I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?
Last Updated: 03/06/2021 at 9:07am
Linda Miland, MA
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have a passion to help individuals address and challenge thoughts ,feelings and lifestyle factors that are contributing to mental health issues.
Top Rated Answers
At this point you may have come to the realization that getting over divorce is a lot more complicated than you thought. In fact, you may be asking yourself, “How long am I going to feel like this?” When am I going to start feeling better? Why can’t I stop obsessing over this divorce? Why did he do that? Why didn’t I do this? What they are doing now?” Those are normal questions after divorce. Useless, but normal. They will NOT help you in your journey of getting over divorce. But hopefully you’re also saying, “I want my life back! Help!” Here are three things you must do right off the bat to get through divorce. Accept the reality of your divorce Make the decision to take control Do small actions every day to create the life you want
I believe the first thing you need to realize is that you are capable of living a life and be happy without your partner. Think about the things that make you happy, and try to keep your mind occupied doing activities that make you feel good about yourself, otherwise you'll just think about your ex. Don't start looking for love right away, it will come when you're ready. You are much more than a wife/husband, you are a human being capable of achieving many things. Please also remember love is everywhere, not just in a partner.
I look at divorce as almost like a death. That person is not there any longer, for whatever reason, even if you parted on good terms. It's still a loss. Your life will completely change and you may feel like you have lost part of yourself and not know who you really are anymore. For me, I found new friends, tried new hobbies, kept a diary and had a strong support system. It was a process of a few years for me to reinvent myself, correct things about myself that I really didn't like and just really learn to like myself. Don't rush....because it's certainly not a race and it's important to feel comfortable through the healing process. You may feel vulnerable and helpless and fell like you NEED someone, but you really need YOU and for YOU to be healthy. Fill your life with things that are uplifting and positive and you will be amazed at your progress!
Everything happens for a reason. God will never put you through this pain unless he has something more to plan out for you in the future :)
What part of the divorce is difficult for you to get over? Is it that you feel it should have worked out because of all the effort you feel you put in or was it a shock and now you find yourself back at square one with a bunch of unanswered questions?
What you shouldn't do rather, is try and force any change. I think professional help is good, as they will properly guide you through the deeper underlying issues behind the stuck feelings. I think every obstacle is an opportunity to get closer and more intimate with oneself, and therefore provide an opportunity to grow in character, spiritually, morally, intellectually, empathically etc.. Gd luck!!
A divorce is a life changing aspect of one's life. It is not something to be forgotten nor is it something that is easy to get over. It is possible to get over, but in no means is it nessisary or even more productive to get over the divorce. What will help is to come to terms that a large portion of your life has changed but allow your self to find a new normal and grow from your experiences.
First realize that a divorce is not a simple thing to adjust to. You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of that relationship, and pressuring yourself to "get over" it isn't helpful. Would you tell someone who lost an arm to "get over" it? Of course not. You need time to learn how to function in a new way and make life work with what you've got! I hope you find peace.
It's time now for you to do a couple of things: 1) Talk. Talk to as many people as will listen about how you feel. You need to get it out. 2) Evaluate for yourself what you want in your life and what you don't want. You just went through a traumatic experience and your evaluation of those two things will help you decide where to take your life from here 3) FORGIVE YOURSELF - you are only human.
Start some new activities. You need to get over that fact that it happened. You probably feel fear translated into regret which can only be surpassed with sheer distraction and peace off mind. Because of this, hobbies are a great for of time occupation. Do yoga; exercise; meditate; sing; do some squats; write; breath (and this one i strongly suggest - learning how to do this may require practice); Start dating again when you're ready; have a makeover; remodel your home; read a book; become the cook you've always wanted to be... Distraction is key.... And in some time you will realize that these bad thoughts lingering on your divorce are fading, and you no longer will need them. Good luck.
Why do you feel you can't get over your divorce? What are some of the things that went wrong in the relationship, and what are some of the things that went right? What does your ideal relationship look like? What are some qualities your previous partner didn't have that you would like to have in a partner? Are you able to do certain things that you couldn't do before now (i.e. traveling, taking a new job, taking a class or two at a gym/college/university, joining a community group, and/or volunteering)? Do you have a support system (friends and/or family) that you can reach out to?
Your divorce happened with a reason. You may be in this situation because it is better for you. It doesn't matter who has been wrong and who has been right, all what matters is that you have a life to live, a love to meet and a heart to satisfy. What is meant to be will be.
Healing isn't a linear process. The ups and downs are natural. You have been married for a while and divorce is something new in your life. It is natural for it to take time to sink in, to accept it, to regret it even and be affected. I'm afraid I don't know the rest of the story to help you appropriately but what I'd suggest that you focus on self-care and well-being. May I suggest some questions for you to answer for yourself? To feel better after a hard time I _________. I feel refreshed when I ___________. What I really need is __________. I'm here for you. You can message me anytime
Don't think about it too much. Try and get back into dating or do some self helps stuff. Don't let the divorce rule over your life!
