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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

246 Answers
Last Updated: 06/11/2022 at 2:33am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
VannahCat
December 15th, 2019 1:22am
You did what was right for you, even if you don’t see that right now. If you can’t find a reason to hate him that is okay and valid. Your reasoning and thinking process is clouded by the emotional trauma you are going through. Right after a breakup or separation the feelings often seem to increase.!That is okay and normal. Especially if you two aren’t seeing each other. That is definitely a hard experience to go through and I’m sorry but keep your head up :) everything is going to get better. Give yourself time to greave and move on. It will be hard. Reach out to friends and family who can help you through this experience. Keep busy. Do things that make you happy. Practice self care. Let yourself feel the pain right now, and soon everything will be better.
brianna67
October 30th, 2019 1:47am
Well even though you love each other, there must be some reason that you broke up with him? Did something feel off? Was there an important issue that you disagreed on? Was timing or distance an issue? Moving on from any breakup is tough and you have to take it day by day. But I would recommend focusing on what caused you to end your relationship. That might give you peace with your decision and hope to move on and find the person who is right for you. Not hating your ex is not a bad thing and I think that speaks to the loving and healthy relationship it sounds like you had.
caringHeart8929
August 28th, 2021 1:32am
Do not hate the person accept the reason you broke up with the person. Take some me time to heal yourself before trying to move on to anyone or anything else. This is a grieving process as you are losing someone and some of yourself. Give yourself time and as time goes you will be able to move on naturally and be ready for whatever comes your way. Do not be hard on yourself and do not force anything. One last thing remember you are a very special person and worth loving when the time is right you will know it.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2021 6:06am
Through my own experiences, I've found that it can be very difficult and sometimes harder to move on from someone when there are no reasons to point to. I felt this way when my girlfriend was going back to college. It was sometimes frustrating to think that circumstances were out of my control and that it was best for me to break up with someone I still love. What helped me move on was knowing that it is okay for me to break up with someone who I don't hate or have something against. I learned that sometimes I will have to make decisions that go against what signals my emotions are telling me. Although it was difficult to move on at first, I recognize that breaking up was the best decision to make for me.
Anonymous
October 26th, 2019 7:19am
It was hard, but it was right. I rationalized my decision and never let my heart enter. At that time I tried to find other men to replace his place in my heart but trust me that's the last thing that should come into your mind, it's toxic in a lot of ways and will never let your urge settle. Moving on doesn't mean to jump on other people to satisfy yourself, moving on means to keep letting that feeling stay with you (because no matter how much you try you can not forget your true love) and continuing with your daily life with courage and stability. The best way that worked for me was my ambition towards my passion. I started working on various things of my interests for hours longer than it was required just to keep my mind distracted, and it worked. I socialized more with friends and family who can keep me happy and satisfied so that I did not feel the need of craving for love and remembering the person who gave in to that purpose. I started being with people who did not know about my condition because that's when the people are genuine with you and not only show love for the sake of sympathizing or condolences, being around positive people helps alot to subside the emotions that are existent but irrational.
Anonymous
October 25th, 2019 6:53am
I guess the only way you can move on from him is to remember why you broke up with him in the first place! I can see that you’re still in love with him and hence you’re conflicted. I can’t imagine how much hurt and pain one has to go through leaving someone who he or she still has feelings for. But since you had to leave him for a specific reason, I suppose that’s the only reason you can have to move on from him. If you’re comfortable, please engage a listener when you need someone to talk to! All the best.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2019 11:50pm
You don't have to hate someone in order to move on. You let time take its course to heal and calm your emotions. Take the time you used to spend together and try something new. Grab a book, listen to music, go for a run, or try a new recipe. I often find myself testing new baking methods after a breakup. I can put some real love and energy into my baking and sharing it with others and watching them enjoy something I create is such a great feeling. Spend more time with friends, family, and even just yourself.
enigmaticButterfly8052
November 3rd, 2021 2:08am
I have honestly done the same thing. Try thinking about how in the long run this will help you rather than hurt you. You may love him but sometimes love isn't enough. To move on, you should think about the happy times and then compare them to the bad ones. Think about why you had to break up with him. In the end, this will be good for you and you will be able to be a better person because you made such a hard decision. Just remember that you are amazing and can get through anything. Be confident in yourself!! 😁
Anonymous
August 1st, 2019 4:42am
I relate to this one a lot- I had a big and bad experience very similar to this just earlier this year and honestly all I had to do was get to know him! I soon learnt that he wasn't perfect at all, even if I don't hate him, and I figured out why we wouldn't work anyway. You don't need to hate him, just find some reasons why you wouldn't work out. And one thing that will help that is space away from the person. I took some time, from him and later another guy, and it helps a whole lot.
Iamthereforyou1
July 20th, 2019 8:04am
A great first thing to do is to accept that you love him and that you might keep such feelings for an uncertainly long time, and that is okay that way. Not every love can be lived in the way we wish for, and accepting that fact helps us to move on. The process of moving on can be tricky, as the remaining feelings can fuel the desire to be reunited. Visualizing clearly why things did not work out and knowing what you want instead can support you on your path of moving on. Key is to see the whole picture here.
