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How to get over someone you never dated?

186 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 1:11am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 25th, 2016 9:23pm
Find someone new. I am in the same position. My crush has a boyfriend and many admirers. I went out to meet new people, and eventually i found someone else who really noticed and payed attention to me. Maybe you can find a person who really wants to be with you.
BeyondEmpathy
September 29th, 2016 11:34am
Always a difficult and painful situation. Maybe sharing your feelings with another would be useful way to share the burden. Have you thought of discussing this further with a Listener?
xSarahlynnx
January 12th, 2019 9:37pm
Codependency is when a person is dependent on another person to fulfill a need. Over a period of time it can be easy for a person to become attached to another person to provide feelings of ease and comfort. Something about this person provided you with that sense of ease and comfort and over time I am assuming you have gotten dependent on this feeling. To live without this is going to be challenging but it is possible. Start by finding ways to provide self-love, ease and comfort for your own well being. Part of being independent in life and growing consists of loving ourselves so we don't become co-dependent on others.
NohuCarcass
October 17th, 2018 2:28am
This can be difficult, but you should always keep in mind that’s it will end in the best for both of you. Keep a positive outlook and remain control. Even if you only ever imagined a platonic friendship with them, it may not be what you need in your life right now, and moving on from this area can help you become more involved in your own choices, and live your life as stress free as possible, especially if this person was bringing negativity, stress or other features into your life, that aren’t something you can handle right now.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2020 12:40am
This is a frustrating experience to go through because you can't even figure out why it's so hard to get over people you never dated. The way I got over that person was restricting myself from seeing their posts on social media because the more I see them, the harder I fall. When I come across things that are associated with them, like a song or an object, I try to re-associate it with a better memory. There are other ways that you could get over that person but these are just some of the ones that helped me the most. I hope it helps you too ! :D
helpfulpanda2468
June 17th, 2020 6:43pm
It can be hard because you feel like you have had such a strong connection with them. For me, it took a while because it felt as if we were dating. I had to find other things to distract myself. I would watch Netflix and exercise. I would do things to not have my mind on that particular person. I stopped contacting them. I did not want to see their text or stories on social media. It was hard but eventually, I got over them if I can do it so can you! I focused on myself and my friends and family. I gained weight and lost weight. I focused on my academics. I believe in you sand I am so proud of you reaching out for help!
Anonymous
May 13th, 2020 10:01am
Getting over someone you have never dated is hard because there is no closure. However, I found reassurance and closure with the thought that I never dated that guy for a reason. He did not want me even though I did my best to be there for him and support him. I did my best, yet he did not. It gave me closure knowing that I gave my all. It comforted me knowing that I deserved someone who would put their 100% into me too. It helped knowing my self worth and effort I put into the person. Their feelings is out of my control so I was able to heal knowing that there were no “what ifs” since I tried my best.
jadesupport101
April 25th, 2020 6:46pm
It's easy to blame yourself for the things you could have done or the things you think you did wrong. However, acknowledge that you may not have been right for each other or it wasn't the right time for a relationship. Getting out of a cycle of thinking about them can be really hard. A few ways to get out of the cycle may be starting a new routine or a hobby that can take your mind off of them. All things take time, so try not to push yourself too hard when it comes to moving on. It's all about your mindset.
bountifulRainbows18
April 24th, 2020 4:15pm
I think it's important to first validate your feelings and recognize that regardless of whether or not you had a romantic relationship, a friendship or admiring someone from afar that the feelings you experienced are very real. We have to feel to heal so acknowledging that you had feelings for this person will help you move through the stages of grieving the loss of something you hoped to have happen and allow you to move forward in your life. As you process your feelings it's important to be patient and kind yourself without denying or diminishing how you feel. Surround yourself with supportive people to talk with and be aware of the negative stories you may be telling yourself that are not true. Use healthy distractions and hobbies to give yourself a way to refocus and release the stress of your emotions and remind yourself that you are worth loving by someone who can truly appreciate you!
caringOcean8932
June 15th, 2022 1:11am
I can really relate to this question. I have been in situations where I have had feelings for someone who I have never dated. What I have found is that sometimes it is more difficult to get over people you have never dated rather than people you have dated. This is because of the "if" factor. When you date someone, you know what it is like to be dating that individual. When you haven't dated someone who you have feelings for, you have that "what if" type of thinking. An example of this is "What are they like to date" or "What could they have done for me if they were in a relationship with me". So to answer the question, the best way to get over someone you have never dated is to let go of that "what if" train of thinking. Release the thoughts of what could have been and focus on the facts. Why didn't the "relationship" work out and what have you learned from that situation.
luxvision
April 19th, 2020 3:44pm
Once you've really acknowledged that you deserve to be happy, think about this: what do you really want? What attracted to you this person? If this person isn't interested in you, think about what characteristics about them you found were drawn to and keep that in mind as you figure out what you want out of a relationship. remember that this person might not be interested in you, but so many other people will be. “In a world of over seven billion people, it is astonishing sometimes to consider how we are able to convince ourselves to settle or stay in relationships that produce more hurt and pain than our inherent wholeness and a state of deep peace, There's nothing more frustrating than the "there are plenty of fish in the sea" line when you're trying to get over someone, but it is true. You might not be ready for the other fish just yet, but one day you will be.
