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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

204 Answers
Last Updated: 07/02/2020 at 9:44am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Longboarder75
October 11th, 2018 4:37am
You can always try to find something to take your mind off it whether it be walking your dog or listening to a song that makes you happy. You can always find a way to leave something behind if you need to. I believe that it's like losing a pet but more mild. Eventually you will get over the attachment and it will sometimes hurt but that is what love mostly is. Youd do anything for anyone you love even if they dont feel the same towards you.
psychtech69
October 11th, 2018 10:13pm
I want to understand your decision to break up with your partner; please, provide me with more information what was the reason why you broke up with your partner. I would like to know what are you feeling at this point and time? What do you feel what your partner, now that you are no longer together anymore? Maybe, you need to think about what steps you want to take before you meet a potential partner. Give yourself some time to breathe, and really think about what goals you want to achieve? Think about what type of partner you want to be within the future? What kind of characteristics and traits you want your potential partner to possess? I think carefully about your options before jumping into another relationship.
Anonymous
October 21st, 2018 4:28am
You don't have to hate a person to move on. It can get really tough. But you should give yourself some time to grieve. Losing someone you love and someone who loves you can be hard and it is acknowledged to be life-changing in some ways. We sometimes see ourselves from the perception of those we love and who love us, breaking up with someone can make us lose our sense of self for a moment. Focus on rebuilding yourself after you accept that you have just lost one glasses from which you see yourself. Humans are social creatures so I also recommend that you talk to friends.
empathicRiver85
November 7th, 2018 4:16am
You do not have to hate the person in order to move on from the relationship you had with them. if you definitely feel that breaking up with him is the best path to take for yourself, then remind yourself of this. But if you do not, maybe re-evaluate the situation to find the right path you truly want. If anything, talk it out with him!! Sit down in a safe place where there is no outside pressure and where you can be real and venerable with one another about your feelings. Take time and don't rush the conversation. Closure is an important factor in moving on in a healthy way. If you come to the conclusion that you need to break up, surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Go out and have fun. Allow the good times to heal the bad ones.
Insights4All
November 9th, 2018 2:56am
That's not so much how much you love or don't love somebody but you have to look at whether or not the chemistry between the two of you is something that becomes toxic to you and prevents you from either achieving happiness or from reaching goals that are important to you that you have set for yourself. If somebody is not giving you that which you need in order to continue to be happy and successful, then regardless of why you feel you may love or hate them, or any feeling within the gamut of that, you have to realize that distance or even disengagement from that person is the proper course of action. If you allow toxicity to change who you are and how you are just in order to hang on to them, then that is not a loving relationship... It is merely codependency and codependency will never provide you with any measure of security or happiness.
considerateRainbow60
November 15th, 2018 4:28am
If your needs to break up with him is more reasonable than you loving him than i would support your decision.i’ve been in a similar position and from my experience as long as this decision doesn’t affect your future then there’s no need to be afraid of feeling regret. It’s normal to feel despair/loneliness and it’s okay! We just need to learn how to cope or even better deal with that kind of emotion, just don’t i repeat do not give in to any negative feeling that relates to your break up. You can talk to me if you want to hear my advice since we’ve been in a similar situation after all.
kukryshka
December 29th, 2018 8:34pm
I was in the situation like this. The first thing that helped me was to acknowledge that I’m not the part of the person I love. I can live by my own no matter I love it who loves me. I’m self-sustained and emotionally independent person and if I want my life goes on happily without that particular person I love now. I can love again. I can develop myself. I can do what I like to do. I can invest time and attention in my personal growth. I can fall in love with life, freedom and a lot of opportunities to feel good. The second thing I learned was to love the person without being in their lives. If you really love the person, and it is not just strong toxic feelings of addiction, you can just love them. You can with them all the wonderful things and be glad that they’re fine. The third thing is the embracing of separation, embracing the fact that you and your ex-partner are going in the different directions. And it’s not good or bad. This is just what it is. And life is wise enough to give you many wonderful chances to love and be loved again in the future. We can be grateful for the beautiful time we had with the person and move on. Of course all these things need long process. I was giving yourself time. I let tears to be, let grief to be, let weakness to be, let relief and new life to be. And I eventually I let myself to be happy again.
