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I love two different people. What should I do?

167 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2021 at 12:16pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Meredith Seltzer, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

The therapeutic relationship can assist you in accomplishing your goals and clarifying your wants and needs. As a skilled counselor and therapist I will help you along the way

Top Rated Answers
August 18th, 2020 2:37pm
Ok.. so first I think you should spend some time with yourself alone and try to realize what you really want, reflect your thoughts and find out your true desire. Are you sure it is strong love that you feel for both the person or just an atrraction? You have to realize that. You can also talk to someone and tell them about how you fell and see what they have to say. If you really think you have some strong feeling for any of those two people, I think you should just let it out and talk to the person. I hope my answer have helped you in any way possible.
August 21st, 2020 4:19pm
It's hard to choose between 2 people who you love dearly. The best you can do is to spend time with them separately and make sure if you love one more or if you find out you don't love them like you thought you did. If that doesn't work you can always just make a pros and cons list which sounds silly but it helps more than you think, I've been in a similar situation and I had a friend tell it me it sounded stupid but a pros and cons list is the way to go even if it seems silly.
August 29th, 2020 8:19am
That is a hard decision to make. However, honestly it all depends on you. I suggest to weigh out what you like from each person and what you do not like. Try to ask yourself to, "Are we really compatible?" "What do we have in common?" "What do I like about him or her?". I believe the more that you have in common with your partner, the higher the possibility of your relationship to last long. Also, try to gauge how the person reacts during you are down times. Like, how they interact with you when you are not your best self. All of these are just suggestions, but honestly when it comes to relationship, you'll just feel if they are the right one. Good luck!
September 10th, 2020 6:32am
Figure out who you can live life without. If one matters more that is the person you have more feelings for. It isn't fair to string someone along for your benefit or as a back up plan. When you figure out who you can live without then you need to be honest with them and let them move on with their life. Being honest now will prevent more heartache in the long run. If you sought out the attention and love of another that means you were not happy. It also proves something was missing from your initial relationship and you need to address what that was.
September 18th, 2020 2:19pm
I cannot tell you what to do because you know your self best, but the best option is to think of why each individual makes you happy. Try to see the differences and what one is missing from the other. It can be very stressful in positions like these. Remember that you have time to think and you do not need to make any decisions right away. Your heart will always have a louder opinion but remember sometimes thats not always the opinion to focus on. With that being said, it’s important to focus on what your mind has to say as well.
November 1st, 2020 1:34pm
I've loved two different people at once before. It's no picknick... To say the least. It kept me awake at night, because I was really tormented by the different feelings and thoughts going through my head. Eventually, a friend of mine recommended me a tip he learned from one of his therapists: Make a list... So I made a list with the 'pro's and contra's' for each person and this made things more clear for me then. I was able to choose rationally. Polyamory is also an option, but off course both people you love have to be up for it. And eventually this option makes things even more difficult...
November 21st, 2020 7:23am
Love is a great thing, and it must go as widely as possible, as far as we use this word to express a sincere wishing good for a person. Still, when it comes to choosing a partner for life (or a significant part of it), we have to choose one person. This must be a person we not only love, but who we feel comfortable with, and who will grow personally together with you. This must be a soulmate. It's quite a rare thing, so chances are that at least one of the two people you think about is not a good fit for this position. Take your time, and think about it long enough to be sure that you do the right choice.
November 21st, 2020 11:10pm
There is so much to consider when love is on the table. Everyone’s priorities are different. If you want compatibility and a relationship that is secure and long-term, it might be good to consider: 1. Would this person be reliable and secure? How has this person been with past partners? Do they want a commitment? 2. Does this person have the top qualities that I want in a partner? Are there any issues that would be deal breakers? 3. Does this person have interests and goals that are similar or complementary to my own? 4. How would this person respond to issues in the relationship? Would they try to work with me or would they run away? 5. Does this person have a growth (willing to be flexible/learn/grow) or fixed (stubborn/inflexible/unwilling to learn) mindset? Best of luck to you! I think finding a good match is one of the most important decisions in life. Finding a good, healthy fit is worth any wait!
December 2nd, 2020 2:35am
i would choose whoever i think would make me more safe and happy in the long run, even if in the moment the other person is making me happier. i would choose the person who would stay with me through the good and the bad, even if we fight or are mad at each other. i would choose the one i think is better for my mental health and will provide more good memories than bad when i think about them when we have broken up. i would choose the one i can imagine a future with, like actually getting married and settling down with them and growing old with them.