lifegivesulemons
April 17th, 2020 2:52am
Oh girl did this hit home for me. I completely get you, a guy maybe even leading you on or just some intense crushing. Here are things that worked out for me when I needed to get over a guy that barely knew I existed. 1) snap more friends. the more you talk about things with them, the more you'll forget about this. 2) i'm not saying REBOUND, but maybe find some other guys to talk to, but don't play them, that's just rude. 3) honestly if he's bugging you, block or ignore all forms of social media and contact. that way you won't remember about it as much or be reminded of it. 4) most important: do the things you love. this will help you think about what ur doing that u love rather than some stanky ass boy or girl that didn't give u attention and love even tho u deserve it.
allyswift
April 16th, 2020 10:05pm
I guess, many people say that its easier to get over someone you have never dated, but heres a thing, you need to hate someone to get over them, you need to um have a closure. But one thing we need to realise is that um, we probably arent inlove with the persom, see the thing is we probably dont know them, we are just inlove with this picture we have create in our mind of them... I think there is nothing wrong with it but only you can stop yourself. Construct arguments and counter arguments, tell yourself if they cared they wouldve put effort, they wouldve realised that you like them, make yourself see your worth, you deserve someone who puts you first and put efforts to know you
Anonymous
October 19th, 2018 2:20am
write about them. write all of your feelings, all the fun times you have had together, all the laughs, the jokes, the texts, whatever you find important. possibly even a drawing of them. whatever helps you get out your emotions and creativity into a physical form. crumble up the paper then unfold it. it’s less harsh, the paper gets softer the most and more you crumble it. if you truly want to rid yourself of it, rip it into pieces or burn it. if you’d like to look back on how you felt, crumble the paper a final time and put it in a box or notebook. shut it far away. that way you can safely release your emotions without hurting anyone or yourself.
FlowerPower5
April 12th, 2020 3:30pm
You focus on yourself and keep yourself busy by planning your goals and how you want to achieve them. It’s okay to cry, but it’s important to come back to your plan. It’s also very important to get enough exercise, especially when you feel the most sad, because it will make you tired and also help you feel better. It’s also a good idea to find a healthy outlet, like writing, painting, music, or simply talking with someone who will listen. Although it is tempting to change who you are or turn to things that are not good for you, it’s important to love yourself enough to not allow yourself to do it. This brings me to my last and most important point. You need to speak positivity to yourself as much as you can and tell yourself nice things. Love yourself.
ljackie
December 13th, 2018 9:49pm
Personally I have had to deal with that before. It was very hard because we talked often and I got attached, but I accepted the fact that we could not be and moved on. It took me a while to accept it, but I managed. I am proud of myself for having moved on, because in life there are better things to be focused on rather than to be focused on the person. Life continues and at the end of the day, what matters the most is yourself and how you are feeling. To feel happy and content leaving all of the negative and bad connections behind.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2020 5:23pm
It seems like nowadays, more and more people are getting close to someone and feeling as though they were dating, without “defining the relationship”. Even if you didn’t “date”, you still got close to that person and probably spent time with them. Because of that, and even if you did not date, it is still a loss. You can still feel sad and upset, because you did loose someone. It doesn’t matter if they were a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend- what matters is that they were someone you formed a close relationship with. If you tell yourself, “I can’t be sad, we didn’t even date”, you are not allowing yourself time to grieve and heal.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2020 5:52pm
These things take time so the best thing you can do is give yourself time to heal. Respect the other person's decision, and accept that this is what the situation is right now, but that doesn't mean it will always be like this. Do things for yourself, do things you enjoy with your friends and don't give up on the potential of finding someone who likes you back. It's important to remember that this is your own journey and that there is no set timeline for you, and this is regardless of where other people are in their own life journey.
IAmWhoIAmWhoRu81
March 25th, 2020 5:41pm
Friendship and dating are two totally different areas of our process of thinking and desires to be in future. If dating isn't apart of the relationship, then nothing should cause harm by continued friendship. Should be easier as friends than dating . Shall one have an attraction to the other and the other no attraction, it's time to talk about, express how you feel and your desires to be. If the party isn't as open minded or feelings are different, it's better to be friends, than nothing at all and who knows telling one how you feel could open up their mind and make them think about you more.
heretohelp86
April 18th, 2019 3:06pm
Just have to accept, that if they were meant to be a part of your life they would have been. You deserve someone better and someone who is willing to be there for you and love you. Distract yourself, focus on loving yourself and try to distance yourself from that person and things that remind you of them. It does hurt to not be able to be the one you care so much about. However at the end of the day you should only focus on yourself and if your love for them is becoming toxic for you then you need to take a strong stand and remove them and those feelings from your life.