wonderfulButton18
January 12th, 2019 1:18am
Breaking up with a significant other does not mean that you do not love him. Or that he doesn’t love you. Sometimes you outgrow people and both are moving towards different life goals. You don’t have to hate him to move on. Keep yourself busy, confide in close people in your life. Get a hobby. Sometimes it’s best to leave a relationship especially if it’s something you feel you “have” to do. Just break up on good terms, you never know what the future has in store for the both of you. This could eventually be a good thing. When one door closes another opens.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2019 3:13pm
I once broke up with someone who was a great partner. We both loved one another but sometimes love isn't enough. I knew down the road that marriage was not where were we were headed if both of us were to be truly happy. My love for them was so true that I knew they would be happier in the end if they fell in love with someone else. Just because you love someone and they love you does not mean the two of you should be together. True happiness is needed from both sides in the long run.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2019 6:38pm
You know your situation the best. I can tell you feel a little confused and hurt, you had to move on from someone you had no reason to hate. That is a hard situation to be in. What do you think could help you to move on? What could you do to help you get over him. Think of some things in your life you could do to help you out of this tough situation. It would be hard to break up with someone. You know your feelings and your situation the best. I will be here to listen.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 5:32am
I know how it feels to end a relationship you feel really shouldn't have ended, especially when you both may still love each other. Sometimes, things happen for reasons you might not know for a long time, but those reasons are always beneficial in the long run. Love isn't something that can be turned off by a switch, but you will find your groove. It's a process, but with time even the sharpest thrones become soft. You can't force yourself to move on from someone, you can't even make the process easier, but one day you're going to wake up and it will all be okay again.
Nimeihaoruchu
March 17th, 2019 9:36pm
I would first ask yourself, “why you broke up”, once you answer that, then ask yourself ,”what is keeping me attracted to X person.” Sorting out how you feel may aid in further decisions. You can also surround yourself with people who are positive influence on you, and that you enjoy to spend time with, friends, family, pets. Break ups are difficult, but very much manageable. As far as finding a reason to hate someone, I would also ask yourself, do you want to stay friends with this person or would you rather have minimal contact with that person, and if you want to move on from romantic feelings and/or Platonic feelings.
handyhippie65
March 29th, 2019 7:43am
It can be hard to break up with those we love. Love is a strong emotion and gives us many reasons to not want to see it die. We all seek connection to others in a meaningful way, you are not alone in this. I too have also left those i loved because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. It is painful and confusing, and can seem like you have made a mistake. Why did you feel you had to end the relationship, and Why do you find it so difficult to move on?
ShayLovesYou06
April 18th, 2019 5:41pm
Ask yourself if the relationship you were in had a future. Go down the memory lane and revisit the times when you had fights with him. Ask yourself why you two came to the point of break up. You'll find your answer.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2019 3:53am
We can start to move on from those we have loved by remembering how to love ourselves. We are the source of our love. We can share it with others but we must generate it for ourselves. You may still love him, but there was something else strong enough inside of you telling you that the love was not enough to stay in the relationship. We have to listen to that small voice inside of us, even when we do not like what it says. Make time for the things you like to do that help you to feel good about being alive.
professionalMemory42
May 2nd, 2019 12:53am
There must of been a reason for you to break up with him. Maybe something happened and then when you broke up feelings came rushing back. Are you definitely wishing to move on because if you are both in love with each other wouldn’t it make sense to become a couple again. However if you are wishing to move on maybe it’s best to distance yourself from him for a little while so it can give you time to really think about what you want and what you feel is best for you. You may even find out that you would like to restart this relationship
malani3
May 2nd, 2019 9:33pm
You don't necessarily have to 'hate' someone when you break up with them. Sometimes relationships don't work out for the better and that's a good thing. If you two can have a good relationship as friends after the romantic relationship has ended, you may find that you two make better friends than lovers. It's a good thing that the relationship didn't end on a bad note. For example, if you broke up because the timing was wrong then you have a higher rate of getting back together in the future (if you both wish for that to happen) knowing that you two have ended things on a good note.
WaterEarthWindFire
June 19th, 2019 7:17pm
Getting over someone is never easy. I do not know exactly the circumstance of your break up (or your relationship), but there was a sentence I heard in a talk, that helped me a lot by putting things in a different perspective. The message was, ‘You don’t move on, you move forward.’ Which I think is a really important difference. This person will always be part of your life story and that is okay. Maybe there is no need to find a reason to hate him, it’s probably okay to allow yourself to keep the nice memory you have and move forward whenever you are ready. By acknowledging your feelings, reflecting on them, understanding them you will be ready to take the next step.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2019 2:48am
Of course you can't find any reason to hate him. You love him. Now you're trying to erase him because it's easier than resenting him. But you shouldn't. Embrace the fact the he was once there for you. Remember him as someone that helped you to grow. Accept the fact that probably, this is not the time for you to meet "the one". And if he is "the one", you'll meet him again in the future. For now, you can focus on what's on your plate. You can try to love yourself more to replace the love he gave you. Believe that you'll find a way to find happiness. And if you truly love him, his happiness shall be yours too. Vice versa.