December 9th, 2020 7:03pm
Loving two different people is not inherently an issue unless it is distressing to you. There are many relationship styles (which are alternatives to monogamy) in which it is permissible to legitimately, honestly, and openly love more than one person. If you feel monogamy isn't right for you or doesn't make sense for you right now, you might consider researching polyamory or open relationships. Both are relationship styles that can be negotiated and configured (with your chosen partners) to allow for love of more than one person at a time. Alternately, if you feel monogamy is your preferred style, it may be best to be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with those you care about. Sometimes honest communication can help you gain clarity. If that isn't an option, journaling can help you sort through your feelings until you are able to make a decision that works best for you.
December 23rd, 2020 4:50am
There's nothing wrong with loving two different people. You should love who ever you want to love. Without sounding cynical, do you love them with any type of malice intent behind it? Are you in a love triangle and they both hate each other? If that's the case, then you only love yourself the most, and u believe you love them. But if you genuinely love them both, you would be able to be as honest as possible with them both. Something to consider is some people have open relationships to avoid that awkwardness of cheating and feeling guilty. Open relationships are not for everyone if you can't handle certain personalities or behaviorals. Good luck !
January 14th, 2021 11:00am
Well the main question is, do you love them? This could be romantic or just love them as a friend. It's never nice competing but maybe if you speak to them about it they will understand. Switching between the two people wouldn't be a wise choice but you do what you think is right. maybe you just think you like them because they're nice to you or because your both similar in terms of interests. Often just thinking about your feelings long and hard is substantial enough to come to a conclusion so I suggest you give that a try
January 21st, 2021 7:28am
There is nothing wrong with loving more than one person. We should all try to love more. If this is a romantic type of love then you need to way up the pro's and con's with each person. Can you be friends with one if you choose the other? What effect will this have on you? Do both of the people feel the same way as you do. In the end you will have to rely on your gut and go with it. You can be the only one that decides what the next move will be and when you decide what you are going to do it should come from the heart.
February 6th, 2021 1:21am
Being honest about your feelings is important but you also need to be honest with your partners. If you're actually dating one of these two people, or both of them, then you need to own up to it. Tell them the truth about the situation that you're in. It might wind up leading to you losing one or both of these people if you haven't been honest in the past. Honesty is one of the most crucial parts of maintaining a healthy relationship. If you can't be honest with the people that you love, then you might not need to be in a committed relationship right now. Being lied to hurts and you don't want to put someone that you care about through a painful situation that they don't deserve. Love is about more than your own happiness. The happiness of the people that you love should also concern you and you need to take their feelings into account.
February 20th, 2021 3:38am
Have you heard of polyamorous relationships? Most people aren't comfortable with them, and you might not be, but if you are, it could be a possibility for you. If you're not liking that idea, maybe you could hang out with both of them more and see perhaps if you like one more than the other, or maybe if one of them likes you back while the other might not. It's never a good idea to be in a one-sided relationship, so while you might like them both, you're going to need to see if they like you.
March 5th, 2021 2:23am
There is this saying that if you love someone and a new person is introduced whom you gain an attraction for, you should choose the second lover as if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn't fall for another. I think that quote is crap. You could love two people for various reasons. Each person brings out a different side of you and you have a different connection with the both of them. Maybe lover 2 makes you step out of your comfort zone and makes you feel alive while lover 1 makes you appreciate the little things and makes you feel happy. Who would you choose? It depends on what you need. If lover 2 gives me something that I'm lacking such as trill and adventure, pursue them. If lover 2 brings out the best in me and makes me feel good about myself which I lack, go for that person. Make a list, point out how this person affects you both positively and negatively, do you see yourself long term with this person?
March 20th, 2021 12:16pm
It depends on what do you mean with love. If it means that you like both of these people as humans and that you like to spend time with them (they are your friends or just acquaintances), it is great and it can be fulfilling for your soul. If you mean romantic love, then you can maybe consider who do you prefer to spend rest of your life with. Select one of them, not both. Then you can consider engaging with this person romantically, while tell other person in polite and kind way that you haven't got romantic interest in them (singular them!) but if you are comfortable with and person you love romantically agrees, you can remain just friends with this other person.