StarieDiamond
July 5th, 2019 2:48am
Of course you can't find any reason to hate him. You love him. Now you're trying to erase him because it's easier than resenting him. But you shouldn't. Embrace the fact the he was once there for you. Remember him as someone that helped you to grow. Accept the fact that probably, this is not the time for you to meet "the one". And if he is "the one", you'll meet him again in the future. For now, you can focus on what's on your plate. You can try to love yourself more to replace the love he gave you. Believe that you'll find a way to find happiness. And if you truly love him, his happiness shall be yours too. Vice versa.
WaterEarthWindFire
June 19th, 2019 7:17pm
Getting over someone is never easy. I do not know exactly the circumstance of your break up (or your relationship), but there was a sentence I heard in a talk, that helped me a lot by putting things in a different perspective. The message was, ‘You don’t move on, you move forward.’ Which I think is a really important difference. This person will always be part of your life story and that is okay. Maybe there is no need to find a reason to hate him, it’s probably okay to allow yourself to keep the nice memory you have and move forward whenever you are ready. By acknowledging your feelings, reflecting on them, understanding them you will be ready to take the next step.
CaringKelsey
November 19th, 2021 7:57pm
You don't have to hate someone or even fall out of love with someone to breakup. Sometimes its more about about can we the best versions of ourselfs with one another. Subconsciously you broke up with him for a reason. Trust that feeling, You dont have to wait for the "explosion" to happen before you leave. Sometimes loving people is knowing when to let go so you both grow. And doing so before the "explosion" happens leave preserves that relationship for the future. Weather it be as a reunited couple, or to connect as friends later on down the line.
CelestialAurora
December 12th, 2021 5:19pm
I can completely understand the frustration of having to leave someone when you wish you could be with them. But there are times when we have to move on, and that is okay. Moving on requires a couple of steps, but mentally, it is very gradual. The first step is removing any proof or things that remind you of him. This means deleting pictures (and deleting the pictures from your recently deleted), deleting chats, and deleting messages. You need to take all things that remind you of this person out of your life. Another part is catching your thoughts about this person and immediately turning them off. You don't need to think about why something happened the way it did because the relationship is over anyway. It may be easier to get your mind off of this person by doing fun activities. The number one thing you do not want to be doing is doing nothing, thinking about this person, and going through pictures and memories that remind you of the relationship, so avoid them! Try to have hobbies and have fun. It seems simple, yet if you don't do it, it's can be a rough breakup recovery.
wonderfulButton18
January 12th, 2019 1:18am
Breaking up with a significant other does not mean that you do not love him. Or that he doesn’t love you. Sometimes you outgrow people and both are moving towards different life goals. You don’t have to hate him to move on. Keep yourself busy, confide in close people in your life. Get a hobby. Sometimes it’s best to leave a relationship especially if it’s something you feel you “have” to do. Just break up on good terms, you never know what the future has in store for the both of you. This could eventually be a good thing. When one door closes another opens.
Lewie2018
June 9th, 2018 2:53am
There had to be a reason why you broke up with him. Even individuals in love are not always suited for each other and a long term relationship. As far as the moving on...you must remember that when all is said and done....you and you alone are responsible for how your life will be and the amount of happiness it will contain. If the reason you broke up with him is something you feel cannot be fixed..then you need to move on and remember the best parts of being with him, and hate to me is off the table. But you cannot go back and forth..the break my be final...no looking back or second thoughts.
AnkitaJose
September 16th, 2018 9:25am
Sometimes its okay to move on without letting go of what you love about him. Moving on doesn't have to mean forgetting or hating him. Sometimes it can be accepting that you tried your best and it didn't work out. you don't have to hate him if you don't want to. Maybe you can just accept that you love him but also accept that its better to not dwell on it. Remember the happy times. Forget and hate the sad ones. But overall, don't force yourself to feel any emotion that doesn't come naturally at the moment. Just live through the feelings you have. It'll get better. I promise.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2018 1:19pm
You don't need a reason to hate someone to break up with them. You can still love people and part ways. This is perfectly normal and very mature too. It is simply acknowledging that you and your partner have different paths and still have a love that is grounded on mutual respect. As for moving on, it is a step by step process, one that can be fueled by self love and focus on self growth. Hating someone, would only lead to a unprogressive step back to recovery, and to focus on healing, it would mean to forgive and let go of past grievances.
nighttalks
October 7th, 2018 12:24pm
You don`t need to hate someone to get over them. You have to clear your mind, go through the reasons why you had to break up. Then accept that you aren`t going the same road anymore. Acceptance is the key. You made goood memories together and now you have to move on. And you will be okay. Smile because of the good time you had and don`t try to spread hate. Don`t talk bad about him because it won`t make you feel better. Cry it out and talk it out. Try to distract yourself. Try new things out or find a new hobby and try to spend more time with friends and family. Little steps will take you higher. In the beginning it`s hard, but you will slowly move on and learn to live without him. Just don`t go back.
