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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 06/25/2020 at 7:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
patientJoy11
September 11th, 2016 1:32am
Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Declutter your space. It may be hard to throw away things from a person you've loved so deeply, but it will be the best decision.
cosyheart21
September 17th, 2016 11:08pm
Try to remember the reason you broke up with him in the first place. It was for the best, and it still is for the best, as hard as it is to accept. Try moving on by going No Contact, and taking care of yourself. Put yourself first, and remember that you will find love again, whether it's when you least expect it, or if it is just around the corner.
Anonymous
September 28th, 2016 12:14am
It just takes time. Unfortunately, its hard and it can take a long time but the feelings will become more manageable. The feelings may never go away but they will be less intense. You'll meet new people, connect with them and feel that love again.
Anonymous
October 5th, 2016 11:44am
Sometimes people just are not meant to be together romantically and a friendship would work better. Friendships can be just as valuable! The whole point of relationships is to find people who relate to us, whether that be as new friends or as a romantic partner.
MarchSand
October 8th, 2016 5:43am
well, is going to be painful and hard at the beginning, You can distract yourself by doing different activities like working out or taking walks.
KindBean2002
October 20th, 2016 7:04pm
I think time can heal you. It's hard since you love him, but I think you should try to talk to friends, family and have supporters, so they can make you feel better
chrisxxx
October 22nd, 2016 2:16am
I know this is a challenge, I understand the feeling but the hate never is rasonable. Why you broke up with him? apparently you both love each other but the circunstances stop you be able to keep a relationship with him. I need to know more but first attempt to find the reasonable feeling.
Cocomojo
October 23rd, 2016 9:37pm
Give yourself the space and time to accept what has happened. Rejoice that you have known love. Recognise that not everything needs to end with hate. End it with love instead.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2016 10:57pm
Sometimes you have to break up with someone. Things could just pop up sometimes. Maybe consider just remaining off the ''dating grid'' for a while, to re-group your thoughts.
bxylxx
November 18th, 2016 6:23am
You don't have to hate him, if you had to do it for a reason always keep that in mind. You could possibly learn to be on friendly terms with him too.
Anonymous
November 23rd, 2016 7:04am
Accept the fact that the person is great. You do not need to hate someone to be able to move on. I think the quicker you accept the easier it becomes. Because the more you try to find faults and flaws they more that person stays on your mind.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2016 11:41am
I have been through the same experience. Who says you need to hate him. Moving on doesn't mean you have to move on to the next person. Moving on can be just having your time. Having time to build yourself and do the things you love. It's gonna take time and I know you probably heard it's "gonna take time" many times but it will take time to move forward. Always remember why you broke up with him and think about why you wanna move on without him etc
loveyourselfrespectyourself
January 14th, 2017 7:36am
Break up's are hard no matter what the circumstances may be. From personal experience, I will say that having a reason to hate this person wouldn't make things any better. It would honestly make them worse. Having a reason to hate someone that you love makes letting them go even harder than it already is. It's going to take time, a lot of time. All you can do is wait for the pain to heal. It will.
reginaphalange24
January 21st, 2017 4:45pm
you need to love yourself more and keep in mind why you left him and your relationship priorities that he lacked and how you two could never be happy and groom yourself to be a better individual
Anonymous
February 9th, 2017 5:17pm
I have been in this situation and am currently going through it. Sometimes you end up breaking up from someone because you are at different stages in your life. It can be long distance, career plans or just sometimes life! Its hard to move on from someone you love but think about whether you love them or are in love with them. There is a slight difference between the two. If you really feel it could work and you just need time and space away from one another see where the time takes you see what time shows you. It can be so hard because time does take a while, and it can feel slow or that feeling of forever! Trust in yourself and if you believe it can work then discuss this see where the conversation takes you. At the moment I am not with my partner that could all change in the future. We love each other but we aren't in love with each other, I thought I'd share my entire life with him but now I am not so sure. These things do happen and it can feel horrible and upsetting. but time really will heal. It certainly has for me.
