I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?
186 Answers
Last Updated: 06/12/2022 at 10:11pm
Moderated by
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 27th, 2016 9:35pm
Basically, I can think of 2 ways.
1. Embrace the pain. Let it all out, whether it's crying (it's okay for guys to cry), scream, whatever. Take it ALL out. Do not force it, let it come out naturally.
2. Keep active. Go to the gym, jog, go for a walk, hang out with friends, rather than at home which may increase your depression and anxiety.
I can't say I know what you're feeling, but I know the feeling of heartbreak and it is not great. Take time for YOU. Do nice things for you, and get to know yourself again!
I don't want to say try and forget your marriage, as that is something so important and a part of you now -- appreciate it. It has made you the person you are today.
Divorce can be a difficult process to get over and often can take time as the details of the divorce and me messy. With that said, If you find yourself struggling with "getting over" the divorce I would see a therapist to speak with about how it's affecting you and coming up with a plan to address it.
I think first thing is first you have to come to terms with the fact it happened and from there just take it day by day. Realize that you are a strong individual and that you don't need a marriage to make you feel complete. It is your partners loss and you should be there for yourself. Go out and have fun with friends or meet other people. Look for local workshops? Join a book club? Travel if you want explore all there is to explore. Just because one chapter of your life ends doesn't mean there won't be another one. A better one.
Do thighs that make you happy also try surrounding yourself with people that love you and respect you.
Anonymous
February 18th, 2017 9:51am
Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening
Anonymous
March 9th, 2017 7:22am
Following my divorce. I decided to go to a psychologist to work through a lot of the emotions I was feeling. I felt confusion about a lot of these emotions, and going to the psychologist helped me find clarity with a lot of things. Understanding why I felt certain things made it easier for me to find peace with those things, and also, I was able to identify more clearly the cause of the some the emotions I was feeling.
Getting over any broken relationship can be really hard. The key to focus on is "yourself", try to figure out what kind of attachment is causing you to not get over your past relation. trying to understand your reasons may help you to figure out the solutions in need. Hope this helps. Stay strong.
How about a hobby? Do something you love to get your mind off of it. Or seek professional help if necesaary.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2017 7:22am
Treat yourself to a day full of things you love. This will temporarily distract you, and motivate you to continue being carefree.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2017 10:25am
Coming from someone who is not married and has not been divorced, I assume it must be an extremely difficult situation.
Professional counseling sounds like the most logical step into getting the tools you need to overcome obstacles that come with the process of divorce.
Professional therapy would also work best with having support from family, friends, office environment, and even small groups like church or online communities.
Having a combination of professional and casual support I imagine would make a great combination in a big lifestyle transition.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2017 9:07pm
Sounds like a challenging situation to me. I guess it may help to talk more about what exactly do you feel about your divorce. There is always a possibility that you need to express yourself and want to feel heard, which can actually help you heal and make you feel comfortable with your life at present.
Take some time to yourself. Do your own thing. If you find someone that makes you happy, that's great. Just don't rush and take your time.
If you still love the person then maybe work something out, if its possible. But whatever you feel would be best is up to you. Because only you can know yourself best and what your situation is truly like. I would wish the best for you though that you figure it out.
You should seek professional help like many others in your situation do, divorce is one of the most stressful situations and having the right support is the key
Have you ever thought of contacting your ex husband/wife? Is it like after you lose something you all the sudden want it back? Maybe, Writing your thought down and reading it over and over again until you find something to do.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2018 12:41am
Time. Cut yourself some slack, a divorce is one of those major things in someone's life, so... it's OK to be sad etc... don't fight those feelings, and just let them be. At the same time do as many "active" activities as possible, join the gym, go for walks, hikes, do activities with friends. Time is the one and only cure, alas time . . . takes time. This too shall pass.
You should try your best to move on but remember the good times and also there was a divorce for a reason.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2018 10:53pm
Remember that whatever happened is over and done with. It can't be rewound. You can only live your life and do the best you can to improve from it
there are some wonderful divorce groups available in person and online to those who struggle with divorce. divorce is not easy and with the right support system in place you will heal
Have you considered undergoing professional counseling or therapy? Stay close to those who love and support you during this difficult time. Spend your free time with friends and family who make you laugh; people you have fun with. This way, you will distract your mind from any sadness, while feeling loved by your friends/family.
Your feelings are valid. It is normal to become stuck on someone who you were attached to so greatly. But you need to give yourself time. Give yourself an ample amount of time for reflection. Think about the relationship and why it ended. Remember that it ended for a reason and that a better future lies past this tough time. Learning from the experience is the best thing you can try to do if your mind is still focused on it. Try meditation and other ways to clear your mind and give you clarity.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2018 11:25pm
7 cups is awesome for that. Lots of people here specialize in that area, and you can custom search people who can help you and talk you through it. You can also pick a therapist if you are up to it!
After a divorce, it's important to take time to heal, feel safe from drama and anger, and rediscover
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 6:52am
Think of why the marriage did not work, accept that it was probably for the best, and that there is something out there better. However, don’t jump to another relationship, firstly, look after yourself and don’t rush things. Let things flow naturally.
Think about the beauty of marriage and not the beauty in the person. Learn to manage things, not everything can be positive around. So gear up, being single again is going to be an adventurous ride.
Living in the past is hard and during a divorce, we grieve as we would a death. There could be many complications moving forward such as children and unwinding the life that was created together. Its not easy, but start planning for your future and have something to look forward to each week. You can also limit the time you talk and see your ex so you do not compare your lives and how each has moved forward. Give it time and be patient with yourself. Talk it out and allow yourself to heal.
When I went through my divorce, I found that being social as often as possible helped me a great deal.
It's gonna be hard, obviously. And nothing's going to change overnight. But if there's someone who can help you out of this, it's you. Sure, if you need an outlet, talk to friends, talk to the listeners here, rant all you want. But at the end of the day, you'll have to be strong and help yourself out of this. Get a new hobby, or if you already have something, put your soul into it. This is your time to work on your self-development. To perfect the areas which you lack right now. Would help to divert your mind, as well as, you might end up being really good at your hobby, and might someday be earning through it. This is an experience. Learn. All the best!
Take your time. Don't try and rush your feelings. You did love that person for however long and now they're gone. You can't expect to go back to normal right away.
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