Comfortwrap
September 22nd, 2019 6:13pm
I was able to do this by realizing and accepting that I would be able to remain his friend and also, that its better and healthier to accept the love i could see someone else was offering me rather than pining for someone obviously not Interested in me. So I did so, I dated another person who I was attracted to and who I knew cared about me. I also avoided any daydreaming and thoughts about "my ex crush". Immersing myself in activities I developed interest in also helped me forget. Putting distance between yourselves can also help, I got into college in a state different from his, the new environment helped.
HumanEars
October 13th, 2019 12:55am
I would say the process of getting over someone you haven't dated would be a lot like getting over someone you had dated. But specifically someone you dated and things were going really good from your opinion. Both kind of leave you in a place of feeling "what I could have had". So even though there isn't a concrete dynamic of loss, there is a concrete feeling of loss. And that feeling is real and should be treated as real. I would seek out resources (can be a professional or self-help exercises) that focus on maybe divorce/seperation/relationships (I know it seems weird but since the feelings are similar), grief, and loneliness.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2019 6:14am
this is something i've experienced over many times and it's weird for people to say that you're not allowed to feel sadness just because we're trying to get over someone we've never dated. please know that these feelings are still as true as those couples who are in love and you should never feel that your feelings are invalidated. for me, i get over someone using the same methods for getting over a break up. it's really about re-connecting with your peers and making new connections, focusing on yourself and figuring out what you like, exercise, practice self-care and stuff. all the best! please engage a listener if needed.
Adelaide765
November 27th, 2019 5:55pm
How I would deal with that and have dealt with that (multiple times xD) is to see that if that person is not interested in me, they are not the one I want/aren't worth having. That's because I want to be wanted in a relationship and to be loved just as much as I love them! Also I think it is also a matter of seeing that if we love someone who is not interested in us, it is maybe hiding some strategy on our part to stay safer out of a relationship by going after someone who doesn't want us. Meaning, if they don't want us we stay safe because we won't have to deal with potentially loosing them one day and experiencing that pain.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2019 5:10am
One possible way to get over someone you've never dated is you have to realize that nothing was there. (At least if you both didn't know each other, or even possibly if you did know each other). One positive way you can think about it is, if they're in a relationship with someone then they're meant to be with them and there's someone better out there for you that you're meant to be with. It will take some time to get over them but if you give it some time and then come to terms with there being other people out there for you to date then hopefully it will help.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2019 3:13pm
It’s hard to do something like this. Knowing you cared so much about someone but being unsure about how they feel because you were never actually together. It took time and focus. I had to put myself out of the situation and begin with what I wanted to accomplish in life and my happiness. Of course I wanted to be with them and now you have to give up something that you never even had the chance to explore. But things like this as silly as it is, is just a waiting game. When you have to lose feelings you spent so long developing it is just giving you the opportunity to explore new feelings and the thing or person that was really meant to be.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2019 5:07am
It can be a very hard situation. I've had several moments when I was emotionally attached to a person and not have them reciprocate it. It feels like the end of the word, only that it isn't. Slowly, you learn that them not reciprocating your feelings have nothing to do with you. They just don't want to date you. I really like this one quote and I'll just share it here in my own words - "You're free to love who you want to love, but so are they." I think with time you learn that your love is precious and just because they don't love you doesn't mean you can't love them, you just have to love yourself enough to walk away and wait for the love you deserve.
DelicateButterfly78
May 25th, 2019 9:39pm
Hi! Getting over a crush can be just like getting over your ex. It can be complicated. When I was in High School back in the 90's, there was this boy I had a huge crush on and everybody in school knew. He was in my class, and he was so cute. He had money, played about every sport that was offered, and I was a poor girl who played in the band that was not so attractive and I knew I had no chance with him. Anyway, in our Junior year, I found out that he started dating a girl, another classmate with more of his traits, her parents were teachers at the same school, and I was like, the last one to know as always. How did I handle this situation? I was actually happy for them and I left him alone and didn't look back. Your situation may be different. It's possible that you had a chance with the person, and it depends on how long you crushed on them. Mine was my entire school days to that point. My questions to you are: What do you and your crush have in common? Do you have the same friends?, and Do you hang out at the same places? Those will really help you navigate your way through this and help with your recovery. We're here if you need anything. Take care!
Anonymous
March 10th, 2019 1:22pm
Learn to love yourself and research unrequited love if that is the situation. It is a concept that will make sense about being in love with someone who doesn’t want you back. Loving yourself is something that is necessary for a healthy relationship with anyone and will allow you to be okay when you are alone or denied. We all struggle with self-love and should work on this constantly in our lives. When you fall in love with someone that you have never dated, getting over them can be the same as getting over a normal relationship. Trying to put things in perspective and looking into the future may help as well.
slytherinstarling123
April 13th, 2019 1:10pm
It's similar to getting over a breakup, you have to acknowledge, accept and mourn the loss of a relationship you never had. It's hard to get through but once you accept that they aren't "the one" it becomes easier, it also becomes easier with certainty and clarity so discussing with the person to make sure they don't feel the same can assist in moving on. Taking time for and care of yourself, taking interest in other people and putting yourself out there. Also mentally reminding yourself and associating that person as a friend in attempts to try and not view them romantically