Anonymous
February 25th, 2017 7:30pm
Time is the only solution, you can't forget , you will still mis him and also you can't unlove someone, time is the only solution, i know it is hard but it will get better.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2017 1:09pm
Simply knowing that if your intentions and heart were in a honest place, then that could be a determining factor in whether it was a great decision. If you feel like something better could happen for the both of you, then it shouldn't be such a conflict.
avamadueno22
March 15th, 2017 9:09pm
Well clearly you broke up with him for an obvious reason. I broke up with someone once who I knew it was the right thing to do and I wanted them happy and I couldn't find a single thing to hate about them, but that didn't stop me from moving on. Some people just aren't meant for us, and that's okay. We have 7 million and counting people on this world, you'll know when someone is meant for you.
Rakune
March 29th, 2017 5:03am
I once had a girlfriend who I loved. A LOT. And for some unknown reason, she loved me too. We were schoolmates, and saw each other regularly. I was in a little bit of a rut, and had extreme emotions. I felt as if I wasn't good enough for her, so I broke up with her. I remember her tears... I cried just as much. However, I managed to move on by focusing on music and staying with my friends. I'd see her a lot of the time, and it would pain me, but I managed to step forward by trying to pull myself out of the rut that caused me to break up with her. It really is difficult to move on, though. First, I had to accept I was having difficulty moving on. You can't ignore that fact. After accepting that, I slowly found it easier and easier to not feel that sharp, sudden sadness in my chest every time I saw her.
cherryblossoms1000
April 7th, 2017 6:53pm
Moving on from somebody does not mean you have to date them. Sometimes the people we love the most, are the ones we are the best without. Try to remember all the good memories and take them with you, learn from the mistakes, and let time heal your wounds. Sometimes being in a relationship craves much more than just love. So try to spend time with yourself taking care of you, and keep in mind that If you had to break up, you have to stick to the reasons behind that.
BeyondEmpathy
April 12th, 2017 1:32am
One of the hardest decisions is to leave someone that you love however know that a relationship cannot work. Moving on is highly personal and individualised there is no set time our course. What I would encourage is a safe space to vent and share you feelings with those that can nurture and nourish your growth.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2017 2:20pm
Take some time alone everyday and think about how he truly has made you feel. If he's harmed you in any way please seek help, contact the police if needed.
Anonymous
May 12th, 2017 12:24pm
There has to be a reason you decided to break up with him. Even if you love him, the reason you did it should motivate you to find someone without that same problem or issue. And eventually, if you really want to, You can move on.
EdgarAllan
May 21st, 2017 7:06am
There was obviously a reason why you broke up with him. It's easy to get a skewed vision of the past when there are things from the past that you miss. Case in point, your continued love for your boyfriend. You simply must ask yourself "Why did I break up with him?" If it is a valid reason, then follow your primary instinct and stay away from him. If it is an invalid reason, you may consider rekindling the relationship.
damselinthisdress
May 28th, 2017 9:09pm
Hating is never the right way of moving on from someone. Hate, anger, aggression are things that harm the bearer more than the person they're directed to. The key to properly move on from someone is acceptance. Sometimes it may happen that we have to break up with someone we're still in love with...but the main thing to remember is you must have had a reason to break up. Focus on that reason as much as you can. Convince yourself that you had to do this. Maybe you don't hate him or haven't fallen out of love with him, but you must have had some thoughts that caused you to end the relationship. Accept that fact and tell yourself that you did what you had to do at that point of time. You have given yourself the chance to seek what works best for you so that you get the fulfillment that one expects from a healthy relationship. Hope this helped. Lots of hugs and best wishes. :)
FeriWitch
June 4th, 2017 9:04pm
Staying with someone isn't about always sharing love - it's about building a relationship that helps you both become the person you want to be. You don't need to hate someone to realize that being with them isn't good for you, or isn't letting you grow in ways that are right for you.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2017 9:21am
Life is full of ups and downs. You will have lots of opportunities. Have confidence. Concentrate on your passions
Anonymous
June 16th, 2017 4:47pm
It it possible that you can move on with your life without having to associate anger and resentment.?It may bring you more peace and understanding.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2017 10:13pm
It is really tough to break-up with the person you are still in love with. But it is really important for you to understand why you had to breakup in the first place. Acceptance is the key to let go and move on. There are lot of wonderful experiences to look forward to in life. Treat this as a joyous memory instead of a sad one. Much love.
Lauralou144
July 7th, 2017 1:49am
Sometimes good things come to an end. Don't blame yourself, try and look past any negative, be happy about the relationship you had and learn from it for the next one that you encounter.