yourself. Try to hang out in new friend circles, talk to new people, go on dates. Eventually, you will realise, the world is vast. Many more interesting things and people lie beyond your beloved. However, never try to deny your feelings. That makes them want to express themselves more. Accept them, acknowledge them and let them go. The more you try to bury them, the more you find it hard to let them go. It's alright to feel whatever you are feeling. Don't name them if you aren't comfortable. They aren't supposed to be named, either. Feelings are only there to be felt. Another point I would like to talk about is, at some point, you might feel like your wall is breaking, you might crave for them, you might miss them, want them. It's okay. Don't be harsh on yourself for feeling so. But stick to your plan in any case. It will take time but it will happen. You will get over them once you decide to.
I have went through the same thing. In my experiences it was time, but not everyone is the same.....
If you were friends with someone and later developed romantic feelings for this friend that are not reciprocated its best to enjoy the friendship as the way it is. Romances can turn a friendship ugly, in my experience I didn't want to chance loosing my friend because I couldn't imagine my life without him in it and I'd rather count on him as my best friend than not have him in my life at all.
It is not going to be easy but is possible by not trying to dwell too much in the past memories is the best remedy.
Find someone new. I am in the same position. My crush has a boyfriend and many admirers. I went out to meet new people, and eventually i found someone else who really noticed and payed attention to me. Maybe you can find a person who really wants to be with you.
Deleting pictures, blocking them on social media for a while definitely helped me! I started focusing things back on myself until I was ready.
It is not because you weren't defined as a relationship that it doesn't hurt. Every relation that ends is hard to get over, and you'll need time to get over. Invest in yourself, take your time and give yourself some space to feel better again.
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