Iamthereforyou1
July 20th, 2019 8:04am
A great first thing to do is to accept that you love him and that you might keep such feelings for an uncertainly long time, and that is okay that way. Not every love can be lived in the way we wish for, and accepting that fact helps us to move on. The process of moving on can be tricky, as the remaining feelings can fuel the desire to be reunited. Visualizing clearly why things did not work out and knowing what you want instead can support you on your path of moving on. Key is to see the whole picture here.
imabee72
August 1st, 2019 4:42am
I relate to this one a lot- I had a big and bad experience very similar to this just earlier this year and honestly all I had to do was get to know him! I soon learnt that he wasn't perfect at all, even if I don't hate him, and I figured out why we wouldn't work anyway. You don't need to hate him, just find some reasons why you wouldn't work out. And one thing that will help that is space away from the person. I took some time, from him and later another guy, and it helps a whole lot.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2019 11:50pm
You don't have to hate someone in order to move on. You let time take its course to heal and calm your emotions. Take the time you used to spend together and try something new. Grab a book, listen to music, go for a run, or try a new recipe. I often find myself testing new baking methods after a breakup. I can put some real love and energy into my baking and sharing it with others and watching them enjoy something I create is such a great feeling. Spend more time with friends, family, and even just yourself.
Anonymous
October 25th, 2019 6:53am
I guess the only way you can move on from him is to remember why you broke up with him in the first place! I can see that you’re still in love with him and hence you’re conflicted. I can’t imagine how much hurt and pain one has to go through leaving someone who he or she still has feelings for. But since you had to leave him for a specific reason, I suppose that’s the only reason you can have to move on from him. If you’re comfortable, please engage a listener when you need someone to talk to! All the best.
Anonymous
October 26th, 2019 7:19am
It was hard, but it was right. I rationalized my decision and never let my heart enter. At that time I tried to find other men to replace his place in my heart but trust me that's the last thing that should come into your mind, it's toxic in a lot of ways and will never let your urge settle. Moving on doesn't mean to jump on other people to satisfy yourself, moving on means to keep letting that feeling stay with you (because no matter how much you try you can not forget your true love) and continuing with your daily life with courage and stability. The best way that worked for me was my ambition towards my passion. I started working on various things of my interests for hours longer than it was required just to keep my mind distracted, and it worked. I socialized more with friends and family who can keep me happy and satisfied so that I did not feel the need of craving for love and remembering the person who gave in to that purpose. I started being with people who did not know about my condition because that's when the people are genuine with you and not only show love for the sake of sympathizing or condolences, being around positive people helps alot to subside the emotions that are existent but irrational.
brianna67
October 30th, 2019 1:47am
Well even though you love each other, there must be some reason that you broke up with him? Did something feel off? Was there an important issue that you disagreed on? Was timing or distance an issue? Moving on from any breakup is tough and you have to take it day by day. But I would recommend focusing on what caused you to end your relationship. That might give you peace with your decision and hope to move on and find the person who is right for you. Not hating your ex is not a bad thing and I think that speaks to the loving and healthy relationship it sounds like you had.
VannahCat
December 15th, 2019 1:22am
You did what was right for you, even if you don’t see that right now. If you can’t find a reason to hate him that is okay and valid. Your reasoning and thinking process is clouded by the emotional trauma you are going through. Right after a breakup or separation the feelings often seem to increase.!That is okay and normal. Especially if you two aren’t seeing each other. That is definitely a hard experience to go through and I’m sorry but keep your head up :) everything is going to get better. Give yourself time to greave and move on. It will be hard. Reach out to friends and family who can help you through this experience. Keep busy. Do things that make you happy. Practice self care. Let yourself feel the pain right now, and soon everything will be better.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2019 5:42am
It's possible to move on from a relationship without hating them. You deserve self-love, you deserve that attention and energy instead, not the other person in the relationship. In fact, it's possible that treating yourself genuinely and being open-minded to future encounters of the heart will slowly but surely speed things along. Ultimately, you cannot control how long your grieving process for this relationship will be, but you will feel free from it eventually, remember. It takes a different amount of time for each person and each relationship. It may seem like it will never be the same, but you will be surprised later at how okay you will be! Be well and good luck!
Anonymous
January 18th, 2020 6:11pm
Even though it was not forever, that doesn't mean it was not magical. Get over it for your own goodness. Cherish the memories & carry yourself with dignity. Respect his needs. GIve yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Go through the emotion in order to heal dont escape the moments of sadness. Trust me next time you wont go through all these, Universe will attract the best one for you, for that you have to radiate positivity, kindness, & love. It is okay, move on and get things done, stop sobbing. Shine brighter & make your life glorious.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2020 11:24am
You don't need to hate someone to move on. If you have to move on then you already know the reason. You need to remind yourself and accept the reason to move on and let time play its part. Slowly and steadily you will learn to be yourself and accept the truth and move on without realizing that you have. It might be hard at the start and will make you feel weak and push you to go back, but that is where true spirit of will is needed to not go back and accept the reality today for a better tomorrow.
lovelyShoulder1986
January 31st, 2020 5:24am
You don't have to hate to move on. I got divorced and 3 years later got into a loving and blessed relationship with another person. The reason I was able to do this is because i gave myself time to heal from the break-up and accepted the fact that we had to part ways. Give yourself time and some freedom to believe that this is not the end of the world although it can look very much like it. It did for me too. Make a list of interesting things you want/wanted to do and start focusing on yourself. Healing and building yourself again.