Longboarder75
October 11th, 2018 4:37am
You can always try to find something to take your mind off it whether it be walking your dog or listening to a song that makes you happy. You can always find a way to leave something behind if you need to. I believe that it's like losing a pet but more mild. Eventually you will get over the attachment and it will sometimes hurt but that is what love mostly is. Youd do anything for anyone you love even if they dont feel the same towards you.
Anonymous
October 21st, 2018 4:28am
You don't have to hate a person to move on. It can get really tough. But you should give yourself some time to grieve. Losing someone you love and someone who loves you can be hard and it is acknowledged to be life-changing in some ways. We sometimes see ourselves from the perception of those we love and who love us, breaking up with someone can make us lose our sense of self for a moment. Focus on rebuilding yourself after you accept that you have just lost one glasses from which you see yourself. Humans are social creatures so I also recommend that you talk to friends.
empathicRiver85
November 7th, 2018 4:16am
You do not have to hate the person in order to move on from the relationship you had with them. if you definitely feel that breaking up with him is the best path to take for yourself, then remind yourself of this. But if you do not, maybe re-evaluate the situation to find the right path you truly want. If anything, talk it out with him!! Sit down in a safe place where there is no outside pressure and where you can be real and venerable with one another about your feelings. Take time and don't rush the conversation. Closure is an important factor in moving on in a healthy way. If you come to the conclusion that you need to break up, surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Go out and have fun. Allow the good times to heal the bad ones.
Insights4All
November 9th, 2018 2:56am
That's not so much how much you love or don't love somebody but you have to look at whether or not the chemistry between the two of you is something that becomes toxic to you and prevents you from either achieving happiness or from reaching goals that are important to you that you have set for yourself. If somebody is not giving you that which you need in order to continue to be happy and successful, then regardless of why you feel you may love or hate them, or any feeling within the gamut of that, you have to realize that distance or even disengagement from that person is the proper course of action. If you allow toxicity to change who you are and how you are just in order to hang on to them, then that is not a loving relationship... It is merely codependency and codependency will never provide you with any measure of security or happiness.
considerateRainbow60
November 15th, 2018 4:28am
If your needs to break up with him is more reasonable than you loving him than i would support your decision.i’ve been in a similar position and from my experience as long as this decision doesn’t affect your future then there’s no need to be afraid of feeling regret. It’s normal to feel despair/loneliness and it’s okay! We just need to learn how to cope or even better deal with that kind of emotion, just don’t i repeat do not give in to any negative feeling that relates to your break up. You can talk to me if you want to hear my advice since we’ve been in a similar situation after all.
plushMirage6297
June 11th, 2022 2:33am
You remember what is best for you sometimes doesn’t feel like the best. You don’t have to hate a person just to move on. You should look at it as you are doing this for you and you only and even though it hurts someone you love, if they truly love you they will want you to be happy and if not being able together is what has to happen then that person will let you go and both parties will agree to move on so that they do not stop eachother from their path they are choosing to follow. Yes it will hurt and feel unfair but the love will overcome that the pure love to let someone go.
cherishedIris1771
April 8th, 2022 1:47am
Moving on from someone can be very challenging,and when you have no reason to hate them its even harder.Loving someone can be a great thing,it can have a lot of pros but also a bunch of cons.When we are told to move on from someone without a valid reason,its hard.We don't want to let go of that person but sometimes we need to no matter how much you guys love eachother.It won't be easy but it will take time and it will take a lot of strength,you don't need reasons to hate them if you want to let them go,there's no point if they did nothing wrong.Maybe it wasn't your time and place but you know what I promise you it will get better.Just move on peacefully or maybe you don't even have to,just depends on the situation.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2019 3:53am
We can start to move on from those we have loved by remembering how to love ourselves. We are the source of our love. We can share it with others but we must generate it for ourselves. You may still love him, but there was something else strong enough inside of you telling you that the love was not enough to stay in the relationship. We have to listen to that small voice inside of us, even when we do not like what it says. Make time for the things you like to do that help you to feel good about being alive.
handyhippie65
March 29th, 2019 7:43am
It can be hard to break up with those we love. Love is a strong emotion and gives us many reasons to not want to see it die. We all seek connection to others in a meaningful way, you are not alone in this. I too have also left those i loved because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. It is painful and confusing, and can seem like you have made a mistake. Why did you feel you had to end the relationship, and Why do you find it so difficult to move on?
ShayLovesYou06
April 18th, 2019 5:41pm
Ask yourself if the relationship you were in had a future. Go down the memory lane and revisit the times when you had fights with him. Ask yourself why you two came to the point of break up. You'll find your answer.
Nimeihaoruchu
March 17th, 2019 9:36pm
I would first ask yourself, “why you broke up”, once you answer that, then ask yourself ,”what is keeping me attracted to X person.” Sorting out how you feel may aid in further decisions. You can also surround yourself with people who are positive influence on you, and that you enjoy to spend time with, friends, family, pets. Break ups are difficult, but very much manageable. As far as finding a reason to hate someone, I would also ask yourself, do you want to stay friends with this person or would you rather have minimal contact with that person, and if you want to move on from romantic feelings and/or Platonic feelings.