The end of a marriage is indeed a sad event. It comes with the need to grieve, to seek closure and to contemplate life on completely new terms to what you have previously envisioned. This needs time, patience and kindness to yourself. You're human and you're entitled to the emotions and memories. Allow them some space in your day so that you can slowly work your way up to relegating them to more comfortable alternative emotions associated to the memories.
I think you should try to move on with your life. Find someone who makes you happier! Find your passion or start a new hobbie.. Just become happy! Live your life as an individual now till you find a new life companion.
Remove everything you have related to that person like pictures, contact numbers or anything related. It will help get your mind off it
Although I am young and unexperienced when it comes to divorce, I know, personally, the effects divorce can have on people.
This question is tough as it is different for everyone. For those with minor children involved it is necessary to communicate rationally for the best options for children. Sometimes harsh decisions must be made and only time is the best healer of wounds. If the feeling of 'can't let go' is purely related to the spouse, the 'weaning off' your ex as you would a drug is not a helpful choice. Surround yourself with supportive people and make permanent location and career decisions that help you focus on something other than being discarded. I have faced this problem in my lifetime and years later, discovered that the split was a blessing to me rather than a curse. 'Time' is a harsh and sometimes painful obligation, but it DOES heal!
Divorce is breaking up of tangible relationships. If you are unable to cope with this, means you are now experiencing the side results of the thing! May be you were not ready for the thing but due to some conditions or things you decided to end up in divorce. However when you think about memories or romance times or day dreaming or simply moving on sometimes it is not easy to let go. I guess listening to soothing music and sharing emotions through tears would result in let go! Also a simple meeting with the X would make a positive move!
Take it 1 step at a time, these things takes time. Just remember that the divorce happened for a reason. And always learn from it as you move forward.
It is hard. You're not expected to get over it fast. But you will. Your pieces will all fall back together and you'll be okay again. Just think positive.
I recommend getting counseling to help with the emotions. You also may want to involve yourself in something that gets you out and among other people on a regular basis. Sitting hom watching TV or online is probably just going to aggravate the situation.
That's okay. When someone is an important figure in your life for such a long time, the lack of their presence is going to strange for a long time. You know your situation better than anyone else, so I can't say with certainty what course of action is best for you. However, making an effort to engage in activities like working out, or dancing, or even socializing with new people can help to bring other sources of happiness into your life. With that, it might not seem so impactful. Regardless, there is no time limit for mourning or change. Don't feel like you need to push against how you are feeling. If you acknowledge it and show some compassion for yourself, it might go a long way.
when you say "I can't get over my divorce" I completely understand because sometimes it could be very difficult to get over a divorce. I am not sure the reasons behind your divorce or why you can't seem to get over it. Just please remember that at times when we try to make a marriage better we make it even worse. Maybe the " should have, could have's" are now coming up but where you are now is the place you need to be because you did what at "that time" was the right thing to do for you. In the many conversations i have had with friends over the years they have described divorce in different ways for me it was the word "loss" it was the only word that made sense in my brain. Even as the relationship was toxic and I was ready to be out I labeled it loss and let myself go through the grief process (denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance) I did it in order to find self-healing, forgiveness and move on.
Go out on a date! Have some fun! Go out with your friends! People usually can't get over their divorces because they either 1.) ended on bad terms or 2.) did something they wished they hadn't
Well I'm not sure what you have tried to do to get over your divorce . But I can give u a few ideas and hopefully there is one that could help . Well first if you have any close friends or even co workers that u want to get close with go out there and have fun . If your having fun you are less likely to think about things like your ex wife of husband. 2 Do something new. You are so use to your daily habits of your ex that maybe doing some of those things might be painful in ur memories , Pick up a new hobby maybe dansing or hiking or sailing . It will keep you occupied esp if you really like that sport or activities .3 work out . You may be feeling down in the dumps about yourself . So make your self more beautiful or handsome by getting a slim or muscular body so you can have higher self esteem about yourself . 4 I don't suggest jumping into a reltionship but just go on dates with guy friends or girl friends . Being around someone of the opposite gender that's attrated to you will also boost your confidence :) I hope I helped good luck
Do something for yourself. Sit down and think about all the reasons you are better off without your ex.
Try talking to a therapist. There are also some support groups to help people who are having trouble getting over a divorce. Finding a new hobby is also a great way of taking your mind off of it.
Getting over something like that is hard, but trying to find who you are as a person is the first step. Worry about yourself and do things for yourself. Go buy a new outfit, go get your hair done. Do things for yourself that will make you